Help regarding Parents and Ritualism

[singhbj singh]

13 hours ago, Thanatos said:

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh

 

As many of you are probably aware Rakhi is coming up, or is it today? can't really remember all too well. Anyway the specifics aside its a time of arguments in my family. I have a younger sister and as a result my family has always made her tie threads on my arm, when I was younger I didn't really know any better but as I matured and learned more I obviously didn't see the point in it and rejected it altogether. Unfortunately my family don't see it like this, there's always massive arguments from my mother and myself mainly as I refuse to take part in it and that annoys her. Last Year while I slept she tied the thread on my hand and when I woke and found out, I cut it off and put it front of her. At this point I left for work and refused to talk to her for several days.

 

I don't want a repeat of this sort of incident again, I respect and love my parents and I don't want to insult them in any way. However I will not compromise in wearing that ridiculous anti-gurmat thread in any shape or form.

 

Can any of the sangat give me advice on how to approach and avoid this. I've tried before to convince my family to stop and even used Gurbani to point out why it's anti-gurmat but they don't really listen, so I sort of quit as I didn't want to waste my time bashing my head against that brick wall. However I 100% don't want to take part in this.

 

 

Thank you

 

DO NOT HURT ANOTHER SOUL

 

REHAT


khhalak khhaalik kee jaan kai khhalak dhukhaavai naahi khhalak dhukhai jona(n)dh jee khhaalik kopai thaahi ||
Recognising the world as the Creator's he does not hurt another soul. Those who give pain the creation receive pain from the Creator.

Rehatnama Bhai Nand Laal Jee

GURBANI


eik fikaa n gaalaae sabhanaa mai sachaa dhhanee || hiaao n kaiheet(h)aahi maanak sabh amolavae ||129||
Do not utter even a single harsh word; your True Lord and Master abides in all. Do not break anyone's heart; these are all priceless jewels. ||129||.

SGGS jeeo Ang 1384 Bhagat Sheikh Fareed Jee

Source - http://www.sikhitothemax.com/Rehat.asp?ID=26

 

Waheguru ji ka khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki fateh 

Just like when Bibi's in the household prepare KARELE DI SABJI.

There is no escape !

Best thing to do is to eat a bit then go out & grab a falafel.

Similarly allow your sister & mother to follow household tradition.

Later when you go out remove the Rakhri.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[simran345]

52 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

 

DO NOT HURT ANOTHER SOUL

 

REHAT


khhalak khhaalik kee jaan kai khhalak dhukhaavai naahi khhalak dhukhai jona(n)dh jee khhaalik kopai thaahi ||
Recognising the world as the Creator's he does not hurt another soul. Those who give pain the creation receive pain from the Creator.

Rehatnama Bhai Nand Laal Jee

GURBANI


eik fikaa n gaalaae sabhanaa mai sachaa dhhanee || hiaao n kaiheet(h)aahi maanak sabh amolavae ||129||
Do not utter even a single harsh word; your True Lord and Master abides in all. Do not break anyone's heart; these are all priceless jewels. ||129||.

SGGS jeeo Ang 1384 Bhagat Sheikh Fareed Jee

Source - http://www.sikhitothemax.com/Rehat.asp?ID=26

 

Waheguru ji ka khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki fateh 

Just like when Bibi's in the household prepare KARELE DI SABJI.

There is no escape !

Best thing to do is to eat a bit then go out & grab a falafel.

Similarly allow your sister & mother to follow household tradition.

Later when you go out remove the Rakhri.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Paji putting the pangtis of Gurbani that you have does not justify celebrating Rakhri. 

No it's not even a household tradition. Only people with desi backwards thinking will say this as they've just been going along with it for years back from India. 

Why did Guru Nanak Dev Ji reject the janeu? What's the point of putting it on in the first place when it's going to be taken off? Would that not also hurt the one that's put it on? Either put it on and keep it on, or don't put it on at all. 

Why didn't any of the Gurus do this ritual then?  Don't apply Gurbani to justify something please. 

If anything, one would be making a fool of the women if they are not happy about doing something. 

If somebody draws a line with a pen around the arm, would somebody accept that? 

Theres already many confused people as to why it's celebrated. Don't bring Sikhi into it. 

Research what the meaning of Kaur is too. Thanks.  

To kira Paji, whatever you decide to do, hope it goes ok and come to some compromise without there being an argument in your family.  Just do what you feel you wish to. That's all I will suggest now. 

