Depression and sadness after marriage

[Akalifauj]

1 hour ago, Guest XYZ said:

I think delete the previous message because it can be written with professional way.

Question should arise so want to live your spouse with your young parents. Parents around 40 to mid 50 marry their children off. The a son loves his mother as well as his spouse. You boys need to think do I need the family to give my spouse a hard time. Or do I need to respect my own children. Don't you boys want to be better than the older generation. A mother giving a hard to your pregnant spouse is that not going to effect your child. Are these mommies boys so brainwashed that they forgot they have a mind of their own to respect the spouse who is going to give him his children. These fetus developing in the womb have the same rights as all of us. My request to boys grow up and start to aquire these good western values.

Yes this backwards post is a lot more professional.  Make sure to wipe the dirt off of your knees after leaving your bosses office.  What does your situation have to do with another person's issues?  NOTHING!!!! Stop your crying and whining and take off your wife's dress.  The original poster's wife doesn't want to work and wants to leave the house.  The guy wrote nothing about mother in law being anything.  Yet, you damn dress wearing men target the mother in law?  Your wife's dress is too tight for you take it off, it's making you see things.  With a weak father like you, your kids are going to turn out to be push overs, whether you leave the house or not.  You are the problem, not your dad.  Grow a pair.  If it wasn't for your parents, you wouldn't exist and neither will the fetus in your wife's belly.  Damn you are d*mb.  You must have gone to school to be this stupid, no one is this stupid without going to school for it.  The original poster wrote nothing about his family telling him to disrespect the wife.  Instead his wife is disrespecting his family by being a sloth and mentally abusing the husband into depression and sadness.  My request to you little men with wife's dresses on is to get DNA checks on whose kids you are raising. 

[Akalifauj]

On ‎24‎/‎06‎/‎2017 at 10:37 PM, Guest Pappi said:

Dear Sangat Ji,

 

I am going through much sadness in my life. I really wanted to get married when I was younger and wanted to have a happy married life.

 

Unfortunately the girl I was dating didn't want to be with my parents after marriage so I decided not to continue the relationship.

 

I ended up marrying someone from India and Sangat Ji , I was somewhat forced by all of my elders, parents, sister to marry this one girl.

 

I sponsored this girl and honestly regret it everyday, she has wanted to move out, won't help around the house. I feel somewhat depressed that I had such good intentions about marriage and didn't sleep around before marriage and now regret why I was so good. I keep praying to God for help and so far nothing has worked in my situation, but I have faith it will.

My lesson to all, is please don't force your children. I cry everyday before going to bed, I keep thinking all of this is because of my bad karma. I have had suicidal thoughts, and have trouble concentrating at woek.

I sometimes wish god takes my life early as my life is meaningless.

 

 

 

 

Why are you playing into her games?  She is being a brat.  She's the little child in the store aisles crying for a chocolate bar.  Ignore her whining and crying.  Go on with your day as a man with strength and show her you don't need her.  Flip the tables, show her, she needs you and the family.  Show her, you and your parents are one unit and will not be broken.    This has nothing to do with marrying a girl from india.  Majority of the women born and/or raised in western countries don't even know how to cook.  Forget about living with the parents after marriage.  Even if they live with the parents, they can't cook roti for the father in law, what use is such a woman, who can't cook for her husband's parents.  Might as well get a maid they are cheaper because they don't take half of your stuff.  All these western girls know is how to spend money on a face mask and body massages by men.  They will gladly take their clothes off for a massage, but will go to kill the father in law if he ask for a cooked meal.  Their priorities are all screwed up.  They gladly take their clothes off for a picture on instragram.  Why do some of these mona who are married to these western girls drink so much?  Because they are upset with themselves for marrying a sl*t.  They couldn't think straight at the time of marrying the bimbo because they were look for the wrong qualities.  Their dad warned them about marrying the girl who gives the milk for free, but they were lost in the face mask.  The grass is not greener on the other side.  If anything it's manure and second hand sloppy joe's.  You can fix your issue.  Best thing you can do is not show you are being hurt by her.  By showing you are hurt, she thinks sooner or later you will give into her demands.  Show her, you can care less of her stupid demands and are happy with living with the family.   Don't scare her or show any sign of violence or  show any sign of any weakness in you.  Many guys have been in your situation. When she ask for something, ask her to do something which she refuses to do.  She says no, walk away and ignore her request.  Children who don't eat their vegetables ask for ice cream, but smart parents don't give them ice cream till the child eats the vegetables and makes it clear, no ice cream till vegetables are done.  She has a roof over her head, bed to sleep on, and food to eat.  Anything extra she ask for is not to be provided.  You are not her servant, she needs to play an equal role in the household to be treated as an equal.  Your parents and you are not their to serve her wants and desires. 

