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superkaur

Majority ignorant young couples not taking Sikh marriage anand karaj vows seriously

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Over the decade I have noticed a sharp increase in divorce rates within the Sikh community. We used to look at the white atheist/abrahamic communities and thank our lucky stars were not like their families because of the high number of divorces and family break downs. But sadly the desi/asian communities of all religions are now on par with their white counterparts.

It seems to me that boys and girls especially of our generation do not take the wedding vows or the anand karaj seriously they seem to live in carefree non-religious mindset without a care for how sikh society is structured and importance of religion in holding communities and families together. The girls of today are living a feminist rebellious bubble thinking they can do what they live when they live even while living with the husbands family and if they don't let them get away with things then they are quick to separate and then divorce. They have not been trained, educated and breed to behave to live a honorable and respectful manor befitting of a Sikh woman rather they are left to their own devices of living like their white women feminist hedonist counterparts who are themselves not very family orientated and selfish at heart.

What we need is a 1 month course of anyone wishing to have a sikh marriage anand karaj so that they do not take the marriage as a joke or lightly and think they can divorce when ever they feel like it. I believe the catholic church has a course like this for those who converting to cathollicism in order to marry in their churchs.

Has anyone else noticed this negative trend divorce trend? And what are the possible solutions to it.

 

Edited by superkaur
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Where to start

The difference between now and then was that girls in particular were taught values of being responsible, caring, respectful, household duties and nurturing in extended families. The degradation of social structure in our families due to Western influence and upbringing and liberal tendencies has not helped one iota.

The root cause in IMO is lack of control and regulation through a firm hand and for women independence through full time work, therefore less reliance on breadwinner. Even the bandhay have become pansies and there is a crossover of defined roles in the home, certainly does not help.

In the past great stress was placed on discipline and even an element of fear from a young age, this is disappearing fast, I know members in my family who would be reluctant to or never give a thapar for non compliance, back in the day but  far less now now, a good thrashing hanging over ones head, meant compliance was a given. This is viewed as child abuse and the barmy laws see it as violence against kids which is why in the UK, we have children controlling classrooms, teachers can all but stand and watch, juveniles hanging on street corners drinking cider, repeat crime levels though the roof etc etc. Even gorey had a hold on the kids before the 80s, now its a free for all. 

Working all hours of the day and leaving children in the care of nanny's usually of another faith is another bug bear of mine. What can they possibly instil in our children. No shared values, no idea of honour, Sikhi, reverence of bazurags.

Divorce should be an absolute last resort, most things can be worked out, when all other means have failed, but you're right, it's like its going out of fashion.

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Islam is the answer. Islam will succeed where others fear to tread. It will restore order and propriety to a decadent and degenerate culture that is determined to destroy itself. I'd feel sorry for the West only if it wasn't deserved. Any culture, race, or group that is blind to its inevitable destruction, and not only ignores the signs but eagerly heralds its own demise deserves nothing but contempt. Whether we drown with Westerners or not is a choice that is diminishing with every moment until there'll be no choice remaining at all. 

Nah, I'm kidding, divorce is all the rage in Punjab, too. Ain't no goreh there. 😂

 

Edited by MisterrSingh
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3 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

Islam is the answer. Islam will succeed where others fear to tread. It will restore order and propriety to a decadent and degenerate culture that is determined to destroy itself. I'd feel sorry for the West only if it wasn't deserved. Any culture, race, or group that is blind to its inevitable destruction, and not only ignores the signs but eagerly heralds its own demise deserves nothing but contempt. Whether we drown with Westerners or not is a choice that is diminishing with every moment until there'll be no choice remaining at all. 

Nah, I'm kidding, divorce is all the rage in Punjab, too. Ain't no goreh there. 😂

 

but don't you feel in Punjab it is more about the business transaction of marriage rather than the soul mission? yeah I know there are many hidden nastinesses discovered afterwards like the guys has a drug /alcohol problem  but Bollywood dramas reign supreme over there and slapperness over here.

