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about my sister..


Guest H.Singhh
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Guest H.Singhh

wjkk wjkf,

 

Im 19 and my sister is 18. my family is quite religious but also quite liberal. My parents and I are amrit dhari but my sister is not, i guess it was to do with sangat, i was blssed with amrit at a young age (15) a few years after my parents were. 

to cut a long story short, ive become aware of what my sister is like outside the house and it breaks my heart. shes never been religious but she has kept her kesh n doesnt drink or smoke etc but ive recently found out she messes around with gore guys and goes on dates etc. shes in with the wrong sort of crowd, her sangat is kind of unavoidable bc she works full time and her friends are her collegues and she says she loves her job n will never quit

I didnt know what to do so i told my parents. (who are very liberal and will pretty much let us do whatever we want )but they dont beleive me, my dad said even if its true, theres nothing he can do about it. they asked her if its true and shes lied straight to their faces without flinching.

I'm mostly just really confused right now, i dont know how to feel. ive lost respect for her and cant look at her in the same way,  shes not only putting shame on our family but also on the panth by being a kaur

but then i also feel if i completely neglect her its like im running away from my responsibility.but i still dont know wat to do.

i try to see it from a worldy point of view view and try and tell myself that im overacting and what shes doing is not really that bad compared to everything that happens in the world but that just doesnt sit right with me eaither.

she doesnt know that i know this stuff and i cant really tell her coz shell just say something like mind ur own business, and i sometimes feel like it isnt really my business. but what kills me is she can do all these things and lie straight to my parents and she can do it without feeling any guilt what so ever!! i guess shes become so used to it from lying all these years. cant beleive ive been so.gullible tbh. i wouldnt be able live with myself if i was in her shoes.

 

can someone please tell me what to do or how to feel. feeling really lost right now :'(

 

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Waheguru ji ka Khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki Fateh 

This is a "Catch 22" situation, whether to interfere or not in siblings personal life.

There will be good & bad consequence irrespective what you choose to do.

Anway will suggest that you get in touch with 

http://www.sikhhelpline.com/about-sikh-helpline

They can give expert advice.

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki Fateh

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Pehli galti te mein parents di kadduga jo india shad ke bahar te aa jande aa par apde jwaaka nu changii matt ni de skde, sorry for that

 

dooja veere osde shittar fero, je ta manndi aa te bhala, nahi osnu bulona chlona bandd kro, te connection katto.

18 saal di hi aa aje, do char vaari shitrol kro ,sudhar jaugi. Klankan kise thaa di

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Guest DoUrDuty

This is a hard situation. The answer is do ur duty and then leave the rest to Waheguru. And duty is always unpleasant, but the strong still do it:

U must confront her. U tried the parents route n it didnt work, so this is ur only option. But u have to do it in a smart way. Confront her but dont be confrontational. Wat i means is, be truthful and nice, and dont use the word 'you' Dont say you do this, you go out with guys, you're supposed to be a Kaur, you r being stupid.

Nope, none of that. U have to use I. I am worried about u.  I have heard/seen that your behavior is worsening.i know u dont want me in ur business, but i cant just ignore my responsibilities and let you ruin your life. Your young, all these guys want is to use u...thats wat gore do to apneean. They arent gonna get serious with u. ...and so on

Just be truthful..i know the above had a lot of you and cliche/corny phrases...but remember to bring it back to I. Like Im scared for u. As ur brother, I cant let u get hurt. I cant just ignore it n walk away. Dont say as ur bro, i cant let u do this. Thats gonna rub the wrong way

Anyway, no matter how careful u talk n how nice u try to be, shes probably gonna get mad n say None of ur business. Ppl who r in the wrong always get angry n defensive, so expect that, but still do ur duty. Also if it gets to angry shouting. Tell her, get ur act together or im gonna tell the parents. Hopefully she doesn't know that u told them before. Just use it as a threat if u have to.

So if this conversation blows up in ur face. Oh well. U did ur duty. Now do a japji sahib and chaupai sahib for ur sister n do ardaas to guruji. Say guruji, she is your sikh, even if she is doing wrong things, n making mistakes, please save ur sikh.(This is called birdh baane di laaj.) Guruji give her sumat akal, and wisdom. Let her come on the right path. I have tried n failed. Now u, O Guruji, u save her. Save her from disgracing our family, the panth, and the Kaurs name. Please bless her with Sikhi.

Thats it. Your duty is done. Ofc keep an eye on her, but u no longer have to worry n stress about it. U tried ur best, the rest is on her and guruji

All the Best,

A Kaur

 

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Since u already tried the parents route n it didnt work, u have to talk to ur sister. 

She will get angry, but still u have to warn her of the pitfalls of her behavior

After that do paath n ardaas for her to come to the right path.

