Jump to content

Marriage at 21


Guest singhni
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest singhni

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh,

the tittle pretty much sums it up - im 21 studying at uni and have been struggling with severe anxiety for a good few years. im finally working my way back up in my life and im happy, and im happy with myself and with the progress im making in my life. however according to relatives i should be married as soon as possible, if not, now. this makes no sense to me? times have changed, life spans have increased, retirement age will be much higher for our time, cost of living is only increasing and my generation wont have a great pension to spend in comparison to the current pension holders. not only that, but due to my mental health 'probems' im not stable enough for marriage. sure on the outsude i looke perfectly fine, but i know i am not. ive taken a few risks in my life thinking it would change for the better but i regret all of those decisions, so please can no one say that i should just go for it and it will be fine, no it wont.

the advice i need is how to get relatives off my back. none of my relatives (i have good reasons) know about my severe anxiety and how much it has affected me. they dont know that kind of situations i have overcome to be who i am today. essentially i dont feel like they know me at all because theyre not even looking out for amritdhari when i myself, very very soon will be blessed with amrit! i am not ready for marriage at all, and i want to START enjoying my life. ive never been completely selfish, but having started to allow myself to, it has helped my anxiety issues a lot.

so how can i help them understand i do not want to marry now, without them understanding completely? (please dont suggest i tell them everything because they wont understand)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Guest singhni said:

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh,

the tittle pretty much sums it up - im 21 studying at uni and have been struggling with severe anxiety for a good few years. im finally working my way back up in my life and im happy, and im happy with myself and with the progress im making in my life. however according to relatives i should be married as soon as possible, if not, now. this makes no sense to me? times have changed, life spans have increased, retirement age will be much higher for our time, cost of living is only increasing and my generation wont have a great pension to spend in comparison to the current pension holders. not only that, but due to my mental health 'probems' im not stable enough for marriage. sure on the outsude i looke perfectly fine, but i know i am not. ive taken a few risks in my life thinking it would change for the better but i regret all of those decisions, so please can no one say that i should just go for it and it will be fine, no it wont.

the advice i need is how to get relatives off my back. none of my relatives (i have good reasons) know about my severe anxiety and how much it has affected me. they dont know that kind of situations i have overcome to be who i am today. essentially i dont feel like they know me at all because theyre not even looking out for amritdhari when i myself, very very soon will be blessed with amrit! i am not ready for marriage at all, and i want to START enjoying my life. ive never been completely selfish, but having started to allow myself to, it has helped my anxiety issues a lot.

so how can i help them understand i do not want to marry now, without them understanding completely? (please dont suggest i tell them everything because they wont understand)

Tell them u need to finish ur studies. Cuz after marriage u will be too busy to finish studies. And these days 2 incomes r needed to run a household. So say after i finish my studies and have a job, i will ready for marriage. Also tell them that the average age for woman to be married is 26 years old.

Also, dont worry too much. They still have to find a guy, and that takes a while. Alot of ppl r having problems finding a rishta these days. Also u can let them find guys n then keep saying no. Like not good enough. 

So maybe shud let them find prospective grooms cuz if u start looking when ur ready, it might take too long. So if they start looking now, they will find someone suited to their and ur taste in 3 or 4 years......or are they the type to just promise u to anyone and expect u to go through with it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Married for 5 years

Don't get married until you are economically stable. I got married when we were not economically stabled, one worked while the other studied. It was brutal and severely damaged our relationship.

Show this thread to your parents. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • yeh it's true, we shouldn't be lazy and need to learn jhatka shikaar. It doesn't help some of grew up in surrounding areas like Slough and Southall where everyone thought it was super bad for amrit dharis to eat meat, and they were following Sant babas and jathas, and instead the Singhs should have been normalising jhatka just like the recent world war soldiers did. We are trying to rectifiy this and khalsa should learn jhatka.  But I am just writing about bhog for those that are still learning rehit. As I explained, there are all these negative influences in the panth that talk against rehit, but this shouldn't deter us from taking khanda pahul, no matter what level of rehit we are!
    • How is it going to help? The link is of a Sikh hunter. Fine, but what good does that do the lazy Sikh who ate khulla maas in a restaurant? By the way, for the OP, yes, it's against rehit to eat khulla maas.
    • Yeah, Sikhs should do bhog of food they eat. But the point of bhog is to only do bhog of food which is fit to be presented to Maharaj. It's not maryada to do bhog of khulla maas and pretend it's OK to eat. It's not. Come on, bro, you should know better than to bring this Sakhi into it. Is this Sikh in the restaurant accompanied by Guru Gobind Singh ji? Is he fighting a dharam yudh? Or is he merely filling his belly with the nearest restaurant?  Please don't make a mockery of our puratan Singhs' sacrifices by comparing them to lazy Sikhs who eat khulla maas.
    • Seriously?? The Dhadi is trying to be cute. For those who didn't get it, he said: "Some say Maharaj killed bakras (goats). Some say he cut the heads of the Panj Piyaras. The truth is that they weren't goats. It was she-goats (ਬਕਰੀਆਂ). He jhatka'd she-goats. Not he-goats." Wow. This is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in relation to Sikhi.
    • Instead of a 9 inch or larger kirpan, take a smaller kirpan and put it (without gatra) inside your smaller turban and tie the turban tightly. This keeps a kirpan on your person without interfering with the massage or alarming the masseuse. I'm not talking about a trinket but rather an actual small kirpan that fits in a sheath (you'll have to search to find one). As for ahem, "problems", you could get a male masseuse. I don't know where you are, but in most places there are professional masseuses who actually know what they are doing and can really relieve your muscle pains.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use