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staying away from bad company

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Guest Hdas   
Guest Hdas

This a point that I would like to emphasis to sikhs of all ages (and non sikhs too).  who you associate with can have a big impact on your psychological wellbeing.  i recommend that you avoid any group or people that engage in immoral behaviour, show cruelty to you or anyone else, or even just show undesirable qualities (laziness, apathy, etc).  This is especially important for youth who are studying, but something that needs to be kept in mind by people of all age groups.  I have seen from experience how important this is.

Another thing, don't assume that just because some one/some people are outwardly religious or a part of some religious group, that they are good company.  This couldn't be further from the truth.  

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Guest Kaur 2   
Guest Kaur 2

VJKK VJKF

Thanks veerji, really helped since I am in secondary school and there is a lot of bad company. Thank you.

VJKK VJKF

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Kira    1,261

One thing to remember is you're only as strong as your weakest links (qualities), avoid bad company but at the same time don't avoid all company. Make friends, forge bonds and don't be antisocial, that just attracts even more attention/weirdness about you. Be friendly to everyone but at the same time don't be a pushover.

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Guest Kaur 2   
Guest Kaur 2

VJKK VJKF

I do have friends but my main friends are Sikhs. I am still nice to everyone and talk to everybody whether or not they are nice or not. But still thanks for that as it will help me be nicer to every person no matter who they are.

VJKK VJKF

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This is something I have been battling for years and continue to struggle with. I have the same circle of friends I did 10-15 years ago and whilst I treat them as my brothers, they seem to be having a worse and worse effect on me. Dont get me wrong, I know that im at fault too for the things we do, I have a mind of my own but it doesnt help when its accepted/encouraged by people you see as your brothers. It seems to be a constant cycle for me where I will distance myself and meet up with them less, but when I do we just go back to square one. Its very difficult to meet good people and I dont think I will anymore. Im 28 now and have made attempts to try and friend gursikh guys but they usually stay away due to the reputation me and my friends have - and to be fair, I would stay away if I was them too! lol I think that only way I have any chance in stopping this lifestyle is if I cut everyone off completely but its really hard not having anyone at all. Im not close with anyone in my family and I think its only human to seek companionship. I dont think we were built to live this life alone. 

 

Anyone in a similar situation please get in touch or any advice on my situation is appreciated too. I come on this site when I try and distance myself and hope that someone can help 

 

All you guys out there who are surrounded by a good crowd, appreciate every moment. You are blessed and you should stick with them. Your life could have turned out a lot worse! 

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simran345    2,464
58 minutes ago, SikhInTheMaking said:

This is something I have been battling for years and continue to struggle with. I have the same circle of friends I did 10-15 years ago and whilst I treat them as my brothers, they seem to be having a worse and worse effect on me. Dont get me wrong, I know that im at fault too for the things we do, I have a mind of my own but it doesnt help when its accepted/encouraged by people you see as your brothers. It seems to be a constant cycle for me where I will distance myself and meet up with them less, but when I do we just go back to square one. Its very difficult to meet good people and I dont think I will anymore. Im 28 now and have made attempts to try and friend gursikh guys but they usually stay away due to the reputation me and my friends have - and to be fair, I would stay away if I was them too! lol I think that only way I have any chance in stopping this lifestyle is if I cut everyone off completely but its really hard not having anyone at all. Im not close with anyone in my family and I think its only human to seek companionship. I dont think we were built to live this life alone. 

 

Anyone in a similar situation please get in touch or any advice on my situation is appreciated too. I come on this site when I try and distance myself and hope that someone can help 

 

All you guys out there who are surrounded by a good crowd, appreciate every moment. You are blessed and you should stick with them. Your life could have turned out a lot worse! 

 

Hi bro, how you doing? I know this may or may not help you, but just to let you know I’ve never had the right sangat, but God found me alone, same as many more of us, to learn about Sikhi and blessed me to attend sangat as and when I’m able to.  Our situations are based also on our past karams, but we also have some free will where we can change ourselves to become better people.

And Guruji reminds us that nobody belongs to anybody else, the Lord, God is your support:

ਨਿਜ ਕਰਿ ਦੇਖਿਓ ਜਗਤੁ ਮੈ ਕੋ ਕਾਹੂ ਕੋ ਨਾਹਿ  
निज करि देखिओ जगतु मै को काहू को नाहि ॥ 
Nij kar ḏekẖi▫o jagaṯ mai ko kāhū ko nāhi. 
I have looked upon everyone as my own, however, I have observed that, in this world, no one is another's friend. 
 

ਨਾਨਕ ਥਿਰੁ ਹਰਿ ਭਗਤਿ ਹੈ ਤਿਹ ਰਾਖੋ ਮਨ ਮਾਹਿ ॥੪੮॥ 
नानक थिरु हरि भगति है तिह राखो मन माहि ॥४८॥ 
Nānak thir har bẖagaṯ hai ṯih rākẖo man māhi. ||48|| 
Nanak, permanent is only the devotional service of God. Enshrine thou that in thy mind. 

SGGS ji Ang 1429

People that you are surrounded by, will not change, so it’s up to one’s self to change themselves. 

