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Marrying from back home

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On ‎06‎/‎02‎/‎2017 at 10:16 PM, Guest Kaur said:

I'm going to offer an alternative view.

Most people who immigrated to Uk and are over 50, had minimal eduction. They sold whatever small land holdings they had and went over to Uk to make more money and what they thought was a better life.

When they say they want a woman from India it's a projection of their own insecurities, lack of eduction and mindset. The same woman from their background in the pind has already made plans of how she'll bring her family over. This is the same woman that will say hanji hanji to her mil and then abuse her mil in her old age. And this is sadly the appropriate response to the wants of a backward mentality.

I have seen many of these girls from the pind doing the same as girls in the city. The only reason you here less of them is because they covet their tracks better and lie 

I've lived in india,uk and Canada and the US for years. A good decent sikh woman will be the same in all. Good family values, Educated parents,and secure.

 

You have brought forward no new or alternative view at all.  Parents who migrated to the west see what the girls of Punjabi families are up to in the west.  They know of their fake han ji han ji attitude.  So they say, hell with these promiscuous women, better to search in india.  Tell me this, why does a Sikh woman wear a dastar on her head when she is going to wear a skirt?  Was it a cover one and reveal the other sale or something? Selfish brats is what Punjabi women grown up in the west are.  They don't care for anything other than their selfish animal instincts.  Then you have the girls going around saying everyone is my brother and meeting these brothers with big hugs.  Rainsabai kirtan sessions have at least 2 to 3 of these type hanging around....they be checking out the merchandise with the fat pockets.  Few weeks later she is breaking up with one of her brothers to date another one and its the talk of the rainsabai kirtan.  Then there are the ones saying every boy is just a friend.  It's similar as the brother scenario, but this time their is more friends in an interval.  I have to ask again, what the hell is the point of wearing a dastar or covering your head in a different manner and the Sikh woman breast are almost hanging out?  I am waiting for the selfish attitude......how does it go again....its my body I can do what I want with it.  Just the other day a soft spoken Punjabi girl from the west was saying how she would marrying a guy only if the guy's parents will not be living with them.  This the affirmative action taking woman every man wants, kick those no good parents out for raising you and giving you a roof and paying for your education.  And keep the brat in the house.  I'd rather put a gun to my head and take the easy way out.  Have you ever read Kalki Avatar, if not, I really recommend you do and pay close attention to when Guru Sahib says the roles have changed, which means the world has a backward mentality.  Or as a western women disregard Guru Sahib's reality and stick to your view........how does that go again.......

Western girls can never cover their tracks on social dating sites.  There double shifting parents are always on the new and latest dating sites spying.  They be making those dating apps for their young daughters to lose their self respect on.  Get real, one click and in a hour I will find at least 5 Punjabi women looking to hook up on social media.  And give it couple more hours and there will be a dastar wearing one as well.  Western Punjabi women have changed their values.  They find it acceptable to date, have boyfriends, have a fling with no strings attached.  They want to be experienced in this aspect of life before they find the right guy to choke to death with their messy past.   

Then lastly, there are a few punjabi women born in the west and they don't act or behave like western women.  This is because they don't hold to western values and value eastern values.  They rather have the guys parents living with them.  They don't mind taking care of the children, doing house choirs and being a part of the family unit.  They don't have the selfish behaviour as the western punjabi women.  They don't see the benefit of hugging random guys and calling them brothers, only to date them later.  They value the Gurus advice or have a moral compass telling them it is wrong.  Their demeanor is very different from western women.  These are the western punjabi girls a guy should be looking to marry.  Everyone else should be on a 10 feet radius and stick a pole out so she can't get near you status.

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2 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

Things in India are changing very fast in India, it is getting harder to get a girl who has these traditional values.

I think the realisation is that your daughter in law will not be looking after you in your old age.

Problem is people wanting best of both worlds !

Sensible parents will marry their kids at a young age.

That way they can groom the daughter in law as per family requirements.

Greedy look for educated-earning D.I.L but they forget she's not going to give her pay check to hubby forget in-laws.

And how fond will she be of cooking, cleaning & take care of in-laws is anybody's guess.

So either get Arranged at young age and marry a homemaker.

Or find a working girl, marry her, move out, make a fresh start, live your own life.

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1 hour ago, singhbj singh said:

Modern, earning grown ups can decide whom they want to marry if they have the balls to move out of family home and be truly independent.

