Guest JaiKanhaiya

Thinking about someone

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I keep thinking about someone that I should no longer be thinking about and Im not sure what to do? I want to forget them, they forgot me, But I cant shake this. My life has moved on but my memory hasn't 

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14 hours ago, Guest JaiKanhaiya said:

I keep thinking about someone that I should no longer be thinking about and Im not sure what to do? I want to forget them, they forgot me, But I cant shake this. My life has moved on but my memory hasn't 

It takes time, and if u havent gotten anything more interesting, stressful or mind consuming going on, then ur mind is free to roam. Have descipline for ur mind, start giving it stuff to think, create other memories to think abt, read more, meditate, and dont let mind dwell on memories as soon as it does, pull it away and make it do something else

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4 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

It takes time, and if u havent gotten anything more interesting, stressful or mind consuming going on, then ur mind is free to roam. Have descipline for ur mind, start giving it stuff to think, create other memories to think abt, read more, meditate, and dont let mind dwell on memories as soon as it does, pull it away and make it do something else

It's been more than 6 years since she broke my heart but in the months after God has given me everything more than what I could have imagined. How ungrateful am I? I've given him nothing back in return. But the feeling has always been there that she was the one, he gave me ten things but I cry for the 11th. I didn't realise after this long I am still heartbroken. 

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20 hours ago, Guest JaiKanhaiya said:

I keep thinking about someone that I should no longer be thinking about and Im not sure what to do? I want to forget them, they forgot me, But I cant shake this. My life has moved on but my memory hasn't 

Guruji tells us:

ਮਹਲਾ ੫  
महला ५ ॥ 
Mėhlā 5. 
5th Guru. 
 
ਕਬੀਰਾ ਹਮਰਾ ਕੋ ਨਹੀ ਹਮ ਕਿਸ ਹੂ ਕੇ ਨਾਹਿ  
कबीरा हमरा को नही हम किस हू के नाहि ॥ 
Kabīrā hamrā ko nahī ham kis hū ke nāhi. 
Kabir, no one is mine, nor belong I to any one. 
 

ਜਿਨਿ ਇਹੁ ਰਚਨੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ਤਿਸ ਹੀ ਮਾਹਿ ਸਮਾਹਿ ॥੨੧੪॥ 
जिनि इहु रचनु रचाइआ तिस ही माहि समाहि ॥२१४॥ 
Jin ih racẖan racẖā▫i▫ā ṯis hī māhi samāhi. ||214|| 
He, who has created this creation; in Him am I merged.

SGGSji Ang 1376

🙏🏻 Dhan Guru Arjan Dev ji

 

 

ਨਿਜ ਕਰਿ ਦੇਖਿਓ ਜਗਤੁ ਮੈ ਕੋ ਕਾਹੂ ਕੋ ਨਾਹਿ  
निज करि देखिओ जगतु मै को काहू को नाहि ॥ 
Nij kar ḏekẖi▫o jagaṯ mai ko kāhū ko nāhi. 
I have looked upon everyone as my own, however, I have observed that, in this world, no one is another's friend. 
 
ਨਾਨਕ ਥਿਰੁ ਹਰਿ ਭਗਤਿ ਹੈ ਤਿਹ ਰਾਖੋ ਮਨ ਮਾਹਿ ॥੪੮॥ 
नानक थिरु हरि भगति है तिह राखो मन माहि ॥४८॥ 
Nānak thir har bẖagaṯ hai ṯih rākẖo man māhi. ||48|| 
Nanak, permanent is only the devotional service of God. Enshrine thou that in thy mind. 

SGGS ji Ang 1429

🙏🏻Dhan Guru Tegh Bahadur ji

 

As @Not2Cool2Argue paji says distract yourself from it. 

They were never yours in the first place and nor were you theirs. 

