singhbj singh

Many times, a woman wants to simply feel heard

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Many times, a woman wants to simply feel heard. She doesn’t always need you to solve her problems for her. So when she starts complaining about a bad boss or an annoying co-worker, just let her vent. Psychologist Manjit Kaur Khalsa said when women talk, it is not just to relay information. Women also use dialogue as a way to deepen intimacy. “A woman feels emotionally supported when you listen. It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond,” said Khalsa.

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57 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

 It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond,” said Khalsa.

Yeah but sometimes when you've come home, tired after a grueling day at work, hearing about the minutia of your women's office job politics can feel like torture.....especially when 10x worse shite is happening under your own nose at work.

Hearing about the minor catfighting stuff between her and her friends can be the same. As an a adult you have a choice with who you mix with or not. If someone is causing you so much grief, why haven't you cut them off? 

As a bloke I'm programmed to try and make sense of problems and find a solution. Some 'conversations' women need to have are better to have with other women, who intrinsically know when to 'hmmm' and 'yeah' and say 'that's terrible'. As a bloke I'm not comfortable with painting myself into victimhood. For those of us with no silver spoon - it's a tough world out there, the quicker we learn and accept that truth the better in my opinion.

lol

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The book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus is a good read on this topic. It explains clearly why men misunderstand women's talk and vice versa. Reading it is a must for couples. My friend benefited alot from it, as it was her second marriage and she really needed it. 

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On 11/25/2016 at 1:47 PM, singhbj singh said:

Many times, a woman wants to simply feel heard. She doesn’t always need you to solve her problems for her. So when she starts complaining about a bad boss or an annoying co-worker, just let her vent. Psychologist Manjit Kaur Khalsa said when women talk, it is not just to relay information. Women also use dialogue as a way to deepen intimacy. “A woman feels emotionally supported when you listen. It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond,” said Khalsa.

People should just be straight-forward and avoid the negatives. If this was happening to men they would just let the issue either go, or either leave the situation until things get better, (though if your like Daas you'll make it a bigger issue just for the interest of arguments, Vaheguru help me), 90% of men are just direct and go on with the situation instead of complaining about it!

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5 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

People should just be straight-forward and avoid the negatives. If this was happening to men they would just let the issue either go, or either leave the situation until things get better, (though if your like Daas you'll make it a bigger issue just for the interest of arguments, Vaheguru help me), 90% of men are just direct and go on with the situation instead of complaining about it!

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

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3 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

Were not supposed to complain. 

 

It's good to talk things out sometimes, but complaining, ranting,emitting negativity isn't the way forward in bhgati, it holds you back.

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6 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

The problem isn't that women complain, it's that they complain but don't want a solution. When men complain they do something about it.

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22 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

The problem isn't that women complain, it's that they complain but don't want a solution. When men complain they do something about it.

not my experience ;) usually rage on for a while, then throw up hands then I offer a cuppa Eastenders stylee

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23 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

If a guy regularly does the equivalent of what my female friends call 'venting' to his male friends, he'll soon get a reputation as a whiny git who brings the mood down. lol

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26 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

If a guy regularly does the equivalent of what my female friends call 'venting' to his male friends, he'll soon get a reputation as a whiny git who brings the mood down. lol

yeah that's why they come home and do it to their long-suffering missus instead :)  worst will happen at work with mates  is they will rip the S out of him, and hopefully he will relent if he doesn't want a repeat. I know my Hubby's cycle for restlessness: every four years he'll suddenly get itchy feet and despondent about life (without  cause) , then there's the road rage and general peevishness after a tough week , That's when the mikey-taking skills, and gopi chand jasoos about work situ comes in handy ... 

Fact is we aren't so different I know loads of guys who like to be drama queens at home  I suspect it's just displacement

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2 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

yeah that's why they come home and do it to their long-suffering missus instead :)  worst will happen at work with mates  is they will rip the S out of him, and hopefully he will relent if he doesn't want a repeat. I know my Hubby's cycle for restlessness: every four years he'll suddenly get itchy feet and despondent about life (without  cause) , then there's the road rage and general peevishness after a tough week , That's when the mikey-taking skills, and gopi chand jasoos about work situ comes in handy ... 

Fact is we aren't so different I know loads of guys who like to be drama queens at home  I suspect it's just displacement

I think a lot of old school guys see it like: "I deal with this sh1t world outside everyday. At the end of it I just want to come home to a sanctuary that isn't full of conflict to rest and recuperate." So if you have a missus that is conflict inclined. Do the math. Usually I notice these guys get worn out physically and mentally and turn into docile mice like creatures.

But then again I have recently met married men with children who love coming to work to get away from the family. lol Work is like the highlight of the day. 

 

What is up with those male drama queens? 

Edited by dallysingh101
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1 minute ago, dallysingh101 said:

I think a lot of old school guys see it like: "I deal with this sh1t world outside everyday. At the end of it I just want to come hone to a sanctuary that isn't full of conflict to rest and recuperate." So if you have a missus that is conflict inclined. Do the math. Usually I notice these guys get worn out physically and mentally and turn into docile mice like creatures.

But then again I have recently met married men with children who love coming to work to get away from the family. lol Work is like the highlight of the day. 

 

What is up with those male drama queens? 

sounds like my bro and his punjabi missus...

My hubby works with loads of the second type and they are forever making out that they have it tough at home then overcompensate at work with leery behaviour and sexist jokes , they are very resentful of anything they have to do any family stuff, and make endless schemes to get out of it to party with the office dudes. My husband just lets me know he has a something on and I'm cool  (I'm not mad ...I don't want a Drama Queen in my living room ) 'that's fine , have fun'  he has no fuel to complain. win-win

Drama Queens are just mummy boys who are triggered by life

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25 minutes ago, Preeet said:

Wow, what is this talk? Our religion has no munda kuri farkh, so talks like this are simply a waste of time since we are all just atmans, and not bodies! 

