singhbj singh

Many times, a woman wants to simply feel heard

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Many times, a woman wants to simply feel heard. She doesn’t always need you to solve her problems for her. So when she starts complaining about a bad boss or an annoying co-worker, just let her vent. Psychologist Manjit Kaur Khalsa said when women talk, it is not just to relay information. Women also use dialogue as a way to deepen intimacy. “A woman feels emotionally supported when you listen. It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond,” said Khalsa.

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57 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

 It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond,” said Khalsa.

Yeah but sometimes when you've come home, tired after a grueling day at work, hearing about the minutia of your women's office job politics can feel like torture.....especially when 10x worse shite is happening under your own nose at work.

Hearing about the minor catfighting stuff between her and her friends can be the same. As an a adult you have a choice with who you mix with or not. If someone is causing you so much grief, why haven't you cut them off? 

As a bloke I'm programmed to try and make sense of problems and find a solution. Some 'conversations' women need to have are better to have with other women, who intrinsically know when to 'hmmm' and 'yeah' and say 'that's terrible'. As a bloke I'm not comfortable with painting myself into victimhood. For those of us with no silver spoon - it's a tough world out there, the quicker we learn and accept that truth the better in my opinion.

lol

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The book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus is a good read on this topic. It explains clearly why men misunderstand women's talk and vice versa. Reading it is a must for couples. My friend benefited alot from it, as it was her second marriage and she really needed it. 

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On 11/25/2016 at 1:47 PM, singhbj singh said:

Many times, a woman wants to simply feel heard. She doesn’t always need you to solve her problems for her. So when she starts complaining about a bad boss or an annoying co-worker, just let her vent. Psychologist Manjit Kaur Khalsa said when women talk, it is not just to relay information. Women also use dialogue as a way to deepen intimacy. “A woman feels emotionally supported when you listen. It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond,” said Khalsa.

People should just be straight-forward and avoid the negatives. If this was happening to men they would just let the issue either go, or either leave the situation until things get better, (though if your like Daas you'll make it a bigger issue just for the interest of arguments, Vaheguru help me), 90% of men are just direct and go on with the situation instead of complaining about it!

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5 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

People should just be straight-forward and avoid the negatives. If this was happening to men they would just let the issue either go, or either leave the situation until things get better, (though if your like Daas you'll make it a bigger issue just for the interest of arguments, Vaheguru help me), 90% of men are just direct and go on with the situation instead of complaining about it!

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

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3 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

Were not supposed to complain. 

 

It's good to talk things out sometimes, but complaining, ranting,emitting negativity isn't the way forward in bhgati, it holds you back.

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6 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

The problem isn't that women complain, it's that they complain but don't want a solution. When men complain they do something about it.

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22 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

The problem isn't that women complain, it's that they complain but don't want a solution. When men complain they do something about it.

not my experience ;) usually rage on for a while, then throw up hands then I offer a cuppa Eastenders stylee

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23 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

the truth is guys also talk with their mates at work/ home , often the women are isolated by the dual jobs and demands of being the primary caregiver , is it really so unreasonable to talk and share with their life partner , sometimes we have to smooth our husbands ruffled feathers or brows ...can you not do the same ? I do not see a reason to be so wound up by this. Most of the singhnian I know are not prone to moaning on every little thing , who has the luxury of time/energy for that

If a guy regularly does the equivalent of what my female friends call 'venting' to his male friends, he'll soon get a reputation as a whiny git who brings the mood down. lol

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26 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

If a guy regularly does the equivalent of what my female friends call 'venting' to his male friends, he'll soon get a reputation as a whiny git who brings the mood down. lol

yeah that's why they come home and do it to their long-suffering missus instead :)  worst will happen at work with mates  is they will rip the S out of him, and hopefully he will relent if he doesn't want a repeat. I know my Hubby's cycle for restlessness: every four years he'll suddenly get itchy feet and despondent about life (without  cause) , then there's the road rage and general peevishness after a tough week , That's when the mikey-taking skills, and gopi chand jasoos about work situ comes in handy ... 

Fact is we aren't so different I know loads of guys who like to be drama queens at home  I suspect it's just displacement

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2 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

yeah that's why they come home and do it to their long-suffering missus instead :)  worst will happen at work with mates  is they will rip the S out of him, and hopefully he will relent if he doesn't want a repeat. I know my Hubby's cycle for restlessness: every four years he'll suddenly get itchy feet and despondent about life (without  cause) , then there's the road rage and general peevishness after a tough week , That's when the mikey-taking skills, and gopi chand jasoos about work situ comes in handy ... 

Fact is we aren't so different I know loads of guys who like to be drama queens at home  I suspect it's just displacement

I think a lot of old school guys see it like: "I deal with this sh1t world outside everyday. At the end of it I just want to come home to a sanctuary that isn't full of conflict to rest and recuperate." So if you have a missus that is conflict inclined. Do the math. Usually I notice these guys get worn out physically and mentally and turn into docile mice like creatures.

