Jump to content

Sandhu & Ghotra marriage


Guest Arsh
 Share

Recommended Posts

Sat Shri Akal...

I am girl coming from Sandhu family of Bathinda ,Punjab. I have been in relationship with a guy from lubana community (surname-ghotra) for last 7 years. Now as we decided to get married my parents stood up that this can’t happen. We are jatt and can’t marry BC. Lot of horrible stuff going on, they say I have lost it. I am ruining there image and what will relatives say and that nobody in our families married this way. Situation is that I have to choose one. Very difficult choice to make. The boy is well educated,settled and comes from decent family of Gurdaspur. 

I don’t understand how to make my family understand. Can someone explain me who are lubanas and are they very different from jatts. ?

Thanks and regards

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jagsaw_Singh
6 hours ago, Guest Arsh said:

Sat Shri Akal...

I am girl coming from Sandhu family of Bathinda ,Punjab. I have been in relationship with a guy from lubana community (surname-ghotra) for last 7 years. Now as we decided to get married my parents stood up that this can’t happen. We are jatt and can’t marry BC. Lot of horrible stuff going on, they say I have lost it. I am ruining there image and what will relatives say and that nobody in our families married this way. Situation is that I have to choose one. Very difficult choice to make. The boy is well educated,settled and comes from decent family of Gurdaspur. 

I don’t understand how to make my family understand. Can someone explain me who are lubanas and are they very different from jatts. ?

Thanks and regards

Guest Arsh, you are that same 'Guest Harps' from that other advice seeking thread and you obviously haven't learned from that thread because you still haven't figured out how people with bad English construct sentences. You haven't figured out that in order to pretend to be someone that can't speak (and write) English you'll need to do some method acting after some research. Research not only into the fact that a person that can construct really good English sentences like you do doesn't make silly un-padh level grammar mistakes but also into little things such as using a Hindi word (ghotra) when pretending to be a Punjabi from Bhatinda.  

Nevertheless, I bet there's still some people that will for it.

Cue........

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Kaur 125

Jagsaw Singh Paji, Ghotra is not a Hindi word. It is a surname of the Lubana caste and hence a Punjabi word. In Punjabi, this is how it is spelled - ਘੋਤੜਾ. 

Check out this link: 

https://ipfs.io/ipfs/QmXoypizjW3WknFiJnKLwHCnL72vedxjQkDDP1mXWo6uco/wiki/Ghotra.html

We should be careful to not make assumptions without doing research.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jagsaw_Singh
1 hour ago, Guest Kaur 125 said:

Jagsaw Singh Paji, Ghotra is not a Hindi word. It is a surname of the Lubana caste and hence a Punjabi word. In Punjabi, this is how it is spelled - ਘੋਤੜਾ. 

Check out this link: 

https://ipfs.io/ipfs/QmXoypizjW3WknFiJnKLwHCnL72vedxjQkDDP1mXWo6uco/wiki/Ghotra.html

We should be careful to not make assumptions without doing research.

Sorry sister. I didn't take my meds today. Your right, i jump to conclusionS a lot of the time. Forgive me. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jatt are farmers. Lubana are merchant class. Usually lubanas are well educated and rich because trading was a good business. Lubanas even traded via ships as can be seen from the sakhi of bhai lakhan shah lubana during Guru Tegh Bahadur Sahibs time.

I would tell ur parents that caste shouldnt matter in sikhi. That he is from a good sikh family and is well educated. Also that they have the same language and culture mostly.

Also tell them most jatts are drug addicts these days and not highly educated. There is no guarantee that anyone jatt thry choose will be a good person. These days divorce rates are increasing. So marrying a person you know for 7 years is a better guarantee of success.

Also tell ur parents nit to worry abt wat ppl say. You are not doing a bad thing. You are not marrying out of religion or ethnicity. Only caste. And since we no longer do the caste work, it shouldnt matter. Those ppl who will talk abt ur family will not support u in divorce or unhappy marriage. So tell ur parents. As long as u my parents are behind me. Noone has the right to talk bad abt me.

Also evolution favors diversity. So if we keep marrying jatt ppl to jatts, similar mutations can accumulate leading to diseases. So its better to branch out a little bit. Not too much that we lose our cultural and linguistic identity but enough. Like in my family sandhus married an uppal who married a gill who married a dhaliwal. If u go far enough, all the gots/gotras will have once married into ur family. Of course science says beyond 3rd degree relatives, the risk for genetic diseases is the same as marrying a stranger. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Guest Kaur 125 said:

Ghotra is not a Hindi word. It is a surname of the Lubana caste and hence a Punjabi word. In Punjabi, this is how it is spelled - ਘੋਤੜਾ. 

Correct. 

