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My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse .i still believed that my husband loved me I can't let go of the feeling of love towards him

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse and making false criminal charges on me just after 6 months of our marriage.. I was married here and came from India and was confined at home for 6 months..there were many daily instances of differential treatment with me and of abuse with me daily..i still believed that my husband loved me but after he put me through the most horrible situation, i still can't let go fo the feeling fo love towards him..everyone is saying I am saved by Waheguru but why do i still want to be with..i still want to talk to him once..i was thrown out of their house in a demeaning way and still i have feelings for him..why? What should i do...he has applied for divorce too and i dont want to divorce him..i love him truly and i have no one to go back to..my parents are not alive..am homeless in a foreign country..why did he do this to me after all this sikhi talk at his home and i was to take Amrit with him on this Baisakhi..why is this happening?

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1 hour ago, HBSingh said:

 

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse .i still believed that my husband loved me I can't let go of the feeling of love towards him

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse and making false criminal charges on me just after 6 months of our marriage.. I was married here and came from India and was confined at home for 6 months..there were many daily instances of differential treatment with me and of abuse with me daily..i still believed that my husband loved me but after he put me through the most horrible situation, i still can't let go fo the feeling fo love towards him..everyone is saying I am saved by Waheguru but why do i still want to be with..i still want to talk to him once..i was thrown out of their house in a demeaning way and still i have feelings for him..why? What should i do...he has applied for divorce too and i dont want to divorce him..i love him truly and i have no one to go back to..my parents are not alive..am homeless in a foreign country..why did he do this to me after all this sikhi talk at his home and i was to take Amrit with him on this Baisakhi..why is this happening?

who arranged the rista ? can they be reached and help in this situation? 

Honestly if This someone has brought you here have you got your visa to stay or not ? 

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Too little is being told about this case to give any advice.  Mostly it is relatives who encourage divorce. However to me it looks like a case of what some people did in the past... marriage to girls from india for dowry. They then throw the poor helpless girl out to survive on her own.

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There's no solution while you still have that Moh, so before anyone can give advice you've got to get counseling on that first and then move on.

2 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

who arranged the rista ?

Honestly if This someone has brought you here have you got your visa to stay or not ? 

What if it's one of those spouse visas? (Don't know if you guys have those in England). But we all know if we believe in Sikhi who made the Rishta in the first place and that's Vaheguru. If your Karma matches then you get Rishta with an equal. I don't want to say these types of things, but this was a question you can get random believer of Vaheguru, (even Non-Sikhs), can answer.

4 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Too little is being told about this case to give any advice.  Mostly it is relatives who encourage divorce. However to me it looks like a case of what some people did in the past... marriage to girls from india for dowry. They then throw the poor helpless girl out to survive on her own.

Isn't Dowry the parents selling the son?

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1 minute ago, Jacfsing2 said:

There's no solution while you still have that Moh, so before anyone can give advice you've got to get counseling on that first and then move on.

What if it's one of those spouse visas? (Don't know if you guys have those in England). But we all know if we believe in Sikhi who made the Rishta in the first place and that's Vaheguru. If your Karma matches then you get Rishta with an equal. I don't want to say these types of things, but this was a question you can get random believer of Vaheguru, (even Non-Sikhs), can answer.

Isn't Dowry the parents selling the son?

no , dowry is robbing the girl's family don't make the boy out to be the victim as there is not as much  stigma attached to divorced guys as there are girls . A guy can marry , rob, abuse and dump as many times as he likes without much comeback whereas a Girl is traumatised, belittled and dishonoured  in society . That's why Bhen ji is still clinging to this excuse of a man even though he has beaten and tried to get her arrested.

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18 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

no , dowry is robbing the girl's family don't make the boy out to be the victim as there is not as much  stigma attached to divorced guys as there are girls . A guy can marry , rob, abuse and dump as many times as he likes without much comeback whereas a Girl is traumatised, belittled and dishonoured  in society . That's why Bhen ji is still clinging to this excuse of a man even though he has beaten and tried to get her arrested.

