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Guest Uk Singh

Need some advice

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Guest Uk Singh   
Guest Uk Singh

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vahheguru ji ke fateh

I need some advice from sangat or anyone who has been in a similar situation.

Im a 29 year old singh from the uk and i want to get married but i have some concerns because im the only amritdhari in my family, the rest of the  family drinks, eats meat and go to manders. I am an only son so i wont be able to move out realistically without upsetting the whole family, im worried that if i get married that there will be alot of arguments in the house becuase of how my family is.

I was just wondering if any singh has been in the same situation and what was their experience and also to any amritdhari sisters if they have got married into a family like this and how they delt with it and is it as bad as i have made out in my crazy head.

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh

 

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singhbj singh    1,175

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

There's a practical option that you get married to an amritdhari bibi & move down the road not far from family home.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

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Hi Bro,

im not an amritdhari sikh but thought I could relate to your situation a little. My family arent your conventional Sikh family and ive always been worried about if I will ever meet someone who will come into this family. Ive spoken to a few girls before who have been completely put off by my family and im in the same boat in the sense that it wouldnt be easy to move out because I want to be there for my parents. 

Its really discouraging when people judge you by what your family does but I guess that if there the right person for you, they will stick by you and try to understand. Theres always going to be problems at home, noone lives a perfect life or has a perfect family no matter how much they try to show that they do to the outside world. 

The one thing I would advise is just be honest and upfront with her from the start so she knows what sort of family shes coming in to otherwise that will just cause problems after marraige 

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singhbj singh    1,175

Guys if your parents were concerned then you would have been married (arranged) by now !

Life is giving you a chance to be Men not boys.

Your parents have lived their life the way they wanted. It's you who have to choose whether to change, grow or not.

 

Edited by singhbj singh
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jkvlondon    3,501

Brother ,

I am married into  a truly non-sikh family their culture is not my culture, however the way I've handled it is being up front and strong in keeping my values in my marriage and home . They still try to undermine my kid's sikhi and try putting their views about how life should be for us even after 21years but it hasn't affected us because we stuck together and agreed to live OUR way . 

They are welcome to come and go but I don't cook meat, fish eggs or allow it to be cooked in my home  , neither of us tolerate beadbhi of our kid's roop or sikhi from any quarter (my mona relatives and his Christian ones) it is possible to do sewa of bazurg without letting them interfere you've just got to be TOGETHER as a united front and be on the same page when it comes to how you want your lives to be . Be honest about everything but also be sensitive to each others need to not become whipping boys/girls for the faults in the families . Communication is key and not letting others' petty nonsense get the better of you. Good Luck

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Guest kaur   
Guest kaur

Please dont worry. Whatever is going to happen will happen. But if you want my opinion then i would say that just because your an only child that doesnt mean you will need to stay with your family forever.  You do need to be able to stand on your own two feet as a man and with your wife and kids. Sometimes when people live with their family they dont get to experience being in control of their life. Sometimes the family can control the money, the running of the house. These may seem like little things but these things matter. YOU have to tell your family no matter how upsetting it will be. They will understand eventually. 

In terms of finding a wife, you need to go to sikh camps and maybe even dating sites. There will be religious girls there who you will be able to chat to in person. I think if you find somebody yourself it will be better than a love marriage because you both will already have a bond and she will be more accepting because she already cares for you. 

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sikhni777    588
On 12/10/2017 at 9:43 AM, SikhInTheMaking said:

Hi Bro,

im not an amritdhari sikh but thought I could relate to your situation a little. My family arent your conventional Sikh family and ive always been worried about if I will ever meet someone who will come into this family. Ive spoken to a few girls before who have been completely put off by my family and im in the same boat in the sense that it wouldnt be easy to move out because I want to be there for my parents. 

Its really discouraging when people judge you by what your family does but I guess that if there the right person for you, they will stick by you and try to understand. Theres always going to be problems at home, noone lives a perfect life or has a perfect family no matter how much they try to show that they do to the outside world. 

The one thing I would advise is just be honest and upfront with her from the start so she knows what sort of family shes coming in to otherwise that will just cause problems after marraige 

Well, just wondering did you portray your family in the negative sense to girls before they made their own decision? Somebody from outside your family will not view your family in the same negative sense you view them.

If you got married, the chances are you will both be working and be at home only in the evenings and weekends. You will be visiting her side of the family quite a lot. That way you will get more people to socialise with. Once you get kids then you got nothing much of free time available to waste. 

I think you should stop portraying your family in the negative sense as it might spread around your area in gossip and that will do you no good in finding a suitable partner in the future. Be positive and focus on the positive as much as you can. No one likes negative people.

Edited by sikhni777

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43 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

I think you should stop portraying your family in the negative sense as it might spread around your area in gossip and that will do you no good in finding a suitable partner in the future. Be positive and focus on the positive as much as you can. No one likes negative people.

I understand what your saying but the fact that you just openly posted this about my family sort of contradicts what your saying? Nobody else needed to know details about my mum and dad and im a little annoyed to be honest

Im done with this convo, sorry. Dont appreciate opening up to someone about my problems on here and then being called out about them like this. Theres different ways you could have gone about this but you chose to put it here for everyone to see lol

 

 

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sikhni777    588
5 minutes ago, SikhInTheMaking said:

I understand what your saying but the fact that you just openly posted this about my family sort of contradicts what your saying? Nobody else needed to know details about my mum and dad and im a little annoyed to be honest

Im done with this convo, sorry. Dont appreciate opening up to someone about my problems on here and then being called out about them like this. Theres different ways you could have gone about this but you chose to put it here for everyone to see lol

 

 

I can rub it out if you want. You can tell it to some girl who knows you but we dont even know you and you are shying away. No one even knows your real name or anything else. 

Your parents brought you up, and it does not seem like they did a bad job or does it seem so to you?

 

Edited by sikhni777
clarification

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This thread isnt about me, I posted to help someone out and tell them I could relate to them. Didnt expect for someone to come on here and post details about my mum and dad like that. By the way I also posted that noones family was perfect and if she was the right girl for him she would stick around - I was not in any way taking shots at my family. I wrote that its discouraging when girls arent interested because of your family but discouraging in terms of the girl - not my family. My family has been given to me and ive accepted and loved them always (the reason why I would never leave my parents home which I also stated). I was simply stating that it was difficult and that I could relate to him

If you have any issues with me or want to continue this convo feel free to message me id rather not do this on here

So much for helping people out - I thought we as sikhs are known for that!

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simran345    2,456

If somebody shares personal information in private messages about themselves, then they should not be disclosed on the forum. Not only does that invade their privacy, but also belittles them and reduces confidence. 

It’s wrong to share things they would not want to with the rest of the world, as obviously that’s why they shared in private message. As members of this forum, all should learn from this. 

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