Jump to content

Attachment with daughter


Guest Mehar karo
 Share

Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, BhForce said:

Very good constructive advise. Maybe the dadi can do all this and/or Kirtan Sohila before the child goes to sleep wherever she will sleep.

Strongly agree w/ the part about men. Don't necessarily agree about the part about MIL. Regardless: what cries? One assumes the child is not nursing. If she is, she should not be with dadi in the first place, she should be with her mother.
If she's not nursing, then: what cries?

kid under the age four can wake in the night , sometimes scared, sometimes if they get wet,get cold because they've kicked covers off or even light sleepers (my niece is like this) it is not only to feed , like i said most guys don't have a clue what goes on. There was an another bibi who talked about her MIL insisting on her newborn child should  remain with her and she would take that child away for a couple of years to India to bring up over there as it suited the MIL. I think there are some delusional bazurg out there too exerting unreasonable controls over their DILs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, BhForce said:

Agreed. The dadi should not throw a fit demanding that the child sleep with her in order to show her power in the household. Rather, she should offer to let the child sleep with her, in Gursikh piar, as I wrote above.

However...

Stunningly wrong for someone who usually posts good advice. Let me fix that for you:

"Children need to bond with their parents so they can develop correctly, mentally, and physically. The problems are stored for later, and they will want to climb in your bed yet be banned from doing so, unable to have a sense of being loved, unable to travel easily, infantile temper tantrums at school age due to lack of love."

This is called "attachment parenting" and "co-sleeping". Your baby needs motherly contact (best being skin-to-skin), and proximity. Your baby can smell its mother being next to it. Don't deprive her of that. Don't be like the Westerners that cruelly put their children into separate bedrooms while they cry themselves to sleep. Also don't be the people who put their baby in a cage (crib) apart from mommy.

Now, our grandparents didn't call it "co-sleeping", it was just "sleeping". You put the baby next to mother. Where else would you put her? She's not a dog that you keep off to the side. She's a little part torn off of you.

Any unmarried girls reading along, plan to keep that little jiggar da tota right next to you when you have babies. Get an appropriately sized bed for this purpose.

The biggest thing crazy thing that brainwashed Westerners will say about lovingly keeping your child with you is that you'll smother it. This mostly happens to the extremely small number of Western women whose motherly instincts have been extinguished by an artificial society. Otherwise, as mentioned above, God has already put the right instincts into a mother to be able to care for her child, even while sleeping. Being worried that you'll smother your child is like wondering how you could ever push a 5 pound baby out of the birth canal: women have been doing it for hundreds of thousands of years.

Most people are deadly terrified of snakes. You are 28X more likely to die in your bathtub than from a snake. Yet have you ever heard anyone be more terrified of a bathtub than a snake, let alone 28 times as afraid? So get this nonsense about smothering out of your head.

Finally, most mothers should be thankful that the dadi offers (not demands) to take the child off of her so she can "get down to business" with dear hubby :p. Physical (and non-physical) intimacy between man and wife is extremely important. This (sleeping with dadi) can be occasionally, weekly, every other day, or even daily, depending on the family and mother's desires.

As for whether a dadi can fulfill this role of a mother-substitute after nursing stops, and to what extent, is something that each family will have to decide on their own, based on the child, her desires, dadi's personality, mother's desires, etc., in Gursikh love, not using the children as pawns. 

180 degrees wrong. A child that fulfills her social needs in her own family and home will not need to look elsewhere to manmukh neighbors/"friends" or even worse Internet "friends" or possibly predators. Western children are usually lonely and starving for attention, which they get in spades from all the wrong places.

1. I am speaking from bringing up four children including a set of twins not theory but experience and observation of how different people approaches affected their kids in close genetic relationships .

2. i had my infant children either in a cot or moses basket in the same room as me for the first six months , except the twins who slept in the same cot - next door because our new home didn't have the space for a large cot alongside our bed .

eldest - was looked after by my folks during the workday and I would pick him up and we used to do loads of stuff together, gardening, reading , drawing , etc he was extremely talkative from 1.5 years because he was surrounded by adults and none of us spoke tuthla to him, had three languages on the go in the homes , 

when I had the twins - we were forced by circumstances to move away so I was all alone with three under three and two preemies . Loving Contact, speaking and engaging babies is important but as the ICU/SCBU nurses pointed out sleep is vital for growth and it was illustrated by slow gain of weight in Dayal Singh compared to Bahadur SIngh..

from observations people who babytalk delayed speech development and enforced simple mouthing mistake which then needed intervention, and allowed their kids to stay in the parental beds beyond two years of age had massive problems with seperation anxiety in the kids no matter who they were with in the day , bedtime creep, concentration problems in kids and sleep deprivation in the parents, one couple's singleton drove the mother out of the bed totally to the sofa so she could get enough sleep to function for coming workday. One child who is now in high school will not sleep in his own bedroom despite insisting on own room

for me I'm realistic that my kids longest relationship is with their siblings so I've always encouraged shared space/play  with each kid getting time with each of us parents and collective time with the grands as a secondary emphasis. I am highly aware of anti-sikh attitudes in certain family members so try to reduce influence by countering by teaching sikhi aspects to same issues

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

If you noticed that I did mention that if it's impossible for her to live with the mother-in-law it is better for them to live separately that's the controversial part.

