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no such experience apart from the fact we had Anand Karaj, Guru nu hazar nazar rakh ke 4 laavan littiyan sii.... and he is my world..i have no one else....where shud i go...the promises made in front of Guru Granth Sahib ji... what about those...?? so everything was a lie... then...if ..dunno... been through too much...lines have been blurred..it will be shame for my family and for me to be divorced...and to go through all this...

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10 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

You have to first forget that you had a husband. You married a cheat and possibly sick in the head people. The same happened to one of my friends in your country. However she managed to get back to Kenya to her parents. You have to try to get back to your own country. Leave seeking your rights. These people play the system very well. Get help to just to back. It should not be that hard. You already have a life and siblings. Pick up your lost life from there. Divorced women still can get married. Get your confidence back and get your job and independence back first.

it is noot easy to forget...my gut feeling was telling me..but if Waheguru ji made this match, and doing so much paath everyday, him doing more than me,what is missing..where did i go wrong? which girl wants to have a disrupted married life...who wants to divorce?? i have no one to speak to right now...foreign land so much complications...lost my confidence...

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45 minutes ago, HBSingh said:

it is noot easy to forget...my gut feeling was telling me..but if Waheguru ji made this match, and doing so much paath everyday, him doing more than me,what is missing..where did i go wrong? which girl wants to have a disrupted married life...who wants to divorce?? i have no one to speak to right now...foreign land so much complications...lost my confidence...

Any bad experience is not easy to forget. Time is the best healer. When you have had your emotions played with in this way, you cannot think straight. That is why people are telling you to forget it. It is what you have to do if you want to move forward. You are not the only one to fall prey to this group out there. For some reason this group preys on well educated ladies. They reduce ladies to what you are right now. That is what you have to understand. 

Path does not save you from bad experiences. It can make you stronger to solve your problems. You have to trust that this happened to you for a reason which no one can fully explain. You just have to get onto your own feet right now. Ideally you would need to get back to your own country where you know the ways of your people. However if you stay where you are right now and keep fighting - it will take a long time and loads of headaches. Organisations do not have the answers straight away. You have to go through loads of systems which will take time. Perhaps then you just have to be patient and trust God will help and provide you with a solution. 

This experience may have exposed you to the evils of this world which will make you wiser - so that you know not to trust all people. Before committing to any rishta in the future, you have to get to know the people properly first. It is not worth the risk. Everyone who says they are Amritdharii are not that. 

God helps everyone differently. Just because you do path everyday does not mean that you will not have problems. Maybe your faith in God is being tested. Nothing good comes easy. Think about the difficulties which our Gurus had to go through esp. Guru Gobind singh Ji when he was all alone in the Machi vara jungle. These tests and hardships have come upon our Guru Jis as well. Not once have they said - why did this happen - and I am the Guru ?

Therefore you need to put yourself together and decide you have to forget this bad experience. Think of it as a bad dream and do something worthwhile which will get your mind off it completely. Divorced women have gone on to get married again. You will meet someone else who will take care of you. This time you will know and be careful about how you choose your rishta. 

Keep doing your path and keep asking for help. Time is the greatest healer. In time things become clearer. You are not alone. Many girls go through this. Many have taken some years off to forget bad experiences and to regain their self confidence. Some of my close friends have gone through this as well. They have recovered and remarried and forgotten their past lives. They have emerged wiser and have managed to give others great advice too. You can do the same.

Edited by sikhni777
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2 hours ago, sikhni777 said:

You have to first forget that you had a husband. You married a cheat and possibly sick in the head people. The same happened to one of my friends in your country. However she managed to get back to Kenya to her parents. You have to try to get back to your own country. Leave seeking your rights. These people play the system very well. Get help to just to back. It should not be that hard. You already have a life and siblings. Pick up your lost life from there. Divorced women still can get married. Get your confidence back and get your job and independence back first.

You forget that her parents have left the world from what she's said; she has nothing back in India so it's not the best choice.

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2 hours ago, HBSingh said:

no such experience apart from the fact we had Anand Karaj, Guru nu hazar nazar rakh ke 4 laavan littiyan sii.... and he is my world..i have no one else....where shud i go...the promises made in front of Guru Granth Sahib ji... what about those...?? so everything was a lie... then...if ..dunno... been through too much...lines have been blurred..it will be shame for my family and for me to be divorced...and to go through all this...

