good upbringing of my child

[dallysingh101]

2 hours ago, Guest guest said:

They want to send him back to India because my mil is more comfortable living in India and they want to raise child according to Indian culture..that shows their own insecurities..my husband feels he doesnt have enough time for the kid.sending him to India is a better way

This is all weird.

If you haven't done anything to make anyone question your abilities as a mother, I wouldn't advise you to let your son to go away from you like this. Is your husband desi or something?

On the other hand (brace yourself for some criticism!), you acting like a mouse all these years has helped lead to this, and now if you object to their proposal, they might have a heart attack at your unexpected audacity, having become accustomed to you just going along with everything. 

You might have to toughen the f**k up now. Better late than never. 

 

I got to say, I do feel like there are important things you aren't telling us about this whole scenario (that is NOT a cue for you to start dropping all sorts of personal family stuff over the net btw!).

Internet is a weird and wonderful place. You get to hear all these weird things that take place behind closed doors in so-called 'respectable families'.

Now people want to send kids away to a foreign country without discussing it properly with both parents.  I can understand with apnee girls in the UK given all the slutty stuff and grooming, but not with boys. 

[Guest guest]

6 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

I think perhaps it was a spitball which was ultimately rejected because she managed to get her feeling across for that . Bhenji seems more than a little chippy ...my feeling is the whole root is her own reluctance to speak her truth gently and in a timely manner . 

I have had what others have described as nightmare inlaws but we still have a good husband wife bond because I acknowledge that NO ONE picks their folks it just comes in the package , and he has his feelings of love and duty just like I do so sure we both support each other in doing sewa of our folks and I will put mitti on his parents nonsense to me  as it only hurts him - they feel no remorse. My own Deor (lived with us 2 years) cannot get head around why I treat them so well when they are so nasty to me - Gurmat sikhiya and the desire to honour my husband's goodness . If most wives and husbands thought this way they would have a much more smooth journey.

Bhenji for how long can you respect a man who doesnt respect you who is not truthfull to you?even then I swear I always respect nd serve his family so well I would say better than my own family but inspite of all these efforrs I have never been appreciated ...how I wish to have that beautiful truthful honest relation wth my spouse..

[Not2Cool2Argue]

3 hours ago, Guest guest said:

They want to send him back to India because my mil is more comfortable living in India and they want to raise child according to Indian culture..that shows their own insecurities..my husband feels he doesnt have enough time for the kid.sending him to India is a better way

I dont think u should let ur child be taken away from u. My cousin grew up like that. My mamas son. My nani didnt like living alone so she decided to raise her grandson in america. Whie his parents worked in Canada overtime. The son is closer to the nani nana than his parents. And my nani never disclpined him and let him watch TV all day cuz he was bored with only budhe ppl at home. And eat junk food. Because my nani wanted him to like staying with her. She kind spoiled him. And nana was strict in other ways out of nowhere. But he still turned out better than the second son they raised themselves. The second son has most of his teeth replaced by metal caps due to cavities and is fat.

So tell ur husband that a child needs parental love or will not be close to the parents. Invite ur sass to live with u and babysit. Tell her she can take him to india when he is 5 or 6. Hes too young now.He will get sick due to india germs being different than here in the west.

Also do shabads poota mata ki asses. Dukh Bhanjani Sahib can be found in apps and youtube. Also play sukhmani sahib around the child at all times. I really like the one sung which i pasted below. Play it all the time. Good Luck. Stay positive and happy thoughts! 

 

[jkvlondon]

Bhen ji ,

you child will have better sikh sangat here in the Uk than in India and more chance of learning about sikhi too. Your husband needs to take interest in his duties as a Dad otherwise he is going to never be loved and respected by his son

[Guest guest]

1 hour ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

I dont think u should let ur child be taken away from u. My cousin grew up like that. My mamas son. My nani didnt like living alone so she decided to raise her grandson in america. Whie his parents worked in Canada overtime. The son is closer to the nani nana than his parents. And my nani never disclpined him and let him watch TV all day cuz he was bored with only budhe ppl at home. And eat junk food. Because my nani wanted him to like staying with her. She kind spoiled him. And nana was strict in other ways out of nowhere. But he still turned out better than the second son they raised themselves. The second son has most of his teeth replaced by metal caps due to cavities and is fat.

So tell ur husband that a child needs parental love or will not be close to the parents. Invite ur sass to live with u and babysit. Tell her she can take him to india when he is 5 or 6. Hes too young now.He will get sick due to india germs being different than here in the west.

Also do shabads poota mata ki asses. Dukh Bhanjani Sahib can be found in apps and youtube. Also play sukhmani sahib around the child at all times. I really like the one sung which i pasted below. Play it all the time. Good Luck. Stay positive and happy thoughts! 

