dont talk to boys. .. why aren't you married whats happening section

[MisterrSingh]

6 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

Honestly I can't understand since my parents are more open than this, (even more open than I am at some points), but I couldn't just fall-in-love with some random person either if we weren't compatible.

The first mistake you're making is the "falling in love" part, lol. 

[Guest Jacfsing2]

42 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

The first mistake you're making is the "falling in love" part, lol. 

You make a point, but I'm talking about getting to know the person's qualities, (there are some people I've met who I would never expect to be so kind, but knowing them made me realize otherwise, and other times there are some people who look like they might be of some help, but never provide any).

[MisterrSingh]

24 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

You make a point, but I'm talking about getting to know the person's qualities, (there are some people I've met who I would never expect to be so kind, but knowing them made me realize otherwise, and other times there are some people who look like they might be of some help, but never provide any).

That's not falling in love, that's just being a well-rounded, receptive person without prejudices. Male-female relations pertaining to long term relationships are full of wildly varying dynamics, some of which defy logic. What you perceive to be "getting to know the person's qualities" might be the other person pushing the immediately visible surface layer of their persona whilst suppressing the rest. Everyone puts their best foot forward in those situations; rarely do people say, "Well i have a horrid temper most times, and i don't like to wake up before 1pm on Sundays." That's why westerners date, in order to discover the true person beneath the initial appeal that inevitably erodes over time. But even that isn't a fool proof method of discovering someone's nature and intentions. My point is there's no guaranteed formula for discovering someone's inner workings. One can make arrive at a calculated and educated decision after weighing up various factors, but going merely by what the other person presents to you is unwise. In other words, follow your head, not that warm, jumpy feeling in your chest or your stomach.

[Guest wonder]

@singhbj

love the one you marry? 

I totally understand where you comimg from but it's not realistic. Whats so romantic about that. Where's the light on the wedding day. How can it be ek joyt duwe moorti if its just a ritual. Its not just for the sake of children and families.  This could go on forever. nowadays marriage has just become a chore or function for families to look forward to. Who cares what we look forward to. What if the whole concept doesnt interest me. How can girls get intimate with someone they have no feelings for. Surely thats marrying to satisfy lustful needs which is obviously more frowned upon if we are taking society into consideration. It doesnt make us bad for not wanting to marry. 

[Akalifauj]

The girl who wrote this piece is of very low character.  No credible research would have been done.  This is the case of I have messed up my life, so should others because I am miserable.  Search her up, she exposes herself openly to the world.  No shame in her.

[Guest Wonder]

1 hour ago, Akalifauj said:

This is the case of I have messed up my life, so should others because I am miserable.  Search her up, she exposes herself openly to the world.  No shame in her.

I am not that girl whoever you have Directed the above to. And also stop assuming you are the 'know It all' Doesnt mean you can assume someome else Is unhappy because I am not. 

[Guest Jacfsing2]

3 hours ago, HarkiranKaur said:

Obviously not being Punjabi I am lacking a bit of understanding in the arranged marriage thing. I am assuming there is still a 'get to know each other' period for awhile before the marriage and even if so, if there is no 'love' between the husband and wife and it's just a purely arranged thing, do couples often bypass the wedding night if you know what I mean? I can't imagine being intimate with someone I don't have a connection with emotionally as well. It would be kind of yucky. Like just doing the deed for the sake of doing it and letting a stranger touch you. So do arranged marriage couples often wait after marriage and until they start to love each other, before they you know... consummate it? And please don't think this is a joke question for me it's serious. 

I guess you could say our marriage was self arranged but we met and spent time together for over a year prior to the wedding and talked every day so we had also an emotional connection that had built already. But we actually married not for love but bwcause we were both looking for the same things... Amritdhari, same goals etc. We both volunteer in community etc. No not so he could get a green card (which Canada does not have anyway) as Chatanga quite rudely suggested. 

Each scenario is a case-by-case scenario. In some cases you could have known the other person since you were a little kid and know being asked for marriage with them, (just to make one thing clear, the friend zone is some Pakhand, it doesn't exist), in other cases you just talk to them during that finding a Rishta process before the wedding. As for sex, don't really know what people do, but if they feel ready for it then they'll do it. Since I'm unmarried I really shouldn't be answering this, but love marriage without the whole dating process is not that different from an arranged marriage where the couple actually talks before the marriage, (similar to the childhood friend scenario, which is rare, but not rare enough to be surprised about).

[Akalifauj]

19 hours ago, Guest Wonder said:

I am not that girl whoever you have Directed the above to. And also stop assuming you are the 'know It all' Doesnt mean you can assume someome else Is unhappy because I am not. 

I was referring to the girl who wrote the article.  

[Guest Wonder]

3 hours ago, Akalifauj said:

I was referring to the girl who wrote the article.  

Apologies. I misunderstood

[singhbj singh]

On 23 March 2017 at 2:32 AM, Guest wonder said:

@singhbj

love the one you marry? 

I totally understand where you comimg from but it's not realistic. Whats so romantic about that. Where's the light on the wedding day. How can it be ek joyt duwe moorti if its just a ritual. Its not just for the sake of children and families.  This could go on forever. nowadays marriage has just become a chore or function for families to look forward to. Who cares what we look forward to. What if the whole concept doesnt interest me. How can girls get intimate with someone they have no feelings for. Surely thats marrying to satisfy lustful needs which is obviously more frowned upon if we are taking society into consideration. It doesnt make us bad for not wanting to marry. 

It doesn't matter where I come from just presenting Desi parents sentiment.

If you're parents are conservative & traditional then it's best to follow definition of RIGHT.

And who says there is no romance in Arranged Marriage now you want couples to talk about their intimate relation in public 

Unless you get married there can be no "Ek jot duwe murti"

so get married n discover it yourself !