Jump to content
Guest Kaam da <banned word filter activated>

Help

Recommended Posts

Guest Kaam da <banned word filter activated>

wjkkwjkf

I am 15 years old boy and its been a year since iv gotton into sikhi. I stoped cutting my hair, try to do as much simran as i can, read gurbani and try to understand it. I have a masturbation problem and no matter what i do, i cannot control it and please dont say it is normal. I want to finish this addiction and never do it again.

Since iv gotten into sikhi i feel iv been going through a cycle of getting into sikhi, connecting with guru je and then losing it all to kaam. In more detail of the cycle: i dont masturbate for 1-5 days and  feel i am getting closer to guru je. Next 1-2 days My mind gets distracted on my phone and go on youtube for hours. I see something the creates a urge for the kaam i was holding back to spill out. 

Then i feel lots if guilt. Then in 2-5 days i get motivated again and say i wont do it this time matter what,but i still do it. The cycle restarts.

Sometimes i feel like killing myself because I think i am going to be stuck in this cycle for the rest of this life and no matter what i do i cannot stop it. I do lots of aardas to guru je and guru je has been very kind to me. Each time i fall, guru je gives me his hand to lift me up. This addiction is something i feel i need to conquer this myself because guru je has shown me the path, but i cannot expect guru je to put on my shoes for the trip.

Please please please help me i cannt live like this, after i masturbate i feel like killing myself because i lost all the simran i did and feel i am losing precious breaths i could have used to connect with out beloved.

And so i come to this fourm asking for help, tips, personal experience, etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Treat yourself as if u do have bipolar/split personality disorder: Now the "Im a good sikh" personality is on top. Give it a name Gurmukh/ Babbar Singh/Kuldeep Singh. Ok Gurmukh, i dont know how much time we have before the other guy shows up. I wont be able to control myself once he gets here, so let me put up precautions. First of all, let me avoid the triggers that might set off the other guy: no tv, no internet, no being idle, no freetime.

Second, keep ur self busy at all times. Keep ur self in sangat, so that ur bad personality Manmukh/ jazzybains/  kanyewest wont want to show up at that time. But even if jazzy shows up, cant really do much damage, except make u feel restless and want to go home. " man ni lagda" lets go home, dont listen to it!!! Stay there. At home have a schedule so u are not idle, have sukhmani sahib and sehaj paath scheduled into ur day, keep doing good things that will keep jazzy far away. But if u feel him coming, run towards either a friends house, gurudwara, or go talk to ur family. Basically go where theres ppl, and where jazzy cant make u do stuff

Third, keep a calendar or list or app to motivate yourself. Like ive gone this many days without letting jazzy win. Im on a streak, ive done nitnem everyday, let me not break the streak! Also if jazzy comes along and tries to tempt u , try to fight him, and when he makes u do things, tell him ok i will listen just wait 2 minutes before doing the bad thing. Only 2 minutes. They say if u can hold off on temptation for 2-3 minutes, it goes away. Sometimes it might get stronger,  time urself, see how long u can hold off, then try to beat ur record everyday, even by 1 sec. Also when thoughts come, label them and watch them, like now kaam is trying to attack me. My mind feels like going on the computer to listen to kirtan. Is this a trick by jazzy, to get me to the computer? So avoid it. Im bored, lets go on the internet. "Trick by kaam, to make me fall. Try again kaam"  so watch ur thoughts, if u can stop the bad thoughts as soon as they come, bad actions will never happen.

Fourth, do ardaas to guruji, please help me im trying my best. But kaam is a big soorbir, i need ur help. Help me like u helped joga singh, i am ur sikh too. Help me. And if u r putting in sincere effort to stop and fight kaam, the faster ur ardaas will be heard

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/4/2017 at 5:47 AM, Guest Kaam da <banned word filter activated> said:

wjkkwjkf

I am 15 years old boy and its been a year since iv gotton into sikhi. I stoped cutting my hair, try to do as much simran as i can, read gurbani and try to understand it. I have a masturbation problem and no matter what i do, i cannot control it and please dont say it is normal. I want to finish this addiction and never do it again.

