• advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
Guest Wondering

Marrying from back home

78 posts in this topic

Hi all.

I just want to ask how comman is this thinking in Punjabi communities or is it just a mindset my own family and extended has.

basically everyone in my family and extended family have a mindset that Punjabi/ Sikh girls that are from UK are somewhat not marriages material and it's best to avoid getting there sons married to Sikh girls from UK and instead invest £££ in a girl from india!

last year I had an argument with my mum regarding this topic, my eldest sister is happily married to a mona Punjabi guy who is uk born and they have been happily married for 3 years no problem. Last year my mum wanted my brother to get married, she insisted that she only wants a girl from India for her beloved son as U.K born girls are not worthy of marriage (regardless of the fact my mum has me and my sister as daughters!)

my brother also holds the same views, I objected and said it would be much easer to marry a girl from uk as she can:-

1)understand the cultur better, she has lived here all her life she knows the rules, ways of life. A girl from India will need time to settle and ajust/adapt, she will have problems understanding things and be dependent on my brother.

2) a U.K. Born girl has been educated here, would most likely have a job in place and has a right to drive. She would have no money issues and would not be dependent on her hubby, however a girl from India will be dependent, may take years to find a decent job, would have to learn to drive from scratch, would not be established here.

3) a girl born here would have more in comman with my brother than a girl from India.

after giving my points and views in why I want my brother to marry a girl from here my mum took my brother to see some rishtsa from uk, however I think my mum purposely took my brother to see girls that my brother would not like.

me and my sister have been raised very strict, we never went out, never wore revealing clothes, were escorted to and from school/ high school/ collage and never had mobile phones or internet connection!

thes girls my mum was showing my brother were the opposite of how me and my sister are, I'm sure there are plenty of well brought up uk Punjabi girls yet my mum found the worst types!!

anyway, my mum got her way and my brother is married to a Punjabi girl from India. After declaring income and all the procedures and money being thrown at her  to come here she is finally here, she seems confused and home sick. My mum treats her a bit like a maid and my brother is at the moment in the honeymoon stage, she is all ji ji and hanji for now. 

My question is, why do Punjabi people think uk born girls are not good engough? Why is it worth being a girl from back home? Is it for controll? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We were in the same position but learnt to adjust. 

In a successful marriage adjustments have to be constantly made. Don't worry too much about them.  People are able to get on with their lives without interference. 

Worry about yourself and don't give others ideas especially your new bhabhi about her being sad and homesick. Your thoughts will transfer to her. Always be positive and positiveness will flow from you to others.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When your parents came to UK for 25+ years ago. Alot of things were different then in Punjab compared to their new country. 

Usually when any family moves to another country, one coping defense mechanism to deal with the situation is to hold on tradition and values. That is basically what your parents have done. This will affect your parents and your brothers judgement when selecting a partner for your brother. 

Mostly they think that if they can choose a country girl that does not have access to internet they can then "mold" that country girl to your brothers future with that girl. Unfortunetly that country girl after getting married to your brother then want to go to Paris fashion week 2018 and become a modern sikh woman.

This is a example what your parents see when they think of women in UK, US, CANADA etc.

https://www.youtube.com/v/LFebWgqUtRY?start=27&end=420

Watch this until 7:17. Safe for work.

That said I would just like to give you a word of advice.

Right now in India was not what is what 25+ years ago. What is going on is a "Woodstock sexual revolution" were young teenage girls have to choose between view of women in India which has been so distorted by the moghals for 800-1000 years which treat them like cattle or like a group of consumers in the modern consumer culture which is right now consuming the consciousness of mankind.

Most of them will choose the consumer ones of course. They will think this is 2017!

They do not know of the "bad" sides of consumer culture like Bibi Sat Kirin Kaur.

 

Good luck penji

VVJK VJKF

Edited by Cloud
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Guest Wondering said:

 

My question is, why do Punjabi people think uk born girls are not good engough? Why is it worth being a girl from back home? Is it for controll? 

It's because they still hold the views that they had 20-40yrs ago, when they came to UK. They think the youth are still the same there as back then, but unfortunately things have changed. And that happens with time. 

