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Depression and sadness after marriage


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11 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Leading on from the excellent few posts above me, I must say Punjabi men (newly married and otherwise) sleepwalk through most of their lives. There's a criminal dereliction of duties on their part when it comes to keeping a keen eye on everything that's going on under their roof. I don't know whether they get complacent with age, or whether it's a cultural thing, but it's mental laziness that leads to mothers and wives emerging as the ruling force in a household.

Everyone has their particular role to play in a successful household, but the male must lead by example. If he's an awake and active presence in the lives of his wife and his parents, there's simply no cause for conflict, because he knows how to keep that delicate equilibrium between spouse, parents, and any other immediate relations in the home. It sounds tiring, but it should be! If the wife still kicks off despite having no reason to, then she's one of those rotten eggs that just isn't going to learn no matter how well she's treated. But usually a strong, clued-up male presence (not a sleepy, barely-there beta pappu) is enough to keep things ticking along nicely for all involved. How does one become such a man? Well, I'll tell you how you don't become one, and it's mostly due to the environment / atmosphere (or "m'hohl" as it's referred to in our tongue) in Punjabi homes whether you're religiously orthodox or secular. Messed up mothers-in-law, devious wives, and weak men are not the exclusive preserve of one particular of the aforementioned groups. These type of people can be found in both types of household, and that unfortunately and inadvertently casts a negative light on how we view and practice our faith. But that's a separate issue.

It's quite tough with a lot of men because keeping a keen eye can be energy draining so they go with a flow.

Then there are the men who think that one should not get involved between women's squabbles.

But men do need to put their foot down.

But then they have to put up with the silent treatment and all of the passive aggressive behaviour. 

Open aggressive behaviour can be much easier to deal with.

 

 

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Just now, Ranjeet01 said:

It's quite tough with a lot of men because keeping a keen eye can be energy draining so they go with a flow.

Then there are the men who think that one should not get involved between women's squabbles.

But men do need to put their foot down.

But then they have to put up with the silent treatment and all of the passive aggressive behaviour. 

Open aggressive behaviour can be much easier to deal with.

 

 

Whether it's your moms, wife or sister. A bloke should be ready to put his foot down when they do dumb 5hit. And pay no heed to their janani mind games. 

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3 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

It's quite tough with a lot of men because keeping a keen eye can be energy draining so they go with a flow.

Then there are the men who think that one should not get involved between women's squabbles.

But men do need to put their foot down.

But then they have to put up with the silent treatment and all of the passive aggressive behaviour. 

Open aggressive behaviour can be much easier to deal with.

I'd argue that the type of man who manages to achieve those things I've mentioned in my previous post, also manages to negate the petty female politics that are a huge drain on everyone in that particular family. Of course, there's going to be little issues here and there, which is par for the course in all families, but the difference between an inconsequential issue snowballing into all-out war, and crossed wires fizzling out into nothingness rests on the leader of the family. It does sound like such an effort, lol, but these are our ways. Not everything should be abandoned to modernity by dispensing with the old ways. Reform is good, but progress should never be mistaken for plain old change due to the passage of time. The "It's [insert current year], get with the times!" brigade are clueless. Their way lies oblivion.

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20 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

I also believe there is a thing call "Queen Bee Syndrome", where a so-called 'alpha female' goes mentally bezerk in the presence of another female that threatens some position of power they imagine they have, and sets them off on a really destructive path towards the perceived threat. 

I've seen mother-in-laws do it to daughter-in-laws and it also happens the other way round. The latter can especially happen if say a bloke goes abroad, finds a missus in his new home, and then later brings his moms into the house with the missus - the daughter-in-law can be seriously resentful about this. 

 

I remember a woman I worked with once who had a problem with her mother-in-law when she came to visit.

Her mother-in-law started to re-arrange all the stuff in the kitchen moving things around and it got on her nerves.

They say a man's home is his castle but the home is a woman's domain.

It is personal in a way that it is not for a man. Every cushion, matching curtain is placed in a specific place. It's that nesting instinct. It becomes very territorial for them.

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Blokes in homes full of women should maybe gently play on some of their insecurities (not in any majorly f**ked up way though) as a tool to diffuse all the natural back biting, game playing and b1tching that takes place. 

 

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Her mother-in-law started to re-arrange all the stuff in the kitchen moving things around and it got on her nerves.

They say a man's home is his castle but the home is a woman's domain.

It is personal in a way that it is not for a man. Every cushion, matching curtain is placed in a specific place. It's that nesting instinct. It becomes very territorial for them.