Well, if it's impossible, sure. But note that the the impossibility stems from krodh (anger) and haumai (ego) all around. Yet the same anger and ego that makes it impossible for a nuclear family to live with dadi also makes it impossible for husband and wife to live together, and then when the wife splits off, for the children to live with the mother and they will want to be legally emancipated because it's "impossbile". What we end up with is simply the same thing as the 21st century Leftist West: Do whatever you want to do.

Which is another name for manmat: Doing what your mann wants.

5 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

However, I'd also like to ask you; if the ancestors were Dera wales or Non-Sikhs, what benefit Gurmat-wise can they provide?

Seriously, bro? The tuk is Guru Sahib's, not mine. You are effectively questioning Gurbani. In any case, the point is not necessarily dadi recounting "we used to idol-worship Shiva back in the day", but all manner of things that your ancestors did: Some examples: how we cultivated the jungle region of Pakistan, the pain of partition, how people used to live simply, how we lost our business due to inability to pay back a loan and we had to struggle for 2 decades to get back on our feet,  how your grandfather's brother was born genetically deformed and how he had to help him all his life, how the servant was so poor she could not marry her daughter so we helped her out, etc, etc.

5 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

If we really want to go far enough, most Sikhs are descendents from Hindus, but we aren't Hindus,

Bro, dharam is not the same thing as getting up and doing Japji Sahib and wearing 5 kakkars (though that's required for us indeed). Dharam is not something that didn't exist before Guru Nanak Dev ji, and just came into existence when Guru Sahib was born, or started parchar. Dharam is something greater, and older.

Read this tuk:

ਸੁਣਿ ਸਾਖੀ ਮਨ ਜਪਿ ਪਿਆਰ ॥

Listen to the stories of the devotees, O my mind, and meditate with love.

Now a question for you: Do you think the sakhis that Guru sahib says to listen to are "Sikh" sakhis or "Hindu" sakhis. Don't look ahead and cheat!!

 

 

 

----

Answer: "Hindu" sakhis:

 

ਬਸੰਤੁ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ਘਰੁ ੧ ਦੁਤੁਕੀਆ

Basant, Fifth Mohalla, First House, Du-Tukee:

ੴ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥

One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru:

ਸੁਣਿ ਸਾਖੀ ਮਨ ਜਪਿ ਪਿਆਰ ॥

Listen to the stories of the devotees, O my mind, and meditate with love.

ਅਜਾਮਲੁ ਉਧਰਿਆ ਕਹਿ ਏਕ ਬਾਰ ॥

Ajaamal uttered the Lord's Name once, and was saved.

ਬਾਲਮੀਕੈ ਹੋਆ ਸਾਧਸੰਗੁ ॥

Baalmeek found the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy.

ਧ੍ਰੂ ਕਉ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਹਰਿ ਨਿਸੰਗ ॥੧॥

The Lord definitely met Dhroo. ||1||

ਤੇਰਿਆ ਸੰਤਾ ਜਾਚਉ ਚਰਨ ਰੇਨ ॥

I beg for the dust of the feet of Your Saints.

ਲੇ ਮਸਤਕਿ ਲਾਵਉ ਕਰਿ ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾ ਦੇਨ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Please bless me with Your Mercy, Lord, that I may apply it to my forehead. ||1||Pause||

ਗਨਿਕਾ ਉਧਰੀ ਹਰਿ ਕਹੈ ਤੋਤ ॥

Ganika the prostitute was saved, when her parrot uttered the Lord's Name.

ਗਜਇੰਦ੍ਰ ਧਿਆਇਓ ਹਰਿ ਕੀਓ ਮੋਖ ॥

The elephant meditated on the Lord, and was saved.

ਬਿਪ੍ਰ ਸੁਦਾਮੇ ਦਾਲਦੁ ਭੰਜ ॥

He delivered the poor Brahmin Sudama out of poverty.

ਰੇ ਮਨ ਤੂ ਭੀ ਭਜੁ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ॥੨॥

O my mind, you too must meditate and vibrate on the Lord of the Universe. ||2||

ਬਧਿਕੁ ਉਧਾਰਿਓ ਖਮਿ ਪ੍ਰਹਾਰ ॥

Even the hunter who shot an arrow at Krishna was saved.

ਕੁਬਿਜਾ ਉਧਰੀ ਅੰਗੁਸਟ ਧਾਰ ॥

Kubija the hunchback was saved, when God placed His Feet on her thumb.