Its also because the girls here are more independent, stand on their own feet quicker, more job opportunities here and the culture and environment is less strict. So this makes them afraid that they are so successful that they will have there own ways and take over the whole house, thus restrict their freedom. 

She maybe a good for your brother, you never know. Not all girls from India have negative qualities. It's the same as here, they are being active in their decision making nowadays. 

Edited by simran345

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
30 minutes ago, simran345 said:

It's because they still hold the views that they had 20-40yrs ago, when they came to UK. They think the youth are still the same there as back then, but unfortunately things have changed. And that happens with time. 

Its also because the girls here are more independent, stand on their own feet quicker, more job opportunities here and the culture and environment is less strict. So this makes them afraid that they are so successful that they will have there own ways and take over the whole house, thus restrict their freedom. 

She maybe a good for your brother, you never know. Not all girls from India have negative qualities. It's the same as here, they are being active in their decision making nowadays. 

Isn't Sikhi egalitarian though? So women should be allowed to be given the same opportunity and freedom men would have? (Unless these Punjabis actually view themselves as sub-continentals instead of Sikhs?)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, simran345 said:

It's because they still hold the views that they had 20-40yrs ago, when they came to UK. They think the youth are still the same there as back then, but unfortunately things have changed. And that happens with time. 

Its also because the girls here are more independent, stand on their own feet quicker, more job opportunities here and the culture and environment is less strict. So this makes them afraid that they are so successful that they will have there own ways and take over the whole house, thus restrict their freedom. 

She maybe a good for your brother, you never know. Not all girls from India have negative qualities. It's the same as here, they are being active in their decision making nowadays. 

Come on, it's not only that.

Promiscuity isn't a small issue in the west.

 

But that all said and done, like others have alluded to - parents often have a totally (unrealistic and) idealised conception of what things are like in Panjab. Most of the second generation there that I know of haven't had arranged marriages. Dating isn't uncommon either. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

Come on, it's not only that.

Promiscuity isn't a small issue in the west.

 

But that all said and done, like others have alluded to - parents often have a totally (unrealistic and) idealised conception of what things are like in Panjab. Most of the second generation there that I know of haven't had arranged marriages. Dating isn't uncommon either. 

If you read my first paragraph, that's exactly what I'm saying. Things have moved on, but the elders here are under the impression that it's still like 40yrs ago. They don't see the other side of it, where there are boyfriends and girlfriends or even as friends. 

But still in some pinds it's still arranged marriage, as in the boy and girl are introduced to each other by a middle somebody and then they get to know each other and decide to get married if they wish to, but they can also say no. 

Some parents here think the girls and guys are there like gold compared to here which they would class as silver. That's because they either fail to accept the truth of what it's like or because they simply must be under the impression that you have given paji. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Jacfsing2 said:

Isn't Sikhi egalitarian though? So women should be allowed to be given the same opportunity and freedom men would have? (Unless these Punjabis actually view themselves as sub-continentals instead of Sikhs?)

Yes that is the Sikh view, but unfortunately not everybody follows Sikhi teachings. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, simran345 said:

Some parents here think the girls and guys are there like gold compared to here which they would class as silver. That's because they either fail to accept the truth of what it's like or because they simply must be under the impression that you have given paji. 

Bhen ji, I'm saying that the concern they have (although it doesn't apply towards all apneean) isn't an irrational one when it comes to girls who have grown up here. There are serious issues we are all aware of, in this respect. We have been trying to deal with this for a few decades now. 

But back to parents, what is strange is their idealisation of back home, which has its own issues. They play down all the 'getting a passport stamp and going missing', they ignore the umpteen people who've married someone from here and then later suddenly left to be with their bf/gf from back home. They ignore the rampant drugs issue from back home. My sister-in-law (who is from back home) , told me that people start taking all sorts of drugs in college over there. It's like you said: it appears to be some sort of psychological defence mechanism by parents in the face of disorientating change and uncertainty. Also, people brought up over here are much more likely to call out parents who act shady. I know parents often seem to prefer some sort of docile, subservient daughter in law, who never questions anything. 

Edited by dallysingh101
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

Bhen ji, I'm saying that the concern they have (although it doesn't apply towards all apneean) isn't an irrational one when it comes to girls who have grown up here. There are serious issues we are all aware of, in this respect. We have been trying to deal with this for a few decades now. 