 

[Thanatos]

58 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

 

DO NOT HURT ANOTHER SOUL

 

REHAT


khhalak khhaalik kee jaan kai khhalak dhukhaavai naahi khhalak dhukhai jona(n)dh jee khhaalik kopai thaahi ||
Recognising the world as the Creator's he does not hurt another soul. Those who give pain the creation receive pain from the Creator.

Rehatnama Bhai Nand Laal Jee

GURBANI


eik fikaa n gaalaae sabhanaa mai sachaa dhhanee || hiaao n kaiheet(h)aahi maanak sabh amolavae ||129||
Do not utter even a single harsh word; your True Lord and Master abides in all. Do not break anyone's heart; these are all priceless jewels. ||129||.

SGGS jeeo Ang 1384 Bhagat Sheikh Fareed Jee

Source - http://www.sikhitothemax.com/Rehat.asp?ID=26

 

Waheguru ji ka khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki fateh 

Just like when Bibi's in the household prepare KARELE DI SABJI.

There is no escape !

Best thing to do is to eat a bit then go out & grab a falafel.

Similarly allow your sister & mother to follow household tradition.

Later when you go out remove the Rakhri.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki fateh

 

Do not ever use Rehit Nama to justify something anti-gurmat. If your parents ordered you to cut your Kesh, eat some <banned word filter activated> Mass or bow to an Idol, would you do it?

 

To update the status- I told my parents I wouldn't be taking part in it and to not include me in anything they do regarding it. They didn't seem to mind which was a pleasant surprise.

 

 

 

 

[Singhni MiriPiri]

1 hour ago, Thanatos said:

Do not ever use Rehit Nama to justify something anti-gurmat. If your parents ordered you to cut your Kesh, eat some <banned word filter activated> Mass or bow to an Idol, would you do it?

To update the status- I told my parents I wouldn't be taking part in it and to not include me in anything they do regarding it. They didn't seem to mind which was a pleasant surprise.

2

I agree and that's good to know your parents do not mind. I would have suggested to just to be honest and straight-out (obviously politely).

[singhbj singh]

9 hours ago, simran345 said:

Paji putting the pangtis of Gurbani that you have does not justify celebrating Rakhri. 

No it's not even a household tradition. Only people with desi backwards thinking will say this as they've just been going along with it for years back from India. 

Why did Guru Nanak Dev Ji reject the janeu? What's the point of putting it on in the first place when it's going to be taken off? Would that not also hurt the one that's put it on? Either put it on and keep it on, or don't put it on at all. 

Why didn't any of the Gurus do this ritual then?  Don't apply Gurbani to justify something please. 

If anything, one would be making a fool of the women if they are not happy about doing something. 

If somebody draws a line with a pen around the arm, would somebody accept that? 

Theres already many confused people as to why it's celebrated. Don't bring Sikhi into it. 

Research what the meaning of Kaur is too. Thanks.  

To kira Paji, whatever you decide to do, hope it goes ok and come to some compromise without there being an argument in your family.  Just do what you feel you wish to. That's all I will suggest now. 

 

There is no justification for Rakhri as per Gurmat, totally agree !

It is the Grehasti Jeevan or householder lifestyle which gets disturbed by disobeying parents & hurting your sisters sentiment. That too is not permissible as per Gurmat !

So nobody's is an absolute winner or absolute loser.

[singhbj singh]

10 hours ago, Thanatos said:

 

Do not ever use Rehit Nama to justify something anti-gurmat. If your parents ordered you to cut your Kesh, eat some <banned word filter activated> Mass or bow to an Idol, would you do it?

 

To update the status- I told my parents I wouldn't be taking part in it and to not include me in anything they do regarding it. They didn't seem to mind which was a pleasant surprise.

 

 

 

 

Good for you !

But if you eat your parents salt, live in their house and disobey them that means you are Haraamkhor which too is anti-gurmat.

What parents do out of Moh for a son over daughter doesn't make them Gurmukh.

 

[simran345]

42 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

Good for you !

But if you eat your parents salt, live in their house and disobey them that means you are Haraamkhor which too is anti-gurmat.

What parents do out of Moh for a son over daughter doesn't make them Gurmukh.

 

And what if the parent doesn't know that what they are doing is an empty ritual? Parents don't know everything, so it is the children's responsibility also to look out for their parents and educate them on it. 

How dare you say one is haraamchor if they don't wish to tie a thread or not have one tied. Who the hell are you to say that to anyone? 

49 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

There is no justification for Rakhri as per Gurmat, totally agree !

It is the Grehasti Jeevan or householder lifestyle which gets disturbed by disobeying parents & hurting your sisters sentiment. That too is not permissible as per Gurmat !

So nobody's is an absolute winner or absolute loser.