ਬਿਦਰੁ ਉਧਾਰਿਓ ਦਾਸਤ ਭਾਇ ॥

Bidar was saved by his attitude of humility.

ਰੇ ਮਨ ਤੂ ਭੀ ਹਰਿ ਧਿਆਇ ॥੩॥

O my mind, you too must meditate on the Lord. ||3||

ਪ੍ਰਹਲਾਦ ਰਖੀ ਹਰਿ ਪੈਜ ਆਪ ॥

The Lord Himself saved the honor of Prahlaad.

ਬਸਤ੍ਰ ਛੀਨਤ ਦ੍ਰੋਪਤੀ ਰਖੀ ਲਾਜ ॥

Even when she was being disrobed in court, Dropatee's honor was preserved.

ਜਿਨਿ ਜਿਨਿ ਸੇਵਿਆ ਅੰਤ ਬਾਰ ॥

Those who have served the Lord, even at the very last instant of their lives, are saved.

ਰੇ ਮਨ ਸੇਵਿ ਤੂ ਪਰਹਿ ਪਾਰ ॥੪॥

O my mind, serve Him, and you shall be carried across to the other side. ||4||

ਧੰਨੈ ਸੇਵਿਆ ਬਾਲ ਬੁਧਿ ॥

Dhanna served the Lord, with the innocence of a child.

ਤ੍ਰਿਲੋਚਨ ਗੁਰ ਮਿਲਿ ਭਈ ਸਿਧਿ ॥

Meeting with the Guru, Trilochan attained the perfection of the Siddhas.

ਬੇਣੀ ਕਉ ਗੁਰਿ ਕੀਓ ਪ੍ਰਗਾਸੁ ॥

The Guru blessed Baynee with His Divine Illumination.

ਰੇ ਮਨ ਤੂ ਭੀ ਹੋਹਿ ਦਾਸੁ ॥੫॥

O my mind, you too must be the Lord's slave. ||5||

ਜੈਦੇਵ ਤਿਆਗਿਓ ਅਹੰਮੇਵ ॥

Jai Dayv gave up his egotism.

ਨਾਈ ਉਧਰਿਓ ਸੈਨੁ ਸੇਵ ॥

Sain the barber was saved through his selfless service.

ਮਨੁ ਡੀਗਿ ਨ ਡੋਲੈ ਕਹੂੰ ਜਾਇ ॥

Do not let your mind waver or wander; do not let it go anywhere.

ਮਨ ਤੂ ਭੀ ਤਰਸਹਿ ਸਰਣਿ ਪਾਇ ॥੬॥

O my mind, you too shall cross over; seek the Sanctuary of God. ||6||\

ਜਿਹ ਅਨੁਗ੍ਰਹੁ ਠਾਕੁਰਿ ਕੀਓ ਆਪਿ ॥

O my Lord and Master, You have shown Your Mercy to them.

ਸੇ ਤੈਂ ਲੀਨੇ ਭਗਤ ਰਾਖਿ ॥

You saved those devotees.

ਤਿਨ ਕਾ ਗੁਣੁ ਅਵਗਣੁ ਨ ਬੀਚਾਰਿਓ ਕੋਇ ॥

You do not take their merits and demerits into account.

ਇਹ ਬਿਧਿ ਦੇਖਿ ਮਨੁ ਲਗਾ ਸੇਵ ॥੭॥

Seeing these ways of Yours, I have dedicated my mind to Your service. ||7||

ਕਬੀਰਿ ਧਿਆਇਓ ਏਕ ਰੰਗ ॥

Kabeer meditated on the One Lord with love.

ਨਾਮਦੇਵ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਬਸਹਿ ਸੰਗਿ ॥

Naam Dayv lived with the Dear Lord.

ਰਵਿਦਾਸ ਧਿਆਏ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਅਨੂਪ ॥

Ravi Daas meditated on God, the Incomparably Beautiful.

ਗੁਰ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੇਵ ਗੋਵਿੰਦ ਰੂਪ ॥੮॥੧॥

Guru Nanak Dayv is the Embodiment of the Lord of the Universe. ||8||1||

 

ਬਸੰਤੁ (ਮਃ ੫) ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ ਅੰਗ ੧੧੯੨ 

 

Was Ajamal a "Hindu" or a "Sikh"? Why did Guru Sahib tell us to remember his sakhI? Please answer these two questions.

Don't doubt Guru Sahib. He is Satguru, we are followers.