Traditional values are modern values by Sikhi standards, which make a person modern.  The values (people) you are calling modern are actually backward because they have no respect for parents.  How independent was your decision to lower Gurbani to your animal instincts in the other thread and then to mistranslate Gurbani?  For a fact you were influenced by your so called modern values to disrespect Gurbani.  It takes balls to stand up for Gurbani and for the parents who raised you.  Any brainless child can leave their parents behind and society is full of such people.  Short sighted thinking and two seconds of satisfactions has got you in the mess of mistranslating Gurbani to support your lustful act.      

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7 minutes ago, Akalifauj said:

Traditional values are modern values by Sikhi standards, which make a person modern.  The values (people) you are calling modern are actually backward because they have no respect for parents.  How independent was your decision to lower Gurbani to your animal instincts in the other thread and then to mistranslate Gurbani?  For a fact you were influenced by your so called modern values to disrespect Gurbani.  It takes balls to stand up for Gurbani and for the parents who raised you.  Any brainless child can leave their parents behind and society is full of such people.  Short sighted thinking and two seconds of satisfactions has got you in the mess of mistranslating Gurbani to support your lustful act.      

Guru Sahibaan's were Grehasti so the literal meaning is valid !

Taking cue from Sikh history didn't Guru Nanak Dev Sahib ji leave Nankana Sahib and family home ?

So why all the fuss !

 

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13 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

Guru Sahibaan's were Grehasti so the literal meaning is valid !

The literal meaning of the shabd was explained to you and the man in the literal meaning is the Guru as the lines before defined Guru Sahib as the one who satisfies.  And the person is the woman, which would be you in the literal meaning.  Do you not know how to read Gurbani?

Quote

Taking cue from Sikh history didn't Guru Nanak Dev Sahib ji leave Nankana Sahib and family home ?

So why all the fuss !

You and rest of the lot want to leave the parents because you want to leave the parents.  Majority of the time is because the wife wants to have alone time all over the house with the husband.  Sri Guru Nanak Dev ji did not leave because he wanted to leave the parents.  Guru Sahib went on udasis to teach and created new Sikh places to teach out of. Completely different and they can't even be compared in anyway.

Edited by Akalifauj

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42 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

Problem is people wanting best of both worlds !

Sensible parents will marry their kids at a young age.

That way they can groom the daughter in law as per family requirements.

Greedy look for educated-earning D.I.L but they forget she's not going to give her pay check to hubby forget in-laws.

And how fond will she be of cooking, cleaning & take care of in-laws is anybody's guess.

So either get Arranged at young age and marry a homemaker.

Or find a working girl, marry her, move out, make a fresh start, live your own life.

I am always puzzled with this word "educated".

Education for our people is status related, it's not out of the love of learning or out of intellectual curiosity.

Also, I cannot see this repetitive cycle of getting married to a girl from India who then gives birth to a daughter born in the west and then having to get another girl from India if she has a son. The buck has to stop somewhere.

The only way to get back to these traditional values is to get a girl who has not carried on with her education.

But that is not going to happen if being "educated" is the be all and end all for everything.

But as per usual our people are not aware of these paradoxes/ironies/cognitive dissonances.

They seem to be very comfortable with these contradictions.

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1 hour ago, Ranjeet01 said:

I am always puzzled with this word "educated".

Education for our people is status related, it's not out of the love of learning or out of intellectual curiosity.

Also, I cannot see this repetitive cycle of getting married to a girl from India who then gives birth to a daughter born in the west and then having to get another girl from India if she has a son. The buck has to stop somewhere.

The only way to get back to these traditional values is to get a girl who has not carried on with her education.

But that is not going to happen if being "educated" is the be all and end all for everything.

But as per usual our people are not aware of these paradoxes/ironies/cognitive dissonances.

They seem to be very comfortable with these contradictions.

problem is it's a dilemma they want an educated DIL so she can work and earn to support them and her family and yet disparage her for having an education as if learning is a curse. If you want traditional values then get an educated DIL , educated in Gurmat, Gur Itihass, Gurbani Santhiya, Kirtan , if she's been doing that studying hardly likely she's gonna have time or inclination to be bad .

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Guest Jacfsing2

People have stupid priorities that really shouldn't matter in the way they think it'll benefit them. Especially with this education thing; how is marrying a buffon going to help their son?

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10 hours ago, Akalifauj said:

The literal meaning of the shabd was explained to you and the man in the literal meaning is the Guru as the lines before defined Guru Sahib as the one who satisfies.  And the person is the woman, which would be you in the literal meaning.  Do you not know how to read Gurbani?

By using man & woman as RUPAK shows advocacy of married lifestyle n LATER heterosexual relationship by Gurbani.

10 hours ago, Akalifauj said:

You and rest of the lot want to leave the parents because you want to leave the parents.  Majority of the time is because the wife wants to have alone time all over the house with the husband.  Sri Guru Nanak Dev ji did not leave because he wanted to leave the parents.  Guru Sahib went on udasis to teach and created new Sikh places to teach out of. Completely different and they can't even be compared in anyway.

