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Guest Singhni

Husband Wife relation

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17 hours ago, Guest Singhni said:

WJKK WJKF 

Thank you everyone for taking time out to reply. I really do appreciate it. Our kids are VERY young yet oldest just starting to say a few words. So although ive started teaching the elder 2 Gurbani,  doing simran together etc there is only so much I can do yet because they are so young and lack understanding or focus (lol). Kirtan is played all day so I only hope it will have a positive effect on them. It is like you guys described it it almost feels havibg a physical relationship is deemed wrong and something that ruins your mere attempt and trying to be Gursikh. Im one of those people that have a habit of 'all or nothing' - i rather have no physical relation and be or try to focus 100% on sikhi. or find if i have to have physical relation then it lessens my quality as a Gursikh. How do u balance a loving relationship and try to make Guru ji/sikhi the centre point? Any thoughts id love to hear more from the penji who said she has kids and 'twice my age'?

I just feel im living 3 different lives - wife, mum and a pathetic excuse of a Gursikh. Even still I find im probably more attuned in sikhi when im with our kids because we jap Naam together, listen to Gurbani, more Sikhi related activities etc but with my husband - although hes great reads Gurbani, lacks strict Nitnem and Amritvela but does his best with raul duty and does a lot of sewa I just find he "starts it" - sorry to sound childish but like he will start the request for physical relation and if i say no he will say its not wrong in sikhi to have such relation...(please note there is no forcibg etc we love each other and theres no problem like that)  and then it goes on from that. its like i feel my jeevan in focusing on sikhi or Bani lessens when in the Sangat of my husband (sorry if i sound harsh) - i would never say this to him because i love him and i cant say no because i feel sorry for him like he works real hard all day and if he finds comfort in spending time with me and helps him chill surely thats my duty as a wife right? i just feel like am going round in circles. please also note my husband is great with our kids like he'll tie their dastars, read Bani while playing with them etc. he just has a high physical relation demand...and i feel my jeevan suffers even though i have some part to play....

thank u guys - helping me take a lot off my mind right now...

There isn't anything wrong with a physical relationship in marriage. As long as you love each other. Just make sure it's love that's the force involved. Expressing your love to your spouse isn't bad. It's going overboard that's where we get lost in lust. Just keep it loving and as an expression of your love and union. 

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Guest Original Poster

WJKK WJKF 

Sangat jio, 

Sorry to annoy you all again but me and my husband are still waiting for a Amrit sanchar so we can both be pesh... any ideas for which dates in 2018 and location in UK please? We both prefer taksali Amrit sanchar please....Also  I feel really bad like ive let myself down with what we both did... i didnt think i could lose my character like this... i just feel so fake to be in sikhi sarup and comitting such acts. I was reading the internet about how some sikh people have been exposed whilst fallen to the clutches of kaljug and made me feel so little of me that I too have tarnished the sikhi sarup.. I understand that what ever secxual acts that I did were with my husband but still i feel i will never be able to respect myself again..i dont know what to do? i just want to be a good gursikh again....

WJKK WJKF

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Guest random_dude

vjkk vjkf

bhenji, t they  are exposed because they did their karams  outside their marriages.

There is nothing wrong with your amrit. This is daas view. You did this all with your Husband. And dont blame your Husband indirectly by pointing out he is the reason for all your actions.You guys should be happy that you have a strong relationship. 

if your nitnem is still strong then it shouldnt be any issue. However iam not the Panj Pyare ji. If you are confused then go get pesh and do benti if you need to take amrit again. Make sure to explain it properly :)

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It is adultery that is banned.  Sex belongs to marriage.  How are you even going to put it in words whatever you did.  I doubt it holy people want to hear all that.  Moreover it is not a sin. I don't understand why you are so worried.  Marriage ia made for exploring thesesort of wwhatever you did. 

Dust the guilt away and simply don't do it again if you feel that way. Half of the people who advice on this site are unmarried anyway. 

If you did not let it off and out with your hubby then you might be tempted to do so with another willing partner.  So feel free in your marriage and stop making a fool of yourself and your hubby.

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It is nor for the man to do this in marriage.  However I remember reading a post about people doing naam jap even when they are at it with their partners.  I tried it too and it was good.  You can do two things at the same time.  So yes.. this is what people who do 24 7 jaap..  their avasta is like.  Your husband is Still young so enjoy yourselves while you can if you have the energy.  As you get older you will not want to engage as much.  Bhenji make an account if you want some more open discussion.  Parents with older kids who read all that might not be happy with such discussions. 

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Sex is the easiest and laziest way to waste built-up physical energy that can be utilised more productively in my opinion.

