Harrassment Towards Panjees Even In Gurdwaras And By Close Family Members

[Guest guilty]

GuruFateh to the sangat.

I know that this post is long, but it would mean so much to the panjees out there if you take your time to read this. It's a humble request; Please read it.

As you all know, there are people in our day-to-day lives who commit immoral deeds. They do such things either to find hilarity for themselves, or to make others happy. For them, all that matters in the end is finding a satisfaction after commiting the deed(s) they wish to accomplish, knowing that they are wrong. When people aren't punished for such sins, the victims are usually left thinking that they deserved the affliction.

I would just like to address a matter that I have encountered enough times in my life. The points I will be expressing are those that most people would find disturbing, or for speaking, that's how it is for me. For those of you who will read what I have to say, I ask only one thing of you. Please try your hardest to understand what I've been through, and what I go through. Through my words of thought and and my tears that I've let out, people can only begin to imagine what I've felt, and what I still feel. I am not asking for anyone to feel sympathetic towards me. I simply ask for all of you to understand the pain that I, and other people out there, have felt.

I am an amritdhari girl, in my late teens. My entire family has taken Amrit. I am happy with what God has given me, and what He continues to give me. I am thankful for having a loving father, a mother, and two younger siblings. I have gained knowledge about Sikhi throughout the years. I always had so much faith in my heart. I always knew that God would pick me up every time I would fall, but sadly, I'm losing that faith because of people I have come face to face with. The horror that I have to go through every single day. I see again and again, a replay, of disturbing events that I've been through. Not only do things repeat in front of my eyes, but I also feel (physically and mentally) what I felt during the times of when I was afflicted. When I was around nine years old, one of my mother's cousin brother had harassed me two times. I was on vacation in India. At the time, I didn't know what he was doing, but a day came when I lost my innocence. We all lose innocence to subjects throughout our lives. When I found out that what he had done was a completley sinful and that it was a disgusting act, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't going to tell my mom, because I was afraid of the outcome, so it haunted me for a while.

When I was ten years old, the same kind of thing happened again. This time, it was done by a "sevadaar" in a local Gurdwara. I wanted to tell someone, but there was no one who I could think of. I didn't want to tell my mother at all. I started doing Ardas every single day, though I didn't have the least bit of interest in Sikhi, I would do Ardaas and pray to God for this kind of thing to never corss my way again. After a few months, I felt as if love for Sikhi was being established inside of me. I felt a sense of inperturbation since I had started learning more about Sikhi. Slowly, with the help of Guru ji, I began to feel secure again, until it happened again.

The third time it happened was when I was eleven years old. This time it was done in a local Gurdwara as well, but scarred me deeply because it was by a "Singh" who had a Chola, with a Dumala. I was to get my brother, who at the time was three years old. My mother told me to let him play wherever he wanted to. As I walked out of the main Darbar hall, I saw a "Singh" who used to talk to my father a lot. He always wore a blue and orange Dumala, with a blue Chola. He saw me and, humbly, said Fateh. I replied, and he said "Come with me for a second.". I had my brother with me at the time, so I responded kindly, saying "I have to take care of my brother.". He said "Don't worry. It's only for two minutes." I said "Okay.", and started walking with my brother in my arms. He took me to a small area in the Gurdwara. I cannot remember everything so clearly, but I do remember that my brother wasn't with me when the "Singh" and I entered the small area. I didn't know this place, but I trusted him; Not only because of the way he looked in the great Bana he was in, but also because he used to talk to my dad every time they would meet. When we got there, he asked me if I would take Amrit. I said "Yes. Soon, I'm hoping.". He then pulled me into a little dark corner, and asked me if I would marry him. I was only eleven years old! He looked like he was in his early twenties years old. I thought he was joking, because he would joke a lot with my parents and me as well. I said "No." He said "Why not? Am I not a good man?". I then tried to look him straight in the eyes, and I didn't feel at all comfortable because I couldn't even see his face in the dark corner we were standing in, so I started to look away into the light. He then said "You're a very good girl, and you are very pretty." I said "I have to go find my brother." I cannot remember what he had replied. Then, he and I heard some people talking, and he told me to be quiet and that it would not be good if people found us there. I told him that I wanted to go to my brother. He ignored me this time, and pulled me closer. Sangat ji, the next things he had done are unspeakable of. I don't want to cause bad images going into innocent minds.