Note for Hinduphobes: If you read the entire shabad, Guru Arjan Dev ji lists all the "Hindu" personalities that we should remember, but at the very end says Guru Nanak Dev ji is the very form of God. Meaning that the Avatars (Ram Chander, Krishan Bhagvan, etc.) had some level of powers from God, but they were not God. Not so for Guru Nanak Dev ji.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jacfsing2
33 minutes ago, BhForce said:

Well, if it's impossible, sure. But note that the the impossibility stems from krodh (anger) and haumai (ego) all around. Yet the same anger and ego that makes it impossible for a nuclear family to live with dadi also makes it impossible for husband and wife to live together, and then when the wife splits off, for the children to live with the mother and they will want to be legally emancipated because it's "impossbile".

If you ask me, it's a declaration of war for someone to be pulling a Dastar, I wouldn't ever even tell Non-Sikhs to take off their religious objects; however, an Amritdhari telling another Amritdhari not to wear Dastar is what I'd consider an impossible situation. If you agree with the husband's actions, (which you said previously you don't), then I'd understand where you are coming from.

8 hours ago, BhForce said:

I would not recommend to anybody to pull anybody's turban off, be they even a jihadi, much less a Sikh.

 

41 minutes ago, BhForce said:

What we end up with is simply the same thing as the 21st century Leftist West: Do whatever you want to do.

You seem to have some idealised worldview where every old person is some Mahapurukh, reality-check that's not the case at all, you may be blessed to have a Mahapurukh family, or you may not, the key is each individual case is different, if I heard that any of my female relatives were being insulted openly by some of their in-laws, I'd recommend the same.

45 minutes ago, BhForce said:

 

Seriously, bro? The tuk is Guru Sahib's, not mine. You are effectively questioning Gurbani. In any case, the point is not necessarily dadi recounting "we used to idol-worship Shiva back in the day", but all manner of things that your ancestors did: Some examples: how we cultivated the jungle region of Pakistan, the pain of partition, how people used to live simply, how we lost our business due to inability to pay back a loan and we had to struggle for 2 decades to get back on our feet,  how your grandfather's brother was born genetically deformed and how he had to help him all his life, how the servant was so poor she could not marry her daughter so we helped her out, etc, etc.

I haven't insulted any line of any shabad or your interpretation of the Shabad; however, you have to read the entire Shabad to grasp the full-meaning. But even what you are referring to is qualities of ancestors, not the ancestors themselves.

49 minutes ago, BhForce said:

 

Bro, dharam is not the same thing as getting up and doing Japji Sahib and wearing 5 kakkars (though that's required for us indeed). Dharam is not something that didn't exist before Guru Nanak Dev ji, and just came into existence when Guru Sahib was born, or started parchar. Dharam is something greater, and older.

Never claimed that.

50 minutes ago, BhForce said:

Read this tuk:

ਸੁਣਿ ਸਾਖੀ ਮਨ ਜਪਿ ਪਿਆਰ ॥

Listen to the stories of the devotees, O my mind, and meditate with love.

:waheguru:.

51 minutes ago, BhForce said:

Now a question for you: Do you think the sakhis that Guru sahib says to listen to are "Sikh" sakhis or "Hindu" sakhis. Don't look ahead and cheat!!

They were Sikh sakhis, Modern Hinduism was only made when the Indo-Aryans and the Dravidians conquered the Adivasi population. Sikhi has existed since beginning of time.

53 minutes ago, BhForce said:

Answer: "Hindu" sakhis:

For the sake of keeping the topic at hand relevant, and since I respect you enough not to argue on something like this, I won't discuss more on whether the Sakhis are Hindu or Sikh.

56 minutes ago, BhForce said:

ਬਸੰਤੁ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ਘਰੁ ੧ ਦੁਤੁਕੀਆ

Basant, Fifth Mohalla, First House, Du-Tukee:

ੴ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥

One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru:

ਸੁਣਿ ਸਾਖੀ ਮਨ ਜਪਿ ਪਿਆਰ ॥

Listen to the stories of the devotees, O my mind, and meditate with love.

ਅਜਾਮਲੁ ਉਧਰਿਆ ਕਹਿ ਏਕ ਬਾਰ ॥

Ajaamal uttered the Lord's Name once, and was saved.

ਬਾਲਮੀਕੈ ਹੋਆ ਸਾਧਸੰਗੁ ॥

Baalmeek found the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy.

ਧ੍ਰੂ ਕਉ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਹਰਿ ਨਿਸੰਗ ॥੧॥

The Lord definitely met Dhroo. ||1||

ਤੇਰਿਆ ਸੰਤਾ ਜਾਚਉ ਚਰਨ ਰੇਨ ॥

I beg for the dust of the feet of Your Saints.

ਲੇ ਮਸਤਕਿ ਲਾਵਉ ਕਰਿ ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾ ਦੇਨ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Please bless me with Your Mercy, Lord, that I may apply it to my forehead. ||1||Pause||

ਗਨਿਕਾ ਉਧਰੀ ਹਰਿ ਕਹੈ ਤੋਤ ॥

Ganika the prostitute was saved, when her parrot uttered the Lord's Name.

