Not Sardar Jokes : Stand-Up Comedy by Vikramjit Singh

[singhbj singh]

 

[Singh1989]

Very talented. 

[harsharan000]

 

An indian origin guy goes for a job interview.

Interviewer : "Can you please write your name in English on this paper?"
 
Interviewer : "Are you sure this is your name"

Man : "Of course, I am sure that this is my name"

Interviewer "So your name is...PRETTY RED PANTIES"?

Man : "Yes sir, you told me to write my name in English, but in Punjabi my name is "SUNDAR LAL CHADHA" !!

[harsharan000]

On blondes ...

 

A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool.

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something.

The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate.

What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

 

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                                        One more ..........

One day a blonde walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.

The doctor askes her what had happened.

She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit, the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone.

"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other."

"The ba- stard called again"

 

         --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

" But what does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment.

"Watson, you  i-diot he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

[harsharan000]

 

Reunion Special: Read it?????

 

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.".

Well . . . you'll love this one..The stuff is from a lady called Archana

"My name is Archana. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Xavier's high school.

"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1987. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then,
that
ugly,
old,
bald,
wrinkled faced,
gray-haired,
decrepit,
id-iot;
asked,

"What subject did you teach" ?"

[harsharan000]

 

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak.

His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden.

I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father."

The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed"

At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.

A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes.

That's all I could do for you from here.

I love you,

Ahmed."

[harsharan000]

 

Air hostess: Sir kya loge?

Jatt : Milk Badam, Kheer, Bread Pakora n Tandoori Chicken wid Naan..

Air hostess : Sir tusi jahaaz te aaye ho,. Apne PYO DE VYAAH te nhi!.

 

 

Jatt on phone: Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.

Doctor: Is this her first child?

Jatt: No this is her husband speaking‚¦

 

 

 

 

[simran345]

2 hours ago, harsharan000 said:

 

Air hostess: Sir kya loge?

Jatt : Milk Badam, Kheer, Bread Pakora n Tandoori Chicken wid Naan..

Air hostess : Sir tusi jahaaz te aaye ho,. Apne PYO DE VYAAH te nhi!.

 

 

Jatt on phone: Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.

Doctor: Is this her first child?

Jatt: No this is her husband speaking‚¦

 

 

 

 

What's with the Jatt jokes? This is  the reason people fight about castes, when they put on jokes about each other's castes. This is far from what Sikhi teaches us. 

[harsharan000]

Not sure if this technique works out or not, but for sure it is one of the most funny things ever watched

.

 

 

[harsharan000]

 

 

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl.

"My mother cooks beans," said a boy.

A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."