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Amritvela with a roommate not wanting to inconvenience


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Guest followthelight

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

PROBLEM CONTEXT

I am living/ working in a country for a few months where there are no Sikhs, let alone a Gurudwara. I've tried contacting via FB etc, there is no sangat near me. My team is nice, we get along fine. 

I do not at all feel even the slightest temptation to drink alcohol, touch meat (vegertarian options without egg are so scarce here), have relationships with other travellers or remove my body hair (even though it is 50 degrees heat and everyone is wearing singlets and shorts going to the beach). I know this is all Guru Ji's help. 2 years ago I was drinking and vomiting in toilets, having sex with strangers, removing as much body hair as I could and thinking i was a 'spiritual person' I know I've been addicted to alcohol, cannabis, MDMA and the fact I have no desire now isn't something I am capable of- this is Guru Ji's working.

THE PROBLEM

I'm really starting to miss my Amritvela. I used to so freely wake up, shower, do simran and nitnem and not worry. now I have to worry about so many things with my roommate, especially as she sleeps so late. Even though I don't complain of her sleeping late (perhaps I should, tactfully?) she will say things like "I couldn't sleep because I heard your alarm so I've been up since very early." This makes me feel super guilty. 

Extra guilty because I'm so TIRED that I don't even remember hearing the alarm myself or turning it off... I DONT WAKE UP AT AMRITVELA. 

i end up waking up around 5.30-6am so amritvela is long-gone. 

Since my time being here, I've only once had the chance to do amritvela freely, and that is when everyone had gone out drinking/ clubbing for the night and came home late. 

When I do my nitnem I don't say it aloud because she is always in the room (and a different faith so i don't want to ever feel like I'm forcing or invading personal space). But man. I miss doing simran aloud- feeling my throat muscles saying Waheguru and closing my eyes so my ears could hear my body speak Waheguru. Be grateful to Waheguru for allowing my body, my lips to be blessed with the beauty of their Naam. The sweetness in my mouth, the warmth of the love but the cool breeze of peace settling in my head, sinking into my heart...anyway Imma get senti real quick lol. So please. I understand my current situation is resultant of karams from this life and previous. But I want help in improving my new karams that I'm (not) earning every moment. How do I wake up at Amritvela?

Need help with how to 

1. Ask to turn lights off earlier because I can't sleep until ALL lights are off (which doesn't happen till around 11pm)

2. Shower without feeling guilty about making noise and waking her up too early

3. Sing Gurbani aloud. I'm scared I'll get into a bad habit if I keep doing this and become lazy in the future. 

And any other advice you could offer would be highly appreciated 

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To OP, how long are you there for? It's not an ideal environment to be in, but the questions you've asked on here, maybe you could ask them instead. Explain about being a Sikh and what your daily routine is. The alarm going off is going to disturb anybody asleep if they don't normally get up at that time. Have the alarm on silent mode, but you won't get up then, as its already not working. Can you not get a room on your own? 

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On 8/3/2017 at 4:41 PM, Guest followthelight said:

2 years ago I was drinking and vomiting in toilets, having sex with strangers, removing as much body hair as I could and thinking i was a 'spiritual person' I know I've been addicted to alcohol, cannabis, MDMA and the fact I have no desire now isn't something I am capable of- this is Guru Ji's working.

If you're female, watch out for all this. Lots of alcohol isn't processed well by the female body and can have serious enduring effects in a relatively short time. Plus being off your head in public is a guaranteed way of attracting predators directly towards you - with all that entails....

As Simran345 suggested, try getting your own room if possible but don't slip back to old behaviours once no one is watching you. 

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Guest followthelight
2 hours ago, simran345 said:

To OP, how long are you there for? It's not an ideal environment to be in, but the questions you've asked on here, maybe you could ask them instead. Explain about being a Sikh and what your daily routine is. The alarm going off is going to disturb anybody asleep if they don't normally get up at that time. Have the alarm on silent mode, but you won't get up then, as its already not working. Can you not get a room on your own? 

What's OP?

I wish I could have my own room haha, everything would be much easier. It's just expensive, considering I'm staying for another approx 2 months. Plus it feels like I'm avoiding the situation at hand? (Learning to put Sikhi first, learning to communicate ?) 

and dallysingh101 agreed... I just learnt that the hard/ longer way. #egoprobs 

 

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I was going to say, if you're having problems waking before 6, you should sleep at 8 or 9, and easily wake up 6-7 hours later, making it between 2 and 4.

But then you say your roommate doesn't turn the lights off till 11. I think that is highly unfair of her. If you wants to watch movies till 11, let her do so, on her iPad with earphones and the lights off. Most people prefer to watch movies in the dark, anyways.

Shower noise should only be a problem if she is an extremely light sleeper.

Assuming she drinks and eats meat, you might be able to say that you would never think to impose your religion on her, but equally, she should not seek to prevent you from practicing your own.

As for the speaking Gurbani out loud, I would say you shouldn't, as a reasonable accommodation to your roommate. But, you can listen to Gurbani on earphones while you're reading the text. There are Nitnem apps for that.

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Oh, one more point:

This should definitely prove all of you wrong who say, "Where does it say you can't marry a non-Sikh?"

It should be clear as day you can't really live in Sikh rehit when you live with a non-Sikh. You'd always be walking on eggshells, and be living two different lives, which is one thing for roommates, but not acceptable for husband and wife, otherwise, why get married in the first place?

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First of all, that sangat will poison you, if not right now, later. Secondly about your AmritVela issue use a sleep calculator like www.SleepyTi.me. As for the rest I think other members have given good advice.

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Guest Jacfsing2

Like many of the people here, I do recommend that you get a new roommate; or if that's not possible, you tell her straight-up that you have to wake-up early for religious reasons, usually people will try to be accommodating or will flat out give you the other advice of getting a new roommate who can accommodate you. The solution to showers is just make it as quick as possible. If you can't do Gurbani out loud try to listen to Gurbani on a device and repeat what they are saying quietly.

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Guest Jacfsing2
5 hours ago, BhForce said:

Oh, one more point:

This should definitely prove all of you wrong who say, "Where does it say you can't marry a non-Sikh?"

It should be clear as day you can't really live in Sikh rehit when you live with a non-Sikh. You'd always be walking on eggshells, and be living two different lives, which is one thing for roommates, but not acceptable for husband and wife, otherwise, why get married in the first place?

I don't think comparing 2 people living each other to a married couple is either rational or beneficial. 

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1 hour ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I don't think comparing 2 people living each other to a married couple is either rational or beneficial. 

I think it's entirely rational and beneficial, brother.

But first, let me ask you if you think a Sikh can marry a non-Sikh, and we can go on from there. (I realize people can do anything they want--what I'm asking is if Guru Sahib wants us to do so.)

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