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AjeetSinghPunjabi

The storm at the horizon I see coming

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I knew it would come one day or the other, but I had little option other than putting my faith in the lord and let the life take its course as the lord directs it.

Finally my parents have started upping the pressure on me to get married. I had told them 2 yrs back I am not interested in girls and I don't feel for them the way other guys do . And instead I have those same romantic / sexual feelings for young men instead. But my parents ignored me and went in denial. They suggested I see a doctor for some "deficiency". My dad thought I had low libido. I know the doctors know abt homosexuality but will still see me as a sheep to be sheared (money) . So I rather asked my mom dad to take me to a gay-friendly popular psychiatrist who is also treating my mom for anxiety and depression. 

He talked to me privately and sympathized with my circumstances but said he would still suggest some tests and prescribe a few meds just to satisfy my parents, lest they take me to quacks instead.

My blood - Testosterone etc were pretty much normal. The episode ended back then.

Now its resurfaced . My mom dad had fight with my nephew (taaye da munda) in punjab because his wife and himself is quite rude and ungrateful for all my dad has done for them. 

So now marrying me is also seen by my parents as  a way of "slapping" the relatives in punjab , and if don't get married, then it would be "slap" on my parents face instead and my parents become a subject of ridicule among relatives.

So my mom dad are taking me to gurudwara marriage bureaus and asking every person on planet to find me a girl for rishta. Everyday they're talking of my marriage and its very stressful for me. 

I am obviously in a very tough state .

But I know I am not alone. My satguru is always by my side . 

"Sagal dwaar ko chhad ke , gaheyo tuharo dwar".

I went to guru sahib , put my plea in ardas and ask him to bless me with a gurvaak, 

When i lifted the rumala sahib and randomly opened the angs , 

I got ang 637 

ਸੋਰਠਿ ਮਹਲਾ ੩ ਘਰੁ ੧ ਤਿਤੁਕੀ 
Sorat'h, Third Mehl, First House, Ti-Tukas: 

 
ੴ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ  
One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru: 

 
ਭਗਤਾ ਦੀ ਸਦਾ ਤੂ ਰਖਦਾ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਧੁਰਿ ਤੂ ਰਖਦਾ ਆਇਆ  
You always preserve the honor of Your devotees, O Dear Lord; You have protected them from the very beginning of time. 

 
ਪ੍ਰਹਿਲਾਦ ਜਨ ਤੁਧੁ ਰਾਖਿ ਲਏ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਹਰਣਾਖਸੁ ਮਾਰਿ ਪਚਾਇਆ  
You protected Your servant Prahlaad, O Dear Lord, and annihilated Harnaakhash. 

 
ਗੁਰਮੁਖਾ ਨੋ ਪਰਤੀਤਿ ਹੈ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਮਨਮੁਖ ਭਰਮਿ ਭੁਲਾਇਆ ॥੧॥ 
The Gurmukhs place their faith in the Dear Lord, but the self-willed manmukhs are deluded by doubt. ||1|| 

 
ਹਰਿ ਜੀ ਏਹ ਤੇਰੀ ਵਡਿਆਈ  
O Dear Lord, this is Your Glory. 

 
ਭਗਤਾ ਕੀ ਪੈਜ ਰਖੁ ਤੂ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਭਗਤ ਤੇਰੀ ਸਰਣਾਈ ॥ ਰਹਾਉ  
You preserve the honor of Your devotees, O Lord Master; Your devotees seek Your Sanctuary. ||Pause|| 

 

 

Yesterday my parents forced took me to a gurudwara 2 miles away , because of  marriage bureau there, 

I again did ardas at that gurudwara itself and lifted the rumala sahib, I again got the same shabad as above.

I don't know how things will turn in my favor. Right now I am utterly clueless , but I do know he's the causes of causes. Thats my blind faith in him. Its the only thing I have.

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Guest Jacfsing2   
Guest Jacfsing2

Now you get to finally prove your loyalty to the outbreeding the Hindus concept that you go on about.B|

But really if you don't want to be married, just tell your parents that you have no interest in getting married. Or you could simply reject all the choices you get for finding a spouse. Don't know how big of a being gay in your family, but you have to make a decision on whether that fetish is worth your life or not.

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Not2Cool2Argue    347

Wow u got the same hukamnama twice. Thats amazing and such a powerful response too. Trust Gurusahib ji. Dont doubt or worry

Also have you ever asked to be cured?