Since iv gotten into sikhi i feel iv been going through a cycle of getting into sikhi, connecting with guru je and then losing it all to kaam. In more detail of the cycle: i dont masturbate for 1-5 days and  feel i am getting closer to guru je. Next 1-2 days My mind gets distracted on my phone and go on youtube for hours. I see something the creates a urge for the kaam i was holding back to spill out. 

Then i feel lots if guilt. Then in 2-5 days i get motivated again and say i wont do it this time matter what,but i still do it. The cycle restarts.

Sometimes i feel like killing myself because I think i am going to be stuck in this cycle for the rest of this life and no matter what i do i cannot stop it. I do lots of aardas to guru je and guru je has been very kind to me. Each time i fall, guru je gives me his hand to lift me up. This addiction is something i feel i need to conquer this myself because guru je has shown me the path, but i cannot expect guru je to put on my shoes for the trip.

Please please please help me i cannt live like this, after i masturbate i feel like killing myself because i lost all the simran i did and feel i am losing precious breaths i could have used to connect with out beloved.

And so i come to this fourm asking for help, tips, personal experience, etc.

abcabcabc

Yeah, that's a very serious problem, especially when you are a teenager...

A friend of mine had this problem. He thought that it was beneficial for his health and also believed every bull5hit he heard from his white friends. The best way to tackle it is actually to convince yourself that this action is a grave sin. Here are some tips:

 1. In your spare time, do naam simran. Try to do your daily nitnem, be sure you do kirtan sohila before sleep. See educational videos, especially those from Basics of Sikhi (How to control lust, man nu kive tikauna etc)

2. See the negative effects of masturbation (you can google them)

3. There is good chance that you may indulge in such activities due to the fact that you see alot of people around do it. Try to find good company and friends.

4.Kill a bad thought as soon as you can. Recognize it is as a very immoral action and that you shouldn't even think of doing such actions even in your dreams

You can convince yourself that if this action is not doing any good to you, that it is against Sikh principles and that a good Singh would never fall victim of lust.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Kaamee
On 1/9/2017 at 0:53 PM, Not2Cool2Argue said:

Treat yourself as if u do have bipolar/split personality disorder: Now the "Im a good sikh" personality is on top. Give it a name Gurmukh/ Babbar Singh/Kuldeep Singh. Ok Gurmukh, i dont know how much time we have before the other guy shows up. I wont be able to control myself once he gets here, so let me put up precautions. First of all, let me avoid the triggers that might set off the other guy: no tv, no internet, no being idle, no freetime.

Second, keep ur self busy at all times. Keep ur self in sangat, so that ur bad personality Manmukh/ jazzybains/  kanyewest wont want to show up at that time. But even if jazzy shows up, cant really do much damage, except make u feel restless and want to go home. " man ni lagda" lets go home, dont listen to it!!! Stay there. At home have a schedule so u are not idle, have sukhmani sahib and sehaj paath scheduled into ur day, keep doing good things that will keep jazzy far away. But if u feel him coming, run towards either a friends house, gurudwara, or go talk to ur family. Basically go where theres ppl, and where jazzy cant make u do stuff

Third, keep a calendar or list or app to motivate yourself. Like ive gone this many days without letting jazzy win. Im on a streak, ive done nitnem everyday, let me not break the streak! Also if jazzy comes along and tries to tempt u , try to fight him, and when he makes u do things, tell him ok i will listen just wait 2 minutes before doing the bad thing. Only 2 minutes. They say if u can hold off on temptation for 2-3 minutes, it goes away. Sometimes it might get stronger,  time urself, see how long u can hold off, then try to beat ur record everyday, even by 1 sec. Also when thoughts come, label them and watch them, like now kaam is trying to attack me. My mind feels like going on the computer to listen to kirtan. Is this a trick by jazzy, to get me to the computer? So avoid it. Im bored, lets go on the internet. "Trick by kaam, to make me fall. Try again kaam"  so watch ur thoughts, if u can stop the bad thoughts as soon as they come, bad actions will never happen.

Fourth, do ardaas to guruji, please help me im trying my best. But kaam is a big soorbir, i need ur help. Help me like u helped joga singh, i am ur sikh too. Help me. And if u r putting in sincere effort to stop and fight kaam, the faster ur ardaas will be heard

 

 

On 1/9/2017 at 2:10 PM, 5akaalsingh said:

Yeah, that's a very serious problem, especially when you are a teenager...

