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Help with relationship, yes or no?


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58 minutes ago, S4NGH said:

Wt f?? How'd youiseven leap to these conclusiohe?ns?? Cray cray! 

Seen enough of those right here In our family. If you are not happy with her before youindiwill never be happy with her ever. It does not take 7 months to take a girl to open up. Her mum supports her. The greed of INdians Is great. Remember Jaggi still not freed yet Is he?

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Guest Guest_Singh

Bhaji,

I've seen this story far too many times.  Call things off, immediately.

This is not 1990s anymore. Girl not talking because she is shy, I think not. More likely, she has a boyfriend in India and her parents and her are planning on getting her overseas where she will eventually leave you and then sponsor her boyfriend + her parents.

But still remember....everything in this life is a consequence of our past lives. If you're going to get screwed by a potential partner, you are going to get screwed by a potential partner and there is nothing you can do about it....so enjoy the ride and keep Waheguru on your mind. 

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3 hours ago, sikhni777 said:

She has her mind on someone else.  It is hard to just keep listening to someone.  She would be wanting to know about life here. She would be having many questions if she was interested in a future with you.  

She seems to be playing along only to give you the slip later on. Break it if you can. She's talking to someone else behind your back and her heart is with a desi but her parents want a better life for her. Forced marriage - it might work or she might become pakki get her boyfriend here and run off.  You are better off without her. Not worth the headache. 

Yep, this hit the nail on the head. 

I've seen 2 varieties of this:

1) The parents were in cahoots with the boyfriend.

2) The parents hated the boyfriend and wanted their sad excuse of a daughter away from the boy. 

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4 hours ago, MrDoaba said:

It's like when that guy called up Harjap Bhangal's immigration show with the same situation and he's like "paaji ohh ta meri life f*cked kar gai". It was live as well.

Lol

Yep I remember that one too. 

Going back to the OP’s post, it could be either what Singhbj paji says that she maybe cautious about what’s she’s saying so she doesn’t mess it up. She maybe worried that if she’s talks openly or asks too much then she maybe judged on that. 

Or it can be what Sikhni penji says, because without knowing her and the family, and reading what you’ve described,  I thought this too immediately. 

Have you made sure she doesn’t want to marry anybody else or has a bf? This happens quite a bit, and there’s been cases where even with children, some women have left bringing the bf from back home abroad. 

You should have researched more about the girl and family, just as they would have you. 

But instead of jumping to conclusions without evidence, I guess you won’t know until you meet her and get to know her better and like S4ngh paji says, I think 7 years is a bit of a big gap. Is she 7 years younger or older? 

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thanks everyone for taking the time to read this, much appreciated!!!!

Will give a lil background on myself before i reply to the above answers:

I was married in India but found out after marriage the woman had affair/bf. Thankfully, she is still in India while I am back home, divorce will be finalized in a couple of months. The woman`s family said bring girl here and we will will leave you, I said no. So now looking for a "rishta".

To the answers now:

1. She is from pind but was in hostel of high school for 2-3 years in a big city and started university earlier this year so I expect her to be more open.

2. her mom answers for her usually and has been saying for the past 8 months girl is very shy and doesn't talk much. I am doing job and I hardly talk there...to the extent where my colleagues say I dont talk much. 

I call her multiple times every week and spend more than an hr talking to her, she answers when asked but doesn't ask me anything about me, this makes me think she is not interested. If I try to converse with her, I believe she can do likewise and make an effort to do so.  No-one can judge a person if they are silent.

I cannot meet her because there is false fir/case against us in India, we cannot go there.

3. She is around 18/19 yrs old and I am 25.it is unlikely she has a boyfriend but I cannot be sure, maybe she wants to study and feels time for marriage is not right yet? But she needs to speak, which she never does. Her mom called and said I haven't called them, my mum said I am not happy with whats happened and explained everything.

She said she gave the phone to her daughter and left the room and was not aware her daughter doesn't talk. Her mom asked her how was the call between us last week, she said "She didn't say anything so I didn't say anything" (I took this meaning that she did not talk therefore I did not ask". This implies she always spoke first and I spoke later/ answered her but this is incorrect. I always asked and spoke and this "blew my top", I was pretty unhappy.

At the same time, my parents are encouraging me to think openly, last time I agreed with my parent's request and got married when I felt the girl is not happy, it ended in disaster.