Check the facts Guru ji left for Sultanpur Lodhi & later established Kartarpur.

This was not during Udasis.

Taking a job at Sultanpur was due to differences with father coz they didn't get along.

 

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10 hours ago, Ranjeet01 said:

I am always puzzled with this word "educated".

Education for our people is status related, it's not out of the love of learning or out of intellectual curiosity.

Also, I cannot see this repetitive cycle of getting married to a girl from India who then gives birth to a daughter born in the west and then having to get another girl from India if she has a son. The buck has to stop somewhere.

The only way to get back to these traditional values is to get a girl who has not carried on with her education.

But that is not going to happen if being "educated" is the be all and end all for everything.

But as per usual our people are not aware of these paradoxes/ironies/cognitive dissonances.

They seem to be very comfortable with these contradictions.

Put your self in punjabi parent's shoes.

They were not Educated enough to establish themselves in India so they decided to migrate.

Migration was no walk in the park for them so can't blame them.

Nobody is forcing anyone to get married in India, just trying to highlight the rationale behind doing so.

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On 12/02/2017 at 9:40 PM, jkvlondon said:

problem is it's a dilemma they want an educated DIL so she can work and earn to support them and her family and yet disparage her for having an education as if learning is a curse. If you want traditional values then get an educated DIL , educated in Gurmat, Gur Itihass, Gurbani Santhiya, Kirtan , if she's been doing that studying hardly likely she's gonna have time or inclination to be bad .

I expect that in the coming years that there is going to be a sea change.

I think your age group are going to be a litmus test on this as the first crop UK born Sikhs will have their children married and become grandparents.

We are probably there already with a few trickles but there is going to be a deluge.

It is your age group/generation who will prepare to have an empty nest.

 

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15 hours ago, Preeet said:

No need to generalize everyone like that, there are plenty of teachers etc from India who have also migrated here. 

Ok !

How does it help in marrying ?

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Guest Kaur
On 13/2/2017 at 1:05 AM, Akalifauj said:

You have brought forward no new or alternative view at all.  Parents who migrated to the west see what the girls of Punjabi families are up to in the west.  They know of their fake han ji han ji attitude.  So they say, hell with these promiscuous women, better to search in india.  Tell me this, why does a Sikh woman wear a dastar on her head when she is going to wear a skirt?  Was it a cover one and reveal the other sale or something? Selfish brats is what Punjabi women grown up in the west are.  They don't care for anything other than their selfish animal instincts.  Then you have the girls going around saying everyone is my brother and meeting these brothers with big hugs.  Rainsabai kirtan sessions have at least 2 to 3 of these type hanging around....they be checking out the merchandise with the fat pockets.  Few weeks later she is breaking up with one of her brothers to date another one and its the talk of the rainsabai kirtan.  Then there are the ones saying every boy is just a friend.  It's similar as the brother scenario, but this time their is more friends in an interval.  I have to ask again, what the hell is the point of wearing a dastar or covering your head in a different manner and the Sikh woman breast are almost hanging out?  I am waiting for the selfish attitude......how does it go again....its my body I can do what I want with it.  Just the other day a soft spoken Punjabi girl from the west was saying how she would marrying a guy only if the guy's parents will not be living with them.  This the affirmative action taking woman every man wants, kick those no good parents out for raising you and giving you a roof and paying for your education.  And keep the brat in the house.  I'd rather put a gun to my head and take the easy way out.  Have you ever read Kalki Avatar, if not, I really recommend you do and pay close attention to when Guru Sahib says the roles have changed, which means the world has a backward mentality.  Or as a western women disregard Guru Sahib's reality and stick to your view........how does that go again.......

Western girls can never cover their tracks on social dating sites.  There double shifting parents are always on the new and latest dating sites spying.  They be making those dating apps for their young daughters to lose their self respect on.  Get real, one click and in a hour I will find at least 5 Punjabi women looking to hook up on social media.  And give it couple more hours and there will be a dastar wearing one as well.  Western Punjabi women have changed their values.  They find it acceptable to date, have boyfriends, have a fling with no strings attached.  They want to be experienced in this aspect of life before they find the right guy to choke to death with their messy past.   

Then lastly, there are a few punjabi women born in the west and they don't act or behave like western women.  This is because they don't hold to western values and value eastern values.  They rather have the guys parents living with them.  They don't mind taking care of the children, doing house choirs and being a part of the family unit.  They don't have the selfish behaviour as the western punjabi women.  They don't see the benefit of hugging random guys and calling them brothers, only to date them later.  They value the Gurus advice or have a moral compass telling them it is wrong.  Their demeanor is very different from western women.  These are the western punjabi girls a guy should be looking to marry.  Everyone else should be on a 10 feet radius and stick a pole out so she can't get near you status.

