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singhbj singh

How many parents ask their daughters who earn money to contribute to house expenses ?

13 posts in this topic

In sikhi we are not meant to live off the earnings of our mothers, sisters, daughters ...this is an article written by a hindu lady with ulterior motive . Sure girls shouldn't be emptyheaded loafers but on the whole sikh women are not taught to behave in that way , they are expected to work hard at school, home and work if they go .The whole sikh philosophy is to do one's best effort and leave the rest to Waheguru ji. No , a sikh should think of developing sikh character first and foremost the rest will come with education and effort .

In my own life  I would earn and then buy things that would help in the household like new appliances because my Parents would get angry if I offered them money (now I understand but then I found it strange). Mostly I would be told to save it for myself ... after I was going to get married both my fiance and I paid for the whole thing and costs ourselves I did not want to burden my folks at all. When they looked after my eldest when I was working I would provide everything and also pay my Mother the going rate.

Edited by jkvlondon

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Bhein ji whether she's Hindu, Muslim, Christian it shouldn't matter !

Thing is, she makes a valid point regarding career & contributing to house expenses.

Either girl's should opt for a home maker lifestyle and forget about this article or 

look into the above advice.

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1 hour ago, singhbj singh said:

Bhein ji whether she's Hindu, Muslim, Christian it shouldn't matter !

Thing is, she makes a valid point regarding career & contributing to house expenses.

Either girl's should opt for a home maker lifestyle and forget about this article or 

look into the above advice.

To be  a Kaur in the modern world means you should have the backup skills and wherewithal to look after yourself whether or not you make a career , this will ensure that she will remain achint in the face of macho posturing of the husband or in-law pressure/bullying. It is our girls who are not educated enough who feel trapped and put up with spousal abuse because they are scared of facing the unknown.

 

These days I have noticed a trend of golden goose syndrome the guy might be a hardly 10th pass but he wants a wife with a profession why ? so she becomes a work slave  providing an income stream for him. This is on top of daaj demands. So again the Punjabi learns from the bad of others - well done, try learning something from sikhi instead. 

Your thinking also displays an element of backwards attitude to Kaurs ...there are so many who are positive contributors without paying ...maybe they take on ALL the families caretaking duties so their parents are free to work ...but of course in your eyes that wouldn't be worth anything ...

 

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Bhein ji life is all about choices !

Bibi can either be homely or career oriented.

Problem starts when you mix both lifestyles.

Alpha females usually end up with sissy husbands or toy boys.

They are also called home breakers by in-law's coz they are not wired to live in joint families.

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7 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

Bhein ji life is all about choices !

Bibi can either be homely or career oriented.

Problem starts when you mix both lifestyles.

Alpha females usually end up with sissy husbands or toy boys.

They are also called home breakers by in-law's coz they are not wired to live in joint families.

In the west you may not have the choice because of cost of living so do not jump to false conclusions my mother worked and looked after her duties too as do millions across the world , the only things that changed is location of workplace compared to previous generations . An alpha female is not a home breaker she is a home maker because she has strong self-confidence and ability can bring that to her family life , some in-laws live to blame the daughter in law when the fault lies in their sons . My brothers don't live with my widowed Mother , they don't look after her why? because my mother was wise enough to recognise that they didn't want that responsibility, so she let it go. Her daughters and their husbands are the ones who ask after her and help her out in a practical way although they live elsewhere. The Punjabi model makes selfish men and the Western Model selfish women , the sikh model makes Selfless people . I have a Sikh Mother ...that is better than anything this Hindu commentator knows

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Bhein ji whether East or West everyone gets to choose.

Guru Sahibaan's vigorously promoted "Santokhi" ie contented lifestyle.

Can working women instill that virtue in children, guess Not !

Edited by singhbj singh

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2 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

Bhein ji whether East or West everyone gets to choose.

Guru Sahibaan's vigorously promoted "Santokhi" ie contented lifestyle.

Can working women instill that virtue in children, guess Not !

hahaha keep trying ... yes santokh can be instilled and sikh core values ... 

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On 18/09/2016 at 8:33 PM, jkvlondon said:

 

In my own life  I would earn and then buy things that would help in the household like new appliances because my Parents would get angry if I offered them money (now I understand but then I found it strange). Mostly I would be told to save it for myself ... after I was going to get married both my fiance and I paid for the whole thing and costs ourselves I did not want to burden my folks at all. When they looked after my eldest when I was working I would provide everything and also pay my Mother the going rate.

 

If you don't mind me asking Sis why did your parents object to this? offering the money I mean?

Edited by Thanatos

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Just now, Thanatos said:

 

If you don't mind me asking Sis why did your parents object to this? 

Guru ji hukam that a Singh should never eat from the earnings of his sister or daughter

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1 minute ago, jkvlondon said:

Guru ji hukam that a Singh should never eat from the earnings of his sister or daughter

Oh right. I either wasn't aware of that or it slipped my mind, apologises. 

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14 hours ago, HarkiranKaur said:

This is from Guru Gobind Singh Jis 52 hukams and the wording was consider the income (property) of a daughter as poison. The underlying meaning was to prevent exploitation of women, slave labour of ones own family etc. 

Growing up when I had a job I paid my parents for room and board. I didn't see it as them exploiting me rather I saw it as me helping pay my own way. It helped me learn to manage money and when I joined the military and got my own apartment it had helped me to manage my own place by myself. Life skills you know... 

i think the idea of this hukam was that things should not be taken from a daughter to better the life of a son... one should not have better life than the other.... you know take from a dowry from a daughter (Hindu) to make the sons marriage that much better etc. At least that's how someone explained it to me or sometimes daughters would be sold out for services rendered (prostitution) and the parents would benefit. 

the difference is YOU decided to help out not you earned and they took . It is quite right that one shoud not take advantage of a single girl of any family, one they may be saving for their own studies or life  and two we have a duty of care on our younger siblings

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I've never met a perfect Sikh before, I've just them on a totally scale based system. Working or non-working means less especially in the diaspora, (most diaspora women work which is something almost no body will deny).

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