A friend of mine had this problem. He thought that it was beneficial for his health and also believed every bull5hit he heard from his white friends. The best way to tackle it is actually to convince yourself that this action is a grave sin. Here are some tips:

 1. In your spare time, do naam simran. Try to do your daily nitnem, be sure you do kirtan sohila before sleep. See educational videos, especially those from Basics of Sikhi (How to control lust, man nu kive tikauna etc)

2. See the negative effects of masturbation (you can google them)

3. There is good chance that you may indulge in such activities due to the fact that you see alot of people around do it. Try to find good company and friends.

4.Kill a bad thought as soon as you can. Recognize it is as a very immoral action and that you shouldn't even think of doing such actions even in your dreams

You can convince yourself that if this action is not doing any good to you, that it is against Sikh principles and that a good Singh would never fall victim of lust.

 

Thank you. I will try these out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoticons maximum are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • There are many issues Sikh men need to be aware of when entering a life-long commitment whether it's with a woman from India, or a young lady from any respective western country in question. Unfortunately, it's somewhat of an uncomfortable truth that Punjabi fathers are themselves ill-equipped to advise their sons on the various ways of successfully traversing married life. Maybe this will change as people of my generation become fathers to their own children of marriageable age in the next 20 or so years, but I think that era will offer its own set of unique challenges. Generally, it's practically a sink or swim mentality amongst our people, and that leads to many serious issues that could easily be avoided if we just talked or even just frankly identified a few of the important issues to consider when selecting a partner AND the various issues that can arise between a couple after marriage, as well as identifying the problems that are unique to our culture regarding extended family norms, etc. Most of this soul-searching and analysis must begin before the marriage, before selecting a partner. There's TOO much to comprehensively identify and discuss here, but as an overview I will say that if you're going the traditional way of finding a partner through an introduction via a third party, just do yourself a favour and quickly eliminate from your mind any thoughts of romance and any other subjective ideas that will impair your judgement. If the institution of marriage is a serious concern to you, and one you plan to undertake just the once, then for God's sake use your brain, and don't take your cues from entertainment and other nonsensical soft-cultural influences. Be as dispassionate and as cool-headed as possible. Think about the sort of progeny that will result from your union with a lady, because ultimately you should be viewing a marriage as a method of securing the future of your lineage. This kind of approach to marriage isn't only for royalty and the elite families of the world. Sometimes, unavoidable bad stuff happens that you can't account for, but if you're attributing everything to fate and luck, you're going to be in for a shock. If this seems like I'm talking about breeding horses instead of humans and fostering relationships, then I apologise, but marriage and its related financial and social issues - that can destroy lives when it all falls apart - is a serious business. Look at not only the girl in question and her respective physical and personality traits, but analyse her family, too. Is there an errant sibling in the family? Maybe there's more than two? Could the potential person of interest be shielding their true nature for the purposes of securing an engagement? Look at the parents: are they loud and boisterous beyond the usual jolly Punjabi demeanour? Is their brash nature an endearing quality or does it suggest an unfortunate lack of manners and common sense? Could this be an indication of more concerning traits and values they've passed on to your potential marriage partner? Would you be upset if similar ingrained traits were passed onto your children? There's SO much to sift through if you aren't in the habit of leaving things to chance.  If you're going in with a head full of dreams and half-baked fantasies of everlasting love and romance, you're going to be disappointed. Marriage, even on a good day, is hard work. Give yourself a fighting chance by opening your eyes and your mind before entering such situations.
    • You think Trudeau family didn't spend thousands upon thousands on their designer top end Bollywood outfits? 
    • Big Tera  You need to be more firm and assertive when dealing in these matters.  Hope you have learnt some lessons here.  These type of life changing decisions cannot be taken lightly.  Still, it could have been worse.  I heard of a situation some years ago where the groom was waiting for his bride in the anand karaj and the bride bottled it. Her sister stepped in and married him instead.  Still,  if you are thinking of going to India for marriage,  there are still plenty of fish (metaphorically speaking).  Being a foreigner/westerner  going to India for marriage is a buyer's market  (sorry for this term). The reality is that you can turn one girl down and there are 20 to take her place.  Keep this in mind if you are going back there for marriage.  You dictate the terms to the vachola and don't back down. That is the langauge they understand. 
×