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I feel like I am standing at crossroads of life. A burden on my heart haunts me ..


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I sorry that you are in a dilemma. I cannot help because of course marriage won't be an option.  I will say what I may have done if I was in your shoes but please don't pinpoint my reply and criticise.  I'm not saying this is the right thing. 

I would perhaps consider two options. Firstly I'd try and live behangam. Some singhs try it anyway. So you would  still be attracted to men but wouldnt take any action to fulfil any desire and maybe sacrifice love. I know that is a huge and almost impossible thing. If I was too weak to chose that path I'd consider practising sikhi without taking amrit so you are still good at heart and can also make love to a special person regardless of the gender. 

People may judge me but readinh the OP situation I dont think we have the right to tell him to sacrifices his sexuality. Please be happy and find a way whatever it may be. I feel sad that there's so much unhappiness and dukh.in the end its all to do with emotions. Thats everything.  Maybe if youre luck you could find another guy who is in the exact same situation and help each other. Sorry if I have said anything misleading I genuinely want to know you are happy. 

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3 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

Homosexuality marriage is not accepted in Gurmat, neither is fornication and adultery, 

That I am aware of.

He can still be gay and sikh if he chooses to avoid the above. I mean he could indulge in them and be sikh... that would be his decision and he alone will pay the price

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2 hours ago, Guest Kaur said:

I sorry that you are in a dilemma. I cannot help because of course marriage won't be an option.  I will say what I may have done if I was in your shoes but please don't pinpoint my reply and criticise.  I'm not saying this is the right thing. 

I would perhaps consider two options. Firstly I'd try and live behangam. Some singhs try it anyway. So you would  still be attracted to men but wouldnt take any action to fulfil any desire and maybe sacrifice love. I know that is a huge and almost impossible thing. If I was too weak to chose that path I'd consider practising sikhi without taking amrit so you are still good at heart and can also make love to a special person regardless of the gender. 

People may judge me but readinh the OP situation I dont think we have the right to tell him to sacrifices his sexuality. Please be happy and find a way whatever it may be. I feel sad that there's so much unhappiness and dukh.in the end its all to do with emotions. Thats everything.  Maybe if youre luck you could find another guy who is in the exact same situation and help each other. Sorry if I have said anything misleading I genuinely want to know you are happy. 

Waheguru

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59 minutes ago, S4NGH said:

That I am aware of.

He can still be gay and sikh if he chooses to avoid the above. I mean he could indulge in them and be sikh... that would be his decision and he alone will pay the price

Nothing he mentioned said anything about him being celibate. He says that he wants to have kids and whatnot. Honestly don't think he's mentally strong enough at current moment for celibacy if his mind keeps going all over the place without the orientation problems, add that complication and he will be depressed without extremely high commitment. If he married an innocent girl and added her to the equation it would make his life totally difficult not just for himself but everyone else as well. 

@AjeetSinghPunjabi The only thing I can ask you to do at this point is keep following Gurmat to the best of your ability, with Bhagti and Amrit Vela, so even if you do fall; you won't go complete rock bottom, and DON'T go to clubs and all that, regardless if your straight or gay, as these clubs will only brainwash your jeevan to an extent that is even worse than if you hypothetically were staring at porn 24/7.

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Thank you for all you replies. You took the time to read my lengthy post and then answer it .

I will share something happened with me 2 yrs back . This is the only incident which pinned me back to guru ji and still it keeps my faith and hope alive. This is a little long post , but I hope it inspires you as well :

I used to be on this forum in 2010 as well. Its the same year I graduated. Then I applied for masters because I was too scared to apply for a job, fearing rejection.

Due to weak-minded nature, I spiralled down procrastination and laziness, I couldn't complete my masters despite repeated attempts. Then another few years passed , It was already 2015. 

In 2015, I was searching for a job haplessly. and that too in IT. who would hire a fresher who graduated 5 yrs ago ?

I still remember so vividly. It was may 1st, 2015. I walked a stretch of road in utter desperation returning from an interview. Its as if my soul cried that day . 

I used to be agnostic /atheistic  those days. The next day , on may 2nd, I was traveling back to another place for an interview. I remember a voice from inside told me 

"There are 11 gurus. Vow to serve in guru's langar for 11 sundays. You shall be blessed". And as if my heart instantly nodded with "yes".

The interview went fine. I remember there was a gurudwara sahib in front of the office. The nishan sahib was clearly visible and I kept praying even while waiting inside the building, looking towards gurudwara.

In the evening, I came back . My dad calls up and asks "how many vacancies and how many people?" . When I replied, he suggested I will not make it . This depressed me again. 

I came back tired to home. I was depressed. I remember , the next day was a sunday. I still remember it so vividly , I was sitting on sofa with a sad look on my face. 

Mom came up and said "I am going to gurudwara. Might as well do sewa there rather than sitting sadly here". I was reminded of that 11-week-sewa vow. 

So I served langar and did cleaning of big cauldrons. And while watching one dark with "soot" , I still remember my heart prayed "Oh lord, as I clear away the dark soot from this , please clear darkness from my life."

