Guest wonder

dont talk to boys. .. why aren't you married whats happening section

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I wanted to reply to the abivein gupt. IThis is on point. This is exactly what my parents don't understand either! Firstly they would like a normal family etc and then I am cut from all communication. They want us to never contact a person of the opposite gender and then we suddenly have to fall in love and marry someone of the opposite gender. I totally refuse. No I don't like to or want to talk to boys but if someone is meant to share a future with me then of course it's going to take a lot more than convincing me he's a nice gursikh. Like I'm sure he's a nice gursikh and would make an amazing parcharak or jathedar but we dont just fall in love with people becsuse they are gursikh. They have no idea who is good for us or who is bad. They would be disappointed if I were to talk to someone even in an innocent and genuine way yet we have to just 'do as they say' and change our lives and adjust eveything! I don't think its worth it. Just marrying to make people and parents happy. They never understand!!!

 

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I thought of posting this topic in Gupt after posting it in What's Happ..

Either Admin should move controversial topics to Gupt for discretion of members & honest opinion Or give option to members to post as Guest in all categories.

 

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20 hours ago, Guest wonder said:

I wanted to reply to the abivein gupt. IThis is on point. This is exactly what my parents don't understand either! Firstly they would like a normal family etc and then I am cut from all communication. They want us to never contact a person of the opposite gender and then we suddenly have to fall in love and marry someone of the opposite gender. I totally refuse. No I don't like to or want to talk to boys but if someone is meant to share a future with me then of course it's going to take a lot more than convincing me he's a nice gursikh. Like I'm sure he's a nice gursikh and would make an amazing parcharak or jathedar but we dont just fall in love with people becsuse they are gursikh. They have no idea who is good for us or who is bad. They would be disappointed if I were to talk to someone even in an innocent and genuine way yet we have to just 'do as they say' and change our lives and adjust eveything! I don't think its worth it. Just marrying to make people and parents happy. They never understand!!!

 

Girls should be grateful that parents are letting them access Internet without supervision n remain content.

No point dreaming of freedom and choosing your own spouse.

It's better to be realistic then live in La La Land.

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Yes I agree but its hard to explain. I have Internet for work solely.  How can I be content ifI dont want o be with someone. I have the strictest parents which is fine but when even they aren't fully happy and proud then you can help but think like this. I won't choose my own spouse because I cant anyway because I dont even know anybody. Of course theres bigger issue in the world and I am not ungrateful, just it saddens me a lot. I have to reply in gupt because I am not allowed to be talking to anyone so not allowed to sign up for any social media

Thank you singh bj

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On 3/12/2017 at 10:09 PM, singhbj singh said:

Girls should be grateful that parents are letting them access Internet without supervision n remain content.

No point dreaming of freedom and choosing your own spouse.

It's better to be realistic then live in La La Land.

What world are you living in?

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On 13/03/2017 at 11:35 AM, Guest Wonder said:

Yes I agree but its hard to explain. I have Internet for work solely.  How can I be content ifI dont want o be with someone. I have the strictest parents which is fine but when even they aren't fully happy and proud then you can help but think like this. I won't choose my own spouse because I cant anyway because I dont even know anybody. Of course theres bigger issue in the world and I am not ungrateful, just it saddens me a lot. I have to reply in gupt because I am not allowed to be talking to anyone so not allowed to sign up for any social media

Thank you singh bj

Definition of right n wrong as per traditional dictionary

Right - Love the one you marry

Wrong - Marry the one you love 

Benefit of having strict parents & being obedient is kids are married sooner then contemporaries.

Sincerely,

Uncle Singhbj.

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33 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

Not in La La Land !

Honestly you are the only member on this site living in La La Land.

1 person likes this

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On 3/13/2017 at 2:05 AM, Guest Wonder said:

Yes I agree but its hard to explain. I have Internet for work solely.  How can I be content ifI dont want o be with someone. I have the strictest parents which is fine but when even they aren't fully happy and proud then you can help but think like this. I won't choose my own spouse because I cant anyway because I dont even know anybody. Of course theres bigger issue in the world and I am not ungrateful, just it saddens me a lot. I have to reply in gupt because I am not allowed to be talking to anyone so not allowed to sign up for any social media

Thank you singh bj

I feel sorry for you.

On 3/13/2017 at 1:09 AM, singhbj singh said:

Girls should be grateful that parents are letting them access Internet without supervision n remain content.

No point dreaming of freedom and choosing your own spouse.

It's better to be realistic then live in La La Land.