That is the most u can do for her. Do this n stop stressing out. The rest is on her and Waheguru

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Guest Jacfsing2
On 11/3/2016 at 10:30 PM, Guest H.Singhh said:

wjkk wjkf,

 

Im 19 and my sister is 18. my family is quite religious but also quite liberal. My parents and I are amrit dhari but my sister is not, i guess it was to do with sangat, i was blssed with amrit at a young age (15) a few years after my parents were. 

to cut a long story short, ive become aware of what my sister is like outside the house and it breaks my heart. shes never been religious but she has kept her kesh n doesnt drink or smoke etc but ive recently found out she messes around with gore guys and goes on dates etc. shes in with the wrong sort of crowd, her sangat is kind of unavoidable bc she works full time and her friends are her collegues and she says she loves her job n will never quit

I didnt know what to do so i told my parents. (who are very liberal and will pretty much let us do whatever we want )but they dont beleive me, my dad said even if its true, theres nothing he can do about it. they asked her if its true and shes lied straight to their faces without flinching.

I'm mostly just really confused right now, i dont know how to feel. ive lost respect for her and cant look at her in the same way,  shes not only putting shame on our family but also on the panth by being a kaur

but then i also feel if i completely neglect her its like im running away from my responsibility.but i still dont know wat to do.

i try to see it from a worldy point of view view and try and tell myself that im overacting and what shes doing is not really that bad compared to everything that happens in the world but that just doesnt sit right with me eaither.

she doesnt know that i know this stuff and i cant really tell her coz shell just say something like mind ur own business, and i sometimes feel like it isnt really my business. but what kills me is she can do all these things and lie straight to my parents and she can do it without feeling any guilt what so ever!! i guess shes become so used to it from lying all these years. cant beleive ive been so.gullible tbh. i wouldnt be able live with myself if i was in her shoes.

 

can someone please tell me what to do or how to feel. feeling really lost right now :'(

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh! Even though Daas isn't against the idea of dating, (or how the Christians started this idea, Courting), there is something that people should acknowledge and that is why are they even doing this? Have you taught her why Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji made his Hukamnama very specific: (not giving daughter to hands of clean-shaven ones), he clearly stated daughters for a specific reason, (if he wanted to, he could have easily made this rule gender neutral, but he didn't). Also if your parents are this liberal on something Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji was very clear about, is it even worth it to argue on these things, the worst part is despite being so open-minded for their daughter indulged in Pakhand she still lies to them, that is what ruins everything for a woman like her, (to be fair the reaction from Daas would be more different than if she was honest, instead of lying to her already liberal parents). Also on a side note truthfully Daas's response would be very different if she was a Singh instead of a Kaur, to be completely honest if it was a Singh of the Guru, the response would be very different, (positive even, especially since the girl would've won a lottery basically). Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

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On 4 November 2016 at 2:30 AM, Guest H.Singhh said:

wjkk wjkf,

 

Im 19 and my sister is 18. my family is quite religious but also quite liberal. My parents and I are amrit dhari but my sister is not, i guess it was to do with sangat, i was blssed with amrit at a young age (15) a few years after my parents were. 

to cut a long story short, ive become aware of what my sister is like outside the house and it breaks my heart. shes never been religious but she has kept her kesh n doesnt drink or smoke etc but ive recently found out she messes around with gore guys and goes on dates etc. shes in with the wrong sort of crowd, her sangat is kind of unavoidable bc she works full time and her friends are her collegues and she says she loves her job n will never quit

I didnt know what to do so i told my parents. (who are very liberal and will pretty much let us do whatever we want )but they dont beleive me, my dad said even if its true, theres nothing he can do about it. they asked her if its true and shes lied straight to their faces without flinching.

I'm mostly just really confused right now, i dont know how to feel. ive lost respect for her and cant look at her in the same way,  shes not only putting shame on our family but also on the panth by being a kaur

but then i also feel if i completely neglect her its like im running away from my responsibility.but i still dont know wat to do.

i try to see it from a worldy point of view view and try and tell myself that im overacting and what shes doing is not really that bad compared to everything that happens in the world but that just doesnt sit right with me eaither.

she doesnt know that i know this stuff and i cant really tell her coz shell just say something like mind ur own business, and i sometimes feel like it isnt really my business. but what kills me is she can do all these things and lie straight to my parents and she can do it without feeling any guilt what so ever!! i guess shes become so used to it from lying all these years. cant beleive ive been so.gullible tbh. i wouldnt be able live with myself if i was in her shoes.

 

can someone please tell me what to do or how to feel. feeling really lost right now :'(

 

 

As Sikhs we don't  force people to bend to our will and we don't force people to practice Sat. We can only Teach truth. People can and will only learn if they're willing to. 

 

If if you believe that your sister is crossing some sort of line then speak to her and explain to her that you believe she is going down a dark path. 

 

If if she listens, then she does and if she doesn't, then accept its Gods will. 

 

My my family are all heavily into maya. If they're not drinking and smoking and into kaam, then they're doing heavy nindya and backstabbing of others and treating others badly.

 

Ive learned to accept it, I've tried and for the most part failed to teach them as most have not been willing to listen, and have distanced myself from them. If I hear they have treated someone badly I will try and speak up against it or speak to the victim of their abuse. 

 

Try and teach your sister if she is doing wrong but don't force her, and don't become a tyrant with her, that's not what we do, 

 

 

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