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Guest Mehar karo
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1 hour ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I've seen many people who do paht and still act like this, there also some who have taken Amrit, but haven't given their heads to the Guru. Not saying it's useless for stuff like this; however, we should really understand why we are doing these things.

Yes. 

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8 hours ago, simran345 said:

Your mother in law sounds like a desi Watsup wali, the ones that have their phone next to them 24hrs. I'm surprised she's using Whatapp at her age,

Where did the original poster say her MIL was using Whatsapp? There's no mention of Whatapp whatsoever on the first page of posts that I can see.

8 hours ago, simran345 said:

The more time your son spends with her than you, will have an affect on your relationship with him when he's older.

Not true, necessarily. There are plenty of cases of doting grandmothers who possibly think that their grandsons will be their chamchas, but when they grow up they know exactly who their mother is and who their grandmother is, and what the difference is. To that extent, I think women should not be alarmed at sons spending a lot of time with dadi.

As I mentioned before, children need time with mother, but they should not be used as pawns, either by the mother or dadi. While the dadi was basically using the poti as a pawn in the OP's post, there are also women who do the reverse and use the children as pawns to control or restrict the MIL.

Telling women your statement above is a good way to make them paranoid about children spending any time at all with dadi, for fear that they could be influenced by the dadi, thereby setting up the stage for fights and shouting matches. What would better to tell a mother is "Let the children spend however much time with the dadi, it still won't have an effect on your relationship with them when they grow older." That would set mothers up for being calm and sane.

8 hours ago, simran345 said:

Wish you could deport her back to India. Fer apnia frendaa nal gapaa kare sohne dian mundian baare. 

Who says the MIL was sponsored by the DIL? It could easily be the other way around, and probably is, given some clues in the post.

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On 8/18/2017 at 1:48 AM, Guest guest guest said:

like all the other matters my kid too was meant to be under my mil's control without caring about the dreams and feelings I had during my gestation period for my baby

Any specifics? You wanted to teach your kid Mandarin Chinese by immersion? Dadi doesn't recite sakhis to the child?

On 8/18/2017 at 1:48 AM, Guest guest guest said:

and when I tried to raise my voice my husband started insulting me and started spending more time with his business partner(who happens to be a lady).my husband used to come at 1 in the night nd then left at 5 in the morning giving the excuse of work

Extremely bad idea to have a business partner of the opposite sex. The feminists reading this probably won't like this, because it will restrict women's business and working opportunities, but: It is a very bad idea to have someone in your work that you spend large amounts of time with alone of the opposite sex. 

Of course, it is entirely possible that nothing is going on between your husband and the other lady, but 1) I doubt that, and 2) even if nothing's going on, the situation has bad effects all around, such as on you, and maybe this lady's husband. The reason this is a bad idea is that when two people struggle together for a common goal, and then achieve that goal, there are strong feelings of accomplishment and happiness. It is very easy to succumb to wanting to celebrate that happiness with physicality.

This is not just in relation to business partners, but can also apply to big customers and co-workers (the "work wife" phenomenon). Why a 'work wife' is a threat to your marriage.

It is entirely possible that your husband has become emotionally attached to his business partner lady, and that's the reason he is dismissive of your concerns, because he's emotionally blinded. 

On 8/18/2017 at 1:48 AM, Guest guest guest said:

So here I am writing the next chapter of my story.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you need some help with English composition before you become a writer. There are many writing workshops being held, like here and here. Good luck.

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54 minutes ago, BhForce said:

Where did the original poster say her MIL was using Whatsapp? There's no mention of Whatapp whatsoever on the first page of posts that I can see.

 

On 17/08/2017 at 9:18 PM, Guest guest guest said:

she is busy with wtsapp msgs whenever I leave my baby with her as I have to do household work..

 

10 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

and she is always talking about stories how her friend's dil's have left their kids in India with their grandparents almost every day she is telling me this story and one thing more this is the lady who had kept my passport for one year with her when I had to give my exam in canada.

This shows the mother in law is originally from India. Me writing deported was a sarcastic phrase.  And if she's abusing her daughter in law, then yes she should go back to the country she came from originally, if she can't be bothered to practice treating her daughter in law like a daughter and not a slave. Read her post properly, it's showing that she's being abused and the CAS have been involved. Which mother in law and husband threaten to take a mother's baby away from her? If you think that's ok or slapping her around is, then what hope do women have in situations like hers? 