These talks are basically a waste of time; if they want to talk about their problems they should be willing to hear a solution.

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47 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

These talks are basically a waste of time; if they want to talk about their problems they should be willing to hear a solution.

I've had that a few times. Female friends calling me about some issue and me pitching in with some strategies to counteract it.....and them getting peed off that I'm talking....what the heck?!?!?!

"I don't want you to say anything just listen!" what the heck?!?!?!?

 

Like I said, if women want one-way convos - talk to other women. 

Edited by dallysingh101
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1 hour ago, Preeet said:

I was talking about these replies saying that theres a difference between girls and boys regarding atmans. There is no such difference in our religion. It is wrong to generalize genders.

it wasn't a subject about differenes in atma that would be pointless as one jot is much the same as another , but about human behaviour .

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24 minutes ago, Preeet said:

Behavior.. Behavior is emotional responses from a body containing an atman. Without an atman, what behavior is discussable? 

behaviour until one defeats the mind is driven from ego so yes it's maya driven ego responses , the atma is above it all remote because it operates on a different level.

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19 hours ago, Preeet said:

Behavior.. Behavior is emotional responses from a body containing an atman. Without an atman, what behavior is discussable? 

All behaviour is discussable. Especially destructive behaviour, as it is so common and easy to do - as well as harmful (me and you can do it as much as the next person). Behaviour can also be manipulated by outside forces. It's Pak understanding of the behaviour of many of our girls and our wider community (i.e. hiding things to keep face) that made them target us for grooming for instance. 

Look at CP in the Dasam Granth. That is essentially a massive exploration of behaviour.

And women and men do have different characteristics. It helps if we make efforts to understand each others differences sometimes. 

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On 02/12/2016 at 10:54 PM, Preeet said:

Yes, you can discuss behaviors of individuals, but it is not fair to generalize behaviors due to entire genders. 

There are scientifically measurable (I hesitate to use the word universal) differences in human biology that inform various common behaviours of the genders. 

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1 hour ago, Preeet said:

If there are differences (biologically), the treatment of both should still be equal. Thus, there would be no munda kuri farkh.

"If", lol? There's no "if".

Acknowledging those differences shouldn't be frowned upon, but I agree, using those differences for negative purposes is not the correct thing to do.

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3 hours ago, Preeet said:

If there are differences (biologically), the treatment of both should still be equal. Thus, there would be no munda kuri farkh.

first things first NO SIKH should ever use the word Kurdi for a female , its root is koorda  rubbish trash, yes that kind of trash . This word is a Hindu Punjabi idea because Putaar means that person who will help the parent cross the river Pu (afterlife belief of hindu) to the desh of devtey , this of course considered the sons because he does the rasams and paat to achieve this . The daughter however cannot do this and so is considered useless /trash thus Koordi.
Give a female the respect Guru ji gave her and use respectful. positive  words like sister, mother, bibi ji 

Edited by jkvlondon

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5 hours ago, Preeet said:

Putri is also a hindu punjabi idea, it's used a lot in punjab so you cannot say that hindus have that difference between boys&girls. Kuri is a cultural word.. Only Punjabi people use that word, none of the people from other states use that word at all and they are the hindu majority. Besides, even if you are right, the meaning behind the word is insignificant to most who use it because they don't even know the meaning.. they cannot be deemed disrespectful. 

please stop , it's the Hindus who started Dheean to underhandedly sellout their daughters to Mughals, it is the Hindus who murdered their infant daughters by putting gur in their mouths and cotton in their hands and telling them as they are killing them to send a brother instead of coming back (I have read the actual couplet but the wording I do not want to mess up from forgetfulness). Putri came about in Sikh era due to sikh influence no Hindu believes their daughter will be able to help them in the afterlife (that's why having one blood son is so important to them) and Guru Sahiban stopped the virulent murder of females in infancy , during marriage (they made it against rehit to beat , swear exploit or harass women) and the murder and abandonment of widows through sati and superstituous nonsense about it being the woman's fault the man died . Don't claim equality was the standard in Hindus

Ignorance is no defence ... if you don't know what you are saying don't say it simple.

 

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6 minutes ago, Preeet said:

How can you say those are hindu ways when theyre not? Thats the same thing as if an outsider would say that 'all sikhs do goat bali to vaheguru at gurdwaras'. & when you are saying hindu its your own ancestors who you are also disgracing (who may have not even practiced these kalyug deeds). its called kalyug for a reason, and these deeds were exclusive to these times only. those who did those bad deeds are no hindus, they are nastik lok. just as someone can be born into a sikh family, but the child is not a sikh until they accept and follow our principles. i did not expect these views of yours, coming from someone who practices sikhi. As for putri, that term existed even before sikhi was here. Its even used in southeast asia to call someone 'daughter', and itd make no sense to say that they too learned it from our sikh era, but really it has always been a term since all yugs. 

Lachman chopped off a woman's nose because she put the idea of marriage in front of him , Ram chander kicked out a pregnant Sita because of others gossip ... erm not very woman friendly examples . Are they kalyugi jant ? Nastiks? 
where in Southeast asia ...I'm curious 

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Okay Malay and Indonesian  is based in sanskrit  so there may be usage there

but what I said stands :

http://www.hknet.org.nz/putra.htm

http://vaniquotes.org/wiki/Putra_means

interesting thing is a Putar saves his folks by just being born/adopted and yet a Putri has to be a super chaste, religious , obedient person born into royalty in scriptures , a devi /princess . 

Edited by jkvlondon

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