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6 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

but don't you feel in Punjab it is more about the business transaction of marriage rather than the soul mission? yeah I know there are many hidden nastinesses discovered afterwards like the guys has a drug /alcohol problem  but Bollywood dramas reign supreme over there and slapperness over here.

Bollywood has completely taken its leaf from the West. Much older Hindi and Punjabi movies had some moral story behind them and less gandh, but the way they dress, sing and act now is mirroring what's going in Hollywood. This decline in morality is not helping matters

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3 minutes ago, InderjitS said:

Bollywood has completely taken its leaf from the West. Much older Hindi and Punjabi movies had some moral story behind them and less gandh, but the way they dress, sing and act now is mirroring what's going in Hollywood. This decline in morality is not helping matters

I remember as a kid when we watched some pakistani punjabi movies my Dad made a comment that only tawaifs work in Pollywood  as no decent girl would dare , now the same is true of Bollywood today, same amount of casting couch nonsense and servicing dirty old men who are funding the movies  by young girls.

I totally stopped watching them very soon after the kissing ban was lifted , there was only so many glorified rape scenes a girl could stomach in order to see a story through. Now instead of a single guy against a girl its a whole band of guys on one girl... perhaps instructing people how to go about it ?

the women dress like ladies of the night even more than what you see on a friday or Saturday in town centres near pubs and clubs in the west. When I saw an Indian girl totally sparko drunk in India on a night out for the first time (film documentary) I must admit I was horrfied and fearful for her .Where are the parent there ?

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25 minutes ago, TigerForce1 said:

There is no solution!  Welcome to Kalyug.

 

People have changed along with the challenges of the times.  Both men and women are getting married at a later age  (30+) so they no longer have the tolerance to accommodate their partner or their partners families.  The too set in their ways of what the perceive as being comfortable.

 
In 80’s it wasn’t uncommon to see a bride and groom get married between the age 18-21.  You would regularly see girls who were put through education by the in-laws and slowly moving towards a career path within a few years into the marriage.  The boy would often be in the same situation and probably clueless about their future.  The married couple were still in their youth and were slowly growing into adulthood with the presence and advise of elders within the family unit.  Somehow this setup worked quite well and still kept the marriages strong and successful.
 
Nowadays everybody wants the complete article before marriage, usually comprising of education of some importance, well settled in a career, a big salary, a business, big detached house, a nice car, multiple properties to boast about, money in the bank for holidays and the cherry on top is no in-laws within 5 miles.
 
The success of the marriages of the previous generations were down to being young and sharing hardship along the way.  Sometimes this is the glue that keeps families together.  Joint decisions come into play and you are forced sacrifice yourselves for the sake of others.  This is not seen now as people are so selfish and impatient for material wealth and so called independence that they are ruthless when it comes down tolerating anyone other than themselves.  
 
But the odd thing is they are still unhappy!

when  you choose to distance yourself from the family there is more pressure to deal with everything yourselves rather than relying on help of caring people e.g. sudden illness, new baby , death etc. It is a lot to ask of immature adults which is the case of current crop

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3 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

but don't you feel in Punjab it is more about the business transaction of marriage rather than the soul mission? yeah I know there are many hidden nastinesses discovered afterwards like the guys has a drug /alcohol problem  but Bollywood dramas reign supreme over there and slapperness over here.

Yes, I agree. Considering most of us on this site are religious to varying degrees, I think it's okay to suggest that what we're discussing can be pinned on a certain spiritual malaise that's affecting people, coupled with definite social issues that's also contributing to these problems. Whether these issues stem from something tangible that can be identified and rectified is debatable. 

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4 hours ago, TigerForce1 said:

They have not been trained, educated and breed to behave

Wow. Put all the blame on women? Regardless, divorce rates in our community are now higher because it is not nearly as taboo as it was before. 

