Difficult member of family - Sikh perspective

[SikhInTheMaking]

Im posting this just to get some generic sikh views on how to deal with difficult members of the family

What do you do when you have a 'black sheep' in the family who throughout their life has hurt you and others members of your family and continues to do so? Its gone past the point of talking to them - we are at the point where we have just come to accept that this is their character, but how should we be with this person?

Ive seen alot of families just disown certain members but this is hard to do when you still care for them.

From a sikh perspective though, can anyone suggest how our attitude or way of thinking should be so we are not hurt? Or will we just have to live and accept being hurt by them?

 

Ive deliberately kept the scenario brief because im looking for a more generalised answer

Appreciate any opinions on this...

[singhbj singh]

Be patient, stay positive !

[MisterrSingh]

It depends on the kind of individual you're dealing with. Are they capable of change? Or are they too far gone? If it's the latter, then don't waste your time trying to "heal" that person with love, compassion, or understanding. It never works. There's just something broken inside that person that will not rectify itself through the concerted efforts of a third party. The best course of action is to maintain some distance. These types of individuals thrive on attention. They have a tremendous amount of negative energy around them (and God knows what else), and it genuinely does rub off on others who perhaps aren't strong enough to ward off these vibes. If you're unable to burn bridges, then keep such people at arms length. I shouldn't say this, but some people genuinely don't deserve a human janam. They're a waste of a human life.

[simran345]

 

 

 

[simran345]

God will grace them in their Hukam. Each soul comes with their own karam into the world. 

Detachment and attachment should be a balance. It’s sounds easy, but when it’s a family member, sabar (patience), willpower, tolerance (within limits), adjustments, are important.

One thing I’ve learned with relatives, is that I can’t change them, but I can change myself, so I don’t hurt from it. 

 

 

[sikhni777]

I remember when my mum in law was being difficult,  I called my mum and she told me... sorry puut... its time to go down humbly in ardaas to Guru ji. I did just that.  My mum in law hasn't changed but I got the strength to deal with her better.

You can't change people but you can change yourself.  Guru ji always gives people strength to cope. Ardaas is always answered.  Some people are cursed to always give dhukh to others. 

 

[MrDoaba]

40 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

You can't change people but you can change yourself.

Why should people have to change themselves? There's a difference between having Daya and Nimrata and then bending to the will of anothers pakhand. People who dish out dukh without a shred of concern for others need to be taught a moral lesson. If one is being an Akirtghan then they need to be made aware of this.

You can change your mindset in accordance with Gurmat but there's no point changing yourself in a way which either directly or indirectly continues to condone such behaviour.

Sikhs do not sit around praying waiting for a miracle. We spread the knowledge of Gurmat, that's how change comes about.

Even those who are supposedly "cursed" can change, with the intervention of Gyaan.

Or should we just wait for Sant Ji to come and save the day?

[sikhni777]

12 minutes ago, MrDoaba said:

Why should people have to change themselves? There's a difference between having Daya and Nimrata and then bending to the will of anothers pakhand. People who dish out dukh without a shred of concern for others need to be taught a moral lesson. If one is being an Akirtghan then they need to be made aware of this.

You can change your mindset in accordance with Gurmat but there's no point changing yourself in a way which either directly or indirectly continues to condone such behaviour.

Sikhs do not sit around praying waiting for a miracle. We spread the knowledge of Gurmat, that's how change comes about.

Even those who are supposedly "cursed" can change, with the intervention of Gyaan.

Or should we just wait for Sant Ji to come and save the day?

Believe mw I have tried for twenty years... some people are truly meant to be horrible. You can harm upurself on yhe 

[sikhni777]

Sorry my phone goes funny when I quote.

You can harm yourself trying to change some people esp. Some vizurg.

Simran bhanji said too you can't change others. You have to adapt in some cases.

[MrDoaba]

20 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Believe mw I have tried for twenty years... some people are truly meant to be horrible. You can harm yourself trying to change some people esp. Some vizurg.

Fair enough.

As those very same bazurg say...ਅਸੀਂ ਕੀ ਲੋਕਾਂ ਤੋਂ ਲੱਡੂ ਲਹਿਣੇ ਐ