marrying an amridtari

[Guest Kaur]

Do you think a good strong marriage is possible when one is an amritdari (boy) and really religious and the other is not religious(girl).  I feel that there will be too much pressure from the family to be more religious and bringing up children will be problematic. Whilst, i can be repsectful and try and understand his needs, i feel I will end up having to stop eating meat and attending gurdwara every sunday and praying. Whilst, I believe that Gods path is the right path I do think becoming an amridtari is too strict for me because I love eating meat and whilst I don't drink date or do anything that goes against the customs of Sikhism I don't feel like I am ready to fully commit myself just yet. But I don't want to be forced into if I marry somebody religious.  I can accept his strong beliefs but I feel that in the long term he will want me to become more religious and Im just not ready to fully commit yet. 

[sikhni777]

It all depends on whether whom you marry understands that you need some time. 

[simran345]

12 hours ago, Guest Kaur said:

Do you think a good strong marriage is possible when one is an amritdari (boy) and really religious and the other is not religious(girl).  I feel that there will be too much pressure from the family to be more religious and bringing up children will be problematic. Whilst, i can be repsectful and try and understand his needs, i feel I will end up having to stop eating meat and attending gurdwara every sunday and praying. Whilst, I believe that Gods path is the right path I do think becoming an amridtari is too strict for me because I love eating meat and whilst I don't drink date or do anything that goes against the customs of Sikhism I don't feel like I am ready to fully commit myself just yet. But I don't want to be forced into if I marry somebody religious.  I can accept his strong beliefs but I feel that in the long term he will want me to become more religious and Im just not ready to fully commit yet. 

Is it an arranged marriage? If so, did you make this clear to the relatives/friends arranging it? Like Sikhni penji says, it depends on if you are given time to adjust. You should have told them you eat meat when you met him. If the family are not meat eaters, then it maybe a problem for them, if you cook it yourself. 

 

 

[Guest Kaur]

28 minutes ago, simran345 said:

Is it an arranged marriage? If so, did you make this clear to the relatives/friends arranging it? Like Sikhni penji says, it depends on if you are given time to adjust. You should have told them you eat meat when you met him. If the family are not meat eaters, then it maybe a problem for them, if you cook it yourself. 

 

 

Yes it is an arranged marriage and they do know i eat meat. The family at one point told me to stop eating meat and i said no then they told me that it didnt matter if i eat meat. But im just worried that after i get married they will tell me i have to stop eating meat and my children wont be allowed to eat it. For me, not allowing my children to eat meat at a young age is not something i feel necessary. If they decide to become religious at an older age then thats fine. I just feel that i will have to sacrafice so much, but then if hes such a nice kind caring person should i really be complaining? 

[singhbj singh]

15 hours ago, Guest Kaur said:

Do you think a good strong marriage is possible when one is an amritdari (boy) and really religious and the other is not religious(girl).  I feel that there will be too much pressure from the family to be more religious and bringing up children will be problematic. Whilst, i can be repsectful and try and understand his needs, i feel I will end up having to stop eating meat and attending gurdwara every sunday and praying. Whilst, I believe that Gods path is the right path I do think becoming an amridtari is too strict for me because I love eating meat and whilst I don't drink date or do anything that goes against the customs of Sikhism I don't feel like I am ready to fully commit myself just yet. But I don't want to be forced into if I marry somebody religious.  I can accept his strong beliefs but I feel that in the long term he will want me to become more religious and Im just not ready to fully commit yet. 

Believe it or not, one cannot choose the person whom he/she will marry.

It happens through past life Sanjog or fate.

When your life mate comes along Waheguru will make him & his family see your merits. Almighty will close their eyes so they don't see your demerits & vice versa.

 

[Guest Mrs Kaur]

 

Once you are married, your husband-to-be and his family  will expect you to give up meat. In laws and husband will want and expect the same when you bring up your children. 

 

This is what really annoys me. This is how marriages fail. Families say one thing before the marriage then break their word after and put immense pressure on the girl. 

