• advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
singhbj singh

Many times, a woman wants to simply feel heard

41 posts in this topic

Many times, a woman wants to simply feel heard. She doesn’t always need you to solve her problems for her. So when she starts complaining about a bad boss or an annoying co-worker, just let her vent. Psychologist Manjit Kaur Khalsa said when women talk, it is not just to relay information. Women also use dialogue as a way to deepen intimacy. “A woman feels emotionally supported when you listen. It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond,” said Khalsa.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
57 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

 It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond,” said Khalsa.

Yeah but sometimes when you've come home, tired after a grueling day at work, hearing about the minutia of your women's office job politics can feel like torture.....especially when 10x worse shite is happening under your own nose at work.

Hearing about the minor catfighting stuff between her and her friends can be the same. As an a adult you have a choice with who you mix with or not. If someone is causing you so much grief, why haven't you cut them off? 

As a bloke I'm programmed to try and make sense of problems and find a solution. Some 'conversations' women need to have are better to have with other women, who intrinsically know when to 'hmmm' and 'yeah' and say 'that's terrible'. As a bloke I'm not comfortable with painting myself into victimhood. For those of us with no silver spoon - it's a tough world out there, the quicker we learn and accept that truth the better in my opinion.

lol

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus is a good read on this topic. It explains clearly why men misunderstand women's talk and vice versa. Reading it is a must for couples. My friend benefited alot from it, as it was her second marriage and she really needed it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/25/2016 at 1:47 PM, singhbj singh said:

Many times, a woman wants to simply feel heard. She doesn’t always need you to solve her problems for her. So when she starts complaining about a bad boss or an annoying co-worker, just let her vent. Psychologist Manjit Kaur Khalsa said when women talk, it is not just to relay information. Women also use dialogue as a way to deepen intimacy. “A woman feels emotionally supported when you listen. It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond,” said Khalsa.

People should just be straight-forward and avoid the negatives. If this was happening to men they would just let the issue either go, or either leave the situation until things get better, (though if your like Daas you'll make it a bigger issue just for the interest of arguments, Vaheguru help me), 90% of men are just direct and go on with the situation instead of complaining about it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

People should just be straight-forward and avoid the negatives. If this was happening to men they would just let the issue either go, or either leave the situation until things get better, (though if your like Daas you'll make it a bigger issue just for the interest of arguments, Vaheguru help me), 90% of men are just direct and go on with the situation instead of complaining about it!

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

Were not supposed to complain. 

 

It's good to talk things out sometimes, but complaining, ranting,emitting negativity isn't the way forward in bhgati, it holds you back.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

The problem isn't that women complain, it's that they complain but don't want a solution. When men complain they do something about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

The problem isn't that women complain, it's that they complain but don't want a solution. When men complain they do something about it.

not my experience ;) usually rage on for a while, then throw up hands then I offer a cuppa Eastenders stylee

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

If a guy regularly does the equivalent of what my female friends call 'venting' to his male friends, he'll soon get a reputation as a whiny git who brings the mood down. lol

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

If a guy regularly does the equivalent of what my female friends call 'venting' to his male friends, he'll soon get a reputation as a whiny git who brings the mood down. lol

yeah that's why they come home and do it to their long-suffering missus instead :)  worst will happen at work with mates  is they will rip the S out of him, and hopefully he will relent if he doesn't want a repeat. I know my Hubby's cycle for restlessness: every four years he'll suddenly get itchy feet and despondent about life (without  cause) , then there's the road rage and general peevishness after a tough week , That's when the mikey-taking skills, and gopi chand jasoos about work situ comes in handy ... 

Fact is we aren't so different I know loads of guys who like to be drama queens at home  I suspect it's just displacement

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

yeah that's why they come home and do it to their long-suffering missus instead :)  worst will happen at work with mates  is they will rip the S out of him, and hopefully he will relent if he doesn't want a repeat. I know my Hubby's cycle for restlessness: every four years he'll suddenly get itchy feet and despondent about life (without  cause) , then there's the road rage and general peevishness after a tough week , That's when the mikey-taking skills, and gopi chand jasoos about work situ comes in handy ... 

