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Sikhi and dating

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Guest Confused

I'm confused about something. I hear in sikhi you can't date but then how are you possibly supposed to get married to someone? Can someone please give the maryada for this? The dating maryada and how you would do it the Gurmat way? Thanks

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Guest Confused

So you're basically saying it has to be arranged Marriage? What if your parents arent amritdhari and pick someone who is mona and non amritdhari for you (a girl picked for a boy) 

 

Please dont make assumptions about me - you don't know the story behind everyone asking questions or the background to their query and I'm not going into it so I'll let it go but be mindful on what accusations you make 

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What accusations did @BhForce make towards you?

also hes right. Talk to your parents and depending on your gender find a solution to how youre going to find a mate. It doesmt have to be a totalitarian method but an egalitarian one. Worl with your parents if they’re understanding. And the criteria are the ones bhaji outlined above

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Guest Kaur 2

VJKK VJKF

Dating in itself is not practical. You find a good looking guy/girl and you live like a married couple for a couple of weeks or months and then break up and then its like: "Chalo Ji onto the next one". Would Guru Ji want us living like this? Absolutely not! Everything Guru Ji says has a practical and a spiritual reason. Don't feel like any of us are having a go at you, we are simply explaining to you the gurmat way of things. Maharaj kirpa, I have never dated and I wouldn't want to either, knowing that its wrong and the reasons why.  :waheguru: 

VJKK VJKF

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On 26/03/2018 at 2:24 PM, Guest Confused said:

So you're basically saying it has to be arranged Marriage? What if your parents arent amritdhari and pick someone who is mona and non amritdhari for you (a girl picked for a boy) 

 

Please dont make assumptions about me - you don't know the story behind everyone asking questions or the background to their query and I'm not going into it so I'll let it go but be mindful on what accusations you make 

you can do it with some formality for yourself- it depends on your age also I suppose.  you say 'Gurmat way' in your question so i think you implying for khalsa-sikh?

but there needs to be some other respectable people involved, preferably elders.  unless it happens in some respectable setting by itself.  for example you meet another Gursikh at work, decide you cold be a married couple (no dating!) and then express the same to your families or an elder to start the preceeding arrangments to marriage on your behalf.

maybe if you meet someone you like (in some formal context), then you make clear your mutual interest to your own families and they initiate proceedings by planning a formal context (public meetings) where you can discuss you suitability with the girl further.

or one person sees the other, likes the person, and communicates the same to an elder, who contacts the other persons family and arranged a formal meeting at one another's house where the two people in question get an opportunity to sit aside and discuss their compatibility.

or someone is looking for rishta with specific criteria (Gursikh of certain age, of certain background, of whatever education level or not).  another party is interested.  they arrange for mutual viewing or showing of photos.  then if the two agree they can meet further.

lots of people, Gursikh or not, get married without dating.

maybe you mean how two people who don't know each other get married, it is assumed that (with Gursikhs at least?) you both have some level of maturity and understanding of how to act (with reserve, seriousness, consideration) and respect other people.  

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On 26/03/2018 at 2:24 PM, Guest Confused said:

What if your parents arent amritdhari and pick someone who is mona and non amritdhari for you (a girl picked for a boy) 

it could work, although formally a Gursikh is meant to marry a Gursikh.  Obviously the other partner (a girl in this case) needs to be clear on what that means etc which is obvious anyway right?  basically you are a vegetarian, and yourself an early riser, and can't yourself involve in non-sikh religious practices.

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On 26/03/2018 at 9:24 AM, Guest Confused said:

So you're basically saying it has to be arranged Marriage? What if your parents arent amritdhari and pick someone who is mona and non amritdhari for you (a girl picked for a boy) 

 

Please dont make assumptions about me - you don't know the story behind everyone asking questions or the background to their query and I'm not going into it so I'll let it go but be mindful on what accusations you make 

U should be glad bhforce answered ur post and so detailed and thorougly too.

Many other posters including me would have called u a troll and chased u off.

Seriously? Dating maryada? Wat next? How to go eat at a bar ...rules?? Sikhi is not just abt rules or controlling every aspect of ur life.

But in case u r genuine .

There is no dating. We only have 2 martial states. Single or married. And the goal is to go from single to married without any hassle, without going out with a bunch of different ppl while u try them out to figure out wat u like wat u dont. 

Basically u look for a marriage partner. If ur parents or elders can help u fantastic. If they cant. Then u have to do all the hard work. 

Ive been taught there r 6 things that must match when getting married. 

1. Age. Like no more than 5 year difference in my opinion.

2. Money status. If u grew up rich, u will have a hard time adjusting to living in a poor one. U wont know how to save or how to buy at thrift shops etc

3. Religion.

4. Health

5. Same language and culture

6. Ethnicity/nationality

These 6 things plus watever things u might need. Then u have to find someone who fits this criteria. And then approach them and ask them to consider u for marriage.. See why having an elder person helps? 

If they agree to consider u for marriage. Then and only then can u meet up at public places or talk on social media. Its like u guys r engaged. After a few meetings. I would say 3. You guys decide if u guys r compatible. Then either a yes or no for marriage is given. 

Most western ppl worry abt love. And then spend their 20s 30s looking for the perfect one or the true love. Theres no such thing. Then in 35s they marry anyone who is left as they r running out of time.To be able to have a good marriage, u just need to get along. I mean  u lived with ur parents and siblings without choosing them. And u manage. Both of u need to be responsible, mature adults with similar goals and values and u will have a nice marriage. 

 

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