Your faith in Anand Karaj is great, you did commit your promise to Guru Sahib on staying with your husband despite all this; however, this guy was not everything to be expected. Guru Sahib so loved all of humanity to have even come on Earth, and to have a Sargun form which we can learn from, but his love for you may be in a different way which none of us truly understands. You will probably have shame; however, those who think wrongfully of you for this situation aren't the ones you should be close with.

1 hour ago, HBSingh said:

it is noot easy to forget...my gut feeling was telling me..but if Waheguru ji made this match, and doing so much paath everyday, him doing more than me,what is missing..where did i go wrong? which girl wants to have a disrupted married life...who wants to divorce?? i have no one to speak to right now...foreign land so much complications...lost my confidence...

Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Arjun Dev Ji for the sake of Gurbani to be respected and Prem for his far would-be successor: (Adi Granth/ Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji) that he slept on floors while keeping Adi Granth Sahib on a bed; (Adi Granth wasn't yet Guru Sahib at the time), there would be a chaur of higher quality for Adi Granth Sahib, and he went to the point of Shaheedi for the Prem of Adi Granth Sahib to not be given any Beadbi from changing it. Paht doesn't mean you don't have no sin, or you don't have to pay for your Karma, what it is, is that you don't have to tackle it alone and Vaheguru will keep your head on his hand. Your life isn't easy and nobody should say it is; however, you should forget that you were ever married for your mental health.

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i wish i could forget..but this marriage has made me currently homeless in a foreign country..no money..no home..grateful to senior citizens of Sikh community to give me shelter....food...but this is causing me mental stress..life was much more bearable with abuse living with him..now its as if i am beggar...atleast there i used to cook..clean..do household chores and be abused(i realised after being thrown out..told by others that it was domestic violence)..there was familiarity... no unknown place to live..grateful still..at least have a roof and food given to me ...people took me in...but so many legal issues to take care of now...uncertainity of future..raising money from community..never felt so helpless... confused..as i dont want to be a divorced women..back home in India..its a shame on family name..on me.. already people are gossiping...some ladies in Gurudwara sangat told me to go back to my husband saying such things happen,,i should adjust..i was adjusting till date...no one was listening to me when i told what i was going through..my aunts told me to bear it all..be a good wife..daughter in law..sister in law...bear everything with humility..i tried and now am thrown out..people who have sheltered me are my inlaws family friends..they say i am out of that house..i am saved...but this society does not let me live..i was never taken out of home to go to even Gurudwara in 6 months of marriage..hardly went there 3or 4 time...not allowed to talk to anyone..or speak..was just doing household chores from morning till midnight...atleast i thought i had a husband..now...am a women who has been thrown out...my emotions are strung and mentally am breaking out as my husband and his family are saying i should not be staying in this city..soo many complications..threats..they are not listening to anybody..i wish i could also forget that day when i was slapped by my father in law...i cant still get over the shock..

Edited by HBSingh

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If your main concern was to stay in America there are other options if you already have a green card then staying in an abusive relationship.

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24 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

If your main concern was to stay in America there are other options if you already have a green card then staying in an abusive relationship.

my concern was to have a happy married life... now my main concern is to get out of these legal issues and find my peace of mind... and to understand why i still hope for miracle and now what to do...i am still shocked..how can people one is living with plan things and do it one day and i didnt even realise it was going to happen...used to so much abuse everyday..it became normal..i never thought it could happen me..to a postgraduate girl..who had a career and everything..left to start a new phase ..a new life with my husband..was engaged for 3 years..knew each other for 5.5years ..and it was him who was always pursuing for marriage..it was on off talk we had till we got engaged , still then i was not allowed to share it on social media my engagement,even after marriage not allowed to post any pics or my relationship with him on fb, was asked by him to just obey his parents,his sisters living with us, as i was the youngest in the family, now i am thinking was this normal because i never felt it normal, we never went for honeymoon, never went out of the house, he works from home..so where did i go wrong in not understanding it all?? is it normal what one experiences after marriage here in foreign country?? becoz this doesnt happen in india in my relatives i know..all this with talk of gurmat and sikhi and gurbani everyday in their house..with nitnem..with sahaj paath..and what did i miss in there?? i was said to ne manmat not gurmat as i am not yet amritdhaari..and only applicable to me not my sister in laws who were amritdhaari but dont follow any dictats..am confused..