So why do the groom's parents ask for X amount for their son? These situations and they'd marry their son to anyone in those scenarios. But what I think is Pakhand is when someone asks for a dowryless marriage, but then asks for a specific caste. If anyone is like such a snake they are a bigger problem than people who are asking for a dowry with a caste requirement, cause they just don't want to pay. When it comes to Rishtas sadly even hardcore Amritdharis would probably when asked who's Guru Sahib, they'd be all like who's that. 

People go to the point on being completely swapped in such scenarios, but hopefully it doesn't spread to other areas.

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28 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

So why do the groom's parents ask for X amount for their son? These situations and they'd marry their son to anyone in those scenarios. But what I think is Pakhand is when someone asks for a dowryless marriage, but then asks for a specific caste. If anyone is like such a snake they are a bigger problem than people who are asking for a dowry with a caste requirement, cause they just don't want to pay. When it comes to Rishtas sadly even hardcore Amritdharis would probably when asked who's Guru Sahib, they'd be all like who's that. 

People go to the point on being completely swapped in such scenarios, but hopefully it doesn't spread to other areas.

my philosophy is no asking, no giving , no taking  ...if you are really looking for the perfect mother/father for your grandchildren there are more important things to look out for like honesty, hardworking, caring nature etc.

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31 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

So why do the groom's parents ask for X amount for their son? These situations and they'd marry their son to anyone in those scenarios.

Unfortunately many of the parents of UK born youngsters and the youngsters themselves view marriage as an experiment to be undertaken. The risks involved with marrying someone from India are lesser as they can control them more easily. This applies to both males and females. UK residents feel like their needs are more superior to those of their Indian spouses. 

The weight a spouse would carry in the marriage is linked to their immediate nationality, the importance of their job and their current wealth. Personality has a part to play in this battle of the sexes too. One drives the marriage while the other follows. the short changed person feels cheated then and resorts to divorce - trying to shift the tables all over again. 

The result is suffering children, broke families, multiple spouses and a disintegrated society. Parents are sometimes consulted in this war and sometimes they just have to accept the tough situation that their children put them into. 

Some time ago there were stories of some people trying to use this get rich quick scheme of marrying an Indian girl and then just dumping her - keeping all the gold jewellery and since the girls parents paid for the wedding expenses, they don't have much to loose. A wedding for them costs only a plane ticket and girls parents will be gloating over them once they arrive back in India. They will give anything to such greedy people who are not slow to voice their demand either. Marriage after marriage - like an addiction. Who is to blame? Who can blame them when the girls here are helpless and poor families back in India cannot do much. Is there anyone powerful enough to stop this cycle?

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To 

7 hours ago, HBSingh said:

 

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse .i still believed that my husband loved me I can't let go of the feeling of love towards him

My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse and making false criminal charges on me just after 6 months of our marriage.. I was married here and came from India and was confined at home for 6 months..there were many daily instances of differential treatment with me and of abuse with me daily..i still believed that my husband loved me but after he put me through the most horrible situation, i still can't let go fo the feeling fo love towards him..everyone is saying I am saved by Waheguru but why do i still want to be with..i still want to talk to him once..i was thrown out of their house in a demeaning way and still i have feelings for him..why? What should i do...he has applied for divorce too and i dont want to divorce him..i love him truly and i have no one to go back to..my parents are not alive..am homeless in a foreign country..why did he do this to me after all this sikhi talk at his home and i was to take Amrit with him on this Baisakhi..why is this happening?

For a Kaur, you use Singh as your post name, why don't you use Kaur or something else or are you a male writing on behalf of someone else? 

Where are you living now? Can you approach the vachole, or whoever arranged the marriage? Was it arranged or love marriage ? 

What makes you love him when he's treated you like that? 

What do his parents say or are doing about this? Who is everyone that are saying you are saved by Waheguru ?  Do they know of his negative behaviour from before or any reason for them to say this? 

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4 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

no , dowry is robbing the girl's family don't make the boy out to be the victim as there is not as much  stigma attached to divorced guys as there are girls . A guy can marry , rob, abuse and dump as many times as he likes without much comeback whereas a Girl is traumatised, belittled and dishonoured  in society . That's why Bhen ji is still clinging to this excuse of a man even though he has beaten and tried to get her arrested.