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6 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

It takes time, and if u havent gotten anything more interesting, stressful or mind consuming going on, then ur mind is free to roam. Have descipline for ur mind, start giving it stuff to think, create other memories to think abt, read more, meditate, and dont let mind dwell on memories as soon as it does, pull it away and make it do something else

 

1 hour ago, simran345 said:

Guruji tells us:

ਮਹਲਾ ੫  
महला ५ ॥ 
Mėhlā 5. 
5th Guru. 
 
ਕਬੀਰਾ ਹਮਰਾ ਕੋ ਨਹੀ ਹਮ ਕਿਸ ਹੂ ਕੇ ਨਾਹਿ  
कबीरा हमरा को नही हम किस हू के नाहि ॥ 
Kabīrā hamrā ko nahī ham kis hū ke nāhi. 
Kabir, no one is mine, nor belong I to any one. 
 

ਜਿਨਿ ਇਹੁ ਰਚਨੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ਤਿਸ ਹੀ ਮਾਹਿ ਸਮਾਹਿ ॥੨੧੪॥ 
जिनि इहु रचनु रचाइआ तिस ही माहि समाहि ॥२१४॥ 
Jin ih racẖan racẖā▫i▫ā ṯis hī māhi samāhi. ||214|| 
He, who has created this creation; in Him am I merged.

SGGSji Ang 1376

🙏🏻 Dhan Guru Arjan Dev ji

 

 

ਨਿਜ ਕਰਿ ਦੇਖਿਓ ਜਗਤੁ ਮੈ ਕੋ ਕਾਹੂ ਕੋ ਨਾਹਿ  
निज करि देखिओ जगतु मै को काहू को नाहि ॥ 
Nij kar ḏekẖi▫o jagaṯ mai ko kāhū ko nāhi. 
I have looked upon everyone as my own, however, I have observed that, in this world, no one is another's friend. 
 
ਨਾਨਕ ਥਿਰੁ ਹਰਿ ਭਗਤਿ ਹੈ ਤਿਹ ਰਾਖੋ ਮਨ ਮਾਹਿ ॥੪੮॥ 
नानक थिरु हरि भगति है तिह राखो मन माहि ॥४८॥ 
Nānak thir har bẖagaṯ hai ṯih rākẖo man māhi. ||48|| 
Nanak, permanent is only the devotional service of God. Enshrine thou that in thy mind. 

SGGS ji Ang 1429

🙏🏻Dhan Guru Tegh Bahadur ji

 

As @Not2Cool2Argue paji says distract yourself from it. 

They were never yours in the first place and nor were you theirs. 

 

I wrote earlier but my post has not appeared. I read bani once and to paraphrase maharaj said we are given ten things but we cry for the 11th, but if we were given the 11th and the ten were taken away what would we do then? I truly believe this is what I am doing, I haven't found contentment even though he has given me everything and more than I could have asked for, At the time i didn't know where I was going or I was going to end up anywhere but maharaj resolved everything for me and more how can I be so ungrateful when he has given me everything. But I still feel heartbroken for one moment I fell in love with someone and I haven't felt the same again. 

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The other thing is I am terrible at listening to my Guru and I keep making the same mistaked over and over again. 

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4 hours ago, Guest JaiKanhaiya said:

 

 

I wrote earlier but my post has not appeared. I read bani once and to paraphrase maharaj said we are given ten things but we cry for the 11th, but if we were given the 11th and the ten were taken away what would we do then? I truly believe this is what I am doing, I haven't found contentment even though he has given me everything and more than I could have asked for, At the time i didn't know where I was going or I was going to end up anywhere but maharaj resolved everything for me and more how can I be so ungrateful when he has given me everything. But I still feel heartbroken for one moment I fell in love with someone and I haven't felt the same again. 

? How many times have I told you to forget that <banned word filter activated> in your past and start appreciating what you do have now, before you lose that too? You must be one of the biggest a^ r^ s^ e^ h^ o^ l^ e^ s imaginable ^-^ You really need to grow up and I am telling you there is no point in barking up the wrong tree anymore.  You can fool fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the tipeople me, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time. That <banned word filter activated> wasn't more special than our Guru so start listening to the Gurbaaney as well as be grateful to all the help you are getting to get on with your life.