Edited by HBSingh

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44 minutes ago, HBSingh said:

i wish i could forget..but this marriage has made me currently homeless in a foreign country..no money..no home..grateful to senior citi nens of Sikh community to give me shelter....food...but this is causing me mental stress..life was much more bearable with abuse living with him..now its as if i am beggar...atleast there i used to cook..clean..do household chores and be abused(i realised after being thrown out..told by others that it was domestic violence)..there was familiarity... no unknown place to live..grateful still..at least have a roof and food given to me ...people took me in...but so many legal issues to take care of now...uncertainity of future..raising money from community..never felt so helpless... confused..as i dont want to be a divorced women..back home in India..its a shame on family name..on me.. already people are gossiping...some ladies in Gurudwara sangat told me to go back to my husband saying such things happen,,i should adjust..i was adjusting till date...no one was listening to me when i told what i was going through..my aunts told me to bear it all..be a good wife..daughter in law..sister in law...bear everything with humility..i tried and now am thrown out..people who have sheltered me are my inlaws family friends..they say i am out of that house..i am saved...but this society does not let me live..i was never taken out of home to go to even Gurudwara in 6 months of marriage..hardly went there 3or 4 time...not allowed to talk to anyone..or speak..was just doing household chores from morning till midnight...atleast i thought i had a husband..now...am a women who has been thrown out...my emotions are strung and mentally am breaking out as my husband and his family are saying i should not be staying in this city..soo many complications..threats..they are not listening to anybody

The girl I know was locked up and she ran away from this situation after just a month of torture. Its harder getting help when you know mo one at all. Getting rights In America takes more than five years even for those there legally. If your vhoice Is to stay there, no one can convince you to leave. 

 

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3 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

The girl I know was locked up and she ran away from this situation after just a month of torture. Its harder getting help when you know mo one at all. Getting rights In America takes more than five years even for those there legally. If your vhoice Is to stay there, no one can convince you to leave. 

 

my choice is not in question..fighting legal case here first...i cant even move from the city becoz of this

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7 minutes ago, HBSingh said:

my concern was to have a happy married life... now my main concern is to get out of these legal issues and find my peace of mind... and to understand why i still hope for miracle and now what to do...i am still shocked..how can people one is living with plan things and do it one day and i didnt even realise it was going to happen...used to so much abuse everyday..it became normal..i never thought it could happen me..to a postgraduate girl..who had a career and everything..left to start a new phase ..a new life with my husband..was engaged for 3 years..knew each other for 5.5years ..and it was him who was always pursuing for marriage..it was on off talk we had till we got engaged , still then i was not allowed to share it on social media my engagement,even after marriage not allowed to post any pics or my relationship with him on fb, was asked by him to just obey his parents,his sisters living with us, as i was the youngest in the family, now i am thinking was this normal because i never felt it normal, we never went for honeymoon, never went out of the house, he works from home..so where did i go wrong in not understanding it all?? is it normal what one experiences after marriage here in foreign country?? becoz this doesnt happen in india in my relatives i know..

What you are experiencing is not the norm; nor does it happen to many people in a majority. You don't deserve what's happening to you. Also just because you don't know the problems going on in your relatives marriages doesn't mean they don't happen. Also knowing someone for even your whole life still means nothing as people are fluid not defined and that was also mostly online. 

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To OP, you don't have to listen to the women at the Gurdwara. You have to be stronger and if anybody says anything to you, put them right. It's non of their business and they are not Judge and Jury or to decide what you should do, if they have no idea of what you've been through. 

What city or state are you in ? Keep patience until the legal issues are sorted out. How about contacting any of the links @singhbj singh paji put on? 

So if no organisation is available in your area, then go to your doctors and ask them for help with counselling and tell them how it's affecting you. They should be able to give you some counselling. Are you doing any Simran or Gurbani? 

Edited by simran345
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3 hours ago, HBSingh said:

my choice is noyot in question..fighting legual case here first...i cant even move from the city becoz of this

What legal case are you fighting? Why did You go to prison? What false accusations have been placed on you ? Did you bring a lot of money or gold with you which they have kept?

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5 hours ago, sikhni777 said:

What legal case are you fighting? Why did You go to prison? What false accusations have been placed on you ? Did you bring a lot of money or gold with you which they have kept?

divorce case...and domestic violence case am fighting...did not go to prison...yes had bought lot of gold jewellery..milni jewellery..milni clothes gifts..cash also..my cousin brother gave them cash and spent money on the marriage...like a normal indian punjabi wedding..my mother in law was not happy with our gifts and i gave all my shagun to my husband,he kept all the money and used it for spending on me..like buying new clothes..toiletries etc...we never went outside home..only few times i was taken to grocery store for buying household items..otherwise always at home..