ਗਜਇੰਦ੍ਰ ਧਿਆਇਓ ਹਰਿ ਕੀਓ ਮੋਖ ॥

The elephant meditated on the Lord, and was saved.

ਬਿਪ੍ਰ ਸੁਦਾਮੇ ਦਾਲਦੁ ਭੰਜ ॥

He delivered the poor Brahmin Sudama out of poverty.

ਰੇ ਮਨ ਤੂ ਭੀ ਭਜੁ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ॥੨॥

O my mind, you too must meditate and vibrate on the Lord of the Universe. ||2||

ਬਧਿਕੁ ਉਧਾਰਿਓ ਖਮਿ ਪ੍ਰਹਾਰ ॥

Even the hunter who shot an arrow at Krishna was saved.

ਕੁਬਿਜਾ ਉਧਰੀ ਅੰਗੁਸਟ ਧਾਰ ॥

Kubija the hunchback was saved, when God placed His Feet on her thumb.

ਬਿਦਰੁ ਉਧਾਰਿਓ ਦਾਸਤ ਭਾਇ ॥

Bidar was saved by his attitude of humility.

ਰੇ ਮਨ ਤੂ ਭੀ ਹਰਿ ਧਿਆਇ ॥੩॥

O my mind, you too must meditate on the Lord. ||3||

ਪ੍ਰਹਲਾਦ ਰਖੀ ਹਰਿ ਪੈਜ ਆਪ ॥

The Lord Himself saved the honor of Prahlaad.

ਬਸਤ੍ਰ ਛੀਨਤ ਦ੍ਰੋਪਤੀ ਰਖੀ ਲਾਜ ॥

Even when she was being disrobed in court, Dropatee's honor was preserved.

ਜਿਨਿ ਜਿਨਿ ਸੇਵਿਆ ਅੰਤ ਬਾਰ ॥

Those who have served the Lord, even at the very last instant of their lives, are saved.

ਰੇ ਮਨ ਸੇਵਿ ਤੂ ਪਰਹਿ ਪਾਰ ॥੪॥

O my mind, serve Him, and you shall be carried across to the other side. ||4||

ਧੰਨੈ ਸੇਵਿਆ ਬਾਲ ਬੁਧਿ ॥

Dhanna served the Lord, with the innocence of a child.

ਤ੍ਰਿਲੋਚਨ ਗੁਰ ਮਿਲਿ ਭਈ ਸਿਧਿ ॥

Meeting with the Guru, Trilochan attained the perfection of the Siddhas.

ਬੇਣੀ ਕਉ ਗੁਰਿ ਕੀਓ ਪ੍ਰਗਾਸੁ ॥

The Guru blessed Baynee with His Divine Illumination.

ਰੇ ਮਨ ਤੂ ਭੀ ਹੋਹਿ ਦਾਸੁ ॥੫॥

O my mind, you too must be the Lord's slave. ||5||

ਜੈਦੇਵ ਤਿਆਗਿਓ ਅਹੰਮੇਵ ॥

Jai Dayv gave up his egotism.

ਨਾਈ ਉਧਰਿਓ ਸੈਨੁ ਸੇਵ ॥

Sain the barber was saved through his selfless service.

ਮਨੁ ਡੀਗਿ ਨ ਡੋਲੈ ਕਹੂੰ ਜਾਇ ॥

Do not let your mind waver or wander; do not let it go anywhere.

ਮਨ ਤੂ ਭੀ ਤਰਸਹਿ ਸਰਣਿ ਪਾਇ ॥੬॥

O my mind, you too shall cross over; seek the Sanctuary of God. ||6||\

ਜਿਹ ਅਨੁਗ੍ਰਹੁ ਠਾਕੁਰਿ ਕੀਓ ਆਪਿ ॥

O my Lord and Master, You have shown Your Mercy to them.

ਸੇ ਤੈਂ ਲੀਨੇ ਭਗਤ ਰਾਖਿ ॥

You saved those devotees.

ਤਿਨ ਕਾ ਗੁਣੁ ਅਵਗਣੁ ਨ ਬੀਚਾਰਿਓ ਕੋਇ ॥

You do not take their merits and demerits into account.

ਇਹ ਬਿਧਿ ਦੇਖਿ ਮਨੁ ਲਗਾ ਸੇਵ ॥੭॥

Seeing these ways of Yours, I have dedicated my mind to Your service. ||7||

ਕਬੀਰਿ ਧਿਆਇਓ ਏਕ ਰੰਗ ॥

Kabeer meditated on the One Lord with love.

ਨਾਮਦੇਵ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਬਸਹਿ ਸੰਗਿ ॥

Naam Dayv lived with the Dear Lord.

ਰਵਿਦਾਸ ਧਿਆਏ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਅਨੂਪ ॥

Ravi Daas meditated on God, the Incomparably Beautiful.