But back to parents, what is strange is their idealisation of back home, which has its own issues. They play down all the 'getting a passport stamp and going missing', they ignore the umpteen people who've married someone from here and then later suddenly left to be with their bf/gf from back home. They ignore the rampant drugs issue from back home. My sister-in-law (who is from back home) , told me that people start taking all sorts of drugs in college over there. It's like you said: it appears to be some sort of psychological defence mechanism by parents in the face of disorientating change and uncertainty. Also, people brought up over here are much more likely to call out parents who act shady. I know parents often seem to prefer some sort of docile, subservient daughter in law, who never questions anything. 

Yes I agree. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm going to say something which you may not like bit I think it's important I put this out there for people to read.

I'm a 27 year old amritdhari singh (unmarried) from the uk. I'm quite "active" in religious circles and have many Singh friends similar to me aging from 20-30. We all feel the same way about most Singhnia we see in the UK. Primarily that they are very western in negative ways. Now we are western too and there is nothing wrong with taking the good bits of western culture, but we feel alot of kaurs these days take the wrong bits -mainly that they are not very family orientated and have a bit of an attitude. I'm really sorry if that offends but it is truly how ALOT of us feel.

Please don't confuse this with having a strong personality. We are all for strong, confident and independent singhnia, but at the end of the day we are looking for caring and warm qualities in a singhni as well. Alot of us singhs find uk singhnia to be quite cold and aloof and not very approachable. I think alot of uk girls have wrongly taken the concept of feminism and being equal to just being rude to singhs - i know some marriages that have broken over this stuff. Singhnis need to realise that it does not make them weak to take some care over their Singh and cook for them, look after the home etc. These are qualities which will be greatly appreciated but the Singh and in return the Singh will guve a great deal of love and support.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I always thought "s" and "z" are the differences btween uk and Canadian English until i read ur post today of spelling "common as comman"

😂😂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Guest singhperspective said:

I'm going to say something which you may not like bit I think it's important I put this out there for people to read.

I'm a 27 year old amritdhari singh (unmarried) from the uk. I'm quite "active" in religious circles and have many Singh friends similar to me aging from 20-30. We all feel the same way about most Singhnia we see in the UK. Primarily that they are very western in negative ways. Now we are western too and there is nothing wrong with taking the good bits of western culture, but we feel alot of kaurs these days take the wrong bits -mainly that they are not very family orientated and have a bit of an attitude. I'm really sorry if that offends but it is truly how ALOT of us feel.

Please don't confuse this with having a strong personality. We are all for strong, confident and independent singhnia, but at the end of the day we are looking for caring and warm qualities in a singhni as well. Alot of us singhs find uk singhnia to be quite cold and aloof and not very approachable. I think alot of uk girls have wrongly taken the concept of feminism and being equal to just being rude to singhs - i know some marriages that have broken over this stuff. Singhnis need to realise that it does not make them weak to take some care over their Singh and cook for them, look after the home etc. These are qualities which will be greatly appreciated but the Singh and in return the Singh will guve a great deal of love and support.

You are preaching to the wrong crowd.  No one can help these folks.  They will continue to aim the axe at their head repetitively.  It's like a drug, they know it is hurting them, but they continue to use because it's an addiction.   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, Cloud said:

When your parents came to UK for 25+ years ago. Alot of things were different then in Punjab compared to their new country. 

Usually when any family moves to another country, one coping defense mechanism to deal with the situation is to hold on tradition and values. That is basically what your parents have done. This will affect your parents and your brothers judgement when selecting a partner for your brother. 

Mostly they think that if they can choose a country girl that does not have access to internet they can then "mold" that country girl to your brothers future with that girl. Unfortunetly that country girl after getting married to your brother then want to go to Paris fashion week 2018 and become a modern sikh woman.

This is a example what your parents see when they think of women in UK, US, CANADA etc.

https://www.youtube.com/v/LFebWgqUtRY?start=27&end=420

Watch this until 7:17. Safe for work.

That said I would just like to give you a word of advice.