[Guest Canadian Sikh]

6 hours ago, Akalifauj said:

 

 

 

Why are you playing into her games?  She is being a brat.  She's the little child in the store aisles crying for a chocolate bar.  Ignore her whining and crying.  Go on with your day as a man with strength and show her you don't need her.  Flip the tables, show her, she needs you and the family.  Show her, you and your parents are one unit and will not be broken.    This has nothing to do with marrying a girl from india.  Majority of the women born and/or raised in western countries don't even know how to cook.  Forget about living with the parents after marriage.  Even if they live with the parents, they can't cook roti for the father in law, what use is such a woman, who can't cook for her husband's parents.  Might as well get a maid they are cheaper because they don't take half of your stuff.  All these western girls know is how to spend money on a face mask and body massages by men.  They will gladly take their clothes off for a massage, but will go to kill the father in law if he ask for a cooked meal.  Their priorities are all screwed up.  They gladly take their clothes off for a picture on instragram.  Why do some of these mona who are married to these western girls drink so much?  Because they are upset with themselves for marrying a sl*t.  They couldn't think straight at the time of marrying the bimbo because they were look for the wrong qualities.  Their dad warned them about marrying the girl who gives the milk for free, but they were lost in the face mask.  The grass is not greener on the other side.  If anything it's manure and second hand sloppy joe's.  You can fix your issue.  Best thing you can do is not show you are being hurt by her.  By showing you are hurt, she thinks sooner or later you will give into her demands.  Show her, you can care less of her stupid demands and are happy with living with the family.   Don't scare her or show any sign of violence or  show any sign of any weakness in you.  Many guys have been in your situation. When she ask for something, ask her to do something which she refuses to do.  She says no, walk away and ignore her request.  Children who don't eat their vegetables ask for ice cream, but smart parents don't give them ice cream till the child eats the vegetables and makes it clear, no ice cream till vegetables are done.  She has a roof over her head, bed to sleep on, and food to eat.  Anything extra she ask for is not to be provided.  You are not her servant, she needs to play an equal role in the household to be treated as an equal.  Your parents and you are not their to serve her wants and desires. 

Tremendous post.

Only thing I will add is that it is unlikely this woman will learn from this. She'll become even more of a <banned word filter activated>. Guy needs to cut his losses and kick this <banned word filter activated> to hte curb.

You brought her out of that hellhole Punjab and gave her a new life here and she's treating you and your family like garbage. Kick her to the curb. 

[Ranjeet01]

I think our parent folk are going to have to buck up their ideas on marriage. 

Gone are the days where getting your son married in Punjab is somehow going to keep your son living with you.

What purpose and reason is there any point with getting married to a girl from Punjab? 

There is none!

Unless there is some economic catastrophe where multi generational households become the norm again I don't this situation changing.

I think parents cheat their sons by getting them married for the wrong reasons.

If it is grandkids they want do what Christiano Ronaldo has done and have a surrogate mother to have kids with and then have the grandmother look after them.

I'm being flippant with the last remark by the way but Ronaldo showing an example here.

[singhbj singh]

51 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

Gone are the days where getting your son married in Punjab is somehow going to keep your son living with you.

Reality is, pappu was unable to find local wife.

What purpose and reason is there any point with getting married to a girl from Punjab? 

In addition to above, dowry & free-obedient maid for life.

Unless there is some economic catastrophe where multi generational households become the norm again I don't this situation changing.

Do a survey on Sikhsangat to know the truth

I think parents cheat their sons by getting them married for the wrong reasons.

What are right reasons, it's not that they can't find a chic to get laid

 

 

[Ranjeet01]

6 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

 

Reality is Pappu could not find wife to live with his parents, that is why he went to Punjab.

Your second point mainly benefits the mother.

The fourth point you made is linked to my answer on your second point. That they should find a girl that is compatible for their son not for their own selfish reasons.

Reality is sons are seen as a pension scheme by a lot of parents.

In the olden days there was a code where the parents look after children and then the children look after the parents. But this is no longer the case.

 

[dallysingh101]

Quote

 

Gone are the days where getting your son married in Punjab is somehow going to keep your son living with you.

