Husband Wife relation

[LightofNaam]

On 06/12/2017 at 2:14 PM, Singh2017 said:

VJKK VJKF

Penji, I'm only 17 so I don't much about husband and wife relationships however I can advise about something you've said. I'm not having a go or anything; I'm just trying to correct Maharaj's bani. You said that Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji said to increase your relation everyday between each other everyday. This is true, but vague. The pankti you are referring to is a Shabad that Sri Guru Tegh Bahadur Ji ouchaar to Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji. They say to Maharaj "Son, (increase) love/care for your wife daily but don't go to another woman's bed in your dreams". They don't say increase your sexual relations with your wife daily - but the love. Kaam can be invoked by love as well but the love is the main source. Love your husband (and vice versa) and increase that love so much that you don't rely on Kaam to feel as intimate with him but just seeing him is enough. Love is also the way to Waheguru as Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji says as well "Everyone listen, I speak the truth that whoever loves god - only they will obtain/find Waheguru" so the love increased between two Amritdharis daily is bound to harbour a place for Waheguru in your married life as you both were blessed Amrit so both your aims in life are both to reach Waheguru and eventually you will get your destination of this human life as Sri Guru Arjan Dev Ji says "Now is your turn to meet Waheguru (in this human life)" the more love you build up for each other and Waheguru. There's nothing wrong with sexual relations between 2 married persons but anything done out of proportion is detrimental. Guru Nanak Dev Ji tells us that walking this path of Sikhi is "Iike the sharp edge of a sword" and so going over the top with Kaam, even with your spouse, can have effects on the bigger picture. Hope this helps Ji. Forgive me for the mistakes I've made because I've made countless. 

Vaheguru Ji.

 

 

How are you only 17?

Wise words. I always say the love needs to overpower the lust.

Experience the person's heart before u have relations with the person. 

[Guest Vaheguru]

There is no limit to the amount of sex, so it's not a Kurehit.

However one should use common sense. If sex occurs too often then the inner life force gets drained. This energy is better spent on Naam Simran. There are other ways to show physical affection other than sex. Try to focus more on hugs, holding hands, sharing a kiss etc

To sum up - it's not a Kurehit having sex often but one does lose out on increasing the inner Naam energy to rise spiritually. 

Personally I think it's better to only have sex once in a while and spend the majority of our energy on bhagti, which is the real reason we came on this earth. Things like intimate hugging increases genuine love more, if done often.

 

[Singh2017]

10 hours ago, LightofNaam said:

How are you only 17?

Wise words. I always say the love needs to overpower the lust.

Experience the person's heart before u have relations with the person. 

VJKK VJKF

Veerji/Penji (forgive me Ji I don't know who I'm speaking to), notice how I've quoted everything I got straight from bani. These are the wise words of Guru Sahib - not me. Just how Guru Harkrishan Sahib Ji made Chajju a mere water carrier, all knowing of the Bhagavad Gita; Guru Granth Sahib Ji give moorakhs like me giann and anything I say of any value is all because of his kirpa and giann alone (not that I have any at all). I could be 17 or 71 - Maharaj's bani is timeless and has infinite effect on everyone no matter how old we are Ji. I have none of my own words to say, only Maharaj's so the true wisest being is Guru Ji. I appreciate your comment has come from a loving place and I hope I haven't said anything to hurt you Ji. Maaf karna Ji. 

Vaheguru Ji.

[Guest Singhni]

WJKK WJKF 

Thank you everyone for taking time out to reply. I really do appreciate it. Our kids are VERY young yet oldest just starting to say a few words. So although ive started teaching the elder 2 Gurbani,  doing simran together etc there is only so much I can do yet because they are so young and lack understanding or focus (lol). Kirtan is played all day so I only hope it will have a positive effect on them. It is like you guys described it it almost feels havibg a physical relationship is deemed wrong and something that ruins your mere attempt and trying to be Gursikh. Im one of those people that have a habit of 'all or nothing' - i rather have no physical relation and be or try to focus 100% on sikhi. or find if i have to have physical relation then it lessens my quality as a Gursikh. How do u balance a loving relationship and try to make Guru ji/sikhi the centre point? Any thoughts id love to hear more from the penji who said she has kids and 'twice my age'?

I just feel im living 3 different lives - wife, mum and a pathetic excuse of a Gursikh. Even still I find im probably more attuned in sikhi when im with our kids because we jap Naam together, listen to Gurbani, more Sikhi related activities etc but with my husband - although hes great reads Gurbani, lacks strict Nitnem and Amritvela but does his best with raul duty and does a lot of sewa I just find he "starts it" - sorry to sound childish but like he will start the request for physical relation and if i say no he will say its not wrong in sikhi to have such relation...(please note there is no forcibg etc we love each other and theres no problem like that)  and then it goes on from that. its like i feel my jeevan in focusing on sikhi or Bani lessens when in the Sangat of my husband (sorry if i sound harsh) - i would never say this to him because i love him and i cant say no because i feel sorry for him like he works real hard all day and if he finds comfort in spending time with me and helps him chill surely thats my duty as a wife right? i just feel like am going round in circles. please also note my husband is great with our kids like he'll tie their dastars, read Bani while playing with them etc. he just has a high physical relation demand...and i feel my jeevan suffers even though i have some part to play....

thank u guys - helping me take a lot off my mind right now...