 

26 minutes ago, BhForce said:

Don't take this the wrong way, but you need some help with English composition before you become a writer.

That's a stupid comment to write, when she's stated she's dukhi and sharing it here, in need of help. What happened to being compassionate to those that are suffering?

 

On 17/08/2017 at 9:18 PM, Guest guest guest said:

they wanted me to come bk to India which I couldnt cz my husband is not signing on travelling papers of my son..

From reading this, I'm assuming she's from India. But her English seems quite good, and it could be she's going through a stressful and dukhi time, so grammar is probably the last thing on her mind. 

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Guest Jacfsing2
2 hours ago, BhForce said:

Don't take this the wrong way, but you need some help with English composition before you become a writer. There are many writing workshops being held, like here and here. Good luck.

Not the type of advice you should be giving when someone is experiencing such emotions. Maybe another thread. You haven't even discussed the important part of her posts, whicb explicitly mention that her husband, (who happens to have Chacked Amrit apparently), is physically abusing her. There's no excuse for that.

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On Friday, August 18, 2017 at 10:17 AM, simran345 said:

No OP, you should not stay through the abuse. Be strong and stop taking it. They can't take away your child from you. Have you contacted any organisation that deals with our community? They will have a better understanding of what to do. Your mother in law sounds like a desi Watsup wali, the ones that have their phone next to them 24hrs. I'm surprised she's using Whatapp at her age, but then again with desi punjabi thinking it's not surprising, as that's the latest fashion after suits for women. 

The more time your son spends with her than you, will have an affect on your relationship with him when he's older. You need to be spending more mother time with him. Wish you could deport her back to India. Fer apnia frendaa nal gapaa kare sohne dian mundian baare. 

Why doesn't she help you out with the housework. It's unfair to leave it all to you. She should do what she can manage too, if she's prepared to go stay in India with her grandson. Your relative shouldn't have fell for their lies, they should have asked you too if what's happening. The family sounds like a scheming nasty one. And if he's not coming home as he should, then he's wrong. What's more important than his wife and kids? Don't stand for abuse. 

She doesn't do paat,she just does a ritual of reading it and pretends she is. If she was doing paat, and contemplating anything, she wouldn't be behaving the way she is. 

Shame on them for treating you like this. Can you confide in your doctor?  

Cas got to know about the situation when I told this to my nurse but as I am not earning and I can't make arrangements for basic necessities for my son in this case Cas will take away the baby untill I am able to manage finances..

My husband had sponsored me..so I cant send anyone back to India.

I wish I could get out of this hell but I am not finding anyway out.as a result my husband is constantly abusing me verbally and emotionally.

 

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On Friday, August 18, 2017 at 7:16 PM, BhForce said:

Any specifics? You wanted to teach your kid Mandarin Chinese by immersion? Dadi doesn't recite sakhis to the child?

Extremely bad idea to have a business partner of the opposite sex. The feminists reading this probably won't like this, because it will restrict women's business and working opportunities, but: It is a very bad idea to have someone in your work that you spend large amounts of time with alone of the opposite sex. 

Of course, it is entirely possible that nothing is going on between your husband and the other lady, but 1) I doubt that, and 2) even if nothing's going on, the situation has bad effects all around, such as on you, and maybe this lady's husband. The reason this is a bad idea is that when two people struggle together for a common goal, and then achieve that goal, there are strong feelings of accomplishment and happiness. It is very easy to succumb to wanting to celebrate that happiness with physicality.

This is not just in relation to business partners, but can also apply to big customers and co-workers (the "work wife" phenomenon). Why a 'work wife' is a threat to your marriage.

It is entirely possible that your husband has become emotionally attached to his business partner lady, and that's the reason he is dismissive of your concerns, because he's emotionally blinded. 

Don't take this the wrong way, but you need some help with English composition before you become a writer. There are many writing workshops being held, like here and here. Good luck.

I have tried to convince him to leave this work as I could suspect things were not going in a right way but he has refused giving me a plight that somebody needs to earn for family and he can leave that work if I can bring that amount of money to home which he is earning..and definitely since the arrival of this lady in our life things are getting worse.

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