 

It is an alternative view because the class difference is still very apparent between the older uneducated generation that immigrated versus the educated wealthier lot that stay back in india. I think you're being very harsh. The sikh way of living is unique and eternal and to compare it alongside with "eastern" or "western" values is missing its uniqueness.

The word "eastern values" doesn't mean much. Go to chandigarh and you'll observe it for yourself. Punjab university is about 75% of students from punjab. I noticed plenty of girls dating for benefits. They're one thing at home and another outside at home.

You won't have this dichotomy when dealing with people whose parents are educated. Sadly most of the older generation in UK , Canada aren't.  From your post you're most likely from UK, so I can understand where you're coming from. Though Sikhi encompasses more than a time constrained concept of eastern or western values

 

 

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On ‎14‎/‎02‎/‎2017 at 1:16 PM, Guest Kaur said:

 

It is an alternative view because the class difference is still very apparent between the older uneducated generation that immigrated versus the educated wealthier lot that stay back in india. I think you're being very harsh. The sikh way of living is unique and eternal and to compare it alongside with "eastern" or "western" values is missing its uniqueness.

The word "eastern values" doesn't mean much. Go to chandigarh and you'll observe it for yourself. Punjab university is about 75% of students from punjab. I noticed plenty of girls dating for benefits. They're one thing at home and another outside at home.

You won't have this dichotomy when dealing with people whose parents are educated. Sadly most of the older generation in UK , Canada aren't.  From your post you're most likely from UK, so I can understand where you're coming from. Though Sikhi encompasses more than a time constrained concept of eastern or western values

 

 

Let's take your class difference for a test run.  The Punjabis who came in the 50s, 60s, 70, and 80s have children who were raised here in the west.  Their lives are primary based on western culture.  Their parents have become wealthy.  They were raised with Punjabi culture at home, but that was pushed aside because an average child and youth spend 80% of their time around western institutions and around western people.  From their teachers, classmates, coworkers, and bosses their interaction is with western people.  These youth were educated in the west and now these educated people are giving their body away for one drinks at the bar, club, house party.  They are very much part of the drug culture, yet around their parents they behave as bibaa putts.  The western education they value and you value as the be all and end all, has not provided them with the mental ability to not take drugs, alcohol and then lay with a random guy after ditching their boyfriend at the bar.  The Sikh way of living is unique and eastern values have some similar values when it comes to marriage and how guys and girls should behave.  Yet in a different thread you said sexual intercourse has some spiritual experience.  This is your brainwashed western thinking. 

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Guest Kaur
37 minutes ago, Akalifauj said:

Let's take your class difference for a test run.  The Punjabis who came in the 50s, 60s, 70, and 80s have children who were raised here in the west.  Their lives are primary based on western culture.  Their parents have become wealthy.  They were raised with Punjabi culture at home, but that was pushed aside because an average child and youth spend 80% of their time around western institutions and around western people.  From their teachers, classmates, coworkers, and bosses their interaction is with western people.  These youth were educated in the west and now these educated people are giving their body away for one drinks at the bar, club, house party.  They are very much part of the drug culture, yet around their parents they behave as bibaa putts.  The western education they value and you value as the be all and end all, has not provided them with the mental ability to not take drugs, alcohol and then lay with a random guy after ditching their boyfriend at the bar.  The Sikh way of living is unique and eastern values have some similar values when it comes to marriage and how guys and girls should behave.  Yet in a different thread you said sexual intercourse has some spiritual experience.  This is your brainwashed western thinking. 

 

First off, why are you even being  aggressive with me. I haven't talked about anything like that anywhere. I'm posting as a guest and my only other post on here is about "doing paath for someone else".  If you're really that much of a sikh man then you should know better than to talk down to a woman like that. I'm assuming you think there's only one "Kaur" on this forum.

Amyways.

And coming back to your point " they were raised with punjabi culture at home". What culture can an uneducated woman pass on to her children? Don't cut your hair, Don't wear dresses, etc.  So my point still holds true.  This isn't culture, it's a set of rules watered down as culture. The word "culture" is far too broad too even encompass every codified behavior and custom across different classes. Cultural norms become codified over time and unfortunately alot of it does depend on the type of though process that is propagated

I hold everyone to the same standard. So the woman with a phd who cuts her son's hair on his 3rd birthday is in the same category for me as the man or woman who's out drinking every weekend.  The former is more dangerous and decayed

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