Fact is we aren't so different I know loads of guys who like to be drama queens at home  I suspect it's just displacement

I think a lot of old school guys see it like: "I deal with this sh1t world outside everyday. At the end of it I just want to come home to a sanctuary that isn't full of conflict to rest and recuperate." So if you have a missus that is conflict inclined. Do the math. Usually I notice these guys get worn out physically and mentally and turn into docile mice like creatures.

But then again I have recently met married men with children who love coming to work to get away from the family. lol Work is like the highlight of the day. 

 

What is up with those male drama queens? 

Edited by dallysingh101
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

The problem isn't that women complain, it's that they complain but don't want a solution. When men complain they do something about it.

Wow, what is this talk? Our religion has no munda kuri farkh, so talks like this are simply a waste of time since we are all just atmans, and not bodies! 

Edited by Preeet
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, dallysingh101 said:

I think a lot of old school guys see it like: "I deal with this sh1t world outside everyday. At the end of it I just want to come hone to a sanctuary that isn't full of conflict to rest and recuperate." So if you have a missus that is conflict inclined. Do the math. Usually I notice these guys get worn out physically and mentally and turn into docile mice like creatures.

But then again I have recently met married men with children who love coming to work to get away from the family. lol Work is like the highlight of the day. 

 

What is up with those male drama queens? 

sounds like my bro and his punjabi missus...

My hubby works with loads of the second type and they are forever making out that they have it tough at home then overcompensate at work with leery behaviour and sexist jokes , they are very resentful of anything they have to do any family stuff, and make endless schemes to get out of it to party with the office dudes. My husband just lets me know he has a something on and I'm cool  (I'm not mad ...I don't want a Drama Queen in my living room ) 'that's fine , have fun'  he has no fuel to complain. win-win

Drama Queens are just mummy boys who are triggered by life

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
25 minutes ago, Preeet said:

Wow, what is this talk? Our religion has no munda kuri farkh, so talks like this are simply a waste of time since we are all just atmans, and not bodies! 

These talks are basically a waste of time; if they want to talk about their problems they should be willing to hear a solution.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
47 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

These talks are basically a waste of time; if they want to talk about their problems they should be willing to hear a solution.

I've had that a few times. Female friends calling me about some issue and me pitching in with some strategies to counteract it.....and them getting peed off that I'm talking....what the heck?!?!?!

"I don't want you to say anything just listen!" what the heck?!?!?!?

 

Like I said, if women want one-way convos - talk to other women. 

Edited by dallysingh101
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Jacfsing2 said:

These talks are basically a waste of time; if they want to talk about their problems they should be willing to hear a solution.

I was talking about these replies saying that theres a difference between girls and boys regarding atmans. There is no such difference in our religion. It is wrong to generalize genders.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Preeet said:

I was talking about these replies saying that theres a difference between girls and boys regarding atmans. There is no such difference in our religion. It is wrong to generalize genders.

it wasn't a subject about differenes in atma that would be pointless as one jot is much the same as another , but about human behaviour .

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
59 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

it wasn't a subject about differenes in atma that would be pointless as one jot is much the same as another , but about human behaviour .

Behavior.. Behavior is emotional responses from a body containing an atman. Without an atman, what behavior is discussable? 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, Preeet said:

Behavior.. Behavior is emotional responses from a body containing an atman. Without an atman, what behavior is discussable? 

behaviour until one defeats the mind is driven from ego so yes it's maya driven ego responses , the atma is above it all remote because it operates on a different level.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, Preeet said:

Behavior.. Behavior is emotional responses from a body containing an atman. Without an atman, what behavior is discussable? 

All behaviour is discussable. Especially destructive behaviour, as it is so common and easy to do - as well as harmful (me and you can do it as much as the next person). Behaviour can also be manipulated by outside forces. It's Pak understanding of the behaviour of many of our girls and our wider community (i.e. hiding things to keep face) that made them target us for grooming for instance. 

Look at CP in the Dasam Granth. That is essentially a massive exploration of behaviour.