The next time it happened was one year later. I was at home, and my mother's younger brother had done it while I was watching a movie. I was in front, while he was sitting behind me. We were watching a cartoon movie, and he had commited immoral deeds right there, in my own house. My parents weren't home at the time, and I didn't know what to do. Though this time, I told my mother what had happened when she came home. She told me to stay away from him.

The last time it had happened to me, was just a little while ago. I was at a local Gurudwara, and it happened again. The first thing the had done was take control of my chuni, because he knew I wasn't going to leave without it. This was the worst of all the times something like this had happened because I felt guilty for not being able to do anything. At first I thought I was strong, and that I could handle it. All I had to do was be strong; But unfortunately, that's not what happened. All the fears from the past years came back and literally knocked me out of my senses. I couldn't think. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. The worst part of all was that I couldn't see properly. I felt weak. I started to cry. I started to feel really cold. I was stuttering. I was shaking. Sangat ji, I pray for this not to happen to any of our sisters. It truely is a nightmare. From the sides, everything was black. The way the man had done whatever he was doing, was disgusting. I did manage to move a little, but that stopped all of a sudden. I felt like I was going to fall down. He pulled me in close; too close, and did unutterable things. I tried to move, but he was too strong. Then, we heard some giyaanees, and the man told me not to make a sound. After he had his satisfaction, he said out loud, "Here you go penjee; Your chuni. As I have said before, I will not go into details about what happened, because of innocent minds on this board, but what I will tell you is how I feel now.

I feel as if I cannot go on in my life. I feel as if I am worth nothing; as if this all happened to me to let me realize that I am worthless. I cannot sleep a lot of times. I feel very insecure. The dispassion that I had felt while I was recovering by coming into Sikhi is no longer felt. I do not wish to go on with my life. I do not want to think about my future. I always thought that I was a person who told others to hold on, to not lose hope. Guru! Now I, myself, am losing hope. I continue to follow the Sikhi path. There are things I feel guilty of. Now, the thing I feel most guilty about is that I think about committing suicide. This is against Sikhi. I cannot do it, but I also don't wish to go on with my life. These fools who I have come face to face with have scarred me for life. They have crippled me. I cannot even see my own father the same way i used to. I thought I would help the community in the future, but now I see that I cannot even help myself. I smile and laugh a lot, but that is the outside. There is much fear inside of me. There is a lot of guilt. There is a lot of sadness. Guru ji is helping me recover.

Sangat ji, I pray for you to be stroger than me. Guru ji is helping me through the some friends I know. I pray for them to have a great future. With respect, I humbly ask you all, to help other sisters out there to grow strong, to have their chins up, to stick up for their individual selves. Be strong, and help others feel the strength.

Thank you for your time.

GuruFateh.

[guess who]

thanks for sharing..

[singh_sandhu]

yeh penji, thanx for sharing,

even tho u've been through alot, may Guru Ji give you that strength to realise that there is no fault of urs in this

But thanx for sharing to the other penjis out there.......

GURU JI KIRPA KARN

[Guest G u p t]

i can only imagine what you have been through...

what happened was NOT in any way your fault, i would humbly request all penjis even the guys here to be v careful about who they decide to "trust", even memebrs of your own family, as stated above.

i have in no way been through anything as horrific as the previous penji but i have learnt that even your "brothers" (meaning cousins etc) are not worthy of your trust. when i was a kid, i was 3/4 we went to india where my cousins, my thiaars sons would "act" (as in pretend) to do "things" to me, at the time i didnt know what they were doing ... and i guess what im trying to say is that you can never be to careful. we recently wentback to india, we were not staying with them this time, he would come to visit veryoften and every time i could see what he was thinking by the look in his eye...we had an akhand path over there, he came and infront of Maharaaj he looked at me in a filthy manner...at me..his "sister" infront of all my relatives..my little sister noticed it..i think my dad (or possibly Guru Ji) also noticed because he did not come bak again and i dread to think what could have happened if i was left alone with him like before.

i also have a friend who is a boy and was sexually assaulted by his cousin brother from india, who was staying in his home..

be careful cuz u do not know what people can be capable of

[Akhoza]

Thats sad, do you know where these guys live since these acts are horrendous and they should be punished.