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There are many in youre situation. Including I... You are not alone.

 

Stay blessed

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11 hours ago, Guest JaiKanhaiya said:

 

 

I wrote earlier but my post has not appeared. I read bani once and to paraphrase maharaj said we are given ten things but we cry for the 11th, but if we were given the 11th and the ten were taken away what would we do then? I truly believe this is what I am doing, I haven't found contentment even though he has given me everything and more than I could have asked for, At the time i didn't know where I was going or I was going to end up anywhere but maharaj resolved everything for me and more how can I be so ungrateful when he has given me everything. But I still feel heartbroken for one moment I fell in love with someone and I haven't felt the same again. 

To OP, and @Wingz23 penji, these videos will help you.

 

 

 

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I can relate as I know the feeling, of remembering someone you once knew like a brother but today? We put our heads down n walk on if our paths cross the street! Total strangers. You cannot forget something like this.

 

Have you 2 kept contact or she does not wish to know you? If contact can b maintained there is nothing wrong with being just friends. Become friends and take santokh from it. Benefit, the contact of being in her life will be there.

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49 minutes ago, Singh1989 said:

Become friends and take santokh from it. Benefit, the contact of being in her life will be there.

This won't help, it will make things worse. She broke his heart, so letting her go is the best thing, both for him and her. Evi na lub joo vich faso or you'll fall into the same trap again.  Just friends isn't going to be that easy to do. It's not worth the problems and dukh that will arise afterwards. Is it really worth creating more dukh just because the soul is feeling empty ? These things happen for a reason. What is she's got married, are you going to be that selfish to ruin somebody's marriage? Also you may find somebody else that will be your life partner.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself and banda banja. Probably a blessing to show OP that:

ਬੰਦੇ ਖੋਜੁ ਦਿਲ ਹਰ ਰੋਜ ਨਾ ਫਿਰੁ ਪਰੇਸਾਨੀ ਮਾਹਿ  
बंदे खोजु दिल हर रोज ना फिरु परेसानी माहि ॥ 
Banḏe kẖoj ḏil har roj nā fir paresānī māhi. 
O man, search thy heart every day and wander not in perplexity. 
 

ਇਹ ਜੁ ਦੁਨੀਆ ਸਿਹਰੁ ਮੇਲਾ ਦਸਤਗੀਰੀ ਨਾਹਿ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ  
इह जु दुनीआ सिहरु मेला दसतगीरी नाहि ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥ 
Ih jo ḏunī▫ā sihar melā ḏasaṯgīrī nāhi. ||1|| rahā▫o. 
This world is a magic show. In it there is not on is hold thy hand. Pause. 

SGGSji Ang 727

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I can't contact her I am myself married now and have been for 5 years. But I haven't found contentment. But I did text her the other day to apologise if I ever wronged her, did anything inappropriate or dishonourable. She didn't say anything like that back to me. Clearly what ever feelings there were they were one way.   But I don't want to go down any path that my cause conflict in hers or my life.

My wife doesn't know about her but my wife did tell me about her life before she met me and it didn't bother me at all but I could tell my wife wasn't the type of person that wasn't going to not get bothered by these things her self. So I just kept it to myself and have done and have never let anyone know how I felt at the time.

There was a difference with the girl and my wife I remember it clearly in my mind,  with her I said I want to marry her, and with my wife I said I'll marry this girl. Before I got married I had pretty much said that this was the last person I was going to meet and I had made peace with myself that there would be no more introductions. I haven't got nothing to complain about I have a good life, a good wife a good family. God has been good to me. I don't want to jeopardise that why should I? I just don't want this feeling anymore of what if? I didn't realise I had buried everything so deep that my heart still hurt. I remember I took a Hukamnama afterwards and maharaj said it was a sin to break someone's heart. From that i took he knew I was heartbroken and that never to break someone's heart myself. I don't want to break my wife's heart or anyone else's. I would never wish this feeling upon anyone. I bore her not much thought at all just everynow and again I would think about her but this last week I can't stop thinking about her. 

