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Guest Sharon91

Hi, I'm 25 from UK and live with family. I don't have a close relationship with my dad, brother or dads wife. I only talk to my grandma but she only speaks Punjabi. After university I lost contact with friends and family wasn't the best either. After my mom died 10 years ago my dad didn't make effort to talk to me and just ignored me. My brother never talks to me either and doesn't seem bothered about me. The only place I found people to talk with were strangers on the internet. My dads sisters and cousins started talking down to me and it started making me depressed so I stopped visiting them and when my dad noticed he started arguing with me and didn't understand how I felt. He cares more about what others think and I don't thinm he understands what family should be like. Nobody in my house has taught me about Sikhi and I think it could help me because I get so lonely. I'm thinking of getting my own place in a few years because I also feel like I don't have enough space and privacy and I just go to work or shops. Most of the time I stay in my room. I don't feel comfortable around my dad or brother. My dad only talks to me about negative things and it only leVes me feeling depressed. I sonetimes feel like I'm not a good enough person to start reading gurbani. I do have bad habits and my depression might be a barrier. Anyone got any advice?

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Guest Vaheguroo

Bhaenjee Sharon,

First of all I am sorry to hear the passing away of your mum - I think a mother is the only family member that can hold a family together - without her everything crumbles away... In response to your question I am guessing that your father and brother may be being cold towards you maybe because they see the stress of finding a suitable husband for you. Aged 25 I can only assume your dad especially does not know how to deal with the worry about how to get you married. Have you thought about marriage? Most if not all Gurdwara Sahibs have a marriage bearu where you leave your profile and they try to find a match...I believe once your married you will have a loving caring husband and family that will be there for you and eventually have your babies to care for - keeping you busy - all this will help your depressive episode in your life. I think once your happily in your own family your father and brother will miss you and not see you as a burden. You will have family gatherings without any tensions because you'll have your own private family life to go back home to every night. In our culture it is very difficult to keep marriageable aged daughters/sisters within the paternal home for too long - just tje way it is. Plus i believe you DESERVE a loving family to look after you and in return to love them. 

 

As for Gurbani - EVERYONE is worthy of reading Gurbani - Vaheguru will never judge you - He loves you. He can see your most deepest worries, fears and pain. He is not going to push you away for your 'bad habits' - He will take you and help you overcome those habits. Have you ever been to any Sikhi camps? Totally judgemental free where you can have a taster of Sikhi. They do numerous camps across England - ring and find out at your local Gurughars - especially during kids holidays. I think you will benefit from the annual Sikhi BOSS Camp:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/official_sikhi_camp/

Or google Sikhi BOSS Camp for more info.

Everyone has cold down moments in life - just remember Guru Granth Sahib Jee says:  You take ONE step towards me I will take a MILLION steps towards you. Just ignore any negative thoughts and take up the above suggestions. You never know how much happiness you can have in life if you dont take steps towards that dorection. I can see you in a happy family home with you family going to Sikhi camps and holidays with you kids and you will look back thinking wow Vaheguru you took me from that to this!?! THANK YOU!

 

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Do you have any interests or hobbies? Is there anything that brings you happiness; that occupies your mind and your time outside of work? Just floating around killing time is not healthy in any sense. First begin to learn what it is about yourself that you like, what you'd like to improve and learn, and what negative aspects of yourself you'd like to eliminate? Know yourself before you latch onto an ideology - religious or not - that focuses your attention towards one particular way of thinking and existing. You seem unhappy, and what you need is to be happy in your own skin before you throw yourself into anything considerably taxing on an emotional level. If you don't know yourself truly, your bad habits will be subsumed by the new path and ideas that you're hoping will be a release for you, but what'll happen is that you'll be living in between two worlds, not knowing how to deal with either. That will amplify your depression further. Gurbani is wonderful, but there's stages to pass through before something on that level can have the impact on your psyche that you're hoping it will. It's great that your thinking along those lines, though. I can attest to the healing power of Gurbani, I assure you, sister. But I needed some space before I could fully appreciate what Gurbani meant in relation to my existence.

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Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi
1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

Do you have any interests or hobbies? Is there anything that brings you happiness; that occupies your mind and your time outside of work? Just floating around killing time is not healthy in any sense. First begin to learn what it is about yourself that you like, what you'd like to improve and learn, and what negative aspects of yourself you'd like to eliminate? Know yourself before you latch onto an ideology - religious or not - that focuses your attention towards one particular way of thinking and existing. You seem unhappy, and what you need is to be happy in your own skin before you throw yourself into anything considerably taxing on an emotional level. If you don't know yourself truly, your bad habits will be subsumed by the new path and ideas that you're hoping will be a release for you, but what'll happen is that you'll be living in between two worlds, not knowing how to deal with either. That will amplify your depression further. Gurbani is wonderful, but there's stages to pass through before something on that level can have the impact on your psyche that you're hoping it will. It's great that your thinking along those lines, though. I can attest to the healing power of Gurbani, I assure you, sister. But I needed some space before I could fully appreciate what Gurbani meant in relation to my existence.

hi how 're you  MrSingh 

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Guest Jacfsing2
29 minutes ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

hi how 're you  MrSingh 

You could've used the P.M. system instead of making this awkward for everyone who would be reading this. 

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Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi
1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

I'm good, bro, how are you? Giving those cheeky workmates some much needed attitude? 

I am not there anymore ! I mean I work for same company but am at client side since 2 months now and dare I say the people here at client side are much more respectful or atleast talk to me like a normal human being , which shows that not everything is wrong with me. People in my office were jst d!cks ! 

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