Just some videos in case you need them:

 

 

 

 

Edited by simran345

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simran345    2,464
11 minutes ago, SikhInTheMaking said:

Good videos, ive seen the first 2 before but the last 2 were good. Ive gone on to youtube and subscribed to the channel and ill be watching the others on there

 

Thanks :)

You’re welcome, he’s got some good videos, that explores things a bit deeper. 

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Guest Sangat   
Guest Sangat
7 hours ago, SikhInTheMaking said:

This is something I have been battling for years and continue to struggle with. I have the same circle of friends I did 10-15 years ago and whilst I treat them as my brothers, they seem to be having a worse and worse effect on me. Dont get me wrong, I know that im at fault too for the things we do, I have a mind of my own but it doesnt help when its accepted/encouraged by people you see as your brothers. It seems to be a constant cycle for me where I will distance myself and meet up with them less, but when I do we just go back to square one. Its very difficult to meet good people and I dont think I will anymore. Im 28 now and have made attempts to try and friend gursikh guys but they usually stay away due to the reputation me and my friends have - and to be fair, I would stay away if I was them too! lol I think that only way I have any chance in stopping this lifestyle is if I cut everyone off completely but its really hard not having anyone at all. Im not close with anyone in my family and I think its only human to seek companionship. I dont think we were built to live this life alone. 

 

Anyone in a similar situation please get in touch or any advice on my situation is appreciated too. I come on this site when I try and distance myself and hope that someone can help 

 

All you guys out there who are surrounded by a good crowd, appreciate every moment. You are blessed and you should stick with them. Your life could have turned out a lot worse! 

You're around my age. At school and uni I had a bad crowd.

Only one friend who was like an angel to me was true, and has proved so for years even though i never see them, they live in a different country.

 

I cut off my friends from school and uni and then my family, thinking I was isolated began to abuse me. Throughout I just had God. Every single friend i had backstabbed me up until Today except for one. Same with boyfriends. 

Bad sangat can mess u up. Lol get out and free yourself, realise why u are here. Look for good souls. 

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simran345    2,464
10 hours ago, Guest Sangat said:

You're around my age. At school and uni I had a bad crowd.

Only one friend who was like an angel to me was true, and has proved so for years even though i never see them, they live in a different country.

 

I cut off my friends from school and uni and then my family, thinking I was isolated began to abuse me. Throughout I just had God. Every single friend i had backstabbed me up until Today except for one. Same with boyfriends. 

Bad sangat can mess u up. Lol get out and free yourself, realise why u are here. Look for good souls. 

 

 

 

 

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Guest Hdas   
Guest Hdas

SikhInTheMakin,

is it possible to cut down the association by grades?  for example, avoid going out with them at night, or to places you know you will be influenced into things you do not want to be involved in.  stay quiet in conversations that you do not like.  excuse yourself from outings that you do not think you should go on by saying you want to spend some alone time or time with family, or want to relax or read up on something.

also, are their people within this group who also want to leave bad habits?  maybe one or two others.  you could maintain more association with them after confirming with each other than there are certain things you do not want to do anymore.

you say they are like your brothers, but would you really do things because you brother encouraged you to?  i don't think so.  i don't think they are 'just like (your) brothers'-  i think they have too much hold over you mind.  at the very least, you can become more mindful and so learn not to allow them to have such a hold/influence over your mind.  its possible to do this in a totally kind and sociable way, without being aggressive.

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20 hours ago, Guest Hdas said:

is it possible to cut down the association by grades?  for example, avoid going out with them at night, or to places you know you will be influenced into things you do not want to be involved in.  stay quiet in conversations that you do not like.  excuse yourself from outings that you do not think you should go on by saying you want to spend some alone time or time with family, or want to relax or read up on something.

This is a good suggestion and im trying this at the moment. For example, certain nights of the week are 'pub' night - im replacing them with going to the Gurdwara 

20 hours ago, Guest Hdas said:

also, are their people within this group who also want to leave bad habits?  maybe one or two others.  you could maintain more association with them after confirming with each other than there are certain things you do not want to do anymore.

Not sure if there is anyone else but if there is, reach out to me people! we could help each other in this

 

20 hours ago, Guest Hdas said:

you say they are like your brothers, but would you really do things because you brother encouraged you to?  i don't think so.  i don't think they are 'just like (your) brothers'-  i think they have too much hold over you mind.  at the very least, you can become more mindful and so learn not to allow them to have such a hold/influence over your mind.  its possible to do this in a totally kind and sociable way, without being aggressive.

This is a good point and your right, I feel like I cant say no to them. I get a phonecall off one of them or I ring one of them and were straight out. This has to change and I think for the short term, I just need to learn to not come out at all. When im a bit stronger and in a better situation I can think about being more sociable but restricting what I do when im out. At the moment I dont have that sort of strength to do that

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simran345    2,464

Not sure if this is the right thread to put these on, just some more that I thought are interesting:

 

 

 

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OneBeing    36
3 hours ago, simran345 said:

Not sure if this is the right thread to put these on, just some more that I thought are interesting:

 

 

 

I've en almost all of Bhai Satpal Singhs videos on the Nanak Naam YouTube channel. His explanation and wisdom is next level!!

 

He literally changed my life.

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