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Guest Singh

Arranged marriage advice needed

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Guest Singh

Hi, all need some advice. Im flying over to Punjab in a few months to get married hopefully. 

Its not an ideal situation. Being born and bred in the UK. I thought I would hopefully find a girl through a love marriage. But It just did not happen. I have also struggled to find an arranged marriage partner in the UK. As I am over 30 which makes it alot more difficult to find someone. 

Now that I am going India. I am a bit lost. I am not sure what to look for in a girl. 

Any tips on finding a suitable marriage partner in india? Im a pretty good judge of someone through juat having a little chat and seeing them talk. As alot can be learned through their body language. 

What to look out for. And what not to. 

I dont want to marry someone I wont be happy with.  

 

 

 

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Treat every woman you meet the way you'd want a single man to treat your own sister. It's not a buffet. Be respectful. Do ardas ask for help. That's as much advice as I can offer. Good luck chuck!

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5 hours ago, S4NGH said:

Treat every woman you meet the way you'd want a single man to treat your own sister. It's not a buffet. Be respectful. Do ardas ask for help. That's as much advice as I can offer. Good luck chuck!

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Guest Jagsaw_Singh

Not so much 'advice' per se but things you might wanna consider:

1) nowadays, a lot of the girls in the pend are pretty lazy generally and not even very skilled in the kitchen with even basic foodstuffs like pakore and somoseh  readily available in stalls in the village. Bear in mind then that the girls that live with their families out on the Khoo (isolated farm house by the well) away from the village are usually a lot smarter and a lot fitter....being used to hard work and very quickly making things for visitors that arrive on the farm.

2) 3 words: background check...background check...background check. Get your 'driver' to chat with the 'drivers' in the girl's pend about the girl and her family's character. The pend's drivers know everything about everyone in their pends.

3) Way too many spouses are currently being refused entry into the UK for failing the compulsory English test. It never used to be like this so your parents are probably not going to factor that in when considering girls but you need to.

4) Once you find someone, absolutely insist that there is no big financial burden on the girl's family regarding the wedding. Even if they can afford it you must remain socially responsible and understand the immense social and economic harm it is causing in Punjab when people see what others (particularly those from 'foreign')spend and feel pressured to live up to those expectations and so take out massive loans for that purpose. Set the right example.

 

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2 hours ago, Guest Jagsaw_Singh said:

Not so much 'advice' per se but things you might wanna consider:

1) nowadays, a lot of the girls in the pend are pretty lazy generally and not even very skilled in the kitchen with even basic foodstuffs like pakore and somoseh  readily available in stalls in the village. Bear in mind then that the girls that live with their families out on the Khoo (isolated farm house by the well) away from the village are usually a lot smarter and a lot fitter....being used to hard work and very quickly making things for visitors that arrive on the farm.

2) 3 words: background check...background check...background check. Get your 'driver' to chat with the 'drivers' in the girl's pend about the girl and her family's character. The pend's drivers know everything about everyone in their pends.

3) Way too many spouses are currently being refused entry into the UK for failing the compulsory English test. It never used to be like this so your parents are probably not going to factor that in when considering girls but you need to.

4) Once you find someone, absolutely insist that there is no big financial burden on the girl's family regarding the wedding. Even if they can afford it you must remain socially responsible and understand the immense social and economic harm it is causing in Punjab when people see what others (particularly those from 'foreign')spend and feel pressured to live up to those expectations and so take out massive loans for that purpose. Set the right example.

 

lately there have been a spate of bridegroom suicides due to demanding wives who have basically ruined the family's finances , including paying for their education and then sponsoring her to go abroad then she complete studies and promptly files for divorce. Be wise , Indian sikhs are becoming as rotten and ruthless as their neighbours. 

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Guest Cosmos

You must speak to the girl and seek genuine interest & attention. You don't want a girl who's being forced into marriage also don't want to marry a money hungry hustler... lol sounds grim but this move now comes with added pitfalls! 

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On 1/19/2018 at 5:31 PM, Guest Jagsaw_Singh said:

Not so much 'advice' per se but things you might wanna consider:

Very good advice Jagsaw.

Also I would suggest that he should get the girl (whichever one he selects) to do a professional examination, in whatever field that she has a degree in. I would trust, say, a computer-industry test over an engineering degree from some random college.

Secondly, there are many detective agencies in India that you can contact for background checks.

Thirdly, talk with neighbors and relatives of the girl.

If the original poster is religious, he should expect that the girl should have some semblance of Sikhi-related knowledge, i.e., be able to do Japji by heart, Chaupei, kirtan, etc.

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Guest Kaur

I wish you the best of Luck. Nowadays finding somebody to marry in India is soo difficult. But I think you should go with a clear head and an open heart. Dont rush anything. Lay your foundations out on the table and be honest about what you want and make sure she does the same. I probably would tell you to keep looking in the UK still just because when somebody lives in India they can find it difficult to adjust to a UK lifestyle. She might not be able to adjust. Ask her how she feels. I think its really important for you to know what she wants and needs so you can see if its what you want. 

Good luck. 

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