On 10/08/2017 at 4:32 AM, Not2Cool2Argue said:

It takes time, and if u havent gotten anything more interesting, stressful or mind consuming going on, then ur mind is free to roam. Have descipline for ur mind, start giving it stuff to think, create other memories to think abt, read more, meditate, and dont let mind dwell on memories as soon as it does, pull it away and make it do something else

It's been more than 6 years since she broke my heart but in the months after God has given me everything more than what I could have imagined. How ungrateful am I? I've given him nothing back in return. But the feeling has always been there that she was the one, he gave me ten things but I cry for the 11th. I didn't realise after this long I am still heartbroken. 

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I don't she is married im pretty certain of it . When I texted her I didnt think her number would even be the same. At the time I thought she was making a mistake not marrying me  that probably sounds very arrogant. I would have taken care of her. I don't think I'm a very good husband to my wife becaus of this regret. Because my gut feeling is still that she was the one. How do you reconcile that with the belief that everything out guru does is for the best? If I did contact her then there would be nothing innocent in my intentions. All she could do is break my heart again maybe that will end it and I can move on. 

 

Raag Prabhaatee - Guru Arjan Dev Ji - Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji - Ang 1347

 

Bibhaas, Prabhaatee, Fifth Mehla, Ashtpadheeyaa:

 

One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru

 

Mother, father, siblings, children and spouse

 

involved with them, people eat the food of bliss.

 

The mind is entangled in sweet emotional attachment.

 

Those who seek God's Glorious Virtues are the support of my breath of life. ||1||

 

My One Lord is the Inner-Knower, the Searcher of hearts.

 

He alone is my Support; He is my only Protection. My Great Lord and Master is over and above the heads of kings. ||1||Pause||

 

I have broken my ties to that deceitful serpent.

 

The Guru has told me that it is false and fraudulent.

 

Its face is sweet, but it tastes very bitter

 

My mind remains satisfied with the Ambrosial Naam, the Name of the Lord. ||2||

 

I have broken my ties with greed and emotional attachment.

 

The Merciful Guru has rescued me from them.

 

These cheating thieves have plundered so many homes.

 

The Merciful Guru has protected and saved me. ||3||

 

I have no dealings whatsoever with sexual desire and anger.

 

I listen to the Guru's Teachings.

 

Wherever I look, I see the most horrible goblins.

 

My Guru, the Lord of the World, has saved me from them. ||4||

 

I have made widows of the ten sensory organs

 

The Guru has told me that these pleasures are the fires of corruption.

 

Those who associate with them go to hell.

 

The Guru has saved me; I am lovingly attuned to the Lord. ||5||

 

I have forsaken the advice of my ego.

 

The Guru has told me that this is foolish stubbornness.

 

This ego is homeless; it shall never find a home.

 

The Guru has saved me; I am lovingly attuned to the Lord. ||6|

 

I have become alienated from these people.

 

We cannot both live together in one home.

 

Grasping the hem of the Guru's Robe, I have come to God.

 

Please be fair with me, All-knowing Lord God. ||7||

 

God smiled at me and spoke, passing judgement.

 

He made all the demons perform service for me.

 

You are my Lord and Master; all this home belongs to You.

 

Says Nanak, the Guru has passed judgement. ||8||1||
Edited by JaiKanhaiya
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You are right I'm not going to do anything I didn't come here to find vindication for dishonorable actions I just want to snap out of it. I haven't been like this for many years and I'm really not sure what has come over me in the last week.

