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Difficult member of family - Sikh perspective

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51 minutes ago, SikhInTheMaking said:

All interesting thoughts ... so basically keep my distance and pray for them and by doing so, I will start feeling better within myself.

Ive been praying for them for a while now and it seems like a wasted effort.

In terms of my own personal relationship with them - any advice on this? by keeping my distance im almost being off with them, is this the right thing to do as a sikh? or i should i continue as if nothings happened and sort of love them unconditionally? 

Im finding it difficult to make my mind up about them. Sometimes I feel as if i should just stop talking to them completely as it seems to have worked for other peeps who disown family members but then theres a part of me that thinks i have to live with this the rest of my life and deal with it throughout my life and i should just accept this

some times we have deal with difficult people and they can often say hurtful things or act inconsiderately , this may be because they were never shown love and respect (often the case in bullies), my advice is to not go seeking them out, don't ostracise them, but when you do deal with them give same love and respect you would any other member of the family .

Don't stop being your good, open, caring self, try to be the best daughter/son of Guru ji you can be and lean on him when you need support and help .  Follow Guru ji's example though Prithvi Chand was not a good person he still gave love and respect as brother to Prithvi Chand , Guru ji never wish Bad for him even though he tried to do so many wrong things to both himself and his son.  ultimately, though they don't seem it they are part of Akal Purakh too , maybe look on it as doing sewa of/ showing love to Akal Purakh instead of those unaware minds.

Edited by jkvlondon

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Guru ji did cut off Ram Rai because of his stupid behaviour.  However he forgave him then in the dhasam roop. So if you feel cutting off with the person will help them get better you are allowed to do it. 

Just make it clear it is the deed yw hate not the person. 

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41 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Just make it clear it is the deed yw hate not the person. 

Agree, it’s the actions of the person that makes somebody negative. There was a video I saw a while ago, on this, but can’t find it now. A person can also change from a negative one to a good one. Like they say, Every Saint has a past, and every sinner a future. 



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Some pangtis of what Guruji says about family:

ਮੰਨੈ ਪਾਵਹਿ ਮੋਖੁ ਦੁਆਰੁ  
मंनै पावहि मोखु दुआरु ॥ 
Mannai pāvahi mokẖ ḏu▫ār. 
The obeyer of the Lord's dictates obtains the door of salvation. 
ਮੰਨੈ ਪਰਵਾਰੈ ਸਾਧਾਰੁ  
मंनै परवारै साधारु ॥ 
Mannai parvārai sāḏẖār. 
The obeyer of the Lord's dictates reforms his kith and kin. 
ਮੰਨੈ ਤਰੈ ਤਾਰੇ ਗੁਰੁ ਸਿਖ  
मंनै तरै तारे गुरु सिख ॥ 
Mannai ṯarai ṯāre gur sikẖ. 
The obeyer of the Lord's fiat saves himself and saves the Sikhs of the Guru. 
ਮੰਨੈ ਨਾਨਕ ਭਵਹਿ ਨ ਭਿਖ  
मंनै नानक भवहि न भिख ॥ 
Mannai Nānak bẖavahi na bẖikẖ. 
The obeyer of the Lord's fiat goes not begging. 
ਐਸਾ ਨਾਮੁ ਨਿਰੰਜਨੁ ਹੋਇ  
ऐसा नामु निरंजनु होइ ॥ 
Aisā nām niranjan ho▫e. 
Such is the stainless Name of God. 

ਜੇ ਕੋ ਮੰਨਿ ਜਾਣੈ ਮਨਿ ਕੋਇ ॥੧੫॥ 
जे को मंनि जाणै मनि कोइ ॥१५॥ 
Je ko man jāṇai man ko▫e. ||15|| 
If some one puts faith in the Lord's Name, he shall then, understand it within his mind. 


🙏🏻 Dhan Guru Nanak Dev ji 


ਗ੍ਰਿਸਤਿ ਕੁਟੰਬਿ ਪਲੇਟਿਆ ਕਦੇ ਹਰਖੁ ਕਦੇ ਸੋਗੁ  
ग्रिसति कुट्मबि पलेटिआ कदे हरखु कदे सोगु ॥ 
Garisaṯ kutamb paleti▫ā kaḏe harakẖ kaḏe sog. 
He who is wrapped up in household and family and sometimes feels joy and sometimes sorrow; 
ਗਉਣੁ ਕਰੇ ਚਹੁ ਕੁੰਟ ਕਾ ਘੜੀ ਨ ਬੈਸਣੁ ਸੋਇ  
गउणु करे चहु कुंट का घड़ी न बैसणु सोइ ॥ 
Ga▫oṇ kare cẖahu kunt kā gẖaṛī na baisaṇ so▫e. 
and wanders in four directions and cannot sit or sleep even for a moment; 

ਚਿਤਿ ਆਵੈ ਓਸੁ ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮੁ ਤਨੁ ਮਨੁ ਸੀਤਲੁ ਹੋਇ ॥੩॥ 
चिति आवै ओसु पारब्रहमु तनु मनु सीतलु होइ ॥३॥ 
Cẖiṯ āvai os pārbarahm ṯan man sīṯal ho▫e. ||3|| 
Were he to reflect over the Supreme Lord, his body and soul shall be cooled (rest at peace). 

SGGS Ji Ang 70

🙏🏻 Dhan Guru Arjan Dev ji


ਨਾਮੁ ਧਨੁ ਨਾਮੁ ਸੁਖ ਰਾਜਾ ਨਾਮੁ ਕੁਟੰਬ ਸਹਾਈ  
नामु धनु नामु सुख राजा नामु कुट्मब सहाई ॥ 
Nām ḏẖan nām sukẖ rājā nām kutamb sahā▫ī. 
The Name is my wealth, the Name my royal peace and the Name my family and helper.

SGGS ji Ang 497

🙏🏻 Dhan Guru Arjan Dev ji


There are many pangtis, do a search and see what Guruji says.

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