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Marrying from back home


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Guest Wondering
2 hours ago, Akalifauj said:

Sleeping around with random guys hopped on drugs after getting married is not idealistic.  The UK boy marries a UK born girls and she goes on her girl trips with friends.  What do you think these girls are doing?  Doing paath on these trips!  These girls never change, they go to clubs, get free drinks for grinding and making out with random guys and go back to a hotel room with bunch of random guys and sleep with them.  Ever heard of the story of a Punjabi wife taking her husbands sister out to vegas to meet up with their boyfriends and it was all caught on video by a private eye. Who ever thinks this is a rare, is living in the 50s when it comes to western Punjabi women.  These western Punjabi girls go on their stag/Bachelorette parties to hook up with random guys.  They are not sitting around in hotel rooms playing monopoly.  And these girls excuse, my soon to be husband will do the same or my husband is doing the same, so why can't I.  This is how intelligent these girls are.  And you call them idealistic.  Sitting on a beach half naked is ideal for you?    UK or any other western girl never tell their husband or future husband about what they have done in these settings.  So, they tell you they don't want to live with their father and mother inlaw. and you praise them for being rude and selfish?  Must be a giddar of a son who will accept a woman in his life that doesn't want to live with the inlaws.  That is such honesty, you should give these girls a prize, maybe a trip to Vegas for four nights.  These girls can't make their father in-law 3 meals a day, but can walk their dog and pick up the dogs cr*p to throw away in the garbage?  Talk about messed up morals.  What was the reason you praised them, because they tell you straight up, I will not be living with the in-laws.  You are the man in the house forsure!!      

Guys who have rishta in India from good families who took care of their daughters never have an issue of plotting and planning against inlaws.  The girls come here, get educated and attain good jobs.  They have no desire to go out clubbing or boozing and grinding on random guys.  They don't have a past in regards to dating or going around with a guy.  They have manners and get treated with respect as well.  Not like the western Punjabi girls, they have put fear in the in-laws and demand it even though she is dressed half naked in front of her father in-law.  Having drinking competitions with the husband and his friends, she's such a good girl, made me breakfast after a year.  I just got to get her a little more drunk and maybe she will make me dinner. 

I have stories regarding the dastar wearing and jora keeping western Punjabi girls as well.  I call it the biba putt syndrome.  Let's see how thick of a blanket you want to put on these western girls misdeeds.   

Hmm, this is generalising. Although I have seen and unfortunately have some girls in my family that are like the ones you have described (partying all hours, not homely, wearing skimpy clothes ect..) but I have also seen uk born girls that are very homely and obedient, why you label that as biba putt syndrome is not fair. 

Its also though all the bad rotten uk born girls can be seen but the good ones have been ignored and visa Versa for the Punjabi girls, all the good Punjabi girls can be seen but the bad ones have been ignored!

i have a friend who's cousin married from back home, after 5 years of marriage and 1 daughter (3 years old) the girl from the pind rembered she's in love with mr pins from back home, resulting in the girl from the pind taking all her British born hubbies  saving and bring me pind from Indian to U.K. Via the back way.... now she is divorced and married to mr pind from back home and is happy to not see her 3 year old daughter again!

these stories however always get ignored.

also I'm supsions of my bhabi form back home as 1) she was very darn quick to cut her hair and wear western clothing, some of the clothes she wears are very low back/neck and tight.

2) she is always on the phone

3) she is a poser, meaning when ever my mum enters the room the she suddenly begins to sweep the floor or dust the chair or something to look like she is such a "biba putt"... 

not that I care, I'm just going to sit back and watch the drama unfold, this will decently end in tears....

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Guest forced to India

I'm dealing with a problem at the moment. I have a skin condition and my parents want to take me to India to get engaged and then married. 

 

I keep telling them,  I don't want to get married in India and with they could find me a singh to marry here in the U.K.  

 

I take Aker on a lot of stress, and run their family business, no one even knows I have the problem, and I always need to hide it away.

 

I wanted to know if there is any one els with a similar problem and if they have found away to move on  

 

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On 04/01/2017 at 0:22 PM, MisterrSingh said:

I'd like to hear more. I've heard murmurings from young, decent Singhs about these issues, but for some reason they've been led to believe that articulating these concerns makes them anti-Guru mysoginists who want a wife that'll be chained up in the kitchen all day. It seems there's no middle ground. The question remains: how has third wave feminism - for that's essentially what we're seeing in action - managed to gradually mesh itself with orthodox, timeless Sikh ideals (in the truest sense of the phrase) in the West?