It depends on how pretty the girl is. If she is stunning, she'll still have blokes clamouring for her after divorce - men are often simple creatures like that. lol

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28 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

It depends on how pretty the girl is. If she is stunning, she'll still have blokes clamouring for her after divorce - men are often simple creatures like that. lol

I thought most weddings in Punjabi culture were based on marrying 2 families. Otherwise caste wouldn't be an issue at all when it comes to marriage.

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Hi there, 

If you have recently got married, and since you are from abroad there has to be a certain number of years till he can actually divorce you because, they do not want sham marriages occurring. Therefore he cannot divorce you for at least 1-5 years depends on your marriage and how it has been taken up in court and whether or not they may think it was a sham marriage. I think you should get a job save up and have a place to live and have time away from your husband and to think about what your situation is and whether on not leaving him is going to happen. 

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Alright.

To clarify.

Quote

I am not in UK but in USA and i do not want to leave my husband. We have restraining orders between us for no contact. He and his family threw me out. The sikh community gave me shelter and now i am fighting my cases and I still dont know why i love him even after such abuse from him and his family. Maybe it was my fault too but my husband changed after  we got married and he grew more distant from me.

What should I do?

Source: http://answers.sikhnet.com/question/10870/my-husband-is-amritdhaari-sikh-and-he-is-divorcing-me-after-domestic-violence-and-abuse-i-still-believed-that-my-husband-loved-me-i-cant-let-go-of-the/

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14 hours ago, simran345 said:

To 

For a Kaur, you use Singh as your post name, why don't you use Kaur or something else or are you a male writing on behalf of someone else? 

Where are you living now? Can you approach the vachole, or whoever arranged the marriage? Was it arranged or love marriage ? 

What makes you love him when he's treated you like that? 

What do his parents say or are doing about this? Who is everyone that are saying you are saved by Waheguru ?  Do they know of his negative behaviour from before or any reason for them to say this? 

I am a kaur, i am from India, my husband is from usa, i was confined at home for 6 months, he has filed for divorce, the sikh community, means one of my husband's family friends saved me, i am still confused, it was an arranged marriage online contacted by his family, we were engaged for 3 yrs during which my parents passed away, got married here in states, i have no family to go back now,been though jail ,dont know anybody here, everyone says he is culprit, he does not love me, and i still want to make this marriage work, i am in a mess right now, homeless, no money, didnt have social security i had a career back in india, i still dont know what to do, my husband does what his family says, we lived with his parents, his 2 sisters, the one married, her kids and her husband also. sikh community elders are supporting me, but i am left questioning so many things, my father in law who is a doctorate in Sri Guru Granth Sahib tortured me, slapped,their whole family is amritdhaari, but only my husband and his parents wear all 5,i am not amritdhaari, i am a sikhni,and his sisters are allowed to wear everything, i had restrictions what to wear after marriage, had to follow certain rules and was tortured by his sisters and himself ad there were different standards for them and for me.things like this dont happen in India, my mother in law was never satisfied with what we gave them in marriage, even though they said we dont want, harsh reality is they took everything we gifted,and wanted more, i want to know why would anyone marry someone to make them work like a slave, contorl them,and then throw them out of house when they talk gursikhi, when my husband talkked all bani with me, did nitnem with me, we had anad karaj, then why this behaviour?? why am i not able to get over him when i know i was ill treated and suffered cruelty, my perception of world has changed, i dont know what to believe, to believ people who preach and profess gursilkhi and gurmat but its just words, no lectures, then people like me who are trying to live by sikhi tennets but not so much into all this rehat marayada and stuff why do people who are amritdhaari do this karma?? why did my husband do this to me?/ why?? what he did before and after marriage change so much, why...why cant i let go of him, our divorce is finalised,it jsut takes 2 months here in usa, and i still dont want divorce to happen,is wahegur ji had this anand karaj done, then how can it be broken,? is marriage just a word, with no meaning??as per his dad we were into manmat, but they are into gurmat, then is divorce gurmat?/ lines have been blurred, i have a social stigma attached being a divorced woman, in 6 months,that too when i left my life, my career, my siblings everything behind in india to marry my fiance and to be treated like this. why me, what shud i do..

