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Not Sardar Jokes : Stand-Up Comedy by Vikramjit Singh

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On 21/08/2017 at 11:06 PM, harsharan000 said:

Not sure if this technique works out or not, but for sure it is one of the most funny things ever watched

:rofl:rofl:rofl.

 

 

when he's permanently paralysed the operation will be a success!

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A farmer’s wife was terribly jealous.

Evening after evening she subjected her husband to a searching inspection.

When she would find even a single hair on his coat there would be a terrible scene.

One night she found nothing,  so she screamed now it’s a bald-headed woman.

 

                                                     ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The father of five children

 

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.

He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

Who is the most obedient? he asked

Who never talks back to mother?

Who does everything she says?

Five small voices answered in unison

Okay dad you get the toy .

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery

The operation went well and as the groggy man regained consciousness.

He was reassured by a Sister of Mercy who was waiting by his bed.

Mr Smith you re going to be just fine said the nun gently patting his hand.

We do need to know however how you intend to pay for your stay here.

Are you covered by insurance?

No I m not the man whispered hoarsely.

Can you pay in cash? persisted the nun.

I m afraid I cannot Sister.

Well do you have any close relatives? the nun asked.

Just my sister in Mexico he volunteered.

But she is a humble spinster nun.

Oh I must correct you Mr Smith, Nuns are not spinsters.

They are married to God.

Wonderful said Mr Smith,

In that case

please send the bill to my brother-in-law .

 

  • Haha 2

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Heart Da Mareej

Ik Premi Ohdi Premika Nu: “Tainu Dekhde Hi Meri Nashaa Ch Khoon Dauran Lag Painda Hai,
Akhan Ch Ajeeb Jehi Garmi Aa Jaandi Hai,
Sara Sareer Kamban Ja Lag Jaanda Hai Te Mera Dil Jor Jor Di Dhadkada Hai.”
Premika: “Tu Taan Yaar, Lagda Koi Heart Da Mareej Takkar Geya Mainu.”
 
 

Falling in Love

Boyfriend Apni Girlfriend Nu “I Love You” Kehnda Hai Te Gir Painda Hai,
Girlfriend: Ae Tusi Ki Kar Rahe Ho?
Boyfriend: I am Falling in Love.

 

Ik  jyotish Wala Joke

Ik jyotish Pappu nu: Beta, Tere Ghar Ch Bhootni Da Saya Hai
Pappu: jyotish ji, main Tainu Bada Maranga, Je Meri Wife De Baare Kuch Boelya...
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Mere raske kamar teri pahli najar song in new version in Charlie's style..😄😄

 

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A tale of "beggars" ....

 

In New York, two beggars were sitting side by side, one with "OM" sign and the other with "CROSS" sign.

People passing that area were giving dirty 😡 look to the beggar carrying the OM sign but giving a dollar to the one carrying the CROSS sign.

This was going on, when a father of a church was passing by and noticed this. He came to beggar who was carrying the OM sign and told him that you are in a country, where people follow Christianity.

You being a Hindu, will hardly get any alms.

Just to make you feel jealous and frustrated, people are giving dollars to your counterpart.

After the Father left, the beggar carrying the OM sign said the following in Gujarati to his counterpart:-

"Jignesh Bhai"?

"Yes Mansukh Bhai"

Now, this Father is trying to teach us how to do business.

:rofl:rofl:rofl

  • Haha 1

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    • I say stick to the Damdama version since most copies are based on that. And it includes hymns by Guru Tegh Bahadur and one Dohra by Guru Gobind Singh.
    • So many good points here. For one, we think of Sufis as the "good" and tolerant Muslims. But did you know that the main religious cheerleader for the martyrdom of Guru Arjan Dev ji was a Sufi Muslim leader from Sirhind (a huge city of that time)? His name was Ahmed Sirhindi, and he was a prominent member of the  Naqshbandī Sufi order. Supposedly he was a big philosopher. Here's Brittanica on him: In refuting the Naqshbandīyah order’s extreme monistic position of waḥdat al-wujūd (the concept of divine existential unity of God and the world, and hence man), he instead advanced the notion of waḥdat ash-shuhūd (the concept of unity of vision). According to this doctrine, any experience of unity between God and the world he has created is purely subjective and occurs only in the mind of the believer; it has no objective counterpart in the real world.  So you'd think this guy was just living the life of the mind, right? No, he was a fanatic who encouraged the Mughal emperor employ policy of radical Islam (also known as simply "Islam") and to execute Guru Arjan Dev ji Maharaj. This fool's tomb is hardly a mile from the site of the execution of the 2 younger Sahibzade at Fatehgarh Sahib. It's huge complex called Rauza Sharif, and it's quite popular with Muslims. You can also see a few stupid Sikhs visiting the tomb of their 5th Guru's enemy. Note: I'm not saying all Sufis are murderers or encouragers of murder. I'm just saying keep your eyes wide open.
    • Hey, don't you know?  All religions are equal. Get with the program, bro! (sarc)
    • Thanks bro. Just one more thing: Where exactly was the stall situated (so we can prepare our response for upcoming Nagar Kirtans). Was it on somebody's front yard?  Was it on a sidewalk? Or was it in a stall allocated by the Nagar Kirtan organizers?   Also, were there a lot of Sikhs perusing the books or talking to them? Or were they being ignored by our peeps?
    • Well, as I mentioned above, it's unclear what the specific situation was where they were located (sidewalk, private lawn, etc.). We may or may not be able to legally stop them from setting up a stall. But, yeah, I agree the reason they target us is they perceive us as weak. Even if we can't boot them via the police, we can swarm their stall with knowledgeable Sikhs. We should be prepared with a contingent of Sikhs to do parchar to Sikhs, and then also contingents to debate with any non-Sikhs that show up. It's like an army attack. Army vs. army is a fair fight. Prepared Muslims vs the average unprepared Sikh is a slaughter. Anyway, the the knowledgeable Sikhs will debate the Muslims, while the average Sikhs can stand around and watch, and get enlightened instead of being bombarded with false factoids by the Muslims. If they get the message that that's what's going to happen to them every nagar kirtan, then at some point, they'll stop showing up to nagar kirtans. Another tack we can take is to make it clear to them that we have no problem with them following their own faith, but if they're going to try to convert Sikhs, then we'll return the favor with a stall every Friday at their mosque. I have a feeling they'll back off. Thoughts?
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