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Unhappy marriage


Guest Jasbkaur
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1 hour ago, dallysingh101 said:

Like white culture is so great. What are you, some inferiority complex slave ?

I never said follow white culture. You've seen the op ask if she'd be a good sikh if she left- her question had nothing to do with Sikhi and everything to do with Brown culture. 

Most asian women I know around my age who are married are unhappy, at being beaten, treated badly, cheated on etc. Theyre too scared to leave their spouse's because they think it would look bad, they spent so much money on the wedding, how will they make it on their own etc.

 

There is No Price you can put on freedom, the Gurus taught us that when they refused to convert, when they stood up for hindus who were not free to practice their beliefs. To live in fear because of a soul who has chosen to treat one badly is choosing to live in fear. 

 

Only the OP can decide but she should at least have called the police and dealt with the situation.

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Guest Sillyadvicenogood
On Tue Jan 03 2017 at 2:25 AM, Not2Cool2Argue said:

Congratz! Hopefully everything works out. But if hes willing to change and put in his best effort, so should u. Please dont go into this with 'i hope he does mess up' mentality. This shows that the younger generation doesnt see divorce or seperation as a big thing. Divorce/seperation should be last resort.

Please overlook small things, and focus on the big changes he is making, and be supportive. Its not easy giving up alcohol when ones addicted.

Put your best effort into making this marriage work. Divorce or living on ones own or with parents isnt easy and will get tiresome. So please dont think of marriage as trivial, try to save it. Help each other out to becoming better human beings and sikhs. Thats wat marriage is about. Ignore each other faults and try to focus on good things. (Faults ofc dont mean violence)

Its advice like above which causes women to suffer depression and emotional abuse. All the info we have been provided shows absolute disregard for this lady yet ppl are still asking her to put upp with small things.

At no point has she indicated marriage is trivial, this is what perhaps her inlaws see it as. 

I would say shes got her head screwed on. I was emotionally abused by my dad who was an alcoholic and i know exactly what punjabi drunks are like. It must be hell. Chances are he wont fix up. And she is trying and has her family telling her to try. Any other situation would be different and i agree the easy option divorce culture is predominant but in this case theres serious issues which the family will most likely never overcome. 

Ardas and also lots of communication with all the family.if it works then even weeks and months later keep the communication and make sure to invite the family members who are now aware. Otherwise things might slip again

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@sikhni777 @Lionesswoman

I get what you're saying. I don't support women getting getting abused like this  myself. And as you can see, most if not all people here have condemned it! But be careful of tying such behaviour to 'browness'. I've seen white men do similar too.  Plenty of blacks too. And in the end, if you do that, you just end up supporting the white supremacist agenda of vilifying all nonwhite men (whilst they rampantly paedophile all over the place!)

We've already got too many apnay who've got deeply ingrained inferiority complexes to other communities, let's not encourage this further.  I think we are clearly learning as a society (in the diaspora at least, forget those pendus back home, they'll have to catch up in their own time). Less and less people tolerate this type of crap, and what we do notice is that it is usually a particular type of conservative,  image obsessed, social climber type (who often make extra effort to demonstrate their 'adherence' to normative rules of the faith), that value their projected image over any sort of ethical stance that might compromise this - they are the ones who try and hide this away. Maybe some of your own parents were like this?  But let's not turn this into an excuse for self-hate.  

 

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Guest khalistan2020

Bhenji this is a difficult circumstance we all respect your decision but I would leave him and  contact your cousins or something like that friends or even the police or gudurwara 

Do not stay my cousin had to hide in our house once from a similar situation so leave asap and ask god for help, you would need income to find a place to stay if you don't have any friends or cousins available, inform your family and not the husband if he goes on some drunken rage. Pack your valuables and just dip real quick (leave) 

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Guest Jasbkaur

I am still here waiting :/ they have said give it more time then they will get me i have been diagnosed with moderate depression and lioness i love ur advice i used to be like you before i came to this hell. I do work so dont need benefits i feel i go forward then 10 steps back 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Penji, life is VERY short. Time is currency and gurbani the exchange rate.

Please don't have a child with this man. The chance of him improving is small. 

As for your parents and their reputation at the gurdwara. Do you really care what a bunch of uneducated whiny jealous people say?  Forgive and forget. Don't hold anything against your parents but let them know that if they really love you they shouldn't force you to  stay in an unhappy situation. Be firm, stable and loving 

The main issue is that you're expecting him to change and your day to day life is being affected by this situation as he hadn't changed for the better

Concentrate on building a parallel life 

Have a routine, make money, have an organized group of good sangat and start living your life as it would be without him 

 

Most of all pray 

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On Thursday, January 19, 2017 at 11:34 PM, Guest Jasbkaur said:

I am still  youfere waiting :/ they have said give it more time then they will get me i have been diagnosed with moderate depression and lioness i love ur advice i used to be like you before i came to this hell. I do work so dont need benefits i feel i go forward then 10 steps back 

I doubt time eill make any big difference. You will have to put your foot down and move out If you feel you are not getting the respect you Deserve. However miracles do happen. Best of luck.

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