Amritdhari stuggling with depression

[Guest Someguy]

On 30/10/2017 at 7:24 AM, Guest Thinking said:

Wjkk wjkf

Im having a really difficult time at the moment and has been like this for maybe 3/4 of a year.

Maharaj kirpa, i was blessed with amrit just over a year ago and in the start it was an unexplainable experience, however slowly i feel like i began to fall in my sikhi. I would look at all people and think with innocence that god resides in each person, but now i just seem to judge everyone and think bad about them. Vikaars have gone really bad and causes me much depression, to the point where i feel like suicide would be better than this suffering. I am a true believer that maharaj works through his gursikhs, and whenever i seem to go to the gurdwara i always seem to get dirty stares and looks from kamaii wale gursikhs and i just know that im not welcome, which causes me even more depression and stops me from going to the gurughar.

I try so hard, although i think about doing some of the old things i used to do before amrit (like smoking weed) i have been able to control myself enough to not commit any bujjer kurehit. For some reason i feel like i am being punished or i just dont feel the love from waheguru ji anymore, i try to boost my sharda by looking upto guru sahibaan but my mind even becomes to thing bad about our gurus ? 

my parents had a breakup not long ago and that seems to have made things worse recently as i just cannot focus on bani and simran, also because of the situation, i had to backup my mom and maybe maharaj isnt happy that we chose for my dad to leave. 

Im so confused sangat ji, dont know where to go, what to do. I do ardaas that maharaj blesses me with gurmat and gursikhi but im finding it difficult. The reason im writing this is because just today i spent most of the day reading bani, doing simran and it was really nice, and then the moment i sit down to do my university revision im just hit with depression from nowhere and this is an onwards cycle every single time, its so frustrating.

Sorry this was so long, I do benti in ur charan sangat ji that you give me your support and help me get through this. Im honestly so stuck and confused i dont see the point of living life without the pyaar for maharaj.

wjkk wjkf

 

On 31/10/2017 at 3:03 AM, Singh2017 said:

VJKK VJKF 

Your last line means nothing - you do have pyaar for Maharaj. You're not doing bani and simran because you hate Maharaj? You're doing it because you love him and that he wrote his pavitaar bani for his Singhs and singhnis to read everyday and contemplate him. You have the most beautiful gift one can recieve - Amrit. You have nothing to worry about. Believe me I am going through a similar thing to you in a dissimilar way. Personally, I've learn this is all just a MASSIVE test. Everyday of your life is a test. He makes you sad, depressed, suicidal, happy, elated, blissful, monotone, scared, fearless all day everyday. Why? Because he wants to know if his sikh is a true sikh. If his sikh stands in the middle of the storm when no-one else is and doesnt see any of these problems as a problem but a blessing. Blessing in the way that this is your chance to prove to him that no matter what he throws at you to will take it with both hands no matter what the consequences are to you and you will move towards him with everything you've got left. He wants to see if you really do love him and can keep getting closer and closer to him when he seems to you hat he's moving further and further away. It's from these tests he knows the type of sikh we are and you have the biggest blessing to show him you are the true, strong, loving sikh towards him that he wants. He wants you to learn and make a change in your life to get stronger but the main thing is - we do even more paath and simran. This could be Maharaj telling you indirectly "Sikh, this is the next stage of your sikhi no so increase your nitnem." Or "Sikh, it's time to see whether this Amrit has made you my true form in the Khalsa and if not then let this be the beginning of the process there". He won't chuck anything at you that he doesn't think you can cope with or learn from and you will move on from this. Do ardaas but you MUST keep your rehat strong and do more bani/simran. Even if it's more ardaas and An extra Japji Sahib or Chaupai Sahib. Anything just take a step towards him and he'll take a million towards you. If you need anything please message me or just post here again. I'm sorry for this reply I don't think I could really get my point across well but you may have got some help from the work Maharaj has created here. Maharaj kirpa. Hope this helps ji.

Vaheguru Ji.

From what ive heard you cant have true love untill you do not have the fear of god in you.... so how can you love maharaj? If you had the fear of god then that wouldnt happen(what your saying). Also ive heard true love only starts when you get to see god.

So how can you say you love maharaj? Im confused........

[GurjantGnostic]

1 hour ago, Guest Someguy said:

 

From what ive heard you cant have true love untill you do not have the fear of god in you.... so how can you love maharaj? If you had the fear of god then that wouldnt happen(what your saying). Also ive heard true love only starts when you get to see god.

So how can you say you love maharaj? Im confused........

Any Gurbani you'd like to share?

Edit: just came across this doing Sehajpath.

[Guest Someguy]

23 hours ago, GurjantGnostic said:

Any Gurbani you'd like to share?

Edit: just came across this doing Sehajpath.

I cant find as i go on phone but there are some. 

[GurjantGnostic]

1 hour ago, Guest Someguy said:

I cant find as i go on phone but there are some. 

Nice. 

Someone suggested gurbani nirvaan for phones. It's what I use. Really like it.