 

Raag Saarang - Guru Tegh Bahaadur Ji - Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji  - Ang 1231

 

Saarang, Fifth Mehla:
In my mind, I never sang the Glorious Praises of the Lord
I remained under the influence of corruption, night and day; I did whatever I pleased. ||1||Pause||
I never listened to the Guru's Teachings; I was entangled with others' spouses.
I ran all around slandering others; I was taught, but I never learned. ||1||
How can I even describe my actions? This is how I wasted my life.
Says Nanak, I am totally filled with faults. I have come to Your Sanctuary - please save me, O Lord!
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6 hours ago, JaiKanhaiya said:

I haven't been like this for many years and I'm really not sure what has come over me in the last week.

Maybe you were strong enough to deal with it before, or you didn't deal with it then and ignored being hurt. And now it's probably all coming out. The stress has been held for so long that it's suddenly decide to surface. I suggest you get some counselling to move onwards. This is the obstacle to you moving on and you're not coping with dealing with it. There is nothing to be ashamed of in getting help if you need it. 

PS: When you copy paste Gurbani, why are you deleting the Gurmukhi? 

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On 9/8/2017 at 1:49 PM, Guest JaiKanhaiya said:

I keep thinking about someone that I should no longer be thinking about and Im not sure what to do? I want to forget them, they forgot me, But I cant shake this. My life has moved on but my memory hasn't 

Guest JaiKanhaiya,

Found this piece of wisdom below, thought sharing with you:

I believe, there are no random meetings in our lives, that everyone we touch, or who touches us , has been put in our path for a reason.

The briefest encounter can open a door, or heal a wound, or close a circle,  that was started even, long before our birth.

 

*Anyhow try not to look back anymore, just keep walking that path forward, which takes you to His door, the fountain of everlasting bliss, which means less attention to maya and world, and more and more bhakti.

Sat Sree Akal.

Edited by harsharan000

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On 13/08/2017 at 7:55 PM, simran345 said:

Maybe you were strong enough to deal with it before, or you didn't deal with it then and ignored being hurt. And now it's probably all coming out. The stress has been held for so long that it's suddenly decide to surface. I suggest you get some counselling to move onwards. This is the obstacle to you moving on and you're not coping with dealing with it. There is nothing to be ashamed of in getting help if you need it. 

PS: When you copy paste Gurbani, why are you deleting the Gurmukhi? 

My apologies for the late response I have tried to keep myself occupied the last few days to get my mind off it and I have something going on that I needed to go deal with which has been a welcome distraction.  

I deleted out the Gurnukhi as I can only read English and speak Panjabi I am a Monah. And when I copy and paste across it comes across as random letters and symbols so I just delete out the Gurmukhi. Apologies if this has caused offence. 

I don't know if I did deal with it is probably the only time I have ever been so stubborn that i refused to call or contact someone. And as this happened my bibi died a few weeks later and then a few weeks later I bought a business and then that was that. I had no time to think or dwell i just went off and got on with my life. Then a year later I was  married. 

I had no reason to think about her its annoyed me that I have let it come back into my life to bother me I think I have had a bit of a crisis.

 I don't want to go into every detail I guess at the time she thought she would meet someone better than me where as at the time I had become quite pragmatic and I accepted that I was not perfect and never was going to be. But for a long time I thought I had done something wrong. 

I could say a lot more I did want to write more but I need to draw line under this and just forgot her forever.

21 hours ago, harsharan000 said:

Guest JaiKanhaiya,

Found this piece of wisdom below, thought sharing with you:

I believe, there are no random meetings in our lives, that everyone we touch, or who touches us , has been put in our path for a reason.

The briefest encounter can open a door, or heal a wound, or close a circle,  that was started even, long before our birth.

 

*Anyhow try not to look back anymore, just keep walking that path forward, which takes you to His door, the fountain of everlasting bliss, which means less attention to maya and world, and more and more bhakti.

Sat Sree Akal.

Thanks I believe this too, It was never meant to be. There is somewhere in my mind where I want to get to and that is the goal. 

 

Thank-you all for your help and time. 