To the OP, it’s harder to marry somebody from a different caste there, than abroad. Everybody knows everybody’s business inside out and the socialising is also done within the same caste community. This is a shame, as some people don’t venture out and see others for who they are, but there’s more emphasis on caste there. He sounds like a nice guy, and his qualities seem good, from what you are saying. Also you’ve known him for 7yrs, but your family haven’t met him yet probably, so they will be hesitant just because of his caste. 

Are there any relatives that can talk to your parents with you? They will also be worried that if you marry somebody they don’t know or have not had any part in choosing themselves as a suitable match for you, that if it goes wrong, then it’s a risk on their part. But that can also happen with the same caste. Another idea would be if the guy’s parents met your parents themselves. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Kaur 125

I come from a family of the Lubana caste. However, I am an Amritdhari and my parents are Amritdharis, and when I was small I was taught that Amritdharis have no caste and that our Gurus were clearly against this evil creation of society. Hence, I don’t believe I have a caste, however the reality is we live in a society where casteism is very prevalent and hence you are forced to acknowledge that you come from a certain caste. So, after reading your situation, I can give you some information and advice that might help you.

2 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

Lubana are merchant class. Usually lubanas are well educated and rich because trading was a good business. Lubanas even traded via ships as can be seen from the sakhi of bhai lakhan shah lubana during Guru Tegh Bahadur Sahibs time.

Yes this is correct. In the present times, Lubanas are wealthy and well educated. If I look at my family and some of my relatives, this is true. Some of my Mum's elder relatives, her aunts were very well educated and one of them was even a School Principal in India 30 years ago - something unusual in those times. 

My parents are firmly against caste system and thus they decided to take a small step in ending this idiotic evil practice. They decided to marry my older brother outside of caste. My mother firmly believes that our Panth can only progress and move forward if inter-caste marriages take place. And hence, they decided to take this step. My older brother is engaged to a girl from a Jatt family. My aunt knew the family really well as they are from the same village as hers and that's how we approached them and the rishta happened. The family is really nice and the girl - now my Bhabi Ji is absolutely one of the most amazing persons I have known in my life so far.

2 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

Also tell them most jatts are drug addicts these days and not highly educated. There is no guarantee that anyone jatt thry choose will be a good person. These days divorce rates are increasing. So marrying a person you know for 7 years is a better guarantee of success.

This is so true. When my parents approached the family, My Bhabi's parents decided to consult their most respected and wisest eldest relative for advice on whether they should marry their daughter into a Lubana family. And her advice was "Who cares about caste? Caste is meaningless. Do you want to marry your daughter to a drug addict nashai Jatt that would beat her up daily? Go ahead with this rishta, I don't think you can get any better rishta than this one." 

To my surprise, nowadays even Jatts don't want to marry their daughter to a Jatt !!! And yes most Jatts in India and even in the West are addicted to drugs. And this is one of the reasons why Jatts are hitting their mid thirties and still not being able to find a suitable match in India. My Bhabi Ji's cousin sister in India recently got married at the age of 35. Additionally, I have even known Amritdharis from Jatt families that take drugs, when I came to know about this I was absolutely shocked!!! 

Most Lubanas don't take drugs. Although some of them do drink shraab . Most of my cousin brothers are clean-shaven but none of them take drugs, they do drink shraab in small amounts in parties and weddings. 

My Bhabi Ji's brother is also a drug addict and his family is trying very hard to make him get rid of his addiction. 

I am not saying the above things to glorify Lubanas, there are good and bad people in all castes, I have come across some uneducated idiots from the Lubana community. I am just telling you these things to show you the ground reality. 

Culturally, there is not much difference between Jatts and Lubanas. My family and my brother's in-laws are very happy, they have no problem socialising, when they get together they joke, they laugh, they have a nice time together. So, this notion that people from different castes can't connect with each other and assimilate is false.

3 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

Also tell ur parents nit to worry abt wat ppl say. You are not doing a bad thing. You are not marrying out of religion or ethnicity. Only caste. And since we no longer do the caste work, it shouldnt matter. 

I agree with the above.

While, Punjabis here in the West are worried about their children marrying goreh, muslims, people from other religions; Idiots in Punjab are worried about their children marrying people from the same religion, same culture but a different caste !! Absolutely ridiculous!!! They should be thankful at least they are not going out of religion! Ask my distant cousin sister's parents in the UK what they are psychologically going through when their daughter is about to get married to a goraa in a few months. 

3 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

Those ppl who will talk abt ur family will not support u in divorce or unhappy marriage. So tell ur parents. As long as u my parents are behind me. Noone has the right to talk bad abt me.

