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Marrying someone but no attraction


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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh 

I'm in a bit of a dilemma and need advice.  I'm talking to someone with the intent of marrying him. He seems really nice and is from a Gursikh family. The only issue is I'm not physically attracted to him. I'm not trying to be shallow and don't know why I feel this way. Even though I'm not attracted to him should I still marry him?

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Guest Jacfsing2
7 hours ago, Guest Lost said:

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh 

I'm in a bit of a dilemma and need advice.  I'm talking to someone with the intent of marrying him. He seems really nice and is from a Gursikh family. The only issue is I'm not physically attracted to him. I'm not trying to be shallow and don't know why I feel this way. Even though I'm not attracted to him should I still marry him?

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh! That's ultimately a choice that's up to Vaheguru's Hukam, (he picks out who we marry and who we don't marry), what Daas will say is ask whether he has the qualities you want from a partner. Attraction will only really exist for a short time, but love can stay forever. Again it's ultimately Vaheguru's Hukan whether you will marry him, but Daas would say don't go into the marriage if you start on a negative note. Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

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I agree with above poster.

Physical attraction is temporary and meaningless. You should marry someone for their qualities and characteristics. True physical attraction comes when there is a love and bond between the two.

But I don't suggest you marry him if you continue with that thought as it is not fair or nice to him. 

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Guest Attraction or not

I married my wife without being 'amazingly' attracted to her. Infact after a very short while i fell deeply in love with her. And to this day i am still in love.

However my wife found me attractive and had gone for looks (not to  say i have bad characteristics). This wore off after 6 months or so. A year later we had major issues. Now 4 years later shes preparing to leave me. It messes a person up becos i feel as if im ugly and lost all confidence in my self and just feel worthless. Shes only been with me for the last year cos shes not got money to leave. She isnt willing to commit of make this work. Her family think its my fault, she didnt tel then the truth and they dont know shes planning to leave. However she told me that when she gets enough money shel be away. I just dont get how people can do this in life. Doesnt seem to be any loyalty orcommittment these days. People dont have any thought for lavaan and their Guru. Its just kaljug at its worst becos i think we can be really good together but in her mind she cant see the same. Some ppl wont learn a lesson without alot of pain and causing pain to others. Alot of karma is created. No one wants to follow sikhi at all. All just pakhand.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 9/1/2016 at 9:00 PM, Guest Lost said:

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh 

I'm in a bit of a dilemma and need advice.  I'm talking to someone with the intent of marrying him. He seems really nice and is from a Gursikh family. The only issue is I'm not physically attracted to him. I'm not trying to be shallow and don't know why I feel this way. Even though I'm not attracted to him should I still marry him?

Girl.. it's your life. Please don't let a bunch of kattar sikhs dictate your life. This is the 21st century. Women have rights (well some do). Learn to say NO when you need to. No one else would do that for you. NO ONE. 

You have to spend an entire life time with your husband. In this day and age, physical attraction matters. Yes it does. I don't care who all tells you it's rabb di marzi. You have options. Listen to these men literally being dictators OR live your life as you wish to. No one has seen what's on the other side (death) so don't be pressurized under such fact less norms. Good luck to you sister!!

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Quote

Girl.. it's your life. Please don't let a bunch of kattar sikhs dictate your life. This is the 21st century. Women have rights (well some do). Learn to say NO when you need to. No one else would do that for you. NO ONE. 

Can you please clarify the bold part? How did you came to this notion? 

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My niece recently had this experience. Her friend whom she was very close with, invited her family to meet theirs. Now one thing she did not know is that my niece's dad wears a dastar.

When my niece's dad went there - they were all shocked. Your dad wears a dastar... but you seem all normal. We thought your dad was going to be so strict with you. We had a completely different view of people who wear dastars. 

Well the mona community out there - does not feel safe to mix and mingle with a Sikh wearing a dastar. They have got some weird views about them being very very religious and wanting to draw the kirpan out at any argument. This visit changed the views of one family who admitted that they feared sikhs with dastars and leave alone give their daughter or son in marriage to one, they would never even have invited one home!!!!!!!!!

Good news... they are still friends. 

This is the situation of Guest Reet. You are a nice girl but no knowledge of what a Gursikh or what real Gursikhi means. This is the norm of what most Sikh girls are like. Your values, beliefs, outlook to life and ideals are from films, friends and novels, not from the ideals taught to us by Guru Ji. You need to read up. 

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29 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

My niece recently had this experience. Her friend whom she was very close with, invited her family to meet theirs. Now one thing she did not know is that my niece's dad wears a dastar.

When my niece's dad went there - they were all shocked. Your dad wears a dastar... but you seem all normal. We thought your dad was going to be so strict with you. We had a completely different view of people who wear dastars. 

Well the mona community out there - does not feel safe to mix and mingle with a Sikh wearing a dastar. They have got some weird views about them being very very religious and wanting to draw the kirpan out at any argument. This visit changed the views of one family who admitted that they feared sikhs with dastars and leave alone give their daughter or son in marriage to one, they would never even have invited one home!!!!!!!!!

Good news... they are still friends. 

This is the situation of Guest Reet. You are a nice girl but no knowledge of what a Gursikh or what real Gursikhi means. This is the norm of what most Sikh girls are like. Your values, beliefs, outlook to life and ideals are from films, friends and novels, not from the ideals taught to us by Guru Ji. You need to read up. 

Problem is so bad my eldest was beaten up and bullied by mona sikhs when he attended a sikh school ...when he was 3 ! These people are so full of fear and hatred that they are willing to attack a baby for wearing a patka . Reet is a person who is fear-filled because she believes media stories and rumour mills but she probably has no real experience of good true Gursikhs . Sikhi is the path of True Love

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On 20/09/2016 at 4:50 AM, Guest Reet said:

In this day and age, physical attraction matters. Yes it does. 

Does physical attraction still matter if you:
-become overweight during pregnancy?
-get old and wrinkly?
-get smashed in the face from some sort of accident?

Because if it does, then your husband has every right to leave you. 

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