[Pakandi baba]

Penji, you need to do the Path and you may consider speaking to a professional about this! You can find many organisations that cover such things look on the web!

[Guest _AK-47_]

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji ki fateh

Before anything else I would like to bow my head in respect to you my sister. To come through such experiences and still have strength is a quality few people have. Please understand that you ARE a very strong person. Do not take your tears, confusion or even thoughts of ending your life as a weakness. There are millions of us who have not even suffered half as much as you and yet we still feel those same things. So do not take them as a weakness, instead see them as a strength, that despite these feelings, despite the hurt, you are still here and you are still the daughter of guru gobind singh ji.

No matter what else never forget that. Your father loves you completely and he is always watching over you. These sinners who have assulted you in this way will get their justice. In both this world and the next. Do not make your father guru gobind singh ji out to be so uncaring. Do you really think that he will do nothing? Don’t you think his blood will boil when he see's his daughter treated in this manner? What treatment do you think he will have for these fools when guru ji decides to teach them a lesson. That blue dumala of his wont save him from the fires of guru jis justice.

One thing I beg of you to understand and above all BELIEVE, is that you have no need to feel guilty. Guilt comes when you have done something wrong. You have not done anything wrong so I beg you shed this false guilt. If these fools feel no guilt, why should you? What have you done that justifies even an inch of guilt? All you have done is to do the best to keep your head up and your faith in guru ji. In that you should feel pride, not guilt. It is the nature of this world that it is those who suffer that take on the pain of guilt while the perpetrators laugh and walk away. But god is not blind. Be proud of your strength my little sister, you have NOTHING to be guilty about. As your older brother im asking you to throw that guilt away right now.

As for your contribution to the future, you are contributing to it right now. If your message can save even one girl then what more of a contribution could one make? If your message can make guys think about the way they speak to girls then you have done a mahan seva. Guru ji controls everything, it is he who is holding your hand through all of this and it is he who will give you your seva in the future. Im not saying open yourself up to the world and announce who you are and what has happened. But as the wounds heal, which they will with guru jis kirpa, pass on what you have learnt. At these kids camps talk to the younger girls, have a general chit chat with them and if you can see danger signs then you can talk to them in confidence and try and help them. This is the seva the sisters need to do, a young girl will not tell an older singh that another older guy is abusing hr. it will be your role as her oder sister to look out for her. This could be the seva you are involved in.

Shed the guilt. If you cant then channel this and your other emotions into your gurbani, use your heart to cry out to vaheguru, leave the guilt it will get you nowhere and is unjustified. Just remember who your father is. Your father is Guru Gobind Singh, the one who challeneged the might of the Mughal empire and destroyed its very roots, he is the one who taught little birds to hunt down and destroy the hawks, he is the one that leads the immortal armies of god, the ruler of all worlds and is vaheguru saroop himself. Your elder brothers are Baba Deep singh ji who battled with his head in one hand and bhai mani singh ji who was cut piece by piece but smiled throughout. These are your protectors and they will watch over you. You have everything. The sinners have nothing. Keep your faith little sister, and keep your head up high, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

I know it will be extrememly difficult for you to bring out the sinners names in public as you may feel that it will have a knock on effect on you. And I will leave that decision to you as you alone know how it feels to be in the place you are now. But if you feel like you would like something done about this, please leave a message or an email add and one of the singhs will get back to you and we can figure out what to do next.

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest Hmmmm]

Dear 'guilty',

Which country are you in and where did this happen?

There is something about being "under age" and you should report this the police and to the Gurdwara committee or a Sikh youth committee or call a Sikh helpline.

I am amazed that your amritdhari mother did not do anything after you told her.

To tell the truth, as you have posted this in Gupt, I am just wondering whether your story is true and if you are just a 'anti Sikh trouble maker' creating waves in a Sikh forum.

But if are sincere and in the late teens then you should do as mentioned above.

[chandanjit kaur]

oh panji.....thank you so much for sharing....and yeah panji may guru sahib bless you with the strength you need ...do not feel guilty panji....you are an amrit-dhaari girl have faith in guru sahib and try your best to stay strong!!!!! vaheguru

Gurfateh ji

[killah]

For some reason I find this story hard to believe.

Talk about bad luck or what but its too far fetched.. no offence