Jump to content

I Married a saint or what?


Guest Baljit kaur
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest Baljit kaur

I am posting this about my husband to get some suggestions from married people.

i am from punjab and married to a gursikh boy about 9 mnths ago. It was fully arrange marriage but i am still trying to understand what his nature is.

he is jalandhar born but permanent resident of canada, i also came here 5mnths ago.here now.

first when we got engaged, he didn't show much interest talking to me. He used to call me twice a week about 10-15 mins each. Now after marriage it seems like he never had interest in marriage life, much of the time he is busy with simran and gurbani. I am also a gursikh, do nitnem daily and i know sikhism but he is way too much devoted and have no time for me.

he is very kind hearted and respectful husband, but i always wanted a normal life not marrying a saint or yogi. 

He dont read newspapers, facebook or any movie, but some of our mutual friends who studied with him in college, told me that there is no technical topic he is not aware of. He knows all science and technology. He dnt talk on phone with friends al the time but when i see him on phone wih my inlaws dad,mom and inlaws bro sis, most of the time he is talking about god or related stuff.

he also dont talk too much with me, rather he listens to what i talk.he don't pretend he is listening, but listening in real. Sometimes  at random he says, "dekhla rabb kinna beantt hai, kann kann vich vasda" .

Whatever i cook, he eats with equal interest, 9 mnths our marriage and he never complained about food, he dont care about clothe brands, all he want very clean clothes, he never argue nor he refuses what i say, if i ask for a movie he is always ready for keep doing simran in cinema nd barely look at screen.he gets very early in morning about 1am and busy doing simran till 6 nd then go for job, no songs or movies , listening to akaal ustat all the time. I want a normal gursikh type person, night time first he charge his phone to 100 percent and then put it near his head with slow volume akaal ustat on repeat till he gets up. We do have husband wife relations 2 or 3 times a week. He remains silent most of the time and when he comes if tv is on and i am watching, neither he sits with me nor turn off the tv, he goes to other room and i find him meditating when i go. He does a lots lots of abhiyaas but trying to hide from people and me. Sometimes he recites moolmantar while in deep sleep few times and then again sleep. If he got some injury or a small cut for example, he feels no pain, no signs of tensions on face, if i get sick he takes good care of me but dnt get disturbed his wife is sick. Now with gods grace i am pregnant and he is not happy like other people are happy, he just said its good,take good care and be carefull all the time .let me know if u get any small problem. It seems to me that he likes nothing, he loves nothing, interested in nothing,argue with nothing. He owns a small business, never bother about money. Go to work at 8 nd back to home at 4, then. Gurudwara and sleep early and getup 1am. Thats not a normal marriage life. Sometimes when i sit near him, i feel more of a yogi then a normal husband in him. If he lost something,  money for example, he says, its ok it was HIS will. We are going for a movie at evening and he gave life to someonton road while it was only time to be with him on Sunday.when he is outside he always try to hide his nitnem and other stuff, for example sometimes he send more than one third of money to poors,nd tells me, i have no problem but thats too much, we have to make our own house also. We are renting an apartment now. But if someone ask him for charity then to hide he always do daan as a kanjoos person.

i have no problem with him at all, he is very gud but i want a normal married life like all other gursikh girls.i am not unhappy with him but i am not happy in other way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's difficult penji, when there is no communication between couples, but the good thing is, as he's doing so much simran, being in his presence will also have a positive effect on you. 

He's trying to stay in Hukam, he's not interested in worldly materialistic things, which is also good in a way. But you probably feel he doesn't love you or care enough, as a husband and wife couple. 

It's good he's not on Facebook lol, because you just spend ages on it and time gets wasted without realising. 

Sounds like this is the way he is, and to change somebody is very difficult. At least he does not argue and is not fussy. Seems to be a lot of positive points about him. 

Maybe that's just his personality and the way he is, doesn't show too much emotions. 

Dont really know what to say on this, but try talking to him and tell him exactly how you feel, and also have a look at it there is something that you maybe lacking in qualities too, I say this without offence to you, so please don't take it the wrong way. 

It's a very difficult job being a wife also, so you need to balance and deal with many issues and adjusting to a marriage. The first two years, it takes around that long to get know somebody properly, when living with them. 

Dont lose hope, turn the negatives into positives and turn to Waheguru for help. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is real bhakti.

By Wahiguru´s grace, we are being witness, that real bhagats do exist even now. It is His apaar kirpa. He is a real gem, take care of him Pen Jee.

We all have devotion more or less "kachee", but the fact is, when one loves so much Wahiguru, all else becomes secondary to His lovers.

Pray Wahiguru to keep you in his company as much as possible, as being in the company of such elevated gurmukhs, even stones(we the rest of the world) can get ferried away.

The difference between these bhagats and the rest of us, is something to do with awareness. While they understand the value of life and thus dedictae as much as possible to Him, we, are much under the pressure of maya, thus our awareness is dull.

Of course we can reverse this lack of awareness, but for that we have to pay a price, which is: oothaat baheethat sowat jaagat, ehey man Naam simray...

Frankly speaking, I am so happy to read what you have written, as it is an inspiration to do more and more bhakti , and trust Him in the true sense.

Sat Sree Akal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Femaleboss

Wow, i find him and absolute inspiration, to be honest he is what I would class as a real gursikh. 

I dont think the way he is is the problem, the problem is your compatibility. You need to tell him how you feel.

Things like movies and facebook doesnt matter, my gosh most wives hate how their husbands are always watching football etc. My husband also doesnt use social media, i think it's a good thing and i'm glad. Also things like not feeling pain or how he reflects on everything as its upto God cannot be changed

However,

Maybe you could introduce half an hour every day where he has to try to be like most of society, talk to you about the things you want to talk about, be engrossed in you. You will need him to be back down to earth when the baby arrives, you can't be the only one dealing with all the challenges, highs and lows parenting bring.

