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Waheguru je ka khalsa, Waheguru je ke fateh

 

Guru kai piyariou I have gone away from sikhi alot. I got into sikhi 2 years ago, at first i had so much excitement and spent literally every day trying to learn part and memorizing the meanings. I use to wake up at 3am every day, do simran and nitnaim. I learnt to read and write gurmukhi. And can now speak pretty decent punjabi. Everyone was surprised when they found out.

Then i dont even know what happened, i got away from sikhi and into my old habits. I stopped waking up at amrit vela, doing part, simran, etc. And i dont even know what happened. I had so much passion for guru ji and i wasted it all on the wine of maya. I have become extremely lazy. I was once half of a gurmukh and now i am a total manmukh.

I alway dream that one day i would be a true singh and kill my ego, but i dont know what to do, every effort i make. i am to lazy to follow through on it. My willpower has mostly disappeared. I do ardass and beg to be released from the shakels of myself and duality and realise everything is one

Please someone beloved of guru ji help me. I cannot continue like this. I have thoughts of suicide because what is the use of my life if im gonna waste this jewel of a body like this.

Also im 16 years old and have kept kesh when my parents and family tryed to discourage me alot.

Do you think getting out of the environment i am currently in and into a different one will change me? I convinced my mom to let me go to india for 1 month. I wanted to go there and stay with sants, nihang singhs, or something. So they would force me to wake up at amrit vela and keep rehait, but i dont really know how to find any of them or approach them. Besides that do you think it is worth going to india for this reason? 

Im Sorry if i rambled on alot. I have kept all of this to myself and have been wanting to tell someone, but couldnt. 

 

 

Edited by Arshdeepsingh

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59 minutes ago, Arshdeepsingh said:

Guru kai piyariou I have gone away from sikhi alot. I got into sikhi 2 years ago, at first i had so much excitement and spent literally every day trying to learn part and memorizing the meanings. I use to wake up at 3am every day, do simran and nitnaim. I learnt to read and write gurmukhi. And can now speak pretty decent punjabi. Everyone was surprised when they found out.

Bro what you're experiencing is the end of the honeymoon period or 'kirpa period' as it's known in some circles. It happens to many people. You've proven to yourself that you can in fact do all those things which is brilliant in itself. It's just a case of you finding your focus again. And just like a marriage, it requires commitment and devotion.

59 minutes ago, Arshdeepsingh said:

Then i dont even know what happened, i got away from sikhi and into my old habits. I stopped waking up at amrit vela, doing part, simran, etc. And i dont even know what happened. I had so much passion for guru ji and i wasted it all on the wine of maya. I have become extremely lazy. I was once half of a gurmukh and now i am a total manmukh.

You're practising self-reproach here, which is good, but only to an extent. If you continue, you will alienate yourself further. One thing I have noticed about Chardi Kala Gursikhs is their attitude to such mindsets; what's happened has happened, now lets find a way to move on positively. Don't pull yourself down any further bro, you recognise the issues and that is the best possible (re)start.

59 minutes ago, Arshdeepsingh said:

I alway dream that one day i would be a true singh and kill my ego, but i dont know what to do, every effort i make. i am to lazy to follow through on it. My willpower has mostly disappeared. I do ardass and beg to be released from the shakels of myself and duality and realise everything is one

Nothing says you cannot still be a true Singh. Many Gursikhs today were the very antithesis of a Gursikh at one point. Don't start off by trying to kill your ego, very few of us will ever suceed in completely killing our vikaars. Try to begin to get a control on them by getting your uchi jeevan back. Continue doing Ardaas. You know what's gonna come next...Simran and Bani. If waking up at amritvela is too much of a mission to attempt right now, try to get your flow and routine back for the daytime.

59 minutes ago, Arshdeepsingh said:

Please someone beloved of guru ji help me. I cannot continue like this. I have thoughts of suicide because what is the use of my life if im gonna waste this jewel of a body like this.

Bro, it's not the end of the world. You were on the right path but like many of us you've decided to take a detour and now you're slightly lost. Don't worry you can find the path again; try and retrace your steps, go back to what inspired you in the first place, make a list of what Sikhi means to you and stick it on your wall if you have to. I don't know you personally so I can't comment on what exactly will work for you, you know best, and you seem wise enough to know what those things are specifically. Suicide is way more of a waste of life pharava. At least now you have a chance, you're still young.

59 minutes ago, Arshdeepsingh said:

Also im 16 years old and have kept kesh when my parents and family tryed to discourage me alot.

Well done. I and many others here rate you for this.

59 minutes ago, Arshdeepsingh said:

Do you think getting out of the environment i am currently in and into a different one will change me? I convinced my mom to let me go to india for 1 month. I wanted to go there and stay with sants, nihang singhs, or something. So they would force me to wake up at amrit vela and keep rehait, but i dont really know how to find any of them or approach them. Besides that do you think it is worth going to india for this reason? 