 

My mil is living with us here but she is more comfortable there in India gossiping all day with her rishtedaars...honestly I havent seen any sort of discipline in their lives whereas me being a medical professional I am very much disciplined and I know the importance of discipline..Thanks for the advice I will surely try to recite Poota Mata ki aasees shabad..I am thnkful to all those who can understand my situation and help me to come out of the situation.

Thank you

[Guest guest]

1 hour ago, jkvlondon said:

Bhen ji ,

you child will have better sikh sangat here in the Uk than in India and my chance of learning about sikhi too. Your husband needs to take interest in his duties as a Dad otherwise he is going to never be loved and respected by his son

I wish he understands things and his thought process becomes rational..U cannot spoil ur child's future just to make your parents happy...he is so irrational in his thoughts..for him all canadian american europian kids are spoiled and only India more precisely grandparents houses are more cultured places where you should raise your kids...no doubt grandparents have their experiences but in this case me being a medical professional I think I know more of the things that my baby needs...regarding bonding with grandparents I never deny that until and unless that bonding is not meant to snatch a child from a mother..

[MisterrSingh]

2 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

This is all weird.

If you haven't done anything to make anyone question your abilities as a mother, I wouldn't advise you to let your son to go away from you like this. Is your husband desi or something?

On the other hand (brace yourself for some criticism!), you acting like a mouse all these years has helped lead to this, and now if you object to their proposal, they might have a heart attack at your unexpected audacity, having become accustomed to you just going along with everything. 

You might have to toughen the f**k up now. Better late than never. 

 

I got to say, I do feel like there are important things you aren't telling us about this whole scenario (that is NOT a cue for you to start dropping all sorts of personal family stuff over the net btw!).

Internet is a weird and wonderful place. You get to hear all these weird things that take place behind closed doors in so-called 'respectable families'.

Now people want to send kids away to a foreign country without discussing it properly with both parents.  I can understand with apnee girls in the UK given all the slutty stuff and grooming, but not with boys. 

Apparently the rationale behind such decisions is that the "degeneracy" of the West isn't conducive to a sensible and respectful child with morals and values. Funny how that doesn't extend to the opportunities it affords these same people to accumulate cash, lol. Have they completely managed to avoid any other people in Punjab, and haven't heard the carry on by the youngsters over there?

An inadequate and foolish parent is going to make a pig's ear of their child no matter which country he or she is raised.

Well, now some more details are emerging, it seems the husband wants to shirk his duties as a father by palming off his child to his mother. 

[dallysingh101]

2 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

An inadequate and foolish parent is going to make a pig's ear of their child no matter which country he or she is raised.

I agree. As you mentioned, it's not like their isn't a world of problems going on in Panjab itself. Serious ones.

 

Quote

Well, now some more details are emerging, it seems the husband wants to shirk his duties as a father by palming off his child to his mother. 

I have some empathy. Maybe he wasn't smart enough to deduce what is expected of fatherhood due to his own absent father? Lack of modelling so to speak. It doesn't happen all the time though, as I know plenty of guys who've grown up without their fathers (for various reasons) who've gone on to become decent, responsible fathers themselves. Or at least as good as anyone else in these times. 

Could be one of those 'blind leading the blind' situations here? Despite the best intentions, some people's cognitive limitations in perceiving their situations, and the impact of their decisions on others can lead to real strange behaviour that they are genuinely oblivious too. Some people do destructive things out of malice, some people do destructive things because they don't know any better and actually believe they are doing good. Crazy world but is VERY common. 

[MisterrSingh]

17 hours ago, Guest guest said:

may be his mother made him forget his dad and his family that is why they always have these insecurities...because they know they have not behaved with me well

As much as I was defending the emotional link between your husband and mil in terms of the father not being on the scene, a man should be strong of mind to make his own decisions. Yes, consult the mother, show her due respect, but ultimately stand on your own convictions. I don't blame them for opting for a wife in you that would offer the least resistance. There are some terribly horrific tales of what happens to Sikh families once the wrong woman enters the home. Still, that's not your problem. As I said, your best bet is to talk sincerely to your husband without giving the impression you're plotting against his mother. Aside from that there isn't much you can do without making a huge scene, and doing so would just escalate issues that don't need to be escalated. 

[jkvlondon]

5 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

As much as I was defending the emotional link between your husband and mil in terms of the father not being on the scene, a man should be strong of mind to make his own decisions. Yes, consult the mother, show her due respect, but ultimately stand on your own convictions. I don't blame them for opting for a wife in you that would offer the least resistance. There are some terribly horrific tales of what happens to Sikh families once the wrong woman enters the home. Still, that's not your problem. As I said, your best bet is to talk sincerely to your husband without giving the impression you're plotting against his mother. Aside from that there isn't much you can do without making a huge scene, and doing so would just escalate issues that don't need to be escalated. 

The baby has to have his own passport and signed letters from BOTH parents before he can be transport out of the country , I suggest she doesn't comply with her letter.