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Singh1989

Dear newly mothers - AVOID toxic relationship with son/ daughter

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By toxic I do not mean verbal, neglect NOR physical. I mean down talking to your kids, criticising them at an early age, ridiculing them, thinking EVERY decisions of your kid's decisions is cheap and just wrong cause it not YOUR way... Growing up in a toxic mum - son and (her daughter) relationship I've seen it! Okay, money was not an issue, we never got abused but we were given the wrong treatment. From an early age my mother believed me and my sister would never achieve anything. My poor elder sister probably bore the brunt of my mother's abuse! Every month. Today my sister is kind of a wreck; never happy, secluded, isolates herself, never laughs nor jokes I BLAME MY MUM I wish to blame our karmas too but hey! IDK what we did in our past lives to live a life of toxic relationship (GOOGE toxic relationship or my mum is always criticising me) to see exactly what am on about. 

OK Newly mum and dads! AVOID a toxic relationship! If your toddler says something wrong do not just scream n have a go at them! Explain to them wit love what they said is not right, or maybe "I like how you think but you're wrong because..." Not just scream at them "You and your dirty tongue! I'll sort you out!" If they're failing in education sit down with them, work on their weakness and encourage them "You can do it, if you try..." Always encourage never criticise. 

My sister went her own way aged 16 - never listening to mum, doing her own thing. Unfortunately mum doesn't know why my sis is always in a bad mood (Toxic relationship, mum think they're right n kids are stupid). AND my mum always criticises me n my sis for our decisions made. EVEN THE SMALLEST MOST SIMPLEST DECISION. Or in my case, major decsions too, like I chose to take Amrit but mum thinks it was a certain Sangat am "Following" at the Gurudwara. (Put it this way, toxic relationship she says it in  a negative tone). On  a few occasions my mum even said to me, starting from 2 years ago, TO TRIM MY BEARD AS I LOOK STUPID IN SOCIETY!  

Okay so mum is a control freak, always makes decisions and expects me to follow (DO NOT WORRY! I haven't trimmed my beard at all more on that later) - and if I don't follow OR decision goes not in her favour SHE SCREAM N GETS UPSET!

NEWLY MUM AND DADS, PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS! I blame my mum for who I am today, what I become. My dad too but he was not toxic... just not there for me and my sister or even mum.  All you'll end up doing is drive your kids away from you. Mum succeeded n driving my sister away from her. But if I question her she won't regret it. She would make me feel bad and say other poisonous venom she can muster. AGAIN! Not my parents fault maybe we were really bad people in our past lives, me and my sister. 

OK I let my mum bang on about me having an uncut beard but that is fine! I let her go on and not say anything. I don't care how long she goes on - 20 - 30 minutes - I keep my mouth shut then she does not utter a word as well. It does the trick! She forgets about it for a couple of months. 

My mum has learned poison and venom from he childhood I feel sorry for her. Brought up in poverty, no education (India), no family support (her siblings would beat her a day for no reason), mum would neglect her. So just like she has driven away from her family, my sister has driven away from her too cause of her actions, from beat ups in toddler age, criticism in early age and always having a go at her in her young teen to early adulthood. NEVER explaining to he or me "Look! Am annoyed never do that ok?" Instead it was a bashing up n screams at a rage that lasted 3 hours.

When our pet bunny died dad ran to work and that left me, sis and mum... yep. Sister got a bashing of her life when she failed to call RSPCA whilst rabbit was dying. "Huraam zaadi kuthi! Keeri padaai the kithi English/ gal karn wi nhi aundhi phone ti. Kisi kam ti nahi teri padaai" (Hope you get the idea)... Surprised neighbours never rang the police. ON SO MANY OCCASSIONS OUR BLOOD GOT SUCKED THIS IS JUST ONE EXAMPLE. 

A healthy family would have; first off, dad would not just go to work, second, mum or dad would attempt two things. First, assure the kids in a nice and soft tone that the pets doctor will sort it out. THEN they would attempt to make a call to the RSPCA (we didn't have internet at the time). Dad should have rang 2nd cousin to call the vets to our house... Instead it was left to a 13 year old to sort it out! (My sister) whilst dad runs to work and mum hurls abuse as she thinks this is the right way to deal with kids. Second, the mother hugs the kids whilst the pet is being cremated or whatever, as it preps the kids for future grievance. At this age range we got hard core shouting top of lungs and abuse hurls. My sister no longer lives with the society let alone with parents.

DADS! It's YOUR responsibility to listen and respect choices of your wife and kids. Teach, guide and support your kids on Sundays, outings and family picnics. No matter how little time DO spend time with your kids EVERYDAY if possible. MUMS! A benti for you to encourage and motivate your kids in education and show enthusiasm in their decisions. Correct their mistakes the right way and notify how they can do better next time. Make them believe they can achieve goals and dreams. End of the day your kids will look up to you and will have utmost respect for you as parents and great role models.  

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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In response to the above post, I think there should be parenting classes on how to communicate, at the Gurdwara. No offence to any parent, but even in mine and cousins families, there was stress and some confusion, due to elders not being educated and working hard for us.  

This probably relates to many people on here, and they will understand what I’m on about. It’s not easy for the parents either, as English would not be their main language.

If communication is not right, then it will affect the children’s present and future. Not only children, but also communicating with other adults.

Interpersonal communication is important, and our community needs that support. 

Edited by simran345

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Oh Waheguru!!

Your mum sounds exactly like my mum.

She always judges my rehat and thinks she is the maryada.

She always over reacts on every situation.

My mum has also been brought up the same way.

 She always says how I am failing in education when I know I am doing good (I got 2 on my report which is good but she wanted a 1)

 

A big headache.

 

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