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20 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

who arranged the rista ? can they be reached and help in this situation? 

Honestly if This someone has brought you here have you got your visa to stay or not ? 

it was online arranged marriage...my visa is now cancelled as it was fiance visa...i cannot stay but am stuck in  a legal matters and cannot go also coz of this...its a complicated situation as their family is not listening to community also.i.e sikh sangat from Gurudwara sahib and are pressurising for me to leave city also and have created a mess where there is so much mental stress for me..

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Guest Jacfsing2

First is you have to realize that as long as there is Moh on your part; you can not move-on, as emotionally it's going to be traumatizing for you to leave and stay, so first you need counseling for that. 

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To OP, you seem like an educated woman, so keep strong and use that to help yourself.  Have you seen any immigration specialists or lawyers in regards to your residency there? What do they recommend to do? You may have a case from the way you've been treated. 

Is there any help you can get from a Sikh organisation such as here, we have Sikh helpline etc, but I'm not familiar with the organisations there. 

From what you have described, it seems that they are not accepting you back. It's disgusting what they have done, especially when you have nobody to turn to in a country that you haven't been in long. Firstly, they arranged everything online, and they didn't accept you as you are. What were they expecting online, without anybody knowing each other? Obviously there were going be things that would not suit them or you.  I wouldn't say that I as an arranged marriage, but an online marriage of convenience, from what's happened, because nobody knew each other. Was it done through a matrimonial site? 

As @Jacfsing2 paji has said, you need to get some counselling to help you with coming to terms of what has happened. If they are so nasty and treated you in bad way, then you are probably better off without them.  It is difficult for you not having any permanent residency, I'm sorry but I don't really know what to advise on situation like this, but just to do ardas to Waheguru to help you and use your wisdom to get out of this mess. Just wish the Gurdwara was more helpful in this and guide you the right way. There must be some organisation who help women in similar situations as yourself. Try and get that help from them. 

Hope it gets sorted and that you get support through this hard time. 

Some shabads for you:

 

 

( PS: where's the woman's rights posters now? Help karo kudi di Hun, uda te bathera kuch boldian). 

Edited by simran345

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Guest Shere_Panjab17
10 hours ago, simran345 said:

 (PS: where's the woman's rights posters now? Help karo kudi di Hun, uda te bathera kuch boldian). 

Oh no, not them again......... They are still waiting for their husbands to come back from work so they can post together some LOUD, EMPTY and BOGUS (BS) suggestions  online (useless waste of breath), Simran Penji. Don't waste your precious time waiting for those waste of space posters, they are all talk and no action kind of non- entities, with big mouths and big talk. They can't even defend themselves online without the help of a man let alone defending our OP huh:p

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WHAT SHUD I DO..i tried contacting some services here they dont give much help..just do case intake and want me to come to them..whereas who will take me to them..plus they refer to another organisation...and no one can keep on driving me around especially senior citizens who have shletered me...there is already daily enough legal things to take care of ..

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my dilemma isnt resolved yet,,what am i still missing..why is it so difficult to let go of my husband when it didnt take him a second to plot and throw me out in a demeaning manner

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You have to first forget that you had a husband. You married a cheat and possibly sick in the head people. The same happened to one of my friends in your country. However she managed to get back to Kenya to her parents. You have to try to get back to your own country. Leave seeking your rights. These people play the system very well. Get help to just to back. It should not be that hard. You already have a life and siblings. Pick up your lost life from there. Divorced women still can get married. Get your confidence back and get your job and independence back first.

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3 minutes ago, HBSingh said:

my dilemma isnt resolved yet,,what am i still missing..why is it so difficult to let go of my husband when it didnt take him a second to plot and throw me out in a demeaning manner

It seems like you have been having some previous experience where you were just mistreated and you respected and loved the people who did that. That is why you dont understand how you have fallen into the hands of people who can actually do such things. 