 

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Guest Guest   
Guest Guest

I had been in similar situation but I actually got married because of family pressure. Throughout my married life I felt quite sad, empty, angry and helpless, even got diagnosed with minor depression. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and revealed it to my partner, it caused a lot of distress but eventually we divorced, those few years of my life were hard but atleast it's back on track now.

See if you can find any support groups in your area so you don't have to go through all the distress as I did.

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Akalifauj    792
On 05/08/2017 at 10:03 PM, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

I knew it would come one day or the other, but I had little option other than putting my faith in the lord and let the life take its course as the lord directs it.

Finally my parents have started upping the pressure on me to get married. I had told them 2 yrs back I am not interested in girls and I don't feel for them the way other guys do . And instead I have those same romantic / sexual feelings for young men instead. But my parents ignored me and went in denial. They suggested I see a doctor for some "deficiency". My dad thought I had low libido. I know the doctors know abt homosexuality but will still see me as a sheep to be sheared (money) . So I rather asked my mom dad to take me to a gay-friendly popular psychiatrist who is also treating my mom for anxiety and depression. 

He talked to me privately and sympathized with my circumstances but said he would still suggest some tests and prescribe a few meds just to satisfy my parents, lest they take me to quacks instead.

My blood - Testosterone etc were pretty much normal. The episode ended back then.

Now its resurfaced . My mom dad had fight with my nephew (taaye da munda) in punjab because his wife and himself is quite rude and ungrateful for all my dad has done for them. 

So now marrying me is also seen by my parents as  a way of "slapping" the relatives in punjab , and if don't get married, then it would be "slap" on my parents face instead and my parents become a subject of ridicule among relatives.

So my mom dad are taking me to gurudwara marriage bureaus and asking every person on planet to find me a girl for rishta. Everyday they're talking of my marriage and its very stressful for me. 

I am obviously in a very tough state .

But I know I am not alone. My satguru is always by my side . 

"Sagal dwaar ko chhad ke , gaheyo tuharo dwar".

I went to guru sahib , put my plea in ardas and ask him to bless me with a gurvaak, 

When i lifted the rumala sahib and randomly opened the angs , 

I got ang 637 

ਸੋਰਠਿ ਮਹਲਾ ੩ ਘਰੁ ੧ ਤਿਤੁਕੀ 
Sorat'h, Third Mehl, First House, Ti-Tukas: 

 
ੴ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ  
One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru: 

 
ਭਗਤਾ ਦੀ ਸਦਾ ਤੂ ਰਖਦਾ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਧੁਰਿ ਤੂ ਰਖਦਾ ਆਇਆ  
You always preserve the honor of Your devotees, O Dear Lord; You have protected them from the very beginning of time. 

 
ਪ੍ਰਹਿਲਾਦ ਜਨ ਤੁਧੁ ਰਾਖਿ ਲਏ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਹਰਣਾਖਸੁ ਮਾਰਿ ਪਚਾਇਆ  
You protected Your servant Prahlaad, O Dear Lord, and annihilated Harnaakhash. 

 
ਗੁਰਮੁਖਾ ਨੋ ਪਰਤੀਤਿ ਹੈ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਮਨਮੁਖ ਭਰਮਿ ਭੁਲਾਇਆ ॥੧॥ 
The Gurmukhs place their faith in the Dear Lord, but the self-willed manmukhs are deluded by doubt. ||1|| 

 
ਹਰਿ ਜੀ ਏਹ ਤੇਰੀ ਵਡਿਆਈ  
O Dear Lord, this is Your Glory. 

 
ਭਗਤਾ ਕੀ ਪੈਜ ਰਖੁ ਤੂ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਭਗਤ ਤੇਰੀ ਸਰਣਾਈ ॥ ਰਹਾਉ  
You preserve the honor of Your devotees, O Lord Master; Your devotees seek Your Sanctuary. ||Pause|| 

 

 

Yesterday my parents forced took me to a gurudwara 2 miles away , because of  marriage bureau there, 

I again did ardas at that gurudwara itself and lifted the rumala sahib, I again got the same shabad as above.

I don't know how things will turn in my favor. Right now I am utterly clueless , but I do know he's the causes of causes. Thats my blind faith in him. Its the only thing I have.

In your own words apply the above hukam to your situation.  

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