Personally, I think it definitely will. I was about the same age as you when a trip to India got me interested in even remotely approaching Dharam. And I didn't even go for that reason. However, you're only 16 and if you're going alone then you need to think about how that's going to work - I'm not saying you are, but most 16yr olds are naive and people will take whatever oppurtunity they can to do you over. Do you have relatives there?

As for staying at a Dera or a Nihang Dal, I can't comment on the specifics. I'm sure someone with more experience in this department will chime in.

In general though, yes it is worth it.

Keep your head up Veere.

Edited by MrDoaba
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Thank you so much for your wonderful reply veer ji. I cannot say how thankful i am for you. I wil try my best to follow your advice.

11 hours ago, MrDoaba said:

Personally, I think it definitely will. I was about the same age as you when a trip to India got me interested in even remotely approaching Dharam. And I didn't even go for that reason. However, you're only 16 and if you're going alone then you need to think about how that's going to work - I'm not saying you are, but most 16yr olds are naive and people will take whatever oppurtunity they can to do you over. Do you have relatives there?

No i will not be going alone to india. I am going with my nanne.

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12 hours ago, Arshdeepsingh said:

Also im 16 years old and have kept kesh when my parents and family tryed to discourage me alot.

Ur doing so good and only 16. If I look back at myself when I was 16 I didn’t even know anything about sikhi in true terms.. nothing at all.. don’t be disheartened whatever ur going thru it’s also a part of tests (parikhya) that a true Gursikh has to pass and you will pass for sure coz u have that love and devotion.. and whatever mrdoaba has mentioned is right. Trip to India and spending some time with Gursikhs or nihangs would be useful but u can do that there as well.. I don’t know which country ur from but I’m sure u would find some true gursikhs there as well.. just don’t give up.. 

Edited by Kaur72
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10 minutes ago, monatosingh said:

Your name is very similar to my name lol.

 

Omg Harsh is that you?!

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2 hours ago, Arshdeepsingh said:

No i will not be going alone to india. I am going with my nanne.

That's good bro. How long will you be going for?

Have you thought about staying at Darbar Sahib? Might be a good option.

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6 hours ago, MrDoaba said:

That's good bro. How long will you be going for?

Have you thought about staying at Darbar Sahib? Might be a good option.

I will be going for 1 month in july after school gets out. 

I have considered staying at Darbar Sahib, but i also want to stay with actual people, like sants or nihang singhs who will teach me and explain things to me.

This is gonna be my 4th time going to india after 7 years.

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On 13/12/2017 at 10:49 PM, Arshdeepsingh said:

Waheguru je ka khalsa, Waheguru je ki fateh

Then i dont even know what happened, i got away from sikhi and into my old habits. I stopped waking up at amrit vela, doing part, simran, etc. And i dont even know what happened. I had so much passion for guru ji and i wasted it all on the wine of maya. I have become extremely lazy. I was once half of a gurmukh and now i am a total 

Im Sorry if i rambled on alot. I have kept all of this to myself and have been wanting to tell someone, but couldnt. 

 

 

It happens to everyone. The Guru showed u wats possible. He showed u wat an ucha sucha jeevan is. Now its up to u to follow it.

Like they say when u go to a festival when ur young. Your dad will carry u on his shoulders, show u the sights, buy u the candy, keep you safe from the crowds and makes it fun for you. When u r older, he will just give u money and send u off. You have to keep ur money and urself safe by yourself and make it fun for yourself.  If you have friends along, it will be better.

Same way here, guruji showed u an ideal sikh. Now u have to work at it. You have to keep urself safe from maya and u have to decide and put in the effort to do naam simran. And the friends that can make it better is sangat. Even if u cant go to india yet, start attending camps, rainsbais, samagams, katha diwaans. Anytime you hear of anything sikhi related, just jump at the opportunity and attend. Over time u will realize which sangat inspires u and helps u on the path. 

If u cant achieve that same status of waking up at 3 and all that. Its ok. Slowly build up to it. Wake up at 6 for a month then 5 next month then 4 etc. Also have a minimum amt of paath n simran u have to do daily like i will do japji sahib everyday no matter wat. And then days u feel better do more. Or increase it slowly. 

As long as u keep taking steps towards the guru and keep doing ardaas to gurusahib to help u. Ur good. Just dont give up and turn ur back. Keep walking towards guruji even if its a tiny step. Guruji doesnt accept u to be perfect. Maya is very strong. Some days it will win. But u cant give up. No matter how many times maya throws u on the bottom, how many times she destroys ur jeevan. As a sikh u have to keep trying to get back up.

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