ਗੁਰ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੇਵ ਗੋਵਿੰਦ ਰੂਪ ॥੮॥੧॥

Guru Nanak Dayv is the Embodiment of the Lord of the Universe. ||8||1||

 

ਬਸੰਤੁ (ਮਃ ੫) ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ ਅੰਗ ੧੧੯੨ 

*Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Ang 1192 (edited for anyone who doesn't know Gurmukhi to find out where)

:waheguru:

1 hour ago, BhForce said:

Was Ajamal a "Hindu" or a "Sikh"? Why did Guru Sahib tell us to remember his sakhI? Please answer these two questions.

Ajamal was a Sikh, and the purpose of the Sakhi is to tell future Sikhs not to be going to prostitutes like Ganika. Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji even prevented from whom if I remember correctly Bhai Joga Singh from going to prostitutes. (If this wrong, you have every right to correct me).

1 hour ago, BhForce said:

Don't doubt Guru Sahib. He is Satguru, we are followers.

Never did and Hopefully with his grace, never will. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 07/08/2017 at 6:51 PM, Guest Mehar karo said:

I live in join family my husband having 2 brothers... The time I came in this home I feel alone as my husband don't listen to me don't understand me he is angry man... I m angry too... We both are amrit Dhari..i get frustration very soon same with my husband... Now we had a daughter every one love her too much... My mother in law wants her to sleep with them... Be with them... I get angry after listening this... My mother In law says we don't have time of our kids to play with them as we leave in joint family... So she wants to play with my daughter be with her.... Behave like her mother... They accept I will also  do the same.... But I m not so great that I fully dedicate my time to house hold work without playing with my daughter... In frustration I said I want to leave alone from joint family.... So my husband started to pull my dastar and he said don't tie this if u like to think against gurmat... I don't know what I do I am a human being I am unable to give my daughter fully want to take care of her too... How I can control myself?  Is that against German? 

It sounds like you have issues with your situation that are being played out vicariously through your daughter.. The issue seems to be one between you and your relationship with your husband.. I think in this situation and to make sense of it,  it is worth disregarding the fact you are both amritdhari. You start by saying he is a angry man, and that you to get angry.. You also say that your daughter gets a lot of love.. It sounds very much like you feel that you have no control over your environment and are a passive player.. And hence the one thing you do have immutable influence over ie. Your daughter has become the battle ground... 

Fundamentally it sounds like you're husband is not fulfilling his duties by raising his hand to your dastar he has committed a heinous act of violence.. 

You don't actually say anything bad about your mother in law so whilst she is not reprimanding your husband may be she is indirectly trying to express her love via your daughter. 

You have no reason to feel guilty about your actions sounds like you are frustrated and upset and that needs to be addressed.. You need to speak to people around you not just your husband but may be your mother in law.. And share with her your feelings of powerlessness.. 

You may already have done some of these things but reading between the lines of what you have written fundamentally it seems like you are unhappy with your husbands behaviour.. 

Please forgive me if I have misunderstood 

Good luck sister 

SSA 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest london jwaan
On 8/16/2017 at 4:04 AM, jkvlondon said:

Men generally do not realise what is involved in overnight care as they DO NOT wake with the baby's cries unlike us ,

*DELETED*

waheguru ji ka khalsa whaeguru ji ki fateh

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest guest guest
On Wednesday, August 16, 2017 at 2:55 PM, jkvlondon said:

kid under the age four can wake in the night , sometimes scared, sometimes if they get wet,get cold because they've kicked covers off or even light sleepers (my niece is like this) it is not only to feed , like i said most guys don't have a clue what goes on. There was an another bibi who talked about her MIL insisting on her newborn child should  remain with her and she would take that child away for a couple of years to India to bring up over there as it suited the MIL. I think there are some delusional bazurg out there too exerting unreasonable controls over their DILs