Only the ones brainwashed with rituals are being selfish for their own happiness. It is not hurting a sister, but sitting down and educating her why she should not tie one is more helpful to her and will be for her betterment. It's people like you who don't want change, that keep putting in stupid comments like its anti-Gurmat if one does not tie it.  

So if the parents take their kids to a pakhandi baba or start putting red colour to their foreheads, then they should go along with it, because of Moh? 

There is a thing called compromising, which none of you have mentioned. Its ones life, I can't tell nobody not to do anything, only saying from my point of view, as I've made the change and so have many more women and girls, which I was surprised about, but they still have a good family connection.  Rakhri actually causes fights between the bhabhis and nanans, so where does the santokh in the household go then ? 

What about the sisters who watch everything being given to 4-5 others and they are not even blood related, and she doesn't receive nothing ? Is that not hurtful? 

What about those sisters that take advantage of it and make another's daughters life hell over money? Doesn't the sister/daughter hurt then ?  Suppose nobody can see that then.  But what's the desi backwards remark on that? "Oh kudi de karm a" they say and smirk.  Shame on these people. 

What about those girls/women that don't have brothers? They don't make a hoo haa about it, they just do without. 

Times are changing and people are realising what is going to benefit them and what is not.  

 

[Akalifauj]

48 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

Good for you !

But if you eat your parents salt, live in their house and disobey them that means you are Haraamkhor which too is anti-gurmat.

What parents do out of Moh for a son over daughter doesn't make them Gurmukh.

 

Isolating tuks again are we!! Please have the decency to present full shabads and not what you want Gurbani to say.  These scare tactics of getting others to follow oppressive practices will not work.  They only put the person, who is using them into a deeper pit.  

 

The problem here is certain people hold on to certain cultures regardless of their religious robes.  Rakhri was a norm for the punjabis.  Today for many kids hugging and kissing the opposite gender as friends is a norm, but the punjabis will go to many extremes to call it perverted.  They will yell at their kids and talk bad of the families doing the hugging and kissing.  Well your backwards rakhri is no better than the extremely friendly way to greet friends.  Kids will create their own traditions and at the end of the day they are rituals.  How much harmony did Sri Guru Nanak Dev ji keep in the family by rejecting to wear the janeu?  What about the fact of not taking over the family business?  These are clear teachings punjabis only bringing out when it benefits their ideology.    Rakhri is based on a man promising to protect a women.  Showing she is too weak to protect herself.  Yet these same people are fine with women being in punj pyare.  It's not about following the Gurus teaching, but being on the popular side of the argument.  There is no value in the rakhri as gurmat teachings uplift the oppressed and stand in defense of the weak.  The rakhri event for punjabis is similar to the renewing of vows for the white marriages......i confessed my love to you once, but now i'm going to do it again cuz its the norm.  Punjabi lives do get boring with nothing to do and we need to fill this emptiness with hindu rituals.  However, why not teach kids gurmat principles from the start.  That might work and no need for scare tactics.  Tell brother and sister respect each other, help each other, share, give back to the community, and most important meditate on Vaheguru.  Punjabis can celebrate everyday with punjabi sweets and give each other money.  I think the kara is more permanent than the rakhri string.  I might be wrong, but can someone please take both to a science lab and perform the right test on both.  How many Sikh children today have taken off their kara because the child is bothered by it......can't play sports, it itches, it leave stains on the arm, it hits my hand when i walk and it hurts, etc.  Come rakhri day and the arms of these children are full of strings.  No one remembers a rakhri, they remember the unfair treatment given to a certain child and this is engraved in their minds.  The teen acts out and could careless about the second class citizen sister.  Soon the young adult is disrespecting the parents and telling them you raised me this way.  Now eat what you have sowed.  I just explained 99% of punjabi families in the above two sentences.  Common phrase among punjabis.....the kids to as they please today.  This is said with their tails between their legs, scared their son or daughter don't come in and put the parents in their place.  Yet rakhri is the foundation of a strong relationship between brother and sister and keep harmony in the family.        

[singhbj singh]

I thought akj & bibeki's had more knowledge of Gurbani 

http://igurbani.com/?shabadid=4258&id=51611

Bhoomia chor ate salt from Kings bhandaar while committing theft.

He later realised Guru Sahibs Updesh  "jidha namak khana us nu haraam nahi karna"

Gurbani & Saakhi both support what I wrote.

[singhbj singh]

Problem with neither eastern nor western population is that they want best of both worlds.

It's like living in Utopia.

If you're westernised why don't you leave family home & parents should kick kids out when they are adults.

Otherwise learn to be obedient CHAKAS !