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Not Sardar Jokes : Stand-Up Comedy by Vikramjit Singh

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Maakhan ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hee bacha ho gaya.

 

Maakhan -- Yeh 3 mahine mein bacha kaise ho gaya ?
Wife - Aapki shaadi ko kitna time hua ?
Maakhan - 3 mahine.
Wife - Aur meri shaadi ko kitna time hua ?
Maakhan - 3 mahine.
Wife - Aur bacha kitne time baad hua ?
Maakhan- 3 mahine baad.
Wife - Total kitna hua ?
.
Maakhan - Oh ! Jaanu, 9 mahine ho gaye....Time kaa pataa hee nahi chala..

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PROBLEM SOLVED

 

Teacher wrote on the board,
36x + yx, 2/3yx + 3x (66y + 12x).b =0.
He turned to Pappu and said, "Solve the problem."

 Pappu picked the duster, cleaned the board and said, "Problem solved!
😆😆😆...
Some of our problems require such solutions..

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                                                                          POOR HUSBAND

image.png.81fe574ccbdc67a5e581311b70153f81.png

Edited by harsharan000
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😎A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;😂😂

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;😜😜

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;
😂😂😂
 and

 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

😜😜😜
(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on😝

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;😄

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE  the problem;😜

and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
😜😜😜😝😝😝😝😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
 
The women won😜

 

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MARRIAGE

People say:

Marriage brings, spice, tears, flavour and taste to life!

Personally I believe,

Paani puri does a better job at a cheaper cost.

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Tujhme Rab Dikhta Hai Yaara Mai Kya Kru

Boy Tujh Me Rabb Dikhta Hai Yaara Mai Kya Kru?
Girl: Daran Kar,
Pooja Kar,
Ashirwad Le,
Prasad Kha,
Aur Aage Nikal, Pichhe Aur Bhi Bhakt Khade Hai...
 

bathroom ch mehfil

Girl: tusi bada sohna gaaunde ho,
Boy: main sunya tusi vi bada sohna gaa lainde ho,
Girl: oh tan main bas bathroom singer han,
Boy: tan fer kadi bulao othe hi mehfil lavange. ;)
 
 

Husband Di Lottery

Husband to Wife: Je Meri Naukari Nikal Jave Tan Tu Ki Karengi?
Badi Soch Vichar Ton Baad - Wife: Main Adhe Paise Laike Tenu Chhadd Devnagi...
Husband: Meri 100 Rupye Di Lottery Nikali Hai, Aa Fad 50 Rupye Te Dafa Hoja...
 
 
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THIS IS EPIC

A man was being interviewed for a post of a commando in the Army...

Interviewer : we want a person with a suspicious mind,  always alert, 

ready to attack,

acute sense of hearing,

detective ability,

and most importantly,

having a killer instinct !

So do you think you are eligible ?

Man: Sir ....  can my wife apply ?

 

 

Made for each other..

Relationship is easy,
when spouses know each other

Here are 2 classic  examples:

1) A husband comes home after attending a club meeting.
He tells his wife,“Dear there was a drinking competition after meeting today.”

His wife spontaneously...,
   “Who got the second position?”

2) A wife tells her husband,
“Dear there was a letter for you.
It’s written on the envelope,
‘Private and confidential.’”

The husband casually asks,
     “What was written inside?"

Great understanding of each other. :p:roflB|

 

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Thanks to multiple phone numbers each of the family members carrying now a days ...

And the way they are stored...  B|

contact list is a bit scary:p


"Mummy new"

"Papa 2"

"Wife old"

"Wife 2"

"Mother in Law  Jio"

And the best one is

" Husband temporary "
:rofl:rofl:rofl

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Hilarious. ......

2 tamil brahmin men get onto a bus in New York. They sit down & engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next 2 them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears 1 of them say the following:

"Emma cums first.
 Den I cum.
 Den two asses cum together.
 I cum once-a-more!
 2 asses, they cum 2gether again.
 I cum again and pee twice.
Then I cum one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more and shouts "You foul- mouthed Indian, in this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our personal lives however extraordinary they are."

"Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. "I am a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

(I swear you're gonna read this again):rofl:p:rofl

Edited by harsharan000
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...😉Wife gave 🎲 dice to Husband & said: "If u get 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5

You take me shopping

"Husband asked:Aur agar 6 aya toh?

😎 Wife: Kabhi 'LUDO' nahi khela kya?

Phir se chance milega.:p:p:rofl

 

 

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Don't laugh alone

A Gujju went to a dentist for tooth extraction, and first enquired about cost. 

Dentist said 1200 , the gujju thought it was too much. After some thought, he asked about cheaper methods.

The dentist said, yes, it can be done without anesthesia, and will cost only Rs.300, but it would  be very very painful.

The gujju said OK Dr, do it without anesthesia.

The dentist removed the tooth without anesthesia,  and during the entire procedure the gujju sat  quietly, even smiling a little.

The dentist was not only surprised, but was quite impressed and said: I have never seen such a brave patient like you.              I don't even want my fees, instead, take this Rs.500 as a reward, you've taught me such a powerful lesson today about mastering one's pain and feelings !!!

In the evening, the Dr met his fellow dentists, and told everyone about his amazing gujju patient.

Out of all doctors, one doctor jumped up and shouted :whistle:: that gujju first came to me, I gave him anesthesia and asked him to wait outside for half an hour !

After half an hour, when I called him he had already left !!!!

:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl

Edited by harsharan000
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