But then again I have recently met married men with children who love coming to work to get away from the family. lol Work is like the highlight of the day. 

 

What is up with those male drama queens? 

Edited by dallysingh101
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18 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

The problem isn't that women complain, it's that they complain but don't want a solution. When men complain they do something about it.

Wow, what is this talk? Our religion has no munda kuri farkh, so talks like this are simply a waste of time since we are all just atmans, and not bodies! 

Edited by Preeet
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1 minute ago, dallysingh101 said:

I think a lot of old school guys see it like: "I deal with this sh1t world outside everyday. At the end of it I just want to come hone to a sanctuary that isn't full of conflict to rest and recuperate." So if you have a missus that is conflict inclined. Do the math. Usually I notice these guys get worn out physically and mentally and turn into docile mice like creatures.

But then again I have recently met married men with children who love coming to work to get away from the family. lol Work is like the highlight of the day. 

 

What is up with those male drama queens? 

sounds like my bro and his punjabi missus...

My hubby works with loads of the second type and they are forever making out that they have it tough at home then overcompensate at work with leery behaviour and sexist jokes , they are very resentful of anything they have to do any family stuff, and make endless schemes to get out of it to party with the office dudes. My husband just lets me know he has a something on and I'm cool  (I'm not mad ...I don't want a Drama Queen in my living room ) 'that's fine , have fun'  he has no fuel to complain. win-win

Drama Queens are just mummy boys who are triggered by life

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25 minutes ago, Preeet said:

Wow, what is this talk? Our religion has no munda kuri farkh, so talks like this are simply a waste of time since we are all just atmans, and not bodies! 

These talks are basically a waste of time; if they want to talk about their problems they should be willing to hear a solution.

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47 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

These talks are basically a waste of time; if they want to talk about their problems they should be willing to hear a solution.

I've had that a few times. Female friends calling me about some issue and me pitching in with some strategies to counteract it.....and them getting peed off that I'm talking....what the heck?!?!?!

"I don't want you to say anything just listen!" what the heck?!?!?!?

 

Like I said, if women want one-way convos - talk to other women. 

Edited by dallysingh101
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1 hour ago, Jacfsing2 said:

These talks are basically a waste of time; if they want to talk about their problems they should be willing to hear a solution.

I was talking about these replies saying that theres a difference between girls and boys regarding atmans. There is no such difference in our religion. It is wrong to generalize genders.

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1 hour ago, Preeet said:

I was talking about these replies saying that theres a difference between girls and boys regarding atmans. There is no such difference in our religion. It is wrong to generalize genders.

it wasn't a subject about differenes in atma that would be pointless as one jot is much the same as another , but about human behaviour .

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59 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

it wasn't a subject about differenes in atma that would be pointless as one jot is much the same as another , but about human behaviour .

Behavior.. Behavior is emotional responses from a body containing an atman. Without an atman, what behavior is discussable? 

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24 minutes ago, Preeet said:

Behavior.. Behavior is emotional responses from a body containing an atman. Without an atman, what behavior is discussable? 

behaviour until one defeats the mind is driven from ego so yes it's maya driven ego responses , the atma is above it all remote because it operates on a different level.

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19 hours ago, Preeet said:

Behavior.. Behavior is emotional responses from a body containing an atman. Without an atman, what behavior is discussable? 

All behaviour is discussable. Especially destructive behaviour, as it is so common and easy to do - as well as harmful (me and you can do it as much as the next person). Behaviour can also be manipulated by outside forces. It's Pak understanding of the behaviour of many of our girls and our wider community (i.e. hiding things to keep face) that made them target us for grooming for instance. 

Look at CP in the Dasam Granth. That is essentially a massive exploration of behaviour.

And women and men do have different characteristics. It helps if we make efforts to understand each others differences sometimes. 

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4 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

All behaviour is discussable. Especially destructive behaviour, as it is so common and easy to do - as well as harmful (me and you can do it as much as the next person). Behaviour can also be manipulated by outside forces. It's Pak understanding of the behaviour of many of our girls and our wider community (i.e. hiding things to keep face) that made them target us for grooming for instance. 

Look at CP in the Dasam Granth. That is essentially a massive exploration of behaviour.

And women and men do have different characteristics. It helps if we make efforts to understand each others differences sometimes. 

Yes, you can discuss behaviors of individuals, but it is not fair to generalize behaviors due to entire genders. 

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On 02/12/2016 at 10:54 PM, Preeet said:

Yes, you can discuss behaviors of individuals, but it is not fair to generalize behaviors due to entire genders. 

There are scientifically measurable (I hesitate to use the word universal) differences in human biology that inform various common behaviours of the genders. 

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On 2/1/2017 at 0:17 AM, MisterrSingh said:

There are scientifically measurable (I hesitate to use the word universal) differences in human biology that inform various common behaviours of the genders. 

If there are differences (biologically), the treatment of both should still be equal. Thus, there would be no munda kuri farkh.

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