So here I am writing the next chapter of my story..like all the other matters my kid too was meant to be under my mil's control without caring about the dreams and feelings I had during my gestation period for my baby..and when I tried to raise my voice my husband started insulting me and started spending more time with his business partner(who happens to be a lady).my husband used to come at 1 in the night nd then left at 5 in the morning giving the excuse of work ..i was depressed and felt so lonely..I started begging him for his time.I told the matter to my mil who told me that work is imp don't disturb him..ever since my marriage she is being supportive to her son only and in case I bring a matter to my parents then I am called unfaithful.anyways so one morning at 3 he starts getting calls from that lady ..the next day it was my exam so I begged him to stay home he slapped me..after 3rd slap I got up and rook my baby out of home ..i had no one to go to..my baby jst 6 mnths that time.I am running on my streets trying to find a place where I could feed my baby and tears rolling from my eyes..my husband started following me as he got scared I might call police..thereafter he called my parents and told them to convince me to go back to home..nd I told them that this man has slapped me i wont go back this time..nd I had to tell them that I doubt there is something going fishy between two..he brought his friend meanwhile and i was taken bk to home..my parents sent my relative to see me..(a distant relative) and both my mil nd my husband told 1000s of bad things about me nd my parents..nd he threatened that he has recordings from 2 yrs back recordings of phone calls of me with my mother telling them things about my husband and mil that they do to me..everything was done in a direction to prove me culprit..so I was left all alone to fight with depression.hearing all this my parents stopped calling me cz thy didnt wanted to put me in trouble.they wanted me to come bk to India which I couldnt cz my husband is not signing on travelling papers of my son...one fine day I felt so helpless that I had to call some postpartum depression helpline the nurse somehow without informing me talked about the issue with cas..children's aid society ..and those ppl started coming to my house to see the baby.again my relatives were called and I was threatened that if I will tell anything to cas my baby would be taken away from me..so I stayed silent but the tortures just grew wth time  only whn the cas ppl have to come my husband turns sweet..then I decided I will have to stand for myself.I have asked him for seperation which he is denying so I am stuck bcz of my son here..now something about my mil..she does a lot of path but she is always talking about money even though my baby is not big enough to understand but she is always telling him tenu main mundriyan bnwa deniyan sone nal ladh dena she never talks about any gurmat gyan..she is busy with wtsapp msgs whenever I leave my baby with her as I have to do household work..and she is always talking about stories how her friend's dil's have left their kids in India with their grandparents almost every day she is telling me this story and one thing more this is the lady who had kept my passport for one year with her when I had to give my exam in canada..I have two reasons to share my story

1.our society needs a thorough cleansing.just bcz someone is a boy's mother it s not a privelege to give respect..even though ppl are doing lot of path but their minds are corrupt.my mil is always propagating boys are superior.money is important..nd one popular one liner..jide ghar daane ohde ...v syane.

2.the more we try to adjust the more the other person gets in a habbit of exploiting us so everyone who faces such issue be strong and take a step because if you won't take a step your kids will suffer..very rarely there are grandparents who can love grandchild more than parents even if they can the bond between a mother and child is comparable to noother relation..specially the infants need mothers..so just to please your husband and family don't just surrender..no doubt grandparents have rights on grandchildren but when grandparents want to take away child from mother then such people are not genuine.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jacfsing2
16 hours ago, Guest guest guest said:

So here I am writing the next chapter of my story..like all the other matters my kid too was meant to be under my mil's control without caring about the dreams and feelings I had during my gestation period for my baby..and when I tried to raise my voice my husband started insulting me and started spending more time with his business partner(who happens to be a lady).my husband used to come at 1 in the night nd then left at 5 in the morning giving the excuse of work ..i was depressed and felt so lonely..I started begging him for his time.I told the matter to my mil who told me that work is imp don't disturb him..ever since my marriage she is being supportive to her son only and in case I bring a matter to my parents then I am called unfaithful.anyways so one morning at 3 he starts getting calls from that lady ..the next day it was my exam so I begged him to stay home he slapped me..after 3rd slap I got up and rook my baby out of home ..i had no one to go to..my baby jst 6 mnths that time.I am running on my streets trying to find a place where I could feed my baby and tears rolling from my eyes..my husband started following me as he got scared I might call police..thereafter he called my parents and told them to convince me to go back to home..nd I told them that this man has slapped me i wont go back this time..nd I had to tell them that I doubt there is something going fishy between two..he brought his friend meanwhile and i was taken bk to home..my parents sent my relative to see me..(a distant relative) and both my mil nd my husband told 1000s of bad things about me nd my parents..nd he threatened that he has recordings from 2 yrs back recordings of phone calls of me with my mother telling them things about my husband and mil that they do to me..everything was done in a direction to prove me culprit..so I was left all alone to fight with depression.hearing all this my parents stopped calling me cz thy didnt wanted to put me in trouble.they wanted me to come bk to India which I couldnt cz my husband is not signing on travelling papers of my son...one fine day I felt so helpless that I had to call some postpartum depression helpline the nurse somehow without informing me talked about the issue with cas..children's aid society ..and those ppl started coming to my house to see the baby.again my relatives were called and I was threatened that if I will tell anything to cas my baby would be taken away from me..so I stayed silent but the tortures just grew wth time  only whn the cas ppl have to come my husband turns sweet..then I decided I will have to stand for myself.I have asked him for seperation which he is denying so I am stuck bcz of my son here..now something about my mil..she does a lot of path but she is always talking about money even though my baby is not big enough to understand but she is always telling him tenu main mundriyan bnwa deniyan sone nal ladh dena she never talks about any gurmat gyan..she is busy with wtsapp msgs whenever I leave my baby with her as I have to do household work..and she is always talking about stories how her friend's dil's have left their kids in India with their grandparents almost every day she is telling me this story and one thing more this is the lady who had kept my passport for one year with her when I had to give my exam in canada..I have two reasons to share my story

1.our society needs a thorough cleansing.just bcz someone is a boy's mother it s not a privelege to give respect..even though ppl are doing lot of path but their minds are corrupt.my mil is always propagating boys are superior.money is important..nd one popular one liner..jide ghar daane ohde ...v syane.