Right now in India was not what is what 25+ years ago. What is going on is a "Woodstock sexual revolution" were young teenage girls have to choose between view of women in India which has been so distorted by the moghals for 800-1000 years which treat them like cattle or like a group of consumers in the modern consumer culture which is right now consuming the consciousness of mankind.

Most of them will choose the consumer ones of course. They will think this is 2017!

They do not know of the "bad" sides of consumer culture like Bibi Sat Kirin Kaur.

 

Good luck penji

VVJK VJKF

You keep putting up these 3HO peoples videos.  How are they in anyway noble.  They get unmarried people to perform tantric sex positions and play Vaheguru simran.  They perform worship of idols.  What can they teach others? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, Guest singhperspective said:

I'm going to say something which you may not like bit I think it's important I put this out there for people to read.

I'm a 27 year old amritdhari singh (unmarried) from the uk. I'm quite "active" in religious circles and have many Singh friends similar to me aging from 20-30. We all feel the same way about most Singhnia we see in the UK. Primarily that they are very western in negative ways. Now we are western too and there is nothing wrong with taking the good bits of western culture, but we feel alot of kaurs these days take the wrong bits -mainly that they are not very family orientated and have a bit of an attitude. I'm really sorry if that offends but it is truly how ALOT of us feel.

Please don't confuse this with having a strong personality. We are all for strong, confident and independent singhnia, but at the end of the day we are looking for caring and warm qualities in a singhni as well. Alot of us singhs find uk singhnia to be quite cold and aloof and not very approachable. I think alot of uk girls have wrongly taken the concept of feminism and being equal to just being rude to singhs - i know some marriages that have broken over this stuff. Singhnis need to realise that it does not make them weak to take some care over their Singh and cook for them, look after the home etc. These are qualities which will be greatly appreciated but the Singh and in return the Singh will guve a great deal of love and support.

I'd like to hear more. I've heard murmurings from young, decent Singhs about these issues, but for some reason they've been led to believe that articulating these concerns makes them anti-Guru mysoginists who want a wife that'll be chained up in the kitchen all day. It seems there's no middle ground. The question remains: how has third wave feminism - for that's essentially what we're seeing in action - managed to gradually mesh itself with orthodox, timeless Sikh ideals (in the truest sense of the phrase) in the West?

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Girls from Punjab are no better or worse than UK girls.

The only difference is that UK girls are more open with their intentions whereas Punjab ones are more clandestine. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@OP  i think the main reason ur parents want someone from india is that she will be more likely to live with an extended family. Most modern girls want their privacy, own place, and will see the in laws as interfering, criticizing burdens instead of as helpful, advice offering, sometimes annoying responsibility who r still family.

Secondly, they do want a wife that is dependent on the husband. That way she will be less likely to divorce over trivial things, and will be more likely to be a housewife and stay at home mom. Most modern uk women would not want to give up their careers to stay at home. And a stay at home mom is really important to raise kids in a traditional, healthy way.

Thirdly, i think there are very rare families who raised their daughters like ur parents did in the uk. Ur probably the only one in uk. In america there r some familiws that r as strict as urs complete with no internet n picking up kids from school. But still rare. Most tend to be strict taksali families, i think akj r more modern, more english speaking at home too. Maybe some very misogynist, traditional panjabi families r the same, but most panjabis that r not amritdhari r pretty lax.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Ranjeet01 said:

Girls from Punjab are no better or worse than UK girls.

The only difference is that UK girls are more open with their intentions whereas Punjab ones are more clandestine. 

Girls from Punjab are very much different than girls in the UK.  Girls in the UK hide a lot from their parents.  Changing at gas stations into promiscuous clothing, sometimes in the back of a cab, so they can go have a night out boozing, taking pills, and grind up on random guys.  Then comes the excuse.....mom im stay at my friends house.........which means, I met a guy and I am going to go sleep with him for the night.  Get up the next morning, change back into clothing their parents accept and back home to act like the best daughter any parents will have.  Parents know what goes on, but they rather not confront the demon in the room.  What's the excuse these girls use to hide their past from their husband...that's right....you are getting married to me and not my past.  And like a good puppy dog the western guy rolls over and takes it like a good boy.  This is the reality everywhere in the country.  There are a few good girls in the western world, but their demeanor is rude and stuck on extreme feminist ideology.  Who wants the Hulk as their partner. 