Overall, I believe no matter where the girl is from and what age she is, if she is interested she could have asked me questions. She hasnt even told me how happy she is with this, has never talked of our future and that she is looking forward to meeting me. I believe the time has come to move forward, any suggestions???

 

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On 18/12/2017 at 7:35 AM, Guest Guestz said:

thanks everyone for taking the time to read this, much appreciated!!!!

Will give a lil background on myself before i reply to the above answers:

I was married in India but found out after marriage the woman had affair/bf. Thankfully, she is still in India while I am back home, divorce will be finalized in a couple of months. The woman`s family said bring girl here and we will will leave you, I said no. So now looking for a "rishta".

To the answers now:

1. She is from pind but was in hostel of high school for 2-3 years in a big city and started university earlier this year so I expect her to be more open.

2. her mom answers for her usually and has been saying for the past 8 months girl is very shy and doesn't talk much. I am doing job and I hardly talk there...to the extent where my colleagues say I dont talk much. 

I call her multiple times every week and spend more than an hr talking to her, she answers when asked but doesn't ask me anything about me, this makes me think she is not interested. If I try to converse with her, I believe she can do likewise and make an effort to do so.  No-one can judge a person if they are silent.

I cannot meet her because there is false fir/case against us in India, we cannot go there.

3. She is around 18/19 yrs old and I am 25.it is unlikely she has a boyfriend but I cannot be sure, maybe she wants to study and feels time for marriage is not right yet? But she needs to speak, which she never does. Her mom called and said I haven't called them, my mum said I am not happy with whats happened and explained everything.

She said she gave the phone to her daughter and left the room and was not aware her daughter doesn't talk. Her mom asked her how was the call between us last week, she said "She didn't say anything so I didn't say anything" (I took this meaning that she did not talk therefore I did not ask". This implies she always spoke first and I spoke later/ answered her but this is incorrect. I always asked and spoke and this "blew my top", I was pretty unhappy.

At the same time, my parents are encouraging me to think openly, last time I agreed with my parent's request and got married when I felt the girl is not happy, it ended in disaster.

Overall, I believe no matter where the girl is from and what age she is, if she is interested she could have asked me questions. She hasnt even told me how happy she is with this, has never talked of our future and that she is looking forward to meeting me. I believe the time has come to move forward, any suggestions???

 

So you been married once before. Your parents do not know how to choose a girl for you. You have to be happy the first or second time you meet them. if they are not you will not have a good marriage.

Ask your parents to choose another girl for you. Go for a girl who is open with you and interested greatly. I am sure you are old enough to tell the difference. Tell your mum you dont want another mess like the last time. It is your life. Take your stand and dont be treated like a desperate to be married guy. 

make your life with the right girl. Dont waste your time with idiots. Go with your gut instinct. it is always right. Tell them you are not calling them. See if the girl comes out to apologise or not. Keep up you are doing the right thing. No ones parents should force them to marry.

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Pick a girl over here near you so you can see her face when she talks , bcos anybody can pretend over the phone . This girl does not want to get married for WHATEVER reason . The fact that it's the mother who is calling you means she doesn't even want to dial you . She's a grown up and sorry to say hostel girls tend to fall in ishq wishq chakars . Your gut instinct was right last time but you overrided it because of your folks , this time don't make the mistake in the first place. Like Bhain ji said refuse to call and see where the chips lie.

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I agree with the advise given by Sikhni and Jkv sisters.  You say there's a false case against you in India.  So why are you looking for a girl to marry there?  Your first marriage hasn't been finalised yet.  Wouldn't it be wise to wait for the divorce, and take your time in looking for another rishta.  What's the hurry? 

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Guest Guest_Singh

I'm beginning to suspect that this is a troll.

Bro, let me get this straight....you were already screwed over once by a cheating girl from India, yet here you are again back at the well looking for another girl in India who clearly doesn't want anything to do with you.

Also, it's nice that you are okay with your parents finding you a girl - that is great. However, your parents are clearly horrible at this whole selection process. 

With all of that said, you're only 25....my goodness man....and your divorce hasnt even finalized yet....and you can't even go to India because of this case.

Take some time (1-2 years) to reflect on all of this and give the marriage thing another try. Please. 

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