And women and men do have different characteristics. It helps if we make efforts to understand each others differences sometimes. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

All behaviour is discussable. Especially destructive behaviour, as it is so common and easy to do - as well as harmful (me and you can do it as much as the next person). Behaviour can also be manipulated by outside forces. It's Pak understanding of the behaviour of many of our girls and our wider community (i.e. hiding things to keep face) that made them target us for grooming for instance. 

Look at CP in the Dasam Granth. That is essentially a massive exploration of behaviour.

And women and men do have different characteristics. It helps if we make efforts to understand each others differences sometimes. 

Yes, you can discuss behaviors of individuals, but it is not fair to generalize behaviors due to entire genders. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 02/12/2016 at 10:54 PM, Preeet said:

Yes, you can discuss behaviors of individuals, but it is not fair to generalize behaviors due to entire genders. 

There are scientifically measurable (I hesitate to use the word universal) differences in human biology that inform various common behaviours of the genders. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/1/2017 at 0:17 AM, MisterrSingh said:

There are scientifically measurable (I hesitate to use the word universal) differences in human biology that inform various common behaviours of the genders. 

If there are differences (biologically), the treatment of both should still be equal. Thus, there would be no munda kuri farkh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

  Only 75 emoticons maximum are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

Loading...



  • Topics

  • Posts

    • That's not the way to do it. In this climate you'll end up sending reasonable people into the arms of the very people who need to be combatted. 
    • It seems there has been another incident near a mosque in Newcastle. Another vehicle driven into worshippers on Eid. http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/821057/Westgate-road-crash-eid-prayers-Newcastle-Muslim-attack
    • From what I can discern, the panic and concern at contemporary immigration is less to do with the immediate threat of terror (although in the short term it's a genuine issue considering everything that's going down in the Middle East at the moment), but more a long term view to the irreversible impact on demographics and social makeup of a country, especially if we take into account the types of migrants that are flocking here. It's very, very easy to get cynical and insular about this whole problem, but I think we mustn't forget that we're also children of immigrants, and somehow it doesn't quite sit right with me if we're shouting, "Send the buggers back!" Equally, these western countries are our homes. We were born and raised here. There's a definite emotional connection to our immediate environment and, if it stretches that far, the long-term success of these lands. Make no mistake, if these lands fall, then so do we. And, yes, ultimately I believe these lands will fall if things continue unabated. That's not being dramatic or hysterical. We won't be able to hole ourselves up in a Gurdwara and tough it out, lol. Unfortunately, you won't get similar sentiments of positivity for the future of Europe amongst certain other communities who exist here, even those who, like us, were born in the West. If you don't believe me, there are hundreds of unbiased, unfiltered videos on YouTube that will prove me right. This fundamentally erroneous belief that deep down all people are equal and good in character and intention is demonstrably false. I wish it wasn't false, but there it is. To echo an earlier sentiment, I'm sure our parents or grandparents came to the West in order to make the most of living in a modern, western country with all the associated benefits (not THOSE benefits, lol) of existing in a first world country. I don't want to wake up 30 years into the future, and wonder whether I'm living in Mogadishu or Rawalpindi. Does that make me a bad person? Should I, as a brown person, remain silent on the issue of immigration? Blind hate or anything like that is useless and completely silly. It's negative energy. But there's a way of having these discussions, and they need to be had. I can predict your response, but I'm hoping you'll reply in a manner that originates from a place of wanting to engage in an open-minded and fair discussion. I can't be doing with any communist propaganda, Sukh. Talk it through like a human being, not an ideologue dancing from point to point in order to secure a metaphorical knockout punch. 
    • First, lets admit one thing straightforward :  Our religion has somethings that make it difficult to follow in modern times , esp for men ! So unless we give sikhi to our kids , we're going to lose them from sikhi once they grow up . Its inevitable.  But then our religion is very straightforward path to god , without involving any superstitions.  Our kids need to be taught at modern age why they have to wear turbans or kes . Otherwise our kids will grow on to understand turban as "burden" (yes I have heard this word from sikh teenage boys).    Khande di paahul or amrit ? In gurbaani, amrit means name of god which doesn't discriminate on bhek (outer appearance).