Girls in Punjab are not all the same.  The one`s who live in big cities are more likely to be stained with a similar brush as the UK girls.  Girls who leave for university outside of the family unit will be in a similar situation as the girls in a bigger city.  Unless she finds sangat in this manures field who does not also prescribe to the promiscuous lifestyle.   But girls in the pind that have their family and brothers and cousins to watch out for them have not indulged in this behaviour.  They had no chance and their moral compass does not allow them.  There sangat never existed of girls who were promiscuous and if, ever they befriend a girl who is.  The brother makes sure that friendship does not last more than 2 seconds. 

Can we say the same about western brothers or cousins, never!!!  Instead they party with their sister as their best friend feels her up as her boyfriend.  And the Punjabi girls who live in areas where there is less Punjabis.  They should be saved from this behaviour.  Nope not true at all.  Instead they date guys from other cultures and races.  These are the girls who will mostly like marry a person of a different race.  Parents in the western country have no control over their girls.  Some have been saved because they know better themselves.  Yet in Punjab, more girls are under the control of their parents and will not even attempt to go down the road of looking at a boy.  The consequences are too high.  If some backwards western minded person finds this as controlling.  Then tell me how much control your daughter has when she is drunk and on some sort of pill that was prepared by a crackhead.  I ask this question because this is the reality.  Unfortunately, police respond to a lot of cr*p they never want to see.

A girl from America who believes she is following Sikhi says she will not be ashamed to be naked in front of Vaheguru when discussing what is moral to wear for a girl in public.  She runs the blog Kaurlife.  Don`t believe me, go read this cr*p for yourself.  This is the crazy mind of a western Punjabi girl.     

There are 100 times better rishta in india than western countries. 

Edited by Akalifauj

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, Akalifauj said:

Girls from Punjab are very much different than girls in the UK.  Girls in the UK hide a lot from their parents.  Changing at gas stations into promiscuous clothing, sometimes in the back of a cab, so they can go have a night out boozing, taking pills, and grind up on random guys.  Then comes the excuse.....mom im stay at my friends house.........which means, I met a guy and I am going to go sleep with him for the night.  Get up the next morning, change back into clothing their parents accept and back home to act like the best daughter any parents will have.  Parents know what goes on, but they rather not confront the demon in the room.  What's the excuse these girls use to hide their past from their husband...that's right....you are getting married to me and not my past.  And like a good puppy dog the western guy rolls over and takes it like a good boy.  This is the reality everywhere in the country.  There are a few good girls in the western world, but their demeanor is rude and stuck on extreme feminist ideology.  Who wants the Hulk as their partner. 

Girls in Punjab are not all the same.  The one`s who live in big cities are more likely to be stained with a similar brush as the UK girls.  Girls who leave for university outside of the family unit will be in a similar situation as the girls in a bigger city.  Unless she finds sangat in this manures field who does not also prescribe to the promiscuous lifestyle.   But girls in the pind that have their family and brothers and cousins to watch out for them have not indulged in this behaviour.  They had no chance and their moral compass does not allow them.  There sangat never existed of girls who were promiscuous and if, ever they befriend a girl who is.  The brother makes sure that friendship does not last more than 2 seconds. 

Can we say the same about western brothers or cousins, never!!!  Instead they party with their sister as their best friend feels her up as her boyfriend.  And the Punjabi girls who live in areas where there is less Punjabis.  They should be saved from this behaviour.  Nope not true at all.  Instead they date guys from other cultures and races.  These are the girls who will mostly like marry a person of a different race.  Parents in the western country have no control over their girls.  Some have been saved because they know better themselves.  Yet in Punjab, more girls are under the control of their parents and will not even attempt to go down the road of looking at a boy.  The consequences are too high.  If some backwards western minded person finds this as controlling.  Then tell me how much control your daughter has when she is drunk and on some sort of pill that was prepared by a crackhead.  I ask this question because this is the reality.  Unfortunately, police respond to a lot of cr*p they never want to see.