Penji please don't be offended by what I'm about to say. But if the guy is amrithdaree then they they should have done rishta with an amrithdaree. I'm saying this because there will be differences when you get married and when you are living with the in-laws things will change and there will be expectations which will cause a lot of friction between you and your husband. You said yourself at the beginning they told you to stop eating meat but then later they accepted its 'ok'. Believe me when you get married it won't be 'ok'. 

 

As as you are a non amrithdaree and your views are different on meat..they will have certain ways of doing things in their house hold and his family most certainly will not adapt to the way you prepare food when dealing with meat. For example if you eat meat I'm assuming you will buy meat...there will be the issue of storing it etc making sure it's separate from the vegetarian food. As I said the family will still not accept the way you do things. They may not want meat in the house period. 

 

Penji ji I strongly advise that you don't go through with this marriage. You are best of breaking it off now rather than getting married, finding it difficult and then breaking the marriage. 

Being married isn't easy and living with another family isn't easy either....you two already have big differences. You said so your self you feel there will be pressure from his family and there will be. Go with your gut instinct. 

You really need to speak someone close to you. Preferably a married female that you know who can give you advice. You need to discuss this with someone before you go through with this whole thing. 

[S1ngh]

21 hours ago, Guest Kaur said:

Do you think a good strong marriage is possible when one is an amritdari (boy) and really religious and the other is not religious(girl).  I feel that there will be too much pressure from the family to be more religious and bringing up children will be problematic. Whilst, i can be repsectful and try and understand his needs, i feel I will end up having to stop eating meat and attending gurdwara every sunday and praying. Whilst, I believe that Gods path is the right path I do think becoming an amridtari is too strict for me because I love eating meat and whilst I don't drink date or do anything that goes against the customs of Sikhism I don't feel like I am ready to fully commit myself just yet. But I don't want to be forced into if I marry somebody religious.  I can accept his strong beliefs but I feel that in the long term he will want me to become more religious and Im just not ready to fully commit yet. 

If your goal is not be what the guy is right now after marriage (religious wise) then don’t go for it.

if you believe in spirituality of Sikh dharam and wants a boost to get into it,  while never got a chance in your past years THEN go for it.

If you are thinking that you may have to stop eating meat and going to Gurdwara one day in a week is big issue then I don’t how and why both (boy and girl) are clicking anything is common. I’m sensing this combination as water and oil.

[S1ngh]

7 hours ago, Guest Kaur said:

Yes it is an arranged marriage and they do know i eat meat. The family at one point told me to stop eating meat and i said no then they told me that it didnt matter if i eat meat. But im just worried that after i get married they will tell me i have to stop eating meat and my children wont be allowed to eat it. For me, not allowing my children to eat meat at a young age is not something i feel necessary. If they decide to become religious at an older age then thats fine. I just feel that i will have to sacrafice so much, but then if hes such a nice kind caring person should i really be complaining? 

Both of you should run in opposite direction as fast as you guys can. Not only you will have to follow basic Sikh code of conduct but there is chance that guy may fail with his religion commitment and fall in the lifestyle of manmukh. 

[jkvlondon]

11 hours ago, Guest Kaur said:

Yes it is an arranged marriage and they do know i eat meat. The family at one point told me to stop eating meat and i said no then they told me that it didnt matter if i eat meat. But im just worried that after i get married they will tell me i have to stop eating meat and my children wont be allowed to eat it. For me, not allowing my children to eat meat at a young age is not something i feel necessary. If they decide to become religious at an older age then thats fine. I just feel that i will have to sacrafice so much, but then if hes such a nice kind caring person should i really be complaining? 

eating meat is not a healthy thing anyhow as it is full of antibiotics and hormones  and what is the problem with kids not having meat ? it is not like it's necessary to live ... You obviously have issues which you are not speaking of , besides this low level concern if you don't believe in sikhi just say so to your folks and spare the guy . Else actually find out what sikhi is really about

[Guest Singh]

Now is the time to ask you future husband if he is ok with you eating meat after marriage.  Most vegetarians do not alllow meat into the house.  Personally we don't bring any meat into the house, and I'm clear about that to any potential matches.