Somewhere , at some point in my life, someone had perhaps taught me that if u feel alone and need some guidance of guru sahib, u can always take a hukam after doing ardas.

I did ardas in front of SGGS. In the ardas , I mistakenly said "I did sewa guru sahib. you please bless me with a job".

I was surprised by the shabad that came :

Quote


ਮਃ ੩ ॥

Third Mehl:

ਆਪੇ ਸੇਵਾ ਲਾਇਅਨੁ ਆਪੇ ਬਖਸ ਕਰੇਇ ॥

He Himself enjoins us to serve Him, and He Himself blesses us with forgiveness.

ਸਭਨਾ ਕਾ ਮਾ ਪਿਉ ਆਪਿ ਹੈ ਆਪੇ ਸਾਰ ਕਰੇਇ ॥

He Himself is the father and mother of all; He Himself cares for us.

ਨਾਨਕ ਨਾਮੁ ਧਿਆਇਨਿ ਤਿਨ ਨਿਜ ਘਰਿ ਵਾਸੁ ਹੈ ਜੁਗੁ ਜੁਗੁ ਸੋਭਾ ਹੋਇ ॥੨॥

O Nanak, those who meditate on the Naam, the Name of the Lord, abide in the home of their inner being; they are honored throughout the ages. ||2||

So it was like Guru ji said "Beta, u didn't do sewa. I made u do it and I will bless u (baksh) for it". My heart lit up. And to be honest, this was only the starting of what followed.

Long story short : My job offer letter was kept on hold. I kept waiting for one and a half month. Later I came to knew the company had some internal restructuring and therefore the offer got canceled. I became sad . But guru ji were to bless me with something far bigger ! 

I went to all these interviews via the placement agency that is attached to the place where I did my course from.

The guy there sympathized with my cause because I kept waiting for 1 and a half month but didn't get it. He said he will recommend me to whichever client (company) came next to him. He told me "tomorrow , some other company is coming". It was my sanjog that they were offering the same job profile what I wanted and better pay than the job I had earlier kept my hope on.

NOW , you won't believe how things unfolded . Its as if universe conspired to get me in that office and fulfil my desire.

The next day , I went to their placement agency. I remember they made a list of freshly graduated 25 engineering graduates and they had only 4 vacancies . I on the other hand wasn't even on the list. I was only being recommended by this placement guy. The HR manager saw my resume and told the placement guy "I don't see any merit in him."

But due to insistence, they finally agreed to take me in interview rounds. First it was written test. I was sure I am gonna not make it even through the first round . 

I kept randomly answering each MCQ. I was told I had cleared round 1 . I was shocked ! 

Then round 2 happened same day. It was personal interview with manager and one senior software developer. 

I was later informed I had cleared round 2. I was stunned ! 

I had to go a couple of days later to their office (where I work now since 1 year 7 months) for machine test round. I still remember I was still depressed and couldn't bring myself to study anything. I finally, with little courage, read one page of the book.

I remember going to machine round with surety that I will not miraculously clear this one unlike the ones I cleared previously. 

As I started typing the source code, I was amazed from where I got all the intelligence to finally clear it . I was stunned ! What I had read on that one page, that alone came in test. 

I came out of the office with a smile on my face ! 

One final round was still remaining. personal interview with managing director .

For some reason, after talking with me, the MD was impressed and decided to hire me. The HR manager told him not to be in a hurry and that he had more candidates. But the MD didn't care. The HR manager came inside and said "We were going to think of whom to select , in the evening, but I can tell you , you're selected."

I can't tell the amount of joy I had that day as I left the office and knowing god has blessed me with such a beautiful and grand workplace ! 

As I came back , I again did shukrana ardas to guru ji and shabad came once again (which had come previously to me several times before )

Quote
ਟੋਡੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥

Todee, Fifth Mehl:

ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਚਰਨ ਰਿਦੈ ਉਰ ਧਾਰੇ ॥

I have enshrined the Lord's Feet within my heart.

ਸਿਮਰਿ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਅਪੁਨਾ ਕਾਰਜ ਸਫਲ ਹਮਾਰੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Contemplating my Lord and Master, my True Guru, all my affairs have been resolved. ||1||Pause||

Later on i got to know that there was an existing high performance sardar guy in office and because of impression he created on manager and md, i got through. So much kamaal of turban. 


So it came to pass ! I will not forget this incident my whole life. To this day, in form of shukrana , I keep my dasvand, because this rizak was given to me by god .

I can never thank him enough . I really hope he does something similar miracle for me in terms of my sexuality.

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4 hours ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

and considering marriage is for lifetime . Before you accuse me of basing marriage on lust, like I was accused so in another thread, let me ask you "Would you marry , or expect any heterosexual to marry someone blindly, just for sake of reproducing? Do you call a young person lustful when they seek good partners for marriage ?"

You want a companion like rest of the heterosexual sikh couples?  There are many examples of sikhs who don't get married and absorb themselves in seva.  Read the life story of Bhagat Puran Singh ji.  Moh and kaam go hand in hand when talking about life companionship.  

Guru sahib teaches us, look for that companion who will join us to Akal Purakh.  You have many worldly desires and they are mentally blocking you from seeing the infinity knowledge in the few Gurbani lines you provided.