Only noticed this recently, but do you want your spouse, (or future spouse), to be some slave for you? Gurbani does say to view spouse as Vaheguru, it doesn't say to treat them as Ghulami.

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On 3/12/2017 at 4:42 AM, Guest wonder said:

I wanted to reply to the abivein gupt. IThis is on point. This is exactly what my parents don't understand either! Firstly they would like a normal family etc and then I am cut from all communication. They want us to never contact a person of the opposite gender and then we suddenly have to fall in love and marry someone of the opposite gender. I totally refuse. No I don't like to or want to talk to boys but if someone is meant to share a future with me then of course it's going to take a lot more than convincing me he's a nice gursikh. Like I'm sure he's a nice gursikh and would make an amazing parcharak or jathedar but we dont just fall in love with people becsuse they are gursikh. They have no idea who is good for us or who is bad. They would be disappointed if I were to talk to someone even in an innocent and genuine way yet we have to just 'do as they say' and change our lives and adjust eveything! I don't think its worth it. Just marrying to make people and parents happy. They never understand!!!

Honestly I can't understand since my parents are more open than this, (even more open than I am at some points), but I couldn't just fall-in-love with some random person either if we weren't compatible.

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6 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

Honestly I can't understand since my parents are more open than this, (even more open than I am at some points), but I couldn't just fall-in-love with some random person either if we weren't compatible.

The first mistake you're making is the "falling in love" part, lol. 

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42 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

The first mistake you're making is the "falling in love" part, lol. 

You make a point, but I'm talking about getting to know the person's qualities, (there are some people I've met who I would never expect to be so kind, but knowing them made me realize otherwise, and other times there are some people who look like they might be of some help, but never provide any).

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24 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

You make a point, but I'm talking about getting to know the person's qualities, (there are some people I've met who I would never expect to be so kind, but knowing them made me realize otherwise, and other times there are some people who look like they might be of some help, but never provide any).

That's not falling in love, that's just being a well-rounded, receptive person without prejudices. Male-female relations pertaining to long term relationships are full of wildly varying dynamics, some of which defy logic. What you perceive to be "getting to know the person's qualities" might be the other person pushing the immediately visible surface layer of their persona whilst suppressing the rest. Everyone puts their best foot forward in those situations; rarely do people say, "Well i have a horrid temper most times, and i don't like to wake up before 1pm on Sundays." That's why westerners date, in order to discover the true person beneath the initial appeal that inevitably erodes over time. But even that isn't a fool proof method of discovering someone's nature and intentions. My point is there's no guaranteed formula for discovering someone's inner workings. One can make arrive at a calculated and educated decision after weighing up various factors, but going merely by what the other person presents to you is unwise. In other words, follow your head, not that warm, jumpy feeling in your chest or your stomach.

Edited by MisterrSingh

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@singhbj

love the one you marry? 

I totally understand where you comimg from but it's not realistic. Whats so romantic about that. Where's the light on the wedding day. How can it be ek joyt duwe moorti if its just a ritual. Its not just for the sake of children and families.  This could go on forever. nowadays marriage has just become a chore or function for families to look forward to. Who cares what we look forward to. What if the whole concept doesnt interest me. How can girls get intimate with someone they have no feelings for. Surely thats marrying to satisfy lustful needs which is obviously more frowned upon if we are taking society into consideration. It doesnt make us bad for not wanting to marry. 

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The girl who wrote this piece is of very low character.  No credible research would have been done.  This is the case of I have messed up my life, so should others because I am miserable.  Search her up, she exposes herself openly to the world.  No shame in her.

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1 hour ago, Akalifauj said:

This is the case of I have messed up my life, so should others because I am miserable.  Search her up, she exposes herself openly to the world.  No shame in her.

I am not that girl whoever you have Directed the above to. And also stop assuming you are the 'know It all' Doesnt mean you can assume someome else Is unhappy because I am not. 

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3 hours ago, HarkiranKaur said:

Obviously not being Punjabi I am lacking a bit of understanding in the arranged marriage thing. I am assuming there is still a 'get to know each other' period for awhile before the marriage and even if so, if there is no 'love' between the husband and wife and it's just a purely arranged thing, do couples often bypass the wedding night if you know what I mean? I can't imagine being intimate with someone I don't have a connection with emotionally as well. It would be kind of yucky. Like just doing the deed for the sake of doing it and letting a stranger touch you. So do arranged marriage couples often wait after marriage and until they start to love each other, before they you know... consummate it? And please don't think this is a joke question for me it's serious. 