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42 minutes ago, HBSingh said:

divorce case...and domestic violence case am fighting...did not go to prison...yes had bought lot of gold jewellery..milni jewellery..milni clothes gifts..cash also..my cousin brother gave them cash and spent money on the marriage...like a normal indian punjabi wedding..my mother in law was not happy with our gifts and i gave all my shagun to my husband,he kept all the money and used it for spending on me..like buying new clothes..toiletries etc...we never went outside home..only few times i was taken to grocery store for buying household items..otherwise always at home..

Should never have given them so much gold jewellery or cash, even milni jewellery, oh dear. Thought all that stopped, the milni gifting. 

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8 minutes ago, simran345 said:

Should never have given them so much gold jewellery or cash, even milni jewellery, oh dear. Thought all that stopped, the milni gifting. 

These things are still being practised by greedy people bhenji. Lots of my relatives complain about these practises.

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17 hours ago, HBSingh said:

no such experience apart from the fact we had Anand Karaj, Guru nu hazar nazar rakh ke 4 laavan littiyan sii.... and he is my world..i have no one else....where shud i go...the promises made in front of Guru Granth Sahib ji... what about those...?? so everything was a lie... then...if ..dunno... been through too much...lines have been blurred..it will be shame for my family and for me to be divorced...and to go through all this...

sister we marry ourselves to Akal Purakh not another human the deal is we agree to be sangat for that person and they us , but, your human husband wasn't up to the task whereas your spiritual husband is still waiting for you to make your moves towards Him. There is a kahavat 'jis ka koi nahin hai, usska rabb hi sab kuch hai'. The shame is not yours you did no wrong so do not think that way .

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8 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

sister we marry ourselves to Akal Purakh not another human the deal is we agree to be sangat for that person and they us , but, your human husband wasn't up to the task whereas your spiritual husband is still waiting for you to make your moves towards Him. There is a kahavat 'jis ka koi nahin hai, usska rabb hi sab kuch hai'. The shame is not yours you did no wrong so do not think that way .

Nice penji. 

 

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10 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

These things are still being practised by greedy people bhenji. Lots of my relatives complain about these practises.

Very sad. 

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On Sunday, April 09, 2017 at 11:42 PM, HBSingh said:

i wish i could forget..but this marriage has made me currently homeless in a foreign country..no money..no home..grateful to senior citizens of Sikh community to give me shelter....food...but this is causing me mental stress..life was much more bearable with abuse living with him..now its as if i am beggar...atleast there i used to cook..clean..do household chores and be abused(i realised after being thrown out..told by others that it was domestic violence)..there was familiarity... no unknown place to live..grateful still..at least have a roof and food given to me ...people took me in...but so many legal issues to take care of now...uncertainity of future..raising money from community..never felt so helpless... confused..as i dont want to be a divorced women..back home in India..its a shame on family name..on me.. already people are gossiping...some ladies in Gurudwara sangat told me to go back to my husband saying such things happen,,i should adjust..i was adjusting till date...no one was listening to me when i told what i was going through..my aunts told me to bear it all..be a good wife..daughter in law..sister in law...bear everything with humility..i tried and now am thrown out..people who have sheltered me are my inlaws family friends..they say i am out of that house..i am saved...but this society does not let me live..i was never taken out of home to go to even Gurudwara in 6 months of marriage..hardly went there 3or 4 time...not allowed to talk to anyone..or speak..was just doing household chores from morning till midnight...atleast i thought i had a husband..now...am a women who has been thrown out...my emotions are strung and mentally am breaking out as my husband and his family are saying i should not be staying in this city..soo many complications..threats..they are not listening to anybody..i wish i could also forget that day when i was slapped by my father in law...i cant still get over the shock..

Plz.tell.us what state in.the.USA?  Im from the UsA.so might be able.to.help. Also there are woman shelters u can call for help. You can google.the one.nearest ur location. I think if u could become independent it would help get ur mind out of past and stress. I dont know of u can get a job with your legal status. But u shud try

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today my husband divorced me....i have nothing more to say then cry....people from our commuity who have given me shelter are trying to cheer me up saying that i have been rescued...but i thought there was no concept of divorce in sikhi especially for amritdhaari sikhs

 

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21 minutes ago, HBSingh said:

today my husband divorced me....i have nothing more to say then cry....people from our commuity who have given me shelter are trying to cheer me up saying that i have been rescued...but i thought there was no concept of divorce in sikhi especially for amritdhaari sikhs

 

 

3 minutes ago, HBSingh said:

feeling drowned ....sad...just got divorced....

Sorry to hear this penji. Waheguru is your support, don't ever forget that. 

May Waheguru keep you strong and that with time you will heal. 

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