 

Many of us have OCD issues like this, but when some bird actually starts trying to derail a son's relationship with his moms over minor ish like this, that's bull5hit. And any bloke who justifies this is a straight pu55y too. 

In many cases women look for cues on how far they can take things, and any lax blokes just makes them get bolder and bolder. Geezers need to put their foot down at the early stages before problems become deeply rooted, having a strong sense of fairplay. In the long run the birds would probably respect them more for this. Instead faggy mfs positively reinforce id1otic behaviour by continuously succumbing to it. 

Yeah, we all have to deal with people coming in and messing up our perfect little schemes. 

But I guess the real question is that genetic variance means we can't all be alpha. What does that mean for those who intrinsically don't have it in them to stand out like that? Their relationships with girls is only going one way I guess? 

If mom's and your wife start acting dumb with each other over petty ish, a good idea is to laugh at both of them (when they are both together) in a disappointed and condescending way, shake your head, succinctly point out their stupidity and pi55 off to your mates for a few hours. 

Then, when you come back you should tell them words to the effect of (the actual words can be altered as required here): "F**k youse, I'm not living like this. If you want to carry on like this, knock yourselves out - but then I'm gonna f**k off with that sexy Lithuanian girl down the road whose been flirting with me for the last 6 months. Living with you is like living with two constantly bickering children!"

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3 hours ago, singhbj singh said:

Reality is, pappu was unable to find local wife.

reality is you can't read.  

 

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What purpose and reason is there any point with getting married to a girl from Punjab? 

In addition to above, dowry & free-obedient maid for life.

 

Because a Punjab girl knows a better culture that respects elders.  Unlike the short shorts thong wearing secondhand sloppy Joes with a chip on her shoulder because she is showing her but crack.  Why would a western born girl need to give a dowry.  She will be taking all of the father in-laws hard earned money after they die.  Father in law makes all the money and the bimbo moves into the father in law house after he passes away.  Really shows western boys wear the dress in the house.  Western boys don't own anything.  They live off of their parents till the bimbo marries him.  The Bimbo doesn't pay for the marriage but expects nearly 100k to be spent on the wedding that is half of the father in-laws money.  Punjabi parents need to whip these bimbos into shape.  Don't give them anything.  Throw them out on the curb and give the house, property, and business to charity.  Then these bimbos will come back on their hands and knees.

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6 hours ago, Akalifauj said:

reality is you can't read.  

 

Because a Punjab girl knows a better culture that respects elders.  Unlike the short shorts thong wearing secondhand sloppy Joes with a chip on her shoulder because she is showing her but crack.  Why would a western born girl need to give a dowry.  She will be taking all of the father in-laws hard earned money after they die.  Father in law makes all the money and the bimbo moves into the father in law house after he passes away.  Really shows western boys wear the dress in the house.  Western boys don't own anything.  They live off of their parents till the bimbo marries him.  The Bimbo doesn't pay for the marriage but expects nearly 100k to be spent on the wedding that is half of the father in-laws money.  Punjabi parents need to whip these bimbos into shape.  Don't give them anything.  Throw them out on the curb and give the house, property, and business to charity.  Then these bimbos will come back on their hands and knees.

Punjab is not that different these days.

It has changed and not for the better.

The main difference between a girl from West and one from Punjab is that girl from the west will show her cards a lot earlier whereas girl from Punjab is like a sleeper cell.

They keep their intentions close to their chest and boom you won't know what hit you.

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8 hours ago, Akalifauj said:

reality is you can't read.  

 

Because a Punjab girl knows a better culture that respects elders.  Unlike the short shorts thong wearing secondhand sloppy Joes with a chip on her shoulder because she is showing her but crack.  Why would a western born girl need to give a dowry.  She will be taking all of the father in-laws hard earned money after they die.  Father in law makes all the money and the bimbo moves into the father in law house after he passes away.  Really shows western boys wear the dress in the house.  Western boys don't own anything.  They live off of their parents till the bimbo marries him.  The Bimbo doesn't pay for the marriage but expects nearly 100k to be spent on the wedding that is half of the father in-laws money.  Punjabi parents need to whip these bimbos into shape.  Don't give them anything.  Throw them out on the curb and give the house, property, and business to charity.  Then these bimbos will come back on their hands and knees.

Akali you are totally biased in supporting Punjabis.

Fact is nobody has a substantial bank balance or own a house in their 20's.

So parents call the shots when it comes to marriage.

To fall in love you need "Daddy the paisa" No money no honey that is how it goes !

Doesn't matter whether it's Punjab or abroad.

 

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