Marriage at 21

[Guest singhni]

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh,

the tittle pretty much sums it up - im 21 studying at uni and have been struggling with severe anxiety for a good few years. im finally working my way back up in my life and im happy, and im happy with myself and with the progress im making in my life. however according to relatives i should be married as soon as possible, if not, now. this makes no sense to me? times have changed, life spans have increased, retirement age will be much higher for our time, cost of living is only increasing and my generation wont have a great pension to spend in comparison to the current pension holders. not only that, but due to my mental health 'probems' im not stable enough for marriage. sure on the outsude i looke perfectly fine, but i know i am not. ive taken a few risks in my life thinking it would change for the better but i regret all of those decisions, so please can no one say that i should just go for it and it will be fine, no it wont.

the advice i need is how to get relatives off my back. none of my relatives (i have good reasons) know about my severe anxiety and how much it has affected me. they dont know that kind of situations i have overcome to be who i am today. essentially i dont feel like they know me at all because theyre not even looking out for amritdhari when i myself, very very soon will be blessed with amrit! i am not ready for marriage at all, and i want to START enjoying my life. ive never been completely selfish, but having started to allow myself to, it has helped my anxiety issues a lot.

so how can i help them understand i do not want to marry now, without them understanding completely? (please dont suggest i tell them everything because they wont understand)

[singhbj singh]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki fateh 

I think you should consult them

http://www.kaurscorner.com/ask-a-question

http://www.sikhhelpline.com

http://www.sikhfamilyhelpline.com

https://kaurlife.org/support/

Waheguru ji ka khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki fateh 

[Not2Cool2Argue]

3 hours ago, Guest singhni said:

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh,

the tittle pretty much sums it up - im 21 studying at uni and have been struggling with severe anxiety for a good few years. im finally working my way back up in my life and im happy, and im happy with myself and with the progress im making in my life. however according to relatives i should be married as soon as possible, if not, now. this makes no sense to me? times have changed, life spans have increased, retirement age will be much higher for our time, cost of living is only increasing and my generation wont have a great pension to spend in comparison to the current pension holders. not only that, but due to my mental health 'probems' im not stable enough for marriage. sure on the outsude i looke perfectly fine, but i know i am not. ive taken a few risks in my life thinking it would change for the better but i regret all of those decisions, so please can no one say that i should just go for it and it will be fine, no it wont.

the advice i need is how to get relatives off my back. none of my relatives (i have good reasons) know about my severe anxiety and how much it has affected me. they dont know that kind of situations i have overcome to be who i am today. essentially i dont feel like they know me at all because theyre not even looking out for amritdhari when i myself, very very soon will be blessed with amrit! i am not ready for marriage at all, and i want to START enjoying my life. ive never been completely selfish, but having started to allow myself to, it has helped my anxiety issues a lot.

so how can i help them understand i do not want to marry now, without them understanding completely? (please dont suggest i tell them everything because they wont understand)

Tell them u need to finish ur studies. Cuz after marriage u will be too busy to finish studies. And these days 2 incomes r needed to run a household. So say after i finish my studies and have a job, i will ready for marriage. Also tell them that the average age for woman to be married is 26 years old.

Also, dont worry too much. They still have to find a guy, and that takes a while. Alot of ppl r having problems finding a rishta these days. Also u can let them find guys n then keep saying no. Like not good enough. 

So maybe shud let them find prospective grooms cuz if u start looking when ur ready, it might take too long. So if they start looking now, they will find someone suited to their and ur taste in 3 or 4 years......or are they the type to just promise u to anyone and expect u to go through with it?

[Guest Married for 5 years]

Don't get married until you are economically stable. I got married when we were not economically stabled, one worked while the other studied. It was brutal and severely damaged our relationship.

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