good upbringing of my child

[MisterrSingh]

16 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

The baby has to have his own passport and signed letters from BOTH parents before he can be transport out of the country , I suggest she doesn't comply with her letter.

I dread to think the kind of pressure they'll apply to make that happen. Or maybe they'll just forge her signature?

[jkvlondon]

1 minute ago, MisterrSingh said:

I dread to think the kind of pressure they'll apply to make that happen. Or maybe they'll just forge her signature?

she may just have to involve the police then ... kidnapping is frowned on majorly by the Goray

[MisterrSingh]

5 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

she may just have to involve the police then ... kidnapping is frowned on majorly by the Goray

That's one decision she won't be able to return from. They'll make her life very difficult if she does that.

A part of me says compromise and understanding only occurs between two parties that share a semblance of wisdom and maturity, and a desire to be amicable. I don't think there's much of that going on in our people or in this instance.

[jkvlondon]

8 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

I dread to think the kind of pressure they'll apply to make that happen. Or maybe they'll just forge her signature?

Perhaps since it seems an issue of sikhi upbringing she could approach the Gursikhs/SInghs in her neighbourhood for help with persuading the MIL and husband , with more outside help he may be made to see the error of his thinking . I mean God Forbid something happens to the grandma what happens to the child, they haven't even thought it through properly. Sitting in the pind he be expose to drug addiction , the kids are even involved these days. 

[dallysingh101]

Quote

 I don't blame them for opting for a wife in you that would offer the least resistance. 

I think that in itself says A LOT. I understand the concerns with wives, especially in this day and age. But for any family to seek the most docile, compliant women they can find is straight weird. It shows you how abnormally controlling they are. 

 

Maybe the guy has had bad experiences with women in the past, or if he's grown up here in the UK, he's probably seen apneean get up to all sorts growing up. So he's just deferred everything to his momma. And I know what a lot of older Panjabi women are like. They have that 'Queen Bee' syndrome where their emotions get very violent when another younger female comes into the hive. 

[jkvlondon]

1 minute ago, dallysingh101 said:

I think that in itself says A LOT. I understand the concerns with wives, especially in this day and age. But for any family to seek the most docile, compliant women they can find is straight weird. It shows you how abnormally controlling they are. 

 

Maybe the guy has had bad experiences with women in the past, or if he's grown up here in the UK, he's probably seen apneean get up to all sorts growing up. So he's just deferred everything to his momma. And I know what a lot of older Panjabi women are like. They have that 'Queen Bee' syndrome where their emotions get very violent when another younger female comes into the hive. 

I think they are in Canada ... but yes it does seem like the Saas is not being normal , who seperates a two month old from their mother?

[dallysingh101]

3 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

I think they are in Canada ... but yes it does seem like the Saas is not being normal , who seperates a two month old from their mother?

Yeah, the OP should not let this happen. Especially at this young age. There are well documented effects on attachment and bonding during the early years of development, so the OP has genuine reason for concern. 

You have to be careful with families like these. They seem nuts, and God knows how they might mentally torture the DIL if she doesn't comply. They might be what is referred to as a 'schizogenic family'. Reminds me of that family in Hounslow....the Athwals or something. 

I know from my own experiences of growing up in a single parent family (and what I've seen with SOME other families in the same situ), that it can sometimes skew the mind of the mother who has been left holding the can. They can get weird. I remember my mum acting a bit controlling towards my SIL when she first come here from India, but pubhi had support and I wouldn't hesitate to call my mum out if she got too much. That kind of stuff is important as a balance or people run riot with their issues.

Problem with this family is that the son seems to have completely subordinated himself to his mommy, and doesn't seem to be using his brain. If the moms is that controlling that she's got the son completely controlled, it means that this is something that is normal behaviour for her. So she's likely to react very negatively towards any attempts by the OP to assert herself. And probably chose her for the marriage because she identified her as least likely to ever do this in the first place.  

No mother should be separated from her child unless their are compelling reasons for it. Like her having a mental breakdown and becoming neglectful and dangerous, or physically and/or mentally abusing the child. As a teacher, you see this more than you might think, some moms get depressed, or are resentful towards their husbands/partners and project this frustration onto the kids who are less able to defend themselves. With single Panjabi moms from back home, they might get majorly controlling over their sons (especially if they only have one) because they have desertion/abandonment issues, this is even more so if the son is weak willed and susceptible to this type of psychological manipulation. 

 

 

[MisterrSingh]

52 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

Sitting in the pind he be expose to drug addiction , the kids are even involved these days. 

I've heard something similar. Kids as young as 7 used as mules to carry drugs between homes in the same pind. It's like something out of a nightmare.

 

51 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

I think that in itself says A LOT. I understand the concerns with wives, especially in this day and age. But for any family to seek the most docile, compliant women they can find is straight weird. It shows you how abnormally controlling they are. 

Maybe the guy has had bad experiences with women in the past, or if he's grown up here in the UK, he's probably seen apneean get up to all sorts growing up. So he's just deferred everything to his momma. And I know what a lot of older Panjabi women are like. They have that 'Queen Bee' syndrome where their emotions get very violent when another younger female comes into the hive. 

Why get married? Just hire a cook and a cleaner, lol.

I have to wonder whether Punjabi culture has facilitated the process of marriage for guys who, if they had to fend for themselves and find a life partner on the strength of their personality, appeal, and generally pleasant demeanour, wouldn't be capable of attracting a mate of their own volition. Are things set up so they can't fail? 

Can't blame the guys completely. The pickings available here and back home are increasingly slim for differing reasons. Nobody wants to tolerate a mouthy, difficult woman. Any man with an ounce of awareness will not be dominated.

[simran345]

6 hours ago, Preeet said:

Can you live with her together at India? I guess you should follow your intuition. 

People from India are paying thousands to get abroad for their kids future's. I wouldn't suggest them going to India. There are more prospects where she is now. 

[dallysingh101]

Quote

Can't blame the guys completely. The pickings available here and back home are increasingly slim for differing reasons. Nobody wants to tolerate a mouthy, difficult woman. Any man with an ounce of awareness will not be dominated

. You'd be surprised. There are men who pay to be humiliated and degraded by women apparently!! lol

I fully agree that any bloke with a shred of self-respect wouldn't tolerate some mouthy, difficult cow (of which we have an abundance in our community for some reason?), but on the flipside, any Sikh bloke who's happy to have a doormat of a women for his wife has his own (serious) issues.