[LightofNaam]

18 hours ago, Singh2017 said:

VJKK VJKF

Veerji/Penji (forgive me Ji I don't know who I'm speaking to), notice how I've quoted everything I got straight from bani. These are the wise words of Guru Sahib - not me. Just how Guru Harkrishan Sahib Ji made Chajju a mere water carrier, all knowing of the Bhagavad Gita; Guru Granth Sahib Ji give moorakhs like me giann and anything I say of any value is all because of his kirpa and giann alone (not that I have any at all). I could be 17 or 71 - Maharaj's bani is timeless and has infinite effect on everyone no matter how old we are Ji. I have none of my own words to say, only Maharaj's so the true wisest being is Guru Ji. I appreciate your comment has come from a loving place and I hope I haven't said anything to hurt you Ji. Maaf karna Ji. 

Vaheguru Ji.

Lol true. And good of you to attribute it to Him. 

Many speak of gurbani and say that it's our own doing. We are fools n we can do nothing. He's the only giver n doer. 

 

 

[LightofNaam]

17 hours ago, Guest Singhni said:

WJKK WJKF 

Thank you everyone for taking time out to reply. I really do appreciate it. Our kids are VERY young yet oldest just starting to say a few words. So although ive started teaching the elder 2 Gurbani,  doing simran together etc there is only so much I can do yet because they are so young and lack understanding or focus (lol). Kirtan is played all day so I only hope it will have a positive effect on them. It is like you guys described it it almost feels havibg a physical relationship is deemed wrong and something that ruins your mere attempt and trying to be Gursikh. Im one of those people that have a habit of 'all or nothing' - i rather have no physical relation and be or try to focus 100% on sikhi. or find if i have to have physical relation then it lessens my quality as a Gursikh. How do u balance a loving relationship and try to make Guru ji/sikhi the centre point? Any thoughts id love to hear more from the penji who said she has kids and 'twice my age'?

I just feel im living 3 different lives - wife, mum and a pathetic excuse of a Gursikh. Even still I find im probably more attuned in sikhi when im with our kids because we jap Naam together, listen to Gurbani, more Sikhi related activities etc but with my husband - although hes great reads Gurbani, lacks strict Nitnem and Amritvela but does his best with raul duty and does a lot of sewa I just find he "starts it" - sorry to sound childish but like he will start the request for physical relation and if i say no he will say its not wrong in sikhi to have such relation...(please note there is no forcibg etc we love each other and theres no problem like that)  and then it goes on from that. its like i feel my jeevan in focusing on sikhi or Bani lessens when in the Sangat of my husband (sorry if i sound harsh) - i would never say this to him because i love him and i cant say no because i feel sorry for him like he works real hard all day and if he finds comfort in spending time with me and helps him chill surely thats my duty as a wife right? i just feel like am going round in circles. please also note my husband is great with our kids like he'll tie their dastars, read Bani while playing with them etc. he just has a high physical relation demand...and i feel my jeevan suffers even though i have some part to play....

thank u guys - helping me take a lot off my mind right now...

There isn't anything wrong with a physical relationship in marriage. As long as you love each other. Just make sure it's love that's the force involved. Expressing your love to your spouse isn't bad. It's going overboard that's where we get lost in lust. Just keep it loving and as an expression of your love and union. 

[Guest Original Poster]

WJKK WJKF 

Sangat jio, 

Sorry to annoy you all again but me and my husband are still waiting for a Amrit sanchar so we can both be pesh... any ideas for which dates in 2018 and location in UK please? We both prefer taksali Amrit sanchar please....Also  I feel really bad like ive let myself down with what we both did... i didnt think i could lose my character like this... i just feel so fake to be in sikhi sarup and comitting such acts. I was reading the internet about how some sikh people have been exposed whilst fallen to the clutches of kaljug and made me feel so little of me that I too have tarnished the sikhi sarup.. I understand that what ever secxual acts that I did were with my husband but still i feel i will never be able to respect myself again..i dont know what to do? i just want to be a good gursikh again....

WJKK WJKF

[Guest random_dude]

vjkk vjkf

bhenji, t they  are exposed because they did their karams  outside their marriages.

There is nothing wrong with your amrit. This is daas view. You did this all with your Husband. And dont blame your Husband indirectly by pointing out he is the reason for all your actions.You guys should be happy that you have a strong relationship. 

if your nitnem is still strong then it shouldnt be any issue. However iam not the Panj Pyare ji. If you are confused then go get pesh and do benti if you need to take amrit again. Make sure to explain it properly . 

[sikhni777]

It is adultery that is banned.  Sex belongs to marriage.  How are you even going to put it in words whatever you did.  I doubt it holy people want to hear all that.  Moreover it is not a sin. I don't understand why you are so worried.  Marriage ia made for exploring thesesort of wwhatever you did. 

Dust the guilt away and simply don't do it again if you feel that way. Half of the people who advice on this site are unmarried anyway. 

If you did not let it off and out with your hubby then you might be tempted to do so with another willing partner.  So feel free in your marriage and stop making a fool of yourself and your hubby.

[sikhni777]

It is nor for the man to do this in marriage.  However I remember reading a post about people doing naam jap even when they are at it with their partners.  I tried it too and it was good.  You can do two things at the same time.  So yes.. this is what people who do 24 7 jaap..  their avasta is like.  Your husband is Still young so enjoy yourselves while you can if you have the energy.  As you get older you will not want to engage as much.  Bhenji make an account if you want some more open discussion.  Parents with older kids who read all that might not be happy with such discussions.