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no such experience apart from the fact we had Anand Karaj, Guru nu hazar nazar rakh ke 4 laavan littiyan sii.... and he is my world..i have no one else....where shud i go...the promises made in front of Guru Granth Sahib ji... what about those...?? so everything was a lie... then...if ..dunno... been through too much...lines have been blurred..it will be shame for my family and for me to be divorced...and to go through all this...

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10 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

You have to first forget that you had a husband. You married a cheat and possibly sick in the head people. The same happened to one of my friends in your country. However she managed to get back to Kenya to her parents. You have to try to get back to your own country. Leave seeking your rights. These people play the system very well. Get help to just to back. It should not be that hard. You already have a life and siblings. Pick up your lost life from there. Divorced women still can get married. Get your confidence back and get your job and independence back first.

it is noot easy to forget...my gut feeling was telling me..but if Waheguru ji made this match, and doing so much paath everyday, him doing more than me,what is missing..where did i go wrong? which girl wants to have a disrupted married life...who wants to divorce?? i have no one to speak to right now...foreign land so much complications...lost my confidence...

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45 minutes ago, HBSingh said:

it is noot easy to forget...my gut feeling was telling me..but if Waheguru ji made this match, and doing so much paath everyday, him doing more than me,what is missing..where did i go wrong? which girl wants to have a disrupted married life...who wants to divorce?? i have no one to speak to right now...foreign land so much complications...lost my confidence...

Any bad experience is not easy to forget. Time is the best healer. When you have had your emotions played with in this way, you cannot think straight. That is why people are telling you to forget it. It is what you have to do if you want to move forward. You are not the only one to fall prey to this group out there. For some reason this group preys on well educated ladies. They reduce ladies to what you are right now. That is what you have to understand. 

Path does not save you from bad experiences. It can make you stronger to solve your problems. You have to trust that this happened to you for a reason which no one can fully explain. You just have to get onto your own feet right now. Ideally you would need to get back to your own country where you know the ways of your people. However if you stay where you are right now and keep fighting - it will take a long time and loads of headaches. Organisations do not have the answers straight away. You have to go through loads of systems which will take time. Perhaps then you just have to be patient and trust God will help and provide you with a solution. 

This experience may have exposed you to the evils of this world which will make you wiser - so that you know not to trust all people. Before committing to any rishta in the future, you have to get to know the people properly first. It is not worth the risk. Everyone who says they are Amritdharii are not that. 

God helps everyone differently. Just because you do path everyday does not mean that you will not have problems. Maybe your faith in God is being tested. Nothing good comes easy. Think about the difficulties which our Gurus had to go through esp. Guru Gobind singh Ji when he was all alone in the Machi vara jungle. These tests and hardships have come upon our Guru Jis as well. Not once have they said - why did this happen - and I am the Guru ?

Therefore you need to put yourself together and decide you have to forget this bad experience. Think of it as a bad dream and do something worthwhile which will get your mind off it completely. Divorced women have gone on to get married again. You will meet someone else who will take care of you. This time you will know and be careful about how you choose your rishta. 

Keep doing your path and keep asking for help. Time is the greatest healer. In time things become clearer. You are not alone. Many girls go through this. Many have taken some years off to forget bad experiences and to regain their self confidence. Some of my close friends have gone through this as well. They have recovered and remarried and forgotten their past lives. They have emerged wiser and have managed to give others great advice too. You can do the same.

Edited by sikhni777
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Guest Jacfsing2
2 hours ago, sikhni777 said:

You have to first forget that you had a husband. You married a cheat and possibly sick in the head people. The same happened to one of my friends in your country. However she managed to get back to Kenya to her parents. You have to try to get back to your own country. Leave seeking your rights. These people play the system very well. Get help to just to back. It should not be that hard. You already have a life and siblings. Pick up your lost life from there. Divorced women still can get married. Get your confidence back and get your job and independence back first.

You forget that her parents have left the world from what she's said; she has nothing back in India so it's not the best choice.

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