I guess you could say our marriage was self arranged but we met and spent time together for over a year prior to the wedding and talked every day so we had also an emotional connection that had built already. But we actually married not for love but bwcause we were both looking for the same things... Amritdhari, same goals etc. We both volunteer in community etc. No not so he could get a green card (which Canada does not have anyway) as Chatanga quite rudely suggested. 

Each scenario is a case-by-case scenario. In some cases you could have known the other person since you were a little kid and know being asked for marriage with them, (just to make one thing clear, the friend zone is some Pakhand, it doesn't exist), in other cases you just talk to them during that finding a Rishta process before the wedding. As for sex, don't really know what people do, but if they feel ready for it then they'll do it. Since I'm unmarried I really shouldn't be answering this, but love marriage without the whole dating process is not that different from an arranged marriage where the couple actually talks before the marriage, (similar to the childhood friend scenario, which is rare, but not rare enough to be surprised about).

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19 hours ago, Guest Wonder said:

I am not that girl whoever you have Directed the above to. And also stop assuming you are the 'know It all' Doesnt mean you can assume someome else Is unhappy because I am not. 

I was referring to the girl who wrote the article.  

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3 hours ago, Akalifauj said:

I was referring to the girl who wrote the article.  

Apologies. I misunderstood

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On 23 March 2017 at 2:32 AM, Guest wonder said:

@singhbj

love the one you marry? 

I totally understand where you comimg from but it's not realistic. Whats so romantic about that. Where's the light on the wedding day. How can it be ek joyt duwe moorti if its just a ritual. Its not just for the sake of children and families.  This could go on forever. nowadays marriage has just become a chore or function for families to look forward to. Who cares what we look forward to. What if the whole concept doesnt interest me. How can girls get intimate with someone they have no feelings for. Surely thats marrying to satisfy lustful needs which is obviously more frowned upon if we are taking society into consideration. It doesnt make us bad for not wanting to marry. 

It doesn't matter where I come from just presenting Desi parents sentiment.

If you're parents are conservative & traditional then it's best to follow definition of RIGHT.

And who says there is no romance in Arranged Marriage now you want couples to talk about their intimate relation in public ^_^

Unless you get married there can be no "Ek jot duwe murti"

so get married n discover it yourself !

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2 hours ago, muscleman said:

Jacfsing2, I sincerely wish that you will fall in love with someone very soon to see how it drives you crazy. You are a total fool and they always say only fools fall in love! You have no idea what it is like to fall in love with someone and hope she/he feels the same way about you.  I can assure you that it is worse than an arranged marriage! I don't understand why you bother to reply to such topics of which you have no knowledge at all! I really hope that either you fall in love with someone pretty soon or someone else falls in love with you and that will teach you a lesson not to interfere with topics for which you are either too young or too inexperienced! I would never wish (this) upon my worst enemy to fall in love with anyone as I do for you. You really need to grow up to reply to such grown up matters, easpecially, matters that are deep and need a philosophical mind in order to make any sense of.  Jacfsing2, grow up, will you?

How can you ever or even confuse  love with sex? Love has nothing to do with a person's looks, color of their skin or hair or education background! Our souls fall in love and not our physical bodies. True love is unconditional and giving.  Have you been watching too much Holywood/Bollywood crap recently? Please grow up and if you can't then don't talk too much about grown up stuff! I did say once that you utter the most outrageous stuff on this site, didn't I?  See.........how right I was?

No mate, don't know what I did to you to make you hate me so much?

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On 24 March 2017 at 8:07 PM, Jacfsing2 said:

No mate, don't know what I did to you to make you hate me so much?

 No mate, I don't hate you at all.  You talk too much, it's  kinda irritating! Hate is a very strong and nagative word, it stunts our spiritual advancement, that's all. As a matter of fact, I agree and appreciate most of the stuff Jacfsing2 says most of zhe tymes .....haha!

Edited by muscleman

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14 hours ago, muscleman said:

 No mate, I don't hate you at all.  You talk too much, it's  kinda irritating! Hate is a very strong and nagative word, it stunts our spiritual advancement, that's all. 

You are trolling him because you don't like what he says.  It's not because he talks too much.  If he said the things you wanted him to say.  Then it would be completely fine with you and you wouldn't care how much he talked.  In fact you would be praising him and telling him to keep going.  Since he doesn't, now you are saying he is preventing himself from growing spiritually.  Clearly you have no spiritual advancement for trolling someone and it shows the level of anger built up in you. 

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Love for another is somewhat Selfless. For humans its natural, however letting it consume you is dangerous. Human relationships can be so complex...this is why im not getting married u.u

Edited by Kira

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