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20 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

who arranged the rista ? can they be reached and help in this situation? 

Honestly if This someone has brought you here have you got your visa to stay or not ? 

it was online arranged marriage...my visa is now cancelled as it was fiance visa...i cannot stay but am stuck in  a legal matters and cannot go also coz of this...its a complicated situation as their family is not listening to community also.i.e sikh sangat from Gurudwara sahib and are pressurising for me to leave city also and have created a mess where there is so much mental stress for me..

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First is you have to realize that as long as there is Moh on your part; you can not move-on, as emotionally it's going to be traumatizing for you to leave and stay, so first you need counseling for that. 

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To OP, you seem like an educated woman, so keep strong and use that to help yourself.  Have you seen any immigration specialists or lawyers in regards to your residency there? What do they recommend to do? You may have a case from the way you've been treated. 

Is there any help you can get from a Sikh organisation such as here, we have Sikh helpline etc, but I'm not familiar with the organisations there. 

From what you have described, it seems that they are not accepting you back. It's disgusting what they have done, especially when you have nobody to turn to in a country that you haven't been in long. Firstly, they arranged everything online, and they didn't accept you as you are. What were they expecting online, without anybody knowing each other? Obviously there were going be things that would not suit them or you.  I wouldn't say that I as an arranged marriage, but an online marriage of convenience, from what's happened, because nobody knew each other. Was it done through a matrimonial site? 

As @Jacfsing2 paji has said, you need to get some counselling to help you with coming to terms of what has happened. If they are so nasty and treated you in bad way, then you are probably better off without them.  It is difficult for you not having any permanent residency, I'm sorry but I don't really know what to advise on situation like this, but just to do ardas to Waheguru to help you and use your wisdom to get out of this mess. Just wish the Gurdwara was more helpful in this and guide you the right way. There must be some organisation who help women in similar situations as yourself. Try and get that help from them. 

Hope it gets sorted and that you get support through this hard time. 

Some shabads for you:

 

 

( PS: where's the woman's rights posters now? Help karo kudi di Hun, uda te bathera kuch boldian). 

Edited by simran345

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10 hours ago, simran345 said:

 (PS: where's the woman's rights posters now? Help karo kudi di Hun, uda te bathera kuch boldian). 

Oh no, not them again......... They are still waiting for their husbands to come back from work so they can post together some LOUD, EMPTY and BOGUS (BS) suggestions  online (useless waste of breath), Simran Penji. Don't waste your precious time waiting for those waste of space posters, they are all talk and no action kind of non- entities, with big mouths and big talk. They can't even defend themselves online without the help of a man let alone defending our OP huh:p

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WHAT SHUD I DO..i tried contacting some services here they dont give much help..just do case intake and want me to come to them..whereas who will take me to them..plus they refer to another organisation...and no one can keep on driving me around especially senior citizens who have shletered me...there is already daily enough legal things to take care of ..

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my dilemma isnt resolved yet,,what am i still missing..why is it so difficult to let go of my husband when it didnt take him a second to plot and throw me out in a demeaning manner

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You have to first forget that you had a husband. You married a cheat and possibly sick in the head people. The same happened to one of my friends in your country. However she managed to get back to Kenya to her parents. You have to try to get back to your own country. Leave seeking your rights. These people play the system very well. Get help to just to back. It should not be that hard. You already have a life and siblings. Pick up your lost life from there. Divorced women still can get married. Get your confidence back and get your job and independence back first.

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3 minutes ago, HBSingh said:

my dilemma isnt resolved yet,,what am i still missing..why is it so difficult to let go of my husband when it didnt take him a second to plot and throw me out in a demeaning manner

It seems like you have been having some previous experience where you were just mistreated and you respected and loved the people who did that. That is why you dont understand how you have fallen into the hands of people who can actually do such things. 

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