Indian In-laws

[sikhni777]

39 minutes ago, simran345 said:

That is good news, finally you will be able to move forwards penji. They will probably be more respectful when they are further away. It’s when they see other families and realise that their daughter in laws aren’t bad, then they will change. I’m so happy for you ?. Hugs ? 

Lets see what happens... they might come over for meals...LOL

[simran345]

23 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Lets see what happens... they might come over for meals...LOL

That’s ok, just tell them to serve themselves and carry on with your normal routine. There was an aunty on one of the Sikh channels and she was advising other auntian that if they’re able to do things themselves, they should and stop complaining to their daughter in laws about this, that and the other. There has to be a balance. She even advises that not to live in the same house, if they are able to and to let their sons and daughter in laws live in their families, and they can have the grandchildren at weekends or live nearby. As this improves relationships, and the respect for each other will grow. Then the daughter in law respects and loves them like her own parents, rather than feeling pressured and restricted. But if it’s not possible, then there should be some organisation. 

Send them to mine, and I’ll make a sandwich ?

[sikhni777]

Big problem penji. They will not wat your sandwich and demand nicely presented dhaal and sabzi, salad and a mitha... complete with gur... and achaar. The roti should be freshly made and soft.

[Guest Kaur 2]

VJKK VJKF

27 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Big problem penji. They will not wat your sandwich and demand nicely presented dhaal and sabzi, salad and a mitha... complete with gur... and achaar. The roti should be freshly made and soft.

What atta? lol... I can make parantha's and sometimes round rotia now!  I don't mind cooking, I can make daal!

VJKK VJKF

[simran345]

1 hour ago, sikhni777 said:

Big problem penji. They will not wat your sandwich and demand nicely presented dhaal and sabzi, salad and a mitha... complete with gur... and achaar. The roti should be freshly made and soft.

Manu tha sirf sandwich aunde a. Mere aake una ne kehna, sadi nau tha changi a, fer dekhi kidda putt putt karde a tanu. ?

[simran345]

6 hours ago, Guest Kaur 2 said:

I honestly don't know what to do and my mum also feels bad because my chachi and chacha are taking anger out me and I suffer the most, every minute of living in my house seems like pure pain, everyday I cry and wonder what I have done wrong. I turn to Maharaj because I feel Guruji knows what I am going through. I hope no-one has to go what I go through everyday. If Sangat could give me advice then I would really appreciate it. That's why I came back to this website because of the pain I needed to share.

Oh no don’t cry little one ?.  You are a strong soul and you will be able to find a way to deal with the insults. It’s only because you’re younger than them, that they think it’s ok to boss you around and get angry with you. If I was you, I’d ask politely why they do that. And see what they’re reply is. They are doing it more, because there is no reaction from you, so they think it’s ok to. But it’s not, they are taking out the anger of living with their older brother/brother in law’s family out on you. Next time, they upset you, tell them to talk to your father. Or if they have any complaints, then tell them, you’re not interested. They will not like it, but don’t let them push you around either, that it affects you.  You’re probably keeping quiet for your mother, so she doesn’t have to worry about anything. Can you talk to your father? 

As the eldest child in the family, you can only do so much to help the younger ones. You’re a child yourself and you should not take so much stress. 

Please don’t cry, be happy, you have so much to look forward to. 

Have you called Sikh helpline for advise? If not, ask them for advise anonymously. 

May Waheguru take away your worries. ?

 

[simran345]

6 hours ago, Guest Guest guest said:

In my experience those who do not have daughters of their own (sons only) struggle when another’s daughter enters their house. 

That could be another reason. 

[sikhni777]

12 hours ago, Guest Kaur 2 said:

VJKK VJKF

Wha tl... I can make parantha's aoffersnd sometimes round rotia now!  I don't mind cookin, I can make daal!

VJKK VJKF

It seems exciting In the start but when you have had a hard morning and aching legs and need to just sit down..  you realise you cant. You need to keep standing and prepare the whole meal  which gets gobbled up In ten minutes without a word of thanks. No one offers to help coz they think they are old so should not lift a finger. However the mouth can be used liberally to point out all mistakes In the food.

[sikhni777]

I remember visiting my chacha and chachi and this is what they did to our family too.  They brought a lot of discord in our family.  Then years later,  our family stuck together while theirs broke and they are divorced to this day. My grandma stayed with them all her  life but the last four years of her life with us and only my chacha and one of his sons attended her funeral. 

My mum however did lits of sukhmani everyday without missing. This Iis what possibly saved us. There were rumours my chachi visited some pandits. 

[Guest Kaur 2]

VJKK VJKF

10 hours ago, simran345 said:

Oh no don’t cry little one ?.  You are a strong soul and you will be able to find a way to deal with the insults. It’s only because you’re younger than them, that they think it’s ok to boss you around and get angry with you. If I was you, I’d ask politely why they do that. And see what they’re reply is. They are doing it more, because there is no reaction from you, so they think it’s ok to. But it’s not, they are taking out the anger of living with their older brother/brother in law’s family out on you. Next time, they upset you, tell them to talk to your father. Or if they have any complaints, then tell them, you’re not interested. They will not like it, but don’t let them push you around either, that it affects you.  You’re probably keeping quiet for your mother, so she doesn’t have to worry about anything. Can you talk to your father? 

As the eldest child in the family, you can only do so much to help the younger ones. You’re a child yourself and you should not take so much stress. 

Please don’t cry, be happy, you have so much to look forward to. 

Have you called Sikh helpline for advise? If not, ask them for advise anonymously. 

May Waheguru take away your worries. ?

 

Thanks so much penji; you are actually like a 2nd mother to me and @sikhni777 aswell. I don't want to tell my dad about it because I don't want his relationship with his brother to break because of me, they are really close and I don't want to spoil that. I don't want to phone Sikh Helpline because I don't want to create any more problems in the family. I also respect my chachi that much, my parents always taught me to respect my elders so I don't want to call Sikh Helpline; if I have Vaheguru on my side, I am saved. The thing is that although all this is happening doing paath is helping. Thanks so much. xxx Take care mama. ( I still call my mum mama ever since I was a baby) You are now also my mama too.  

VJKK VJKF