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1 hour ago, KhoonKaBadlaKhoon said:

Wow. Put all the blame on women?

Yeah, wouldn't want to blame women. Women are exempt from criticism.

Anyways, the problem is feminism, not women:

14 hours ago, superkaur said:

The girls of today are living a feminist rebellious bubble thinking

 

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14 hours ago, superkaur said:

Over the decade I have noticed a sharp increase in divorce rates within the Sikh community.

Another insightful and farseeing post. You continue to make great posts for the betterment of our community (other than that one belief of yours which I don't mention here because I don't want to derail this thread).

14 hours ago, superkaur said:

What we need is a 1 month course of anyone wishing to have a sikh marriage anand karaj so that they do not take the marriage as a joke or lightly and think they can divorce when ever they feel like it.

Great idea. I wish we were so united as to be able to do this and to enforce it across all Gurdwaras, too.

14 hours ago, superkaur said:

But sadly the desi/asian communities of all religions are now on par with their white counterparts.

ਮਃ ੫ ॥

ਫਰੀਦਾ ਦੁਨੀ ਵਜਾਈ ਵਜਦੀ ਤੂੰ ਭੀ ਵਜਹਿ ਨਾਲਿ ॥

Fareed, the world dances as it dances, and you dance with it as well.

ਸੋਈ ਜੀਉ ਨ ਵਜਦਾ ਜਿਸੁ ਅਲਹੁ ਕਰਦਾ ਸਾਰ ॥੧੧੦॥

 

That soul alone does not dance with it, who is under the care of the Lord God. ||110||

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The dissolution of the extended family in favor of the nuclear family is something I feel only hurts us all. As other posters pointed out it also contributes to marriages failing.

When my grandmother was still alive she held our family together with her old school ways. After her death things just aren't the same. The extended family gets together for made up american holidays based on fake history, but the loyalty, the teamwork, the everything of substance is gone. 

Feminism is a double edged sword. We know women are deserving of respect and equal rights. Many women, especially single mothers have to work and deserve work. Women shouldn't have to rely on a man if they don't wish. Unfortunately a side effect of women entering the workforce is it doubles the labor pool which halves the prevalent wage. So now both parents work full time for the same money the man used to make and the children have little access to either parent. Feminism served it's role, but it has gotten confused with man hating, and shying away from having any domestic aptitude. I think perhaps equality, diversity, and personal and family empowerment should take the place of feminism now that it has served its purpose. 

Media values can be blamed, but those values are strongest when other values aren't. It's a tough industry to contend with but if our own values are strong enough we recognize media as folly. 

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6 hours ago, TigerForce1 said:

The success of the marriages of the previous generations were down to being young and sharing hardship along the way.

Great point, bro.

It's a basic psychological truth that overcoming adversity binds you together:

Quote

"There is a strong bond created between leaders and employees, shareholders and constituencies who share sacrifices for the good of the organization."

https://majorium.wordpress.com/2013/09/06/the-bonding-power-of-shared-sacrifice-2/

 

Quote

 

What doesn’t kill us may make us stronger as a group, according to findings from new research published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.

The research suggests that, despite its unpleasantness, pain may actually have positive social consequences, acting as a sort of “social glue” that fosters cohesion and solidarity within groups:


 

https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/shared-pain-brings-people-together.html

 

People today want everything handed to them on a silver plate.

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4 minutes ago, GurjantGnostic said:

Unfortunately a side effect of women entering the workforce is it doubles the labor pool which halves the prevalent wage.

You do know that it's not allowed to state the patently obvious, don't you? I don't think I've ever heard anyone say this, and yet, everyone intuitively knows it's true.

5 minutes ago, GurjantGnostic said:

So now both parents work full time for the same money the man used to make and the children have little access to either parent.

Their replacement parents are Hollywood, which says just **** every girl you see, and their teachers/professors/Marx, who says marriage is merely a oppressive institution, to be destroyed.

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