 

I think that with all the praise of the West from their folks and being modern , combined with low actual knowledge of sikh ethics , itihaas, and social structures (meaning in the true sikh sense not punjabiyat) the current Punjabi crop mostly see foreign ristey as a bridge to get the Indian girl's/boy's folks out of Punjab or as some have pointed out a way to pave a life with an Indian BF/GF abroad. The whole enterprise is mercenary and that also goes for people from 'good' families I mean who in their right mind would send their daughter who is educated to post grad level  to live with someone who id barely high school educated just because he is abroad ? The other side of this is also the grabby money-mindedness of the foreign lads' families who screw every last penny out of the prospective in-laws on condition of the marriage . We have all heard about the thriving NRI holiday bride syndrome ...where the NRI lad goes on holiday makes a marriage , takes the goods/money then leaves the bride in India whilst he returns to his country never to contact again. 

What I have seen in life is both men and women want to be heard, to be understood , to have a good life , enjoy the good and be supported when bad things happen, the Guru gave us our identity and when we understand that it cuts both ways , we see ourselves in our true form -the same atma . In an Ideal sikh marriage there is a balance maintained although individuals may take the helm at different times for different life challenges, there is a wisdom in knowing, accepting and trusting the other's qualities. For those sisters who have lost touch with this sikh  idea of being the same yet different I pray that that Waheguru ji graces them with sumat and they realise that they are being conned by a Western elitist agenda to destabilise the family and faith in God, through third wave feminism and SJW trends.

Marriage's purpose in Sikhi is to give sangat of the right kind : to develop your spirituality and attain life's mission whilst also giving an arena to experience controlled kaamna (desires) and project a positivity and positive effect into the world . That being said , are we actually marrying or just pretending to marry these days ? If we use the correct criteria for selection, we would be making true marriages where there was a meeting of minds and souls but until we seperate the crassiness of maya-driven Punjabiyat from the whole scene we will be stuck with disastrous results and the downturn of sikh values in the kaum.

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It's all destiny or Sanjog

ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਬਨਿਤਾ ਸੁਤ ਬੰਧਪ ਇਸਟ ਮੀਤ ਅਰੁ ਭਾਈ ॥

Maath Pithaa Banithaa Suth Bandhhap Eisatt Meeth Ar Bhaaee ||

मात पिता बनिता सुत बंधप इसट मीत अरु भाई ॥

Mother, father, spouse, children, relatives, lovers, friends and siblings meet,

 

ਪੂਰਬ ਜਨਮ ਕੇ ਮਿਲੇ ਸੰਜੋਗੀ ਅੰਤਹਿ ਕੋ ਨ ਸਹਾਈ ॥੧॥

Poorab Janam Kae Milae Sanjogee Anthehi Ko N Sehaaee ||1||

पूरब जनम के मिले संजोगी अंतहि को न सहाई ॥१॥

Having been associated in previous lives; but none of them will be your companion and support in the end. ||1||

Ang 700 Line 3 Raag Jaitsiri: Guru Arjan Dev

 
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On Thursday, January 05, 2017 at 2:17 PM, Guest forced to India said:

I'm dealing with a problem at the moment. I have a skin condition and my parents want to take me to India to get engaged and then married. 

 

I keep telling them,  I don't want to get married in India and with they could find me a singh to marry here in the U.K.  

 

I take Aker on a lot of stress, and run their family business, no one even knows I have the problem, and I always need to hide it away.

 

I wanted to know if there is any one els with a similar problem and if they have found away to move on  

 

If u told ur parents about the skin condition, they might back off of getting u married in india. Also they might  help with treatment. 

Also make sure u are honest to the vichola or the groom. When things arent told and ppl find out after marriage, there are alot of problems. So tell ppl about ur skin condition, but to answer important questions u might have to consult a doctor. Ppl will want to know is it contagious? Is it genetic, will u pass it to the children? Wat is causing it, will it worsen? Will it spread to your face?

So take a day off work and go to the doctor. Also think about telling ur parents.  I only see good things happening if u tell them. They might stop rushing to get u married off.

Also, one way to convince ur parents to choose someone from the uk, is to tell them that the indian guy is marrying just for the visa and there have been many cases where the indian guy will get citizenship then leave the girl. Also many indian guys r drug addicted, but will lie about it.

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Guest Jagsaw_Singh
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My question is, why do Punjabi people think uk born girls are not good engough? Why is it worth being a girl from back home? Is it for controll? 

1) Our parents/grandparents are stuck in a 1950's timewarp when it comes to Punjab. Nothing unusual in that as all diasporas hold similar views, for example there are 50 million Irish-Americans that still hold views about Ireland and Irish society that is about 50 years out of date.

2) The truth is that it almost commonplace nowadays for girls in Punjab to have the sexual morals akin to those living in the council estates of the UK and the projects of the USA.

3) "Back home" doesn't actually make any sense because the urban/rural divide means the difference between the two is as wide as the difference between a Norwegian and a Portuguese.

4) "Is it for controll?"    You can't "control" the rural girls. Generally, they are ultra violent. Thats the downside but the upside is that they come from a background psyche of hard work and so will work their bones off once in England, Canada or Australia etc.   The urban girls have no such violent streak.  The downside is that they come from a background phyche of being stay at home sub-servient wives. She won't be bringing any money into the house. 

No such thing as a generic 'from back home' girl.

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