2.the more we try to adjust the more the other person gets in a habbit of exploiting us so everyone who faces such issue be strong and take a step because if you won't take a step your kids will suffer..very rarely there are grandparents who can love grandchild more than parents even if they can the bond between a mother and child is comparable to noother relation..specially the infants need mothers..so just to please your husband and family don't just surrender..no doubt grandparents have rights on grandchildren but when grandparents want to take away child from mother then such people are not genuine.

I think you should leave the abusive relationship from your husband and from the abuse he's giving you. But some people as you see in real-life as well as your close relatives are attached to a lifestyle from some old age. Vaheguru will help you in cases like this when nobody else will. I feel sorry for your situation on constant abuse. Some people may suggest that you stay through the abuse; however, if your child grows-up in such an environment, what benefit is there to being a joint family.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No OP, you should not stay through the abuse. Be strong and stop taking it. They can't take away your child from you. Have you contacted any organisation that deals with our community? They will have a better understanding of what to do. Your mother in law sounds like a desi Watsup wali, the ones that have their phone next to them 24hrs. I'm surprised she's using Whatapp at her age, but then again with desi punjabi thinking it's not surprising, as that's the latest fashion after suits for women. 

The more time your son spends with her than you, will have an affect on your relationship with him when he's older. You need to be spending more mother time with him. Wish you could deport her back to India. Fer apnia frendaa nal gapaa kare sohne dian mundian baare. 

Why doesn't she help you out with the housework. It's unfair to leave it all to you. She should do what she can manage too, if she's prepared to go stay in India with her grandson. Your relative shouldn't have fell for their lies, they should have asked you too if what's happening. The family sounds like a scheming nasty one. And if he's not coming home as he should, then he's wrong. What's more important than his wife and kids? Don't stand for abuse. 

She doesn't do paat,she just does a ritual of reading it and pretends she is. If she was doing paat, and contemplating anything, she wouldn't be behaving the way she is. 

Shame on them for treating you like this. Can you confide in your doctor?  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jacfsing2
3 hours ago, simran345 said:

She doesn't do paat,she just does a ritual of reading it and pretends she is. If she was doing paat, and contemplating anything, she wouldn't be behaving the way she is. 

I've seen many people who do paht and still act like this, there also some who have taken Amrit, but haven't given their heads to the Guru. Not saying it's useless for stuff like this; however, we should really understand why we are doing these things.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • yeh it's true, we shouldn't be lazy and need to learn jhatka shikaar. It doesn't help some of grew up in surrounding areas like Slough and Southall where everyone thought it was super bad for amrit dharis to eat meat, and they were following Sant babas and jathas, and instead the Singhs should have been normalising jhatka just like the recent world war soldiers did. We are trying to rectifiy this and khalsa should learn jhatka.  But I am just writing about bhog for those that are still learning rehit. As I explained, there are all these negative influences in the panth that talk against rehit, but this shouldn't deter us from taking khanda pahul, no matter what level of rehit we are!
    • How is it going to help? The link is of a Sikh hunter. Fine, but what good does that do the lazy Sikh who ate khulla maas in a restaurant? By the way, for the OP, yes, it's against rehit to eat khulla maas.
    • Yeah, Sikhs should do bhog of food they eat. But the point of bhog is to only do bhog of food which is fit to be presented to Maharaj. It's not maryada to do bhog of khulla maas and pretend it's OK to eat. It's not. Come on, bro, you should know better than to bring this Sakhi into it. Is this Sikh in the restaurant accompanied by Guru Gobind Singh ji? Is he fighting a dharam yudh? Or is he merely filling his belly with the nearest restaurant?  Please don't make a mockery of our puratan Singhs' sacrifices by comparing them to lazy Sikhs who eat khulla maas.
    • Seriously?? The Dhadi is trying to be cute. For those who didn't get it, he said: "Some say Maharaj killed bakras (goats). Some say he cut the heads of the Panj Piyaras. The truth is that they weren't goats. It was she-goats (ਬਕਰੀਆਂ). He jhatka'd she-goats. Not he-goats." Wow. This is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in relation to Sikhi.
    • Instead of a 9 inch or larger kirpan, take a smaller kirpan and put it (without gatra) inside your smaller turban and tie the turban tightly. This keeps a kirpan on your person without interfering with the massage or alarming the masseuse. I'm not talking about a trinket but rather an actual small kirpan that fits in a sheath (you'll have to search to find one). As for ahem, "problems", you could get a male masseuse. I don't know where you are, but in most places there are professional masseuses who actually know what they are doing and can really relieve your muscle pains.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use