A Sikh is supposed to be Miri Piri (notice how Miri comes first) so join a gym - learn how to be a sipahi and defend yourself (weightlifting/MA). Yes Sikhs are no longer in physical battles/wars but that doesn't excuse forgetting 50% of the 6th master's Hukam for convenience.

If someone attacks you in the street and wants a fight or a gang breaks into your home and harms the family then what will you do? Someone said excessive sex drains laha but the same applies to the body, especially under habit - dependency/expectancy makes us lustful, weak and needy. Are these not more of a mental drain on us?

Also, contraception is a western concept now copied by apne so why abuse and misuse what we have been given by Waheguru? Not everyone can have children.

For those older, why not learn a new hobby i.e. tanti saaj, so the whole family can learn. Having a dog is good too - they give physical attention and have more energy to burn than us.

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2 hours ago, sikhni777 said:

However I remember reading a post about people doing naam jap even when they are at it with their partners.  I tried it too and it was good.  You can do two things at the same time.  So yes.. this is what people who do 24 7 

Too much info, bhenji. 

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13 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

OP might not think so...

Unless you have mastered 24/7 Naam Jap, doing what you said, wouldn't it be:

  1. rather weird? 
  2. frankly...blasphemous? 
  3. rather weird?

Actually I'm not sure I want answers to the above, so let's say they're rhetorical questions.

 

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8 minutes ago, MrDoaba said:

Unless you have mastered 24/7 Naam Jap, doing what you said, wouldn't it be:

  1. rather weird? 
  2. frankly...blasphemous? 
  3. rather weird?

Actually I'm not sure I want answers to the above, so let's say they're rhetorical questions.

 

Thats what I thought until I tried It. I was just like OP. Never I

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Never in the mood.  Thinking of the act as evil. Wanting to finish my path. Sleeping in the other bed with my son in order to avoid my husband. 

When I read this I thought it wierd. The  I just had to try it. Was good. Unfortunately my avastha is not as good as the simran that I was able to achieve at that time. I have been struggling a bit with routine. So I am a normal person now not too religious.  At that time I was more connected. 

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If you are unmarried then you should stop commenting on these topics because before marriage you tend tolook at it as something bad. This is why people have these stupid problems when they get married.  

Its because you distance a physical relationship so much in your brains that you think of the very act with which you came into being as evil. It is God created and if it was just for procreation it would be written by Guruji in the SGGS with a strict number I.e. only 5 times if you want  3 kids. 

Use your common sense for once and stop using gurbani to say that the act is forbidden and all such nonsense and confusing already confused married people. 

 

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I am so surprised actually disappointed that no one found those tukhs where the union between God and the soul is described as being enjoyed on a bed. I will try to look for them.

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30 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Thats what I thought until I tried It. I was just like OP. Never in the mood.  Thinking of the act as evil. Wanting to finish my path. Sleeping in the other bed with my son in order to avoid my husband.

There's nothing to suggest this is what the OP was feeling/doing.

11 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

If you are unmarried then you should stop commenting on these topics because before marriage you tend tolook at it as something bad. This is why people have these stupid problems when they get married. 

Hardy anyone here has looked at it as something bad. In fact the OP has been given some pretty good advice, and they are the ones looking at it as bad.

There's nothing wrong with being unmarried and posting on such topics. The only useless replies are from those who lack knowledge and common sense.

14 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Its because you distance a physical relationship so much in your brains that you think of the very act with which you came into being as evil. It is God created and if it was just for procreation it would be written by Guruji in the SGGS with a strict number I.e. only 5 times if you want  3 kids. 

Who said it's only for procreation? There's only one or two posters who are possibly alluding to this. And even if it was, it sure as sh!t wouldn't say it in Gurbani. Gurbani is a guide on how to reach Vaheguru, not Dunyavi Matters 101.

19 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Use your common sense for once and stop using gurbani to say that the act is forbidden and all such nonsense and confusing already confused married people. 

Either your reading is selective or you posted here after the thread had been edited.

One poster used Gurbani to warn of overindulgence. Not to say it is forbidden.

15 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

I am so surprised actually disappointed that no one found those tukhs where the union between God and the soul is described as being enjoyed on a bed. I will try to look for them.

It's metaphorical, hence why no one posted it.

 

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Guest OP_

WJKK WJKF Sangat jio

Thank you all so much once again. You guys are so helpful in easing my stress! Waheguru shower Kirpa on you all. I appreciate each and every response made - they all have valuable advice and knowledge. 

I would love to make an account but am hesitant as am not here discussing the most worthy issue so I would rather remain gupt - apologies.

I guess I will feel guilt free once we have both been pesh - that is the ultimate and as you have said 'just don't do it again' sounds like a sensible starting point.

I just don't know what words to use to tell the Panj Pyare. I doubt they will understand the specific names of these two acts...any ideas in what to say to Panj Pyare please?

WJKK WJKF

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