My Bhabi Ji's family had to face a lot of criticism from their relatives despite the fact that this rishta is arranged. Her relatives on her dad's side had no problem with caste until they attended the engagement and came to know that the family (my family) is relatively wealthy and settled in the West. Suddenly, after the engagement they picked up a fight, boycotted her family and cut all ties with them. So, to OP, if you want to go ahead with the guy, you have to be ready to face such things and have a high endurance. At the end of the day your relatives don't matter because you are not going to spend your life with them, their opinions are absolutely unimportant.

I apologise for this really long post. After reading OP's post, I felt that I should share my family's experience and other information. 

If only Punjabis could understand this pangti and apply it practically in their lives:

ਜਾਣਹੁ ਜੋਤਿ ਨ ਪੂਛਹੁ ਜਾਤੀ ਆਗੈ ਜਾਤਿ ਨ ਹੇ ॥੧॥  ਰਹਾਉ ॥  {ਪੰਨਾ 349}

Translation: Recognize the Lord’s Light within all, and do not consider social class or status; there are no classes or castes in the world hereafter. || 1 || Pause ||

Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 minutes ago, Guest Kaur 125 said:

Suddenly, after the engagement they picked up a fight, boycotted her family and cut all ties with them.

That’s so childish to do. I can only think of jealousy, that’s why did that. I’d say good riddance to people like that. They only thought of themselves, selfish people do that, so it doesn’t tarnish their name. 

Its nobody’s business, as long as the boy’s and girl’s families are happy, everybody else should get on with their own stuff. 

23 minutes ago, Guest Kaur 125 said:

ਜਾਣਹੁ ਜੋਤਿ ਨ ਪੂਛਹੁ ਜਾਤੀ ਆਗੈ ਜਾਤਿ ਨ ਹੇ ॥੧॥  ਰਹਾਉ ॥  {ਪੰਨਾ 349}

Translation: Recognize the Lord’s Light within all, and do not consider social class or status; there are no classes or castes in the world hereafter. || 1 || Pause ||

Lovely shabad, but some people still don’t understand. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Busia Anda
11 hours ago, Guest Kaur 125 said:

Jagsaw Singh Paji, Ghotra is not a Hindi word. It is a surname of the Lubana caste and hence a Punjabi word. In Punjabi, this is how it is spelled - ਘੋਤੜਾ. 

Check out this link: 

https://ipfs.io/ipfs/QmXoypizjW3WknFiJnKLwHCnL72vedxjQkDDP1mXWo6uco/wiki/Ghotra.html

We should be careful to not make assumptions without doing research.

Your website does not provide any source therefore you did not provide any 'research' yourself. If Ghotra is a legitimate Punjabi last name, why did the site state Dr Rattan Singh Ajnala as a prominent Ghotra when his last name is stated as Ajnala?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • yeh it's true, we shouldn't be lazy and need to learn jhatka shikaar. It doesn't help some of grew up in surrounding areas like Slough and Southall where everyone thought it was super bad for amrit dharis to eat meat, and they were following Sant babas and jathas, and instead the Singhs should have been normalising jhatka just like the recent world war soldiers did. We are trying to rectifiy this and khalsa should learn jhatka.  But I am just writing about bhog for those that are still learning rehit. As I explained, there are all these negative influences in the panth that talk against rehit, but this shouldn't deter us from taking khanda pahul, no matter what level of rehit we are!
    • How is it going to help? The link is of a Sikh hunter. Fine, but what good does that do the lazy Sikh who ate khulla maas in a restaurant? By the way, for the OP, yes, it's against rehit to eat khulla maas.
    • Yeah, Sikhs should do bhog of food they eat. But the point of bhog is to only do bhog of food which is fit to be presented to Maharaj. It's not maryada to do bhog of khulla maas and pretend it's OK to eat. It's not. Come on, bro, you should know better than to bring this Sakhi into it. Is this Sikh in the restaurant accompanied by Guru Gobind Singh ji? Is he fighting a dharam yudh? Or is he merely filling his belly with the nearest restaurant?  Please don't make a mockery of our puratan Singhs' sacrifices by comparing them to lazy Sikhs who eat khulla maas.
    • Seriously?? The Dhadi is trying to be cute. For those who didn't get it, he said: "Some say Maharaj killed bakras (goats). Some say he cut the heads of the Panj Piyaras. The truth is that they weren't goats. It was she-goats (ਬਕਰੀਆਂ). He jhatka'd she-goats. Not he-goats." Wow. This is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in relation to Sikhi.
    • Instead of a 9 inch or larger kirpan, take a smaller kirpan and put it (without gatra) inside your smaller turban and tie the turban tightly. This keeps a kirpan on your person without interfering with the massage or alarming the masseuse. I'm not talking about a trinket but rather an actual small kirpan that fits in a sheath (you'll have to search to find one). As for ahem, "problems", you could get a male masseuse. I don't know where you are, but in most places there are professional masseuses who actually know what they are doing and can really relieve your muscle pains.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use