17, amritdhari, lost my virginity, please help! (Older sangats advice please)

[Guest Singh]

I thought after becoming an amritdhari the attention off girls would stop and my Kaam would go weaker , for some reason I feel like it has got stronger. I grew my kes at 15 and took Amrit a couple months after. But still girls would talk to me, I would try to stay away from them but they would come and talk to me, message me etc. I have never wanted to cut my kes before and I still don’t want to now! I knew a couple months back that this popular sikh girl who is very pretty liked me and I tried hard not to like her but it was too hard. I met her today about 2 hours ago when I went to the store. She was alone and came up to me in the store, she jumped behind me and covered my eyes, when I saw her tbh I thought to myself she looked really pretty. She looked at me and smiled saying I have a really nice eye colour. Long story short for that 1 hour I had completely forgotten that I was a gursikh, it felt like I was under a trance. Kaam had fully taken over me and I had a urge to just have sex. If I had a thought about backing out it just went away straight away. I had so much energy in me like I was ready to run for a race. When we sat together on a bench after coming out the store she was saying that loads of girls in school thought I was good looking and she was one of them. We sat and talked for about 20 mims outside at night. She said to ,e she wanted to see my kes, and that no one was at her home, I said I can show her my hair here she said she only lives seconds away and she held my hand and pulled me up. To make this less weird I’ll quickly end it as I’m feeling uncomfortable just typing this, I took off my keski and tied my hair back in a knot. She told me I looked so much better with it tied back and then couple mins after we started kissing and eventually went to have sex. We did have intercourse but suddenly that energy urge trance whatever it is went and I just stopped. I didn’t ejaculate if it makes a difference, I just stopped put my clothes on and went out the house running home and tying my dastar at the same time. 

Im sitting in my room feeling so guilty. I haven’t spoken to anyone and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. That girl keeps on messaging and calling me, I feel sick every time I look at anything Sikhi related as the guilt is just so much. I want to read paath but I feel too guilty to even look at the gutka let alone touch it. I stumbled across this forum a couple of days ago and I am hoping to get advice. How can I get over this, is guru ji really angry with me? I’m too scared to even sleep fearing I’ll get a punishment. 

Please help, how do I go to the punj and explain why I need to go pesh, I don’t think I can go there and tell them, with what face can I go to the gurdwara tomorrow, please help me sangat ji

sangat ji this is not a troll post, I really need help. I don’t think I can ask the sangat at the gurdwara tomorrow as I fear they will judge me and the word will get around the whole gurdwara eventually to my family.

[MisterrSingh]

[InderjitS]

You're not any troll but a S.U.L.A, even worse, yes we can smell you a mile off..<banned word filter activated>

[Guest aristotle]

Time is a healer. Let it blow over. Your emotions are still raw. 

There is nothing that cannot be forgiven if one truly seeks forgiveness. But for each action there will be consequences bad or good. So what will be, will be. Let the story unfold how it is intended to. Don't fight it, embrace it.

 

[sikhni777]

He stopped halfway. ...

[13Mirch]

4 hours ago, Guest Singh said:

I thought after becoming an amritdhari the attention off girls would stop and my Kaam would go weaker , for some reason I feel like it has got stronger. I grew my kes at 15 and took Amrit a couple months after. But still girls would talk to me, I would try to stay away from them but they would come and talk to me, message me etc. I have never wanted to cut my kes before and I still don’t want to now! I knew a couple months back that this popular sikh girl who is very pretty liked me and I tried hard not to like her but it was too hard. I met her today about 2 hours ago when I went to the store. She was alone and came up to me in the store, she jumped behind me and covered my eyes, when I saw her tbh I thought to myself she looked really pretty. She looked at me and smiled saying I have a really nice eye colour. Long story short for that 1 hour I had completely forgotten that I was a gursikh, it felt like I was under a trance. Kaam had fully taken over me and I had a urge to just have sex. If I had a thought about backing out it just went away straight away. I had so much energy in me like I was ready to run for a race. When we sat together on a bench after coming out the store she was saying that loads of girls in school thought I was good looking and she was one of them. We sat and talked for about 20 mims outside at night. She said to ,e she wanted to see my kes, and that no one was at her home, I said I can show her my hair here she said she only lives seconds away and she held my hand and pulled me up. To make this less weird I’ll quickly end it as I’m feeling uncomfortable just typing this, I took off my keski and tied my hair back in a knot. She told me I looked so much better with it tied back and then couple mins after we started kissing and eventually went to have sex. We did have intercourse but suddenly that energy urge trance whatever it is went and I just stopped. I didn’t ejaculate if it makes a difference, I just stopped put my clothes on and went out the house running home and tying my dastar at the same time. 

Im sitting in my room feeling so guilty. I haven’t spoken to anyone and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. That girl keeps on messaging and calling me, I feel sick every time I look at anything Sikhi related as the guilt is just so much. I want to read paath but I feel too guilty to even look at the gutka let alone touch it. I stumbled across this forum a couple of days ago and I am hoping to get advice. How can I get over this, is guru ji really angry with me? I’m too scared to even sleep fearing I’ll get a punishment. 

Please help, how do I go to the punj and explain why I need to go pesh, I don’t think I can go there and tell them, with what face can I go to the gurdwara tomorrow, please help me sangat ji

sangat ji this is not a troll post, I really need help. I don’t think I can ask the sangat at the gurdwara tomorrow as I fear they will judge me and the word will get around the whole gurdwara eventually to my family.

Oh come on man, why are you being a <banned word filter activated> artist? Admit it, it was Fatima wasn't it posing as a Sikh and now you will convert to Islam and so on...

Get a life Mohammad, also tell your Prophet to get one as well. 

[13Mirch]

1 minute ago, sikhni777 said:

He stopped halfway. ...

Probably some defect in the alternator. 

[sikhni777]

1 minute ago, 13Mirch said:

Probably tome defect in the alternator. 

Reminds me of some other post... where someone said If you stop just stop whenever you can. 

What type of girl Is that then? S.U.L.I I assume.

[13Mirch]

59 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Reminds me of some other post... where someone said If you stop just stop whenever you can. 

What type of girl Is that then? S.U.L.I I assume.

I know I am messing with fire here but I cannot resist:

S-<banned word filter activated>.

U-Ugly (who knows what's under the hijab).

L- Lecherous (so she can get her fanatical brothers over by using you as a sponsorship conduit).

I- Islamic, in word and deed.

[GurjantGnostic]

2 hours ago, 13Mirch said:

I feel sick every time I look at anything Sikhi related as the guilt is just so much. I want to read paath but I feel too guilty to even look at the gutka let alone touch it.

If you aren't trolling. Not placing bets on that. 

That is like a sick man feeling unworthy of medicine. Do your paath. 

Explain to the poor girl what happened and set proper boundaries. 

Vaheguru saw that coming a mile away so there's no hiding. Redouble your commitment and learn and grow.