A girl from America who believes she is following Sikhi says she will not be ashamed to be naked in front of Vaheguru when discussing what is moral to wear for a girl in public.  She runs the blog Kaurlife.  Don`t believe me, go read this cr*p for yourself.  This is the crazy mind of a western Punjabi girl.     

There are 100 times better rishta in india than western countries. 

Akalifauj

The scenario you are talking about UK girls is so 1980's. 

The girls of today are the daughters of those 1980 girls, it's a lot more out in the open.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Ranjeet01 said:

Akalifauj

The scenario you are talking about UK girls is so 1980's. 

The girls of today are the daughters of those 1980 girls, it's a lot more out in the open.

Open for the girls who are born to these families, but not open for girls born in the family, who are first generation western born girls.  There parents barely can speak English and don`t know the culture around them.  They still hide what they do outside of the house.  Also I know of white families who don`t allow their daughters to date and go clubbing.  Yet their daughters hide what they do from the parents.  This has nothing to do with what their parents have done in the past.  It`s what the parents want now and what the western culture is telling their girls to do.  So they hide their behaviour.  Which girl goes home and tells their parents, she just got plastered and passed out at some random guys house.  Not even the most liberal girl in a white family will be shameful enough to tell her mother or father. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
50 minutes ago, Akalifauj said:

Open for the girls who are born to these families, but not open for girls born in the family, who are first generation western born girls.  There parents barely can speak English and don`t know the culture around them.  They still hide what they do outside of the house.  Also I know of white families who don`t allow their daughters to date and go clubbing.  Yet their daughters hide what they do from the parents.  This has nothing to do with what their parents have done in the past.  It`s what the parents want now and what the western culture is telling their girls to do.  So they hide their behaviour.  Which girl goes home and tells their parents, she just got plastered and passed out at some random guys house.  Not even the most liberal girl in a white family will be shameful enough to tell her mother or father. 

You are not from the UK and I don't where you live but it is not the case in UK 2017.

The majority of UK born Sikhs are 2nd/3rd even 4th generation Sikhs.

When I meant intention as per what the O.P., I was alluding to the fact that girls in the UK are up front in what their intentions are for marriage. For example, they do not want to live with their in-laws and they will openly express it. The in-laws will understand this and may compromise and say live with us for 6 months and then move out.

A girl from Punjab could say that she wants to live her in-laws but slowly and gradually turn her husband away from his family. Once she does this, she will try to bring her own pekheh over so that her family is in the sphere of influence.

Girls from Punjab know how to keep quiet and work in sly cunning way. Whereas a UK girl is more likely show her hand early on.

However if the Punjab girl's mother-in-law is from Punjab herself, she will quickly suss out what her daughter-in-law is upto as she is from the same cultural background and can see the tell tale signs and anticipate her moves.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Ranjeet01 said:

You are not from the UK and I don't where you live but it is not the case in UK 2017.

The majority of UK born Sikhs are 2nd/3rd even 4th generation Sikhs.

When I meant intention as per what the O.P., I was alluding to the fact that girls in the UK are up front in what their intentions are for marriage. For example, they do not want to live with their in-laws and they will openly express it. The in-laws will understand this and may compromise and say live with us for 6 months and then move out.

A girl from Punjab could say that she wants to live her in-laws but slowly and gradually turn her husband away from his family. Once she does this, she will try to bring her own pekheh over so that her family is in the sphere of influence.

Girls from Punjab know how to keep quiet and work in sly cunning way. Whereas a UK girl is more likely show her hand early on.

However if the Punjab girl's mother-in-law is from Punjab herself, she will quickly suss out what her daughter-in-law is upto as she is from the same cultural background and can see the tell tale signs and anticipate her moves.

Are you sure your name isn't Joginder Bassi?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Akalifauj paji, thus bit isn't right. 

"But girls in the pind that have their family and brothers and cousins to watch out for them have not indulged in this behaviour.  They had no chance and their moral compass does not allow them.  There sangat never existed of girls who were promiscuous and if, ever they befriend a girl who is.  The brother makes sure that friendship does not last more than 2 seconds."

They are the same as city girls, just undercover. 

 

13 hours ago, Ranjeet01 said:

You are not from the UK and I don't where you live but it is not the case in UK 2017.

The majority of UK born Sikhs are 2nd/3rd even 4th generation Sikhs.