One of my uncles is like this and his kids resent him for it because he never pushed them at school or for careers, never took enough interest in developing them, only in sikhi.... Its a tough one, you need a balance when having a baby especially. You have to speak about it, have you spoken?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jacfsing2

Vaheguru, this is an ideal person for sure; as Daas was reading your complaints there didn't seem to be much actually negative about the guy; you may think he doesn't love you, but his love towards Vaheguru proves otherwise, as when someone is in Prem with Vaheguru; they love everything, but never attached. If every person was like the diamond you get to call husband; we would all live in a better world.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The aim of this life is to get mukti so you are very lucky that you have someone who can guide you and is kind to you.

What else would you ever have asked for ?

It is natural to feel that you are not getting enough attention. This is because men and women communicate differently. There is no guarantee that if he was different, you would feel you have a normal life. 

It is your mindset which you have to change and accept and adjust accordingly. Be thankful for the kind of person you have got. Many suffer much worse things in married life with no one to even ask them how they feel especially when they are ill. 

You are very lucky, so be thankful for all you have. There is no sukh in worldly things. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wish i could have be like your husband. It may seem like he has a boring life but Saints have real fun the rest of us just suffer. Everything that someone needs to enjoy themselves comes from within by reading Sri Gurbani Jee and Doing Naam Japna... Believe when i say that Saints have more fun than us it cant be achieved from watching tv, movies, internet or newspapers. Those things fog up our consciousness.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think u got a very good deal. You have an easygoing husband who does not interfere with ur life. And the attention and affection u want, u will get it from ur child. I think u shud also get a job, so u r not so bored and can make other friends so u can have fun n go to theater with other ladies. Try to make friends at gurudwara too, so u can maybe go to their house. Also if he doesnt talk, u try talking to him. Tell him how lonely u feel n that u r bored. Also say humbly that i am not at the level u r at, i am at a lower stage, please explain sikhi to me. And then if u get bored say so, say sorry my mind has already heard this and gets bored. Please forgive me and lets talk about other things or say instead of explaining, show me something amazing. 

You can also try to improve ur own sikhi as well. Start meditating with him. Then ask real questions. Also u r about to be a mother so u need to start doing alot of extra bani and simran. Sant sundar singhs mom used to do two nitnems. One for her and one for the child in her womb. 

Also go to the park and exercise. It will make u happier. Also tell ur husband that u would like to take care of the money. That way u can save some for a house.also learn how to cook canadian food like cakes without eggs,veggie burgers, pasta. 

Also i think u should learn more about sikhi. Ppl from india dont know much usually. They think doing nitnem is enough. They dont know why they r doing nitnem. So please read bhai veer singh jis books on vidhia.com. Or listen to pyare jio by bhai veer singh on youtube. 

And u can ask ur husband, how he got to this stage. How he became interested in sikhi and naam simran. this will give u something to talk about with him. If u could post about his life and his journey to God on here, it will be great. We will learn alot

There r really good movies made by vismaad called Sundri, Bhai Taru Singh etc. You should buy them online or from panjabi stores or from nagarkirtans. They r really good movies and even ur husband wont mind watching them with you. He might even like them.

U should learn to drive so u can go to places like movies without ur husband. And u could go to gurudwara or u could make ur husband take u there. There u can have fun gossiping, doing langar sewa, and talking to ppl.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • yeh it's true, we shouldn't be lazy and need to learn jhatka shikaar. It doesn't help some of grew up in surrounding areas like Slough and Southall where everyone thought it was super bad for amrit dharis to eat meat, and they were following Sant babas and jathas, and instead the Singhs should have been normalising jhatka just like the recent world war soldiers did. We are trying to rectifiy this and khalsa should learn jhatka.  But I am just writing about bhog for those that are still learning rehit. As I explained, there are all these negative influences in the panth that talk against rehit, but this shouldn't deter us from taking khanda pahul, no matter what level of rehit we are!
    • How is it going to help? The link is of a Sikh hunter. Fine, but what good does that do the lazy Sikh who ate khulla maas in a restaurant? By the way, for the OP, yes, it's against rehit to eat khulla maas.
    • Yeah, Sikhs should do bhog of food they eat. But the point of bhog is to only do bhog of food which is fit to be presented to Maharaj. It's not maryada to do bhog of khulla maas and pretend it's OK to eat. It's not. Come on, bro, you should know better than to bring this Sakhi into it. Is this Sikh in the restaurant accompanied by Guru Gobind Singh ji? Is he fighting a dharam yudh? Or is he merely filling his belly with the nearest restaurant?  Please don't make a mockery of our puratan Singhs' sacrifices by comparing them to lazy Sikhs who eat khulla maas.
    • Seriously?? The Dhadi is trying to be cute. For those who didn't get it, he said: "Some say Maharaj killed bakras (goats). Some say he cut the heads of the Panj Piyaras. The truth is that they weren't goats. It was she-goats (ਬਕਰੀਆਂ). He jhatka'd she-goats. Not he-goats." Wow. This is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in relation to Sikhi.
    • Instead of a 9 inch or larger kirpan, take a smaller kirpan and put it (without gatra) inside your smaller turban and tie the turban tightly. This keeps a kirpan on your person without interfering with the massage or alarming the masseuse. I'm not talking about a trinket but rather an actual small kirpan that fits in a sheath (you'll have to search to find one). As for ahem, "problems", you could get a male masseuse. I don't know where you are, but in most places there are professional masseuses who actually know what they are doing and can really relieve your muscle pains.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use