Reality is, pappu was unable to find local wife.

 

Let's keep it real about this one too. Plenty of backwards parents get threatened  when a boy does choose or find his own girl and act like spanners in the works to jeopardise the relationship, even when there is no real reason for them to do so. This probably goes back to their desire for a:

Quote

dowry & free-obedient maid for life.

A lot of Sikh buddhian are actually mad. Having been on the receiving end of control freak abuse by their own suss for years, when it comes to their son's partner, instead of learning lessons about this and rising above it, they see it as their turn to 'robe maar' now (and seem to relish the opportunity). lol

Or if the son has been groomed from birth to be a backboneless sap (i.e. secure pension scheme), they get threatened at the prospect of his women actually supporting him to act like a man and not a pushover. 

But the problem is this. Once a man has learnt to be quietly obedient to a women (even his mum), he usually continues along this way, and when he finally does get a women he may simply transfer that subservient (learnt behaviour) towards her. 

[MisterrSingh]

Leading on from the excellent few posts above me, I must say Punjabi men (newly married and otherwise) sleepwalk through most of their lives. There's a criminal dereliction of duties on their part when it comes to keeping a keen eye on everything that's going on under their roof. I don't know whether they get complacent with age, or whether it's a cultural thing, but it's mental laziness that leads to mothers and wives emerging as the ruling force in a household.

Everyone has their particular role to play in a successful household, but the male must lead by example. If he's an awake and active presence in the lives of his wife and his parents, there's simply no cause for conflict, because he knows how to keep that delicate equilibrium between spouse, parents, and any other immediate relations in the home. It sounds tiring, but it should be! If the wife still kicks off despite having no reason to, then she's one of those rotten eggs that just isn't going to learn no matter how well she's treated. But usually a strong, clued-up male presence (not a sleepy, barely-there beta pappu) is enough to keep things ticking along nicely for all involved. How does one become such a man? Well, I'll tell you how you don't become one, and it's mostly due to the environment / atmosphere (or "m'hohl" as it's referred to in our tongue) in Punjabi homes whether you're religiously orthodox or secular. Messed up mothers-in-law, devious wives, and weak men are not the exclusive preserve of one particular of the aforementioned groups. These type of people can be found in both types of household, and that unfortunately and inadvertently casts a negative light on how we view and practice our faith. But that's a separate issue.

[Ranjeet01]

37 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

Let's keep it real about this one too. Plenty of backwards parents get threatened  when a boy does choose or find his own girl and act like spanners in the works to jeopardise the relationship, even when there is no real reason for them to do so. This probably goes back to their desire for a:

A lot of Sikh buddhian are actually mad. Having been on the receiving end of control freak abuse by their own suss for years, when it comes to their son's partner, instead of learning lessons about this and rising above it, they see it as their turn to 'robe maar' now (and seem to relish the opportunity). lol

Or if the son has been groomed from birth to be a backboneless sap (i.e. secure pension scheme), they get threatened at the prospect of his women actually supporting him to act like a man and not a pushover. 

But the problem is this. Once a man has learnt to be quietly obedient to a women (even his mum), he usually continues along this way, and when he finally does get a women he may simply transfer that subservient (learnt behaviour) towards her. 

Some buddian have never lived with their suss and still act the same.

I think that in some cases that some women push their sons to get married and the second they do something in them triggers. Fear of losing control, jealousy, competition etc.

There are some things that women instinctively understand between each other that us men are not supposed to know.

Remember most of women's communication is covert. There is a lot of subtleties that most men are oblivious to.

[dallysingh101]

1 minute ago, Ranjeet01 said:

Some buddian have never lived with their suss and still act the same.

I think that in some cases that some women push their sons to get married and the second they do something in them triggers. Fear of losing control, jealousy, competition etc.

There are some things that women instinctively understand between each other that us men are not supposed to know.

Remember most of women's communication is covert. There is a lot of subtleties that most men are oblivious to.

I also believe there is a thing call "Queen Bee Syndrome", where a so-called 'alpha female' goes mentally bezerk in the presence of another female that threatens some position of power they imagine they have, and sets them off on a really destructive path towards the perceived threat. 

I've seen mother-in-laws do it to daughter-in-laws and it also happens the other way round. The latter can especially happen if say a bloke goes abroad, finds a missus in his new home, and then later brings his moms into the house with the missus - the daughter-in-law can be seriously resentful about this.