When I meant intention as per what the O.P., I was alluding to the fact that girls in the UK are up front in what their intentions are for marriage. For example, they do not want to live with their in-laws and they will openly express it. The in-laws will understand this and may compromise and say live with us for 6 months and then move out.

A girl from Punjab could say that she wants to live her in-laws but slowly and gradually turn her husband away from his family. Once she does this, she will try to bring her own pekheh over so that her family is in the sphere of influence.

Girls from Punjab know how to keep quiet and work in sly cunning way. Whereas a UK girl is more likely show her hand early on.

However if the Punjab girl's mother-in-law is from Punjab herself, she will quickly suss out what her daughter-in-law is upto as she is from the same cultural background and can see the tell tale signs and anticipate her moves.

True. 

Its not just the girls, the guys also play a part. Plenty can be said about them too who come over from Punjab. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, simran345 said:

Akalifauj paji, thus bit isn't right. 

"But girls in the pind that have their family and brothers and cousins to watch out for them have not indulged in this behaviour.  They had no chance and their moral compass does not allow them.  There sangat never existed of girls who were promiscuous and if, ever they befriend a girl who is.  The brother makes sure that friendship does not last more than 2 seconds."

They are the same as city girls, just undercover. 

 

True. 

Its not just the girls, the guys also play a part. Plenty can be said about them too who come over from Punjab. 

In the context of UK girl v Punjab girl.

However, male and female from Punjab have a more pragmarism and see marriage in a completely different context. We UK lot are far more idealistic.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

  Only 75 emoticons maximum are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

Loading...



  • Topics

  • Posts

    • While they were busy trying to overtake the world and mess them, they forgot to take care of their children at the same time. Thus they have created fpr themselves a mess which now seems too difficult to sort out. We have fallen with them in the same mess created by laws and rules which are too painful to keep on following. 
    • Having half  illiterate and not very highly educated grandparents has been a result of this ploy by the British. My great grandfather was of the time I suppose before this happened. His achievements were immense. he owned a great amount of sakhis which he read for all youngsters in the village. His children i.e.  my naniji went to school for just a 5 years after which her family did not think that a well educated girl would land a husband at all. Therefore she stayed at home. Despite being a bright student she got married at the age of 14. She did not perform her nitnem until my grandfather passed away 50 years later. Had she been more educated, she may have been able to advice her children better and we may have had more educated adults in the family.  From my fathers side, we had 2 illiterate parents. My grandfather learnt the 5 pauris of Japji sahib in his old age only by attending the guradwara regularly. He was not able to say these off head. Whereas my great grandfather woke up at Amrit vela and performed his nitnem on the way and read sakhis and told everyone, no one else was able to reach that level because of illiteracy. My great grandfather was able to reach a stage where he got parttakh darshan of Guru Gobind Singh Ji whereas the next generation could not even recite the main bani off head!!! So yes a big part of our inherited culture was destroyed by this evil plan. Perhaps if we had more educated grandparents, then as a community we would be able to make greater and wiser progress. We have lost youngsters to a culture which is alien both to us and to themselves too. Time to get back to our roots and rediscover them.  Thanks dailysingh101 for this very useful information. 
    • They're under attack in one respect and one respect only as far as I can tell - any complaint or grievance they have is automatically shut down as 'racist' by society at large.  Saying that though, an examination of the thinking behind these complaints always throws up the same themes - "the immigrants are taking our jobs and our houses". If this were truly the case, then the solution would be a pretty obvious one - make more jobs and build more houses. But the greedy men currently in power in this country would rather not do this, thus they are constantly resuscitating these politically expeditious lies about immigrants, to avoid having to spend their money.  The working class whites are being played by the rich whites, and they just can't see it. 
    • Whatever the art style and period, I've always been struck by the depiction of Guru Tegh Bahadhur, which seems to be fairly standardised throughout the centuries. The grey / white streak in their beard underneath the bottom lip is a common distinguishing feature in various portraits of theirs. It's a pretty specific detail. Is that something that's been mentioned in a sakhi, etc?
    • Guru ji went to battle as a youth thus his name from Tyag Mal to Teg Bahadur...but his true essence was to be tied to Akal Purakh's charan