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2 hours ago, JaiKanhaiya said:

My apologies for the late response I have tried to keep myself occupied the last few days to get my mind off it and I have something going on that I needed to go deal with which has been a welcome distraction.  

No worries, it's good you are distracting yourself. Sometimes the mind gets into a congestion with the same thoughts, so it's good to get free of it. 

 

2 hours ago, JaiKanhaiya said:

I deleted out the Gurnukhi as I can only read English and speak Panjabi I am a Monah.

You should try learning it, as you'll get more laha (benefit) from it than the English translation. Although I must admit, I tend to read the English translation first or if I'm short of time. But when I read the Gurmukhi, it feels different and more rewarding to read it. 

2 hours ago, JaiKanhaiya said:

I could say a lot more I did want to write more but I need to draw line under this and just forgot her forever.

Good idea, because if you keep talking about it, then it's only going to create negativity for you. But you have to accept from within yourself that the connection is lost and gone. 

 

 

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        The word "baba" used here is literally what people call their grandfathers. So while love and time spent with parents attaches us to our (physical and immediate) creators, the same with grandparents grounds us with our ancestors and the link to the past. I think both are important. As noted above, leaving the joint family is an extreme step and in general is against Gurmat, though I can't know about any family's particular situation.
    • @BhForce, why would you need 6 different posts-back-to-back? The easier solution is to just write 2-3 that say basically the same idea? 
    • Agreed. The dadi should not throw a fit demanding that the child sleep with her in order to show her power in the household. Rather, she should offer to let the child sleep with her, in Gursikh piar, as I wrote above. However... Stunningly wrong for someone who usually posts good advice. Let me fix that for you: "Children need to bond with their parents so they can develop correctly, mentally, and physically. The problems are stored for later, and they will want to climb in your bed yet be banned from doing so, unable to have a sense of being loved, unable to travel easily, infantile temper tantrums at school age due to lack of love." This is called "attachment parenting" and "co-sleeping". Your baby needs motherly contact (best being skin-to-skin), and proximity. Your baby can smell its mother being next to it. Don't deprive her of that. Don't be like the Westerners that cruelly put their children into separate bedrooms while they cry themselves to sleep. Also don't be the people who put their baby in a cage (crib) apart from mommy. Now, our grandparents didn't call it "co-sleeping", it was just "sleeping". You put the baby next to mother. Where else would you put her? She's not a dog that you keep off to the side. She's a little part torn off of you. Any unmarried girls reading along, plan to keep that little jiggar da tota right next to you when you have babies. Get an appropriately sized bed for this purpose. The biggest thing crazy thing that brainwashed Westerners will say about lovingly keeping your child with you is that you'll smother it. This mostly happens to the extremely small number of Western women whose motherly instincts have been extinguished by an artificial society. Otherwise, as mentioned above, God has already put the right instincts into a mother to be able to care for her child, even while sleeping. Being worried that you'll smother your child is like wondering how you could ever push a 5 pound baby out of the birth canal: women have been doing it for hundreds of thousands of years. Most people are deadly terrified of snakes. You are 28X more likely to die in your bathtub than from a snake. Yet have you ever heard anyone be more terrified of a bathtub than a snake, let alone 28 times as afraid? So get this nonsense about smothering out of your head. Finally, most mothers should be thankful that the dadi offers (not demands) to take the child off of her so she can "get down to business" with dear hubby . Physical (and non-physical) intimacy between man and wife is extremely important. This (sleeping with dadi) can be occasionally, weekly, every other day, or even daily, depending on the family and mother's desires. As for whether a dadi can fulfill this role of a mother-substitute after nursing stops, and to what extent, is something that each family will have to decide on their own, based on the child, her desires, dadi's personality, mother's desires, etc., in Gursikh love, not using the children as pawns.  180 degrees wrong. A child that fulfills her social needs in her own family and home will not need to look elsewhere to manmukh neighbors/"friends" or even worse Internet "friends" or possibly predators. Western children are usually lonely and starving for attention, which they get in spades from all the wrong places.