Quote
ਟੋਡੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥

Todee, Fifth Mehl:

ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਚਰਨ ਰਿਦੈ ਉਰ ਧਾਰੇ ॥

I have enshrined the Lord's Feet within my heart.

ਸਿਮਰਿ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਅਪੁਨਾ ਕਾਰਜ ਸਫਲ ਹਮਾਰੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Contemplating my Lord and Master, my True Guru, all my affairs have been resolved. ||1||Pause||

Ask yourself, how does a person behold the Gurus feet in their mind?  What actions do i need to do?  From the time you open your eyes to the time you get into bed.  Analyze your entire day and thoughts.  Read Gurbani and gain the tools to analyze your thoughts.  Read Anand Sahib.  Study this paath, analyze each word and search for a deeper meaning than you hold in your mind.  A good student always practice pronunciation of Gurbani and learns the deeper meaning.  Singing Gurbani with proper pronunciation develops satisfaction in a person.  

 

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If i do believe in karma, u might be aware of karmas full theory

 

karma is not just ehat u do, u will get

karmas can de edited, deleted and make, by naam simran, guru sahibs while baani says that naam can delete bad karma

 

thanks

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On 1/29/2017 at 10:43 PM, MisterrSingh said:

That's something to build on.

You've had a spiritual experience - I'm assuming - which has given you this insight. That's something regular religious people crave, and yet it never comes to most. If you believe God has extended his hand of support to you, then why do you run in the opposite direction? If you have an inkling of what He expects from you, then why spurn the opportunity?

If I thought you were capable I'd give you a 5 point plan of action that would go some way to solving most of your issues. The problem is, and this is not a joke, I don't think you're strong enough yet. You've not felt the kind of pain that would automatically re-order and re-prioritise your thoughts, your outlook on life, and your plans for the future, without the need for any third party to say a word to you in support. You're still straddling the line between hoping for a respectable and brighter future but also wanting to indulge yourself like your peers.

The parents and marriage angle is an added complication. On that front I suggest you not drag an innocent girl into matters. When she discovers your sexuality - and she will sooner or later; don't for a moment assume you'll be able to live a double life - things will get very messy. That's one thing I can recommend with certainty. 

For the record, if I was you, I'd walk away from everything. I'd become Gursikh, take a vow of celibacy (and that means ALL forms of saucy business), and dedicate my life to seva. Just don't expect any "rewards" or such things. A life of honour, respect, and self-sacrifice. You would need to put a leash on your wandering mind and prove to yourself that you're better than the majority of people who flap their gums about being "true" Sikhs. But I don't think you've reached that place where you've developed the mental toughness and determination to live out your days in that manner. It's not fair, but then life never is.

I don't wish to spurn the opportunity but i can't bring myself to that strict,  disciplined lifestyle of a dedicated gursikh either . 

Why would i bring an innocent girl in this matter. I m already reaping fruit of watever horrible i might have done in my past life. 

Sometimes when i look at seriousness of things, i find myself having a very serious and holistic view of life. Holistic because then i feel life is not only this birth, rather even wat is after death is life too. And considering i hv burnt my hands once already,  i don't wish to do it again knowingly or unknowingly. 

I fear for my karams.  On an advice of gursikh i started taking out my dasvand as well 

When i die, i don't wanna half cart load of bad karams with me. 

Whatever mistakes of bad karma gave me this homosexual birth forces me to review life and tread very carefully in this garden full of roses and landmines. 

But yet D spite knowing so much, my mind is not able to bring itself to commit to gursikhi lifestyle. The maya still lures 

?

 

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On 1/30/2017 at 1:37 AM, S4NGH said:

Why must he choose between sikhi and homosexuality?

Genuine humble question ji

I don't think issue is of gay, its of lust. Many ppl associate lust with homosexuality and vice versa when infact from a religious view point lust is anything that involves sex which doesn't lead to reproduction. So even heterosexual sex of a gursikh couple having it with contraceptives is haraam. Its not parvaan to guru. Its unnatural in exactly the same sense "holier than thou " ppl call homosexuality unnatural. Animals don't do it with contraceptives , neither do contraceptives grows on trees. Tell me how the hell is sex of such nature then "natural"? 

But i wouldn't be surprised if most of u disagree with me on this one because its heterosexual. We often don't see our own shortcomings as a group. I know u will probably think i m being arrogant now but i m just humbly pointing out the double standards we often unknowingly have.

 

Guru sahib has spoken against lust and in favor of monogamy . In olden days, ppl wud marry their kids at early age because they knew once teenage kicked in, they might commit adultery. 

Even guru sahib rejected the total rejection of sexuality. Within marriage, its not just acceptable, but honored. 

But million dollar question is What if marriage is not an option to someone like a poor homosexual man?  

Why would god judge his sexuality same way as he would to a heterosexual man who commits adultery even when he has a dharmic wife at home who feeds him well and does his chores. 

I have always felt (and i say this without any political intentions)  this is why waheguru supported the lgbt rights movement. Otherwise  i don't think they wud hv